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Pete brought his other hand up so he was cupping my whole face, and then he kissed me, lightly at first, but then harder… hard enough to make me forget everything in the world except him. He walked me slowly backward until my back hit the refrigerator. No part of me resisted, and my head hit the old metal door with a dull thud. My eyes rolled back as he moved his lips on mine, and the scratch of his scruff-covered chin on my cheek felt amazing.
He pulled away far too soon. “Better?”
I licked my swollen lips and nodded. “Do it again.”
He leaned forward, smirking, but just before his lips touched me, he straightened and kissed my forehead instead. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
I let him take my hand and lead me to his bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed while he disappeared. He was back a few moments later with a DVD. “You like wizards, right?”
“What?”
“Lord of the Rings,” he said. “It’s got all that fantasy shit you draw in it. Have you ever seen it?”
My face must have been as blank as my brain. The only movies I’d ever seen were the girlie ones Ellie liked, and because they were all the damn same, I almost always fell asleep. In fact, sometimes I thought she did it on purpose.
“What about the books?” Pete persisted gently. “My dad tried to get me to read them when I was a kid, but they were way too long for me.”
I didn’t have an answer for him, but he didn’t seem to expect one. He got to his feet and pulled off his shirt. He retrieved the remote from under the bed and pointed it at the TV.
“I put your coat in the laundry. It’s got some bleach or something on it. Damn thing stinks. What did you do? Clean the bathroom with it?”
Bleach.
The room lurched around me, and I felt suddenly sick. Pete blurred as he moved. He crouched in front of me and searched my face. “Whoa, where did you go?”
“Hmm?”
He squeezed my hands. “You totally spaced on me. If I’d known you felt so crappy, I wouldn’t have jumped on you. Do you want some Tylenol or something?”
I felt a surge of hollow relief as he attributed my weirdness to some sort of illness. I didn’t want to lie to him, but it was easier to let him think I was sick than try to explain myself. Part of me trusted him enough to tell him the truth, but it wasn’t him I didn’t trust—it was me. I was scared that if I started talking, I’d never stop. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to sleep.
“Ash, get in the damn bed.”
It didn’t sound like the first time he’d asked. I slid carefully back and under the covers. Pete walked around the bed and crawled in beside me.
“Are you cold?”
I was cold. Despite still having my T-shirt, sweats, and socks on, I felt like I’d never be warm again. Though I didn’t answer him, Pete lay down on his back and gestured for me to come closer. Hesitantly, I scooted across the bed and let him gently pull me against him. Silence settled over us while he watched the movie. I closed my eyes and tried to distract myself from the disquiet settled deep in my bones, but even with his heartbeat thudding steadily in my ear, I still felt like I could crawl out of my own skin.
“Do you miss him?”
Pete paused in the action of rubbing circles into my shoulder blades. “Who?”
“Your dad.”
He was silent as he lifted his arm and clicked the TV off. I thought for a long moment he wasn’t going to answer me, until he sighed heavily and returned his arm to my shoulders.
“My dad was my best friend. I spent my whole childhood watching him leave and waiting for him to come back. Then one day he was just gone forever.”
“What was his name?”
“William, but everyone called him Bill.”
I raised my head and put my chin on his chest. Pete smiled slightly as the movement brought us closer together, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Did you look like him?”
“No. My dad was an all-American boy. I got Maggie’s Italian genes. Heidi looks like him, though.”
“Your sister?”
Pete hummed, but I felt the tension run through his body. “I’m sorry,” I said. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that,” he said wearily, his voice soft and sad. “I just haven’t thought about it for a long time. Sometimes I forget how angry it makes me.”
“Why? What happened?”
“My parents never got married. I guess they didn’t think it mattered, but when my dad died, his brother contested the will. She got to keep his pension, but he took everything else: the house, the insurance money…. It didn’t leave a lot.”
“You had a house?”
Pete shrugged slightly. “Yeah, it wasn’t much, but it was our home, you know? I was born there and I’d never lived anywhere else. But my dad paid for it out of money he inherited from his grandfather, so when he died, his brother took it. Maggie didn’t fight him because she didn’t know how. We just took what we could and left.”
