Never Fall for your Fiancée, page 28
“Yesterday, I threatened him with the authorities myself unless he stuck to the terms of our bargain.”
“That was undoubtedly very wise. He daren’t expose you now.”
“I didn’t do it for me. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but I did it for you. I couldn’t bear the thought of him barging in on you in the future and ruining the new life you will make for yourself. Because he was right about one thing— you are better off without him.”
Minerva said nothing. The weak part of her wanted to believe him. Common sense told her he was spinning her a yarn. “My own knight in shining armor . . . Of course, your selfless bravery on my behalf would also make me feel naturally beholden to you.”
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”
“What do you want? Thanks? For getting rid of a man who likely wouldn’t be back in my life if I had never met you?”
“I didn’t come here for your gratitude. I came here because I wanted to ask you what you wanted me to do about him.”
“Do?”
“Your father is a wastrel and a crook, Minerva. And you’re right, he is also back because of me and to a much greater extent because of my money. I am also under no illusions he won’t turn up again like an ironic bad penny— either here or later when you are gone, wanting more money. I have the power to stop that if you want me to. All I have to do is pass over my information to the authorities and he’ll never bother you or your sisters again.”
“They’ll hang him.”
“If they catch him. But if I tip him off, then the snake will run in another direction, head to a new town, give himself another alias, and we can leave his future to fate. I wasn’t foolish enough to allow him to leave a second time without putting him under watch. A man who would gladly make his daughters destitute for a measly forty pounds, blackmail one of them and suggest she uses her wiles to make it seventy-five, is not a man who can be trusted.”
“You overheard our conversation?”
“By accident. I wanted to talk to you. . . . I never meant to make you cry. I feel wretched . . .”
“Please go.”
“I care for you, Minerva . . .”
“Get out!” She had thought there were no tears left. “Just leave me alone, Hugh.”
“Can’t we talk about it? About us?”
“Us? What ‘us’ would that be, Hugh? The ‘us’ where I get to be used while you retain your precious freedom?”
“I don’t follow . . .”
“I am grateful for your help concerning my father but I still won’t be your mistress!”
“Mistress?”
Emotion choked her. “I might not be a genuine gentleman’s daughter, but I was brought up to believe I was. I have the same values as any gentleman’s daughter, the same morals and I will not debase myself by . . .”
“Mistress!” He grabbed her upper arms, his knees now touching hers as he knelt on the mattress. “What the blazes are you on about? I don’t want a mistress! I’ve never had a blasted mistress! Where in God’s name have you got that mad idea from?”
“You asked me outright . . . last week . . . on the beach!”
She could see his mouth was slack as he stared at her in total silence. When he finally spoke, it was tentative, as if he was choosing his words carefully.
“I might not have said it articulately last week, because I was still in a state of shock about the strength of my feelings, but I know I never asked you to debase yourself. I certainly never said the word ‘mistress’!”
“It was implied.”
“It most certainly wasn’t. I bared my soul to you. I offered myself to you. Warts and all!”
“Offered yourself? You said you were not in a position to offer marriage— just yourself!”
“For enough time as it took for me to be certain I could make a decent go of it! I can’t ask you to shackle yourself to me until I can be sure I won’t behave like my father and his father before him. I said that. I know I did.”
“You most certainly did not say that!”
He was silent again, apparently bemused.
“Then blasted Payne was right and I really did make a mess of it.” He sat back on his heels, and she felt his warm breath on her face as he huffed out a sigh. “Untangling myself from another unsavory entanglement . . . I never picked up on it. You said it twice and I never picked up on it. What a fool I am. . . . You think you are the unsavory entanglement.”
Minerva was beginning to think she might have got the wrong end of the stick. “You are an earl . . .”
“I am an idiot.” His palm came to rest on her cheek. “A blithering idiot! For a man who supposedly has a way with words, I’ve certainly made a complicated situation nonsensical if you think I only want you as my mistress.”
“You don’t?”
“I just want you, Minerva.” His thumb found one of her tears in the darkness and brushed it away. “All of you and everything that entails. Forever . . . I love you.”
“You . . . love me?”
“Don’t sound so surprised. . . . You are inordinately nice.” He let out an odd sound. Part laughter, part relief. “And when I offered myself to you . . . very badly as it turned out . . . it was only in so much as I needed time to adjust to things, to make a concerted effort to be the man I want to be for you, the faithful and trustworthy man you deserve. Before I saddled you with me and our children to my Standish blood for life.”
Inside her chest, her heart melted. “That’s actually rather sweet . . . and noble . . . and nice.”
“That’s what I thought at the time, but . . . No wonder you’ve been so angry with me. I would never, ever suggest taking you to my bed without proper commitment. I thought I was proposing an extended courtship. So that when I did propose . . . if I could propose . . . I would do so in the knowledge I would keep my vows. Once I’m sure, completely sure, I’ll ask for your hand but not before, because I believe vows should be forever. I don’t want to be my father. I couldn’t bear to hurt you that way.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t hear any of that.”
“And that’s why you said that curt no. Will you take a chance on me now?”
