Another Shot at Forever, page 4
Was it that he didn’t want to be with me?
They hadn’t married for love, she had known and accepted that. And if it hadn’t been for Sharmarke...
Zaynab didn’t think of her father too often, and when she did, she never really thought of him as her dad. He hadn’t been in her life past the first ten years, choosing his political career as a statesman over his family. Then her parents divorced and she moved from Somaliland to the UK with her mother. Now at thirty-seven, she hadn’t cared to renew a relationship with him, but when he’d called her out of the blue a little more than a year ago, she hadn’t been able to shut him out of her life. Mostly because her mother had been so thrilled that they were bonding. Zaynab would do anything to make her happy.
But if she were being honest with herself, she had also been curious to know more about her father. She’d spent the better part of her childhood and a bit of her adulthood starved of his attention and now, suddenly, not only had he popped up, he’d also shown interest in her.
At first Zaynab had maintained her firm and thorny defenses, keeping their discussions brief and only ever over texts. Slowly those texts became phone calls, then video chats before finally Sharmarke surprised her with a visit, and naturally she’d forgotten to keep her guard up and seemingly forgiven him of his past absenteeism. The hope she hadn’t bothered with then made her believe that she could trust Sharmarke. Made her think that he wanted to be a proper parent to her.
That he loved her...
And pathetically she’d thrown open the doors to her heart and her life and let him in, never once imagining an ulterior motive.
For a while everything had been perfect. She had both her mum and dad in her world, and they felt like a real, normal, happy family doing real, normal, everyday things together. So normal and happy in fact that sometimes she wondered whether she’d dreamed up the whole thing. That in some delirious, desperate state that she had fantasized the perfect family scenario. And that any moment she would wake up and realize that none of it had been reality. Even then she’d known it had been too good to last.
So when Sharmarke had suddenly asked her to consider an arranged marriage that would be good for his business connections and revealed his true intentions for seeking her out and nurturing a relationship with her, she’d known her wake-up call had come. Zaynab keenly remembered alternating between wanting to burst into tears and screaming out her bitterness and devastation at him. In the end she’d been left chilled to the bone by her so-called father’s cold betrayal. Spurred on by vengeance, she had agreed to meet this man Sharmarke was trying to get her married to. Then the plan had been for her to ruin the meeting, chase her would-be suitor away and embarrass her father before cutting off all contact with him for good.
But that hadn’t happened, she thought sadly. Because despite being certain that any marriage Sharmarke had a hand in wasn’t for her, she had fallen instantly and incomprehensibly in love with Ara the moment she laid eyes on him. The instant that his darkly magnetic stare locked its intensity on her and made her feel like no one else existed in his world.
She should be ashamed of herself but recalling that first meeting always put a silly smile on her face to her utter frustration.
Zaynab quietly sighed, looking warily at him as he closed the door and turned to face her. She flinched at the way his dark brows slashed over even darker eyes that narrowed as he walked forward and closed the short distance to her.
He stopped just as she began wondering and worrying if he meant to embrace her. It was fanciful thinking, of course, because aside from that one blip a couple months ago, Ara hadn’t ever shown her physical interest. Most of their conversations had to do with impersonal subjects like their respective careers. They barely even spoke about their families; Ara seemed to avoid mentioning his sister and his late parents, which led Zaynab to believe there was not much point of speaking about her mother and her own childhood when it appeared he didn’t care about her enough to ask or wonder.
Only now, in a twist of irony they were compelled to speak about family.
Their own. Because it was growing inside of her, and in a little over half a year, they would be parents.
Six months.
She wished he’d given her more time. Heck, it would’ve been nice if he’d let her know that he was going to drop in on her unceremoniously.
Which reminded her that he still hadn’t answered her and explained why he’d shown up unannounced and how he’d known to look for her in Mauritius of all places.
Annoyed and curious now, she felt her brows puckering as she asked, “How did you know I was going to be here?”
“I have my methods,” he said with a jerk of his chin over his shoulder. “Who was that man to you, and what was he doing in your room?”
Zaynab had a hard time picking her jaw up off the floor at his very plain insinuation and sheer audacity, otherwise she would have lashed him with her tongue sooner.
“Not that it’s your business, but he’s my employer, because I just happen to be working.” She bristled, unfolding her arms and holding them stiffly at her sides despite wanting to throttle him. “And he was in my room because I wasn’t feeling well and he walked me from the wedding party his family are all attending.”
Ara’s expression changed in a flash, his coldly impassive face flickering with concern. “What’s wrong?”
Zaynab could hardly believe her eyes and was stunned into silence. He cares... But then she watched his focus sail down to her stomach, and her heart sank, dropping down to the very spot where his eyes were trained. The baby, she mused. Of course it was their baby he was worried about, not her at all.
