The Lost Expert, page 1
THE
LOST
EXPERT
THE
LOST
EXPERT
A Novel by
Hal Niedzviecki
Copyright © 2021 Hal Niedzviecki
This edition copyright © 2021 Cormorant Books Inc.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher or a licence from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For an Access Copyright licence, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free 1.800.893.5777.
We acknowledge financial support for our publishing activities: the Government of Canada, through the Canada Book Fund and The Canada Council for the Arts; the Government of Ontario, through the Ontario Arts Council, Ontario Creates, and the Ontario Book Publishing Tax Credit. We acknowledge additional funding provided by the Government of Ontario and the Ontario Arts Council to address the adverse effects of the novel coronavirus pandemic.
LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION
Title: The lost expert / a novel by Hal Niedzviecki.
Names: Niedzviecki, Hal, 1971– author.
Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210212144 | Canadiana (ebook) 20210212209 | ISBN 9781770866348 (softcover) | ISBN 9781770866355 (HTML)
Classification: LCC PS8577.I3635 l67 2021 | DDC C813/.54—dc23
Cover photo and design: Angel Guerra / Archetype
Interior text design: Tannice Goddard, tannicegdesigns.ca
Printed and bound in Canada.Manufactured by Houghton Boston in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada in October 2021.
CORMORANT BOOKS INC.
260 Spadina Avenue, Suite 502, Toronto, on M5T 2E4
www.dcbyoungreaders.com
www.cormorantbooks.com
To the lost.
Contents
Opening
Part One
Section 1
Script 1
Section 2
Script 2
Section 3
Script 3
Section 4
Script 4
Section 5
Script 5
Section 6
Script 6
Part Two
Section 7
Script 7
Section 8
Script 8
Section 9
Script 9
Section 10
Script 10
Part Three
Section 11
Script 11
Section 12
Script 12
Section 13
Script 13
Section 14
Part Four
Section 15
Script 14
Section 16
Script 15
Section 17
Script 16
Section 18
Script 17
Section 19
Script 18
Section 20
Part Five
Section 21
Script 19
Section 22
Script 20
Section 23
Script 21
Section 24
Script 22
Section 25
Script 23
Section 26
Script 24
Section 27
Acknowledgements
Land Acknowledgement
Landmarks
Cover
Copyright
Start of Content
Acknowledgements
Page List
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&n
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*The page links in this ebook correspond to the page numbers in print edition ISBN 978-1-77086-634-8, ©2021 Hal Niedzviecki.
Opening
A ROOFLESS MINIBUS HAULS its load of ten tourists, a driver, and a guide up a steep hill on a narrow bend. The guide, sporting safari shorts and wraparound sunglasses, stands in the front reciting a canned script into a microphone.
“We come now to home of star of big screen,” he tells the tourists through a heavy Eastern European accent. “Thomson Holmes! One of world’s greatest star, known to whole world!”
A man flanked by a young daughter and a wife jumps up. “Condor Air!” the man yells, pumping his fist. “Condor Air!”
The vehicle lurches to a stop in front of a gate. Set back from the gate is a low-slung, compact house mostly obscured from view by the barred entrance and the verdant bushes strategically planted throughout the compound. The tour guide, after a slight pause to let their proximity to greatness sink in, continues his spiel. “Thomson Holmes lived here since … Fourteen movies already so far including … Is been romantically connected to leading ladies of —” Suddenly, he breaks into a yell. “Him! It is him! People! Him!?! Coming out!?!”
The gate to the compound is slowly sliding open.
The tourists leap to their feet, phones outstretched, furiously capturing video of the event. The gate recedes to reveal a circular driveway and the front of a modernist stack of cubes, a sci-fi domicile perched on the edge of the Hollywood Hills.
“It’s him!?!” The tour guide is frantic now, his mouth too close to the cheap microphone, his words breaking into static. “Him! Him!”
The man and his family lean over the side of the bus and wave their hands. “Thomson!” the man yells. “Thomson Holmes! How about an autograph? Condor Air! Yeah! Man! Condor Air!”
“Thomson,” his dark-haired, cherubic daughter tries out quietly, a tentative smile on her round face.
The gate, almost fully opened, jerks to a stall. Then it begins to close.
“Thom-son Holmes!” the guide moans. “Thom-son Holmes!”
Sombrely, the passengers take up the plea: “Thom-son Holmes! Thom-son Holmes …”
The house and the driveway disappear. The gate locks with an audible click.
The tourists chant, their litany continuing as the van hauls them up and around the next tight turn.
PART ONE
Section 1
CHRIS WOKE INTO THE usually soothing cloud of sound: Laurie’s breaths, the laboured hum of the kitchen’s ancient refrigerator, the murmur of the next-door apartment’s always-on TV. But he was tense, his body tight. He’d been out with Krunk last night. Laurie had been long asleep when he’d staggered home just before three. Laurie didn’t like Krunk. She didn’t like the drinking and the late-night greasy Chinatown snacks. She especially did not care for the way Chris’s best friend since third grade lived his life: hand to mouth, getting by on small grants and odd jobs — his primary energies focused on screening movies no one had ever heard of.
At her mostly unspoken behest, Chris had been cutting back on his Krunk outings. But it had been Midnight Madness at the Royal, and he’d promised Krunk he’d definitely go this time. He’d cancelled the last two months in order to avoid, maybe even put off altogether, what he knew would be coming: Laurie, annoyed, pointing out once again that Chris needed to get serious about his “life choices” and stop “wasting so much time messing around.” Serious people did not get Thursday-night drunk with a basement-dwelling self-proclaimed video anarchist. But there were only so many times you could say no to Krunk before you’d find him standing outside your apartment throwing empty beer cans at your second-floor window while chanting, “Pusseee whipped. Pusseee whipped.”