She nodded. There was no indecision. No need to weigh it all up in her mind. The tormented man in front of her wasn’t cut from the same cloth as either her father or the sweetheart who had abandoned her. He was her knight in shining armor. A true gentleman in every sense. He might not see it himself, but he was honorable, decent, and noble to his core. A man with tainted blood wouldn’t care so much about others that he would sacrifice his own feelings to avoid hurting the feelings of others. Yes— he went about it in completely the wrong way, but his heart was so big it made hers want to burst and weep for him at the same time. If ever a man needed a sensible woman to guide him through life, it was Hugh. And if ever a man needed loving and saving from himself, it was Hugh, too.
“I am going to need the words, Minerva. The actual words . . .”
“Yes.”
“And you won’t leave me when Giles comes back? Because I’m going slowly mad with the stress of it all. I’ve never been in love before. It’s all new and it’s petrifying. I never imagined I was capable of it, so to find it had happened without me knowing completely threw me. I tried to fight it and I can’t. Tried to call it lust and affection and make excuses for it, when the truth is, I’ve not been myself since that day I met you in London. It’s like something missing fell into place and I’ve been dreading the day you leave me. I thought I’d told you all that and you just didn’t want me. I’ve been trying to accept it, but it’s felt like a death.” He rubbed his chest. “I have this constant pain here. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I have been entirely miserable and . . .” She kissed him. She couldn’t help it. Poor Hugh, and how sublimely wonderful that he was in utter turmoil!
“I love you, too.”
He replied with a kiss so perfect, so honest, and so heartfelt she never wanted it to end. But it did end. Not by either of them pulling away, but because the timbre of the kiss changed as they both poured their entire souls into it.
His arms wrapped around her, dragging her against him, and she discovered that after a miserable week apart, that was exactly where she wanted to be. Passion ignited instantly, as it had with their previous kisses, but the intimacy of the darkened room, the bed, and their newfound understanding of one another brought another dimension to it.
When he gently lowered them both down to the mattress, she went willingly, reveling in the feel of his big body over hers, feeling safe and adored and oddly powerful at the same time.
He loved her.
Wanted to commit to her. Take vows. Have children. And he was petrified. Of spoiling it. When she knew in her heart he could never spoil it. Whatever he misguidedly thought, he just did not have that in him.
His honesty, trepidation, and the darkness made her bolder, and she allowed her hands to explore his body, over the thin covering of his shirt, marveling at the muscles under his skin, the way they bunched beneath her touch. As his tongue and lips danced with hers, she slid her hands beneath the soft linen to explore him, the warm feel of his body beneath her palms, the bristle of the scattering of hair across his chest, the taut, flat planes of his stomach, and his overburdened broad shoulders before her arms wrapped around his neck.
He sighed into her mouth as she arched against him in invitation, smoothing one hand down her hip and thigh with aching slowness until he found the hem of her nightdress, and retraced his path back up on her bare skin, lingering momentarily to rest on her hip before it snaked up to cup her needy breast.
She felt him smile against her lips as her nipple pebbled beneath his palm and a guttural moan escaped her lips, and despite her pushing the sensitive flesh shamelessly into his hand, he made her wait before his index finger traced the shape of it. The strange new sensation was so intense, Minerva shuddered, then moaned as he replaced his finger with his mouth above the filmy fabric. Sucking the sensitive tip into his mouth and laving it with his tongue.
That proved her undoing, as suddenly her nightgown became an unwanted barrier while her other breast demanded attention.
She grabbed the fabric and began to pull it up before he stopped her and took over, patiently unwrapping her like a delicate gift until she was completely bared, her modesty veiled by nothing but the night.
She could see his eyes in the blackness, intense and focused as he gazed upon her with a reverence that fired her passions further.
“You are beautiful . . . so beautiful . . .”
Simple words, honest words. Flippant and mischievous Hugh had been replaced by a man who seemed to exist only for her. Only in this moment.
“I’ve dreamed of this . . . wanted this for so long.” He traced his hands over her body, his breathing shallower and more erratic than she had ever heard it. “If I survive these next few months without dying of the wanting it will be a miracle.”
The next time he kissed her, she felt his need and his restraint, realized he was holding back for her, and loved him all the more for it.
He did intend to wait. Never intended to ruin her— although now it did not feel like ruination, more an affirmation of the love they shared.
“Do you want me?”
“Always. Since the very first moment I saw you.”
“Then have me, Hugh.”
He pulled back, stared down at her face. She watched his features change as he went to war with himself. “I can still love you thoroughly without that.”
“But I want that. I want it all. All of you.”
“Even though I still cannot make any firm promises? Not until I’m sure I won’t hurt you.”
He wasn’t capable of hurting her. He felt things too keenly. Cared too much. Why couldn’t he see that? “Because you are too noble to make empty promises. And because you love me and I love you and sometimes things just are.”
“And that is enough?”
“It is enough for now.” She knew in her heart his reluctance was born out of nobility, but with her by his side it wouldn’t take him long to realize he wasn’t his father. “Make love to me, Hugh.”
He seemed oddly clumsy as he dispensed with his shirt, yanking it over his head and swearing impatiently as he fumbled with the buttons on his falls.