Biting back down her annoyance, she snapped, “I was a little queasy. Considering my current state, I’ve been told it’s normal enough.” She passed a hand over her lower stomach and watched in fascination as his own hands curled into fists at his side. Almost as though he wanted to touch the proof, feel the new tautness to her belly and set aside any doubts that he might still hold that they were expectant parents.
“How?” he rasped and caught her off guard when he flipped topics.
Zaynab arched a brow and sniped, “‘How’ what? How did I get pregnant? Or how does pregnancy occur?” Goading him was probably not her brightest idea, but he had asked the annoyingly obvious question, and in doing so made her feel somehow like it was her fault. Meanwhile in all likelihood he wasn’t blaming her at all.
“You’re upset,” he observed silkily.
Clutching onto her anger and refusing to be weakened by the sound of his voice, she rolled her eyes at him. “I’m tired and my stomach still feels a little upset, so excuse me if I seem inhospitable right now.” Then because she couldn’t handle not squirming under his quiet assessment, she spun on her heels and padded barefoot back to where she’d been lounging on the patio. Ara followed her outdoors, his stare all that much more powerful when he was standing over her lounge chair.
Again, fighting the urge to wriggle like prey under his predatorial gaze, she waved to the chair beside her with a quiet invite.
He was here now. They might as well talk about their future, even if she was still getting used to the idea that Ara would now be in her life forever, although it wasn’t in the way that she had once thought it would be. Their marriage might have ended, the paperwork filed and submitted and only waiting to be approved, but now they were going to be parents, whether they liked it or not. Or at least she would be because she hadn’t considered any of the other viable options.
As shockingly unexpected and upsetting as it first was, over the past few days she knew in every fiber of her being that she wanted this child, just as deeply and madly as she’d wanted its father once.
Unlike Ara though, their baby would be a part of her life.
She wouldn’t ever force him to be a father, knowing that he had to want to do it on his own and with no compulsion from her, no matter how much she would’ve liked for him to be in their baby’s life. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first man in her life who hadn’t wanted Zaynab. For the better part of her existence, her own father hadn’t wanted anything to do with her.
It was a truth that was still hard to swallow sometimes.
Although mostly her mother had been more than enough for her, it hadn’t stopped Zaynab from picturing what her upbringing might have been like with Sharmarke around. Would they have had regular father-daughter outings? Would he have proudly placed her photo on his desk and humblebragged to his friends about her whenever he had the chance?
Zaynab would never know.
If she could prevent her child from feeling the same painful thoughts and doubting their self-worth, then she would try. But it would help if Ara made it easier to read him. As always, he made it hard to tell what he was feeling or thinking. And without some direction, Zaynab didn’t know how to begin to untie her tangled thoughts.
“What do you want to do?” Much like his last question, he surprised her.
“Honestly, I haven’t given it too much thought. I only found out recently. I’m still processing what it means for me now.” Zaynab chewed the inside of her cheek before continuing, “All I know is that I want to keep the baby.”
* * *
She wanted the baby. Ara’s relief sagged him forward where he sat on the lounge chair across from her.
He hadn’t even considered that she might not desire the pregnancy, but now that she’d said it, it eliminated a fear that hadn’t had the time to fully manifest. Ticking that off the mental checklist he had running, he asked her, “What else?” However he could make this easier on Zaynab, he would. After all it wasn’t him that had to do the heavy lifting, at least not initially. He wanted this to go as smoothly for her as possible.
“I want to remain in London,” she said, her tone firming and letting him know that there was no further discussion to be had. “Also, a forewarning—once the baby’s born, I might move to live with my mother initially. In case I need help for the first month or two.”
Okay. That was something he had thought of and was a huge part of the plan he began brewing quietly.
“I’m not going to force you to move to be in their life,” Zaynab said this with a hand resting over her belly, “but it would be nice for you to be. That is, if you want to.”
She sucked in her bottom lip and looked away from him making Ara understand that this was something she’d thought of, his possibly not wanting to be in their baby’s life. Suddenly he had to wonder if she meant what she said. If she wasn’t trying to push him away and hadn’t made future plans of her own, that is. Plans that didn’t include him being in the picture. On some buried rational level Ara knew that he shouldn’t, but his mind veered back to the encounter with her employer, Remi, or whatever she’d called him. She had smiled familiarly at the man, and there was obviously some bond between them that had made Remi care for her.
Perhaps she had moved on.
Perhaps their relationship was more than boss and employee.
He wouldn’t be shocked if it were true. Remi would be a fool if he couldn’t see that Zaynab was a catch of a woman. Both beautiful and with brains that had drawn Ara to her in the first place. From their first meeting, he’d been taken with the way she handled topics from politics to sciences with an earnestness that had them talking for many hours. She had engaged his mind in a way no woman before her had.
And he was certain no woman after her would either.
Now that he’d lost his chance with her, fiery envy at the lucky man who would woo and win her over ate away at him.
Maybe that was why Ara tossed caution out and, rather than gently guide her toward the idea he’d had, he came right out and told her.
“We should move in together.”