“I can do that.” Minerva took over, and he lay back and let her.
“I’m nervous.”
“Whatever for? I’m the novice. You have done this before.”
“Not like this. That was purely physical and never involved my heart. I’ve never made love before, Minerva. I’ve certainly never deflowered a virgin. It is a big responsibility.” He lifted his hips as she dragged the fabric down, then watched her face when she saw what lay beneath it silhouetted by the shadows. It was big and hard and totally male. He tipped her chin up to look deep into her eyes. “Don’t be scared, my love, I won’t hurt you . . . at least not intentionally.”
“I am not scared. I am familiar with the mechanics.” “Scared” was the wrong word. Apprehensive. Curious. A little overwhelmed. But desperate for him.
“The mechanics?” His eyes were dancing again. “Mechanics do not begin to explain what is about to happen. But if I do it right, then you will soon be a boneless puddle on these sheets and I will be the happiest and smuggest man in the world.”
“A bold claim, sir . . .” He grabbed her, and she giggled as he rolled her beneath him.
“Not a claim. A fact.” He kissed her again, his big hands easily spanning her waist before he filled them with her bottom. “But it could take hours.” She could feel his hardness against her abdomen, insistent and hot.
Minerva lost herself in his kiss, wanting more, but happy to continue just as they were until Hugh nuzzled her neck, trailing shot, fevered kisses over her shoulders then downward to worship both breasts again. He taught her how to touch him, encouraging her to learn his shape and size while sighing his appreciation of her unschooled hands. She was writhing on the sheets like a wanton just before his lips nuzzled the top of her thighs and she stilled as he paused and smiled up at her, questioning.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought I’d kiss all of you . . . out of principle . . . if that is all right with you.”
“Yes . . .” Because that sounded sinfully delicious and suddenly felt unbelievably necessary. “It is important to be principled.”
“Indeed it is . . .” His warm breath whispered over the sensitive skin a second before his tongue did, and the pleasure was so exquisite, it robbed her of air. Then the entire universe shrank, and nothing else existed except him, her, and his clever mouth.
Hugh had promised her she would be a boneless puddle by the time he was finished with her, and he absolutely intended to make good on that promise. Not out of arrogance or to fuel his ego but because she deserved it. Although she had the love of her sisters, she was the one who looked out for everyone. She was selfless and trusting and never asked for anything for herself. He was determined to fill that void and be the person who she could lean on and rely upon to always put her first. And that would start right now. Tonight, his needs were inconsequential because she was the one taking all the risk, and her trust in him was humbling.
He could feel her climax building as he lapped at her core— nobody else would ever see her thus, or kiss her or make love to her. Minerva was his.
He would be her first and her last. Just as she was his first and his last. Because he would make sure of it. Some things just were.
He could feel the tension in her long limbs and her own frustrations. Knew she was close. Wanted so much to be buried deep inside her body, but not yet. Not yet.
“Relax, my darling . . .” Her hands were twisted in the sheets, her head thrashing from side to side. The carnal moan she made when he dipped his fingers inside to stroke the inner walls of her body was the singularly most erotic thing he had ever heard. Then he felt her body clench as the glorious pleasure took her over the edge, her hips bucking, every muscle in her body taut before she exhaled on a guttural sigh and every single one of those muscles relaxed.
“What was that?”
“The first of many, I hope.” Her eyelids had fluttered closed, her hair was a wild tangle, her limbs thrown across the rumpled sheets with abandon. “But perhaps we should leave it at that for tonight.” He kissed her mouth tenderly.
“But we haven’t . . .”
“I can wait.” He would wait for her forever if he had to.
“I don’t want to wait.” Her fingers plunged into his hair and tugged him down to her mouth again. “I want it all.”
She kissed him with unbridled passion, something that surprised him when he had assumed her passion spent. She hooked one of her long legs around his, twisting until his erection rested against her womanhood, pushing her body against his in invitation. Her greedy hands smoothing down his back to his buttocks. “I want you . . . inside me.”
Fresh nerves plagued him, and he marveled at what it was about this woman that made him feel like an anxious virgin. “If you’re sure . . .”
Her teeth had found his ear. “I’m sure.” She adjusted her legs in invitation and his own body betrayed his attempt at resistance by hardening further and finding its way to her entrance. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
As slowly and gently as he could, Hugh edged inside, intending to give her time to get used to his size and shape, but Minerva would have none of it.
Just the touch of her against his skin, her soft, warm, wet heat, sent him mad, and he gritted his teeth, holding back, continuing in the aching slow vein he had started until he came against the barrier of her virginity. She seemed to understand his hesitation and smiled, kissing him deeply as he pushed past it. She tensed briefly and then sighed as he filled her, and he knew the worst was over.
When he began to move, again, his pace was gentle, but Minerva deemed it too gentle, and as he plunged into her, any chance of further restraint died as his own body craved release. She matched him thrust for thrust, calling his name and announcing her pleasure until he felt her tight body contract and pulse around his and he could hold back no more and she took him to a place he had never been. A place of stars and rightness and ecstasy he knew he never wanted to leave. A place that just was and was always meant to be, where there were no what-ifs.