Zaynab goggled at him. “Move in together?” She repeated his words back barely above a whisper. She blinked owlishly, her hands then tensing over her stomach right before she shot up to a seat...and swayed in place, her eyes squeezing shut—
He reached forward, his hands securing around her shoulders while his heart seemed to have launched up into his throat. Breathing harshly, he looked her over, her closed eyes having snapped wide open as soon as he touched her. The last time he’d been that close to her it had led to them kissing and then creating the life that now grew in her.
“Are you all right?” He gritted his teeth, fear for her well-being still gripping him.
“It’s just a little dizziness when I sat up too quickly.”
She brushed his hands off her with a frown, not seeming to feel the same spark of heat he’d felt when they came into brief contact.
Her confusion having vanished quickly, she said, “Did you just propose that we move in together?”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“I want us to properly raise our child.”
He thought his response more than sufficient, yet Zaynab gawked at him. Speaking slowly and carefully enunciating every syllable as she might with a young child, she said, “And how does us moving in together have anything to do with that?” And then before he could answer, she raised a hand, palm up to show that she wasn’t finished speaking.
“Actually, you don’t need to answer that because my answer is no.”
“No?”
“No,” she stressed. “We don’t need to raise our child under one roof. I’m happy that you would like to be in their life—thrilled to bits, really, but I don’t see why we can’t co-parent separately.”
“It would be easier for one,” he drawled, “less demanding for a child to be ferried between separate homes and less taxing on us.”
Zaynab only huffed and turned her nose up at him, appearing nowhere close to warming to his proposition. “That’s not a good enough reason to live together.”
“Then we do it because we’re married.”
Now she eyed him like he’d grown an extra head right in front of her. “No-o-o,” Zaynab stretched the syllable, “we aren’t. I filed the paperwork already.”
“That might be true, but if my calculation is correct, you haven’t finished your iddah period.”
“So? I know how iddah works. We’d have to be intimate for our divorce application to be null and void, and we haven’t been since I filed.”
“Again, you’re correct. However your new...condition changes that.” Ara looked pointedly at her stomach, an edge of possessiveness clanging in him every time her hands touched the area. He flexed his fingers open and closed as discreetly as possible, knowing that any contact with him would likely not be welcomed by her just then, not when her eyes narrowed in an accusatory glare.
“Explain,” she demanded.
He obliged her. “Your pregnancy stretches the iddah period to until your due date.”
“That’s barbaric!” Her brown cheeks were rosier, anger seeming to brand onto her glowing skin.
“Not barbaric, logical. It reduces the...question of parentage.”
Fire and frost flashed in her eyes. “Is that what this is? Are you doubting me?”
“I’m not,” he said quickly and sharply, his flared nostrils an indication that his temper was rising now too. But how could it not when she was being so difficult? He locked his jaw and calmed much of the gruffness from his tone before he replied, “I hold zero doubts that is my child in there. It’s why I only want what’s best.”
Ara rose slowly, fighting against the instinct to stay by her side but knowing that she needed time to absorb what he’d told her. “Since I’ve said my part, I’ll leave you to gather your thoughts and contact you later.”
She glowered at him and pruned her lips in defiance, refusing to speak to him.
That was fine by him. There wasn’t a point in forcing her to agree. Zaynab had to want to do this with him or it wouldn’t work.
* * *
Though Zaynab was in Mauritius to work, it wasn’t hard to enjoy the sunny island when her employers were determined that she not spend every moment working. Between a litany of pre-and post-wedding parties, Remi had lined up a list of activities for her to do with him and, if his great-aunt’s health allowed her, Opaline occasionally joined them too.
Her guilt that she wasn’t more grateful to Remi’s thoughtfulness was only amplified when he took her on a picnic and hike, just the two of them, and he’d been careful to keep her on an easier trail. The picnic was delicious, the hike through the jungle trail thrilling, but it was the surprise of a scenic waterfall at the end that had her feeling rotten that she wasn’t as present in mind as she would’ve liked to be. All Zaynab could think of was the inevitable answer she’d have to give to Ara soon.
The answer she was sure he’d come hunt for himself if she took too long.
But then Remi got a call that pulled him away, and since he couldn’t take it right beside the roaring waterfall, he hurried back up the trail that had gotten them there, one ear pressed to his phone while he covered his hand with the other ear.
Zaynab watched him go before she sighed and faced the natural curtain of water and its shallow pool. She pulled her sneakers and socks off, suddenly wanting to feel the cool chill of the stiller pool, her skin itching from the rise of humidity. The rainfall from earlier only added to the cloying heat in the jungle’s atmosphere and made her wish that she’d brought a swimsuit. Not that she’d have gone swimming with Remi watching.
Sighing again, she settled with gathering up her long skirt and treading through the water until she waded up to her knees. Then she tipped her head back and closed her eyes to the spray of water now sprinkling her face like the wings of a moth, an easy smile pulling at her lips.