I shifted even closer to him. “What about your sister?”
Pete snorted, and again, I felt anger simmering just beneath his warm skin. “Heidi’s always been headstrong, and she likes her material shit. Coming home from college to a one-bedroom apartment on the wrong side of town wasn’t her thing. So she stopped doing it.”
“So it’s just you and Maggie, huh?”
“Yeah.” Pete shifted and rubbed his chin on the top of my head. “For a long time now. It’s not so bad these days, though. I do miss my dad, because I loved him, but you can’t bring someone back from the dead. You’ve just got to get on with it.”
I shuddered slightly. Pete felt it and tightened his arm around me. “You should get some sleep.”
His tone was pensive, and I felt bad that I’d upset him, but the deep, comforting sound of his voice rumbling through his chest was too good to let go. “Pete?”
“Yeah?”
“Keep talking.”
CHAPTER TEN
I STEPPED around Ellie as I set up for my first job for the day. She was driving me crazy. She’d been in my face since the moment she’d appeared on Pete’s doorstep that morning and then followed me to the shop. “If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”
Ellie rolled her eyes from her perch on the counter in my work area. “Ash, you wound me, but, yes. If you come to Thanksgiving at my parents’ house, I’ll leave you alone… for the rest of the day, at least.”
I sighed as defeat washed over me. My first client was due any minute, and I wasn’t ready for him. I didn’t have time for Ellie’s crap. “All right,” I said. “Tell your mom I’ll be there.”
Ellie clapped her hands and hopped down from the counter. She was pleased with herself, but I was kinda pissed. She was a tornado when she wanted something, and most of the time, whatever she wanted was worth it to see her smile, but when it came to socializing with her folks, the glee on her face wasn’t nearly enough. My last encounter with her dad had been hard work… all his questions and searching stares. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again.
Eventually, I chased Ellie out of the shop and worked until evening. I got home just as Pete was getting up to work a double shift. Life had been like that in recent days. He said we were like passing ships or some shit.
He laughed when I told him about Thanksgiving. “Yeah, she got to me too.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re coming to her parents’ house for dinner?”
“Hell no.” His face was mildly horrified. “I’m working, you know that. I said I’d come by on my way home if it wasn’t too late.”
“Sorry,” I said. “Ellie’s kinda persistent when she gets going. You should just go home after work.”
Pete pulled a sweatshirt over his head and shoved some spare clothes into his bag. “Don’t worry about it. I probably won’t get there anyway.”
He went out into the hallway to put his shoes on. I drifted after him like a lost puppy. I’d recently discovered I didn’t like watching him leave at night. It felt all wrong knowing he was out there working while I lay in his bed alone. Or maybe it was just that I missed him. Who knew? I’d never had cause to miss anyone before.
Pete shrugged into his coat and came to stand in front of me. “Listen, I know I said I don’t do all that boyfriend shit, but that doesn’t mean I don’t give a fuck. If you want me to come, all you’ve got to do is say so.”
“I know that,” I said, though I’d never been altogether sure what he meant by “boyfriend shit.” “I just….”
Pete silenced me with a quick kiss. “It’s fine. If I get off in time and I can find my way to that swanky neighborhood, I’ll be there.”
I STARED at the huge closet. “I can’t believe you ever tried to get me to live in this house. I’d never find my way out.”
Ellie took my hand and yanked me away from the latest addition to her bedroom. “Shut up, it’s just a closet.”
“You don’t even live here anymore.” Just a closet? It was bigger than Pete’s living room.
Ellie laughed. “I know, but you know what my mom’s like. She just can’t leave it alone.”
I glanced around the massive room again. How could one person fill so much space? I didn’t know what to do with the room they gave me in rehab. I used to sit on the floor in the corner and watch the rest of the room like it was going to swallow me up. Given a space the size of Ellie’s childhood bedroom and closet, I’d probably have stayed in the closet. “Your mom has issues.”
“True, which is why we have to go downstairs. She knows you’re here.”
I let her pull me out of her bedroom and down the stairs with a long-suffering sigh that she pointedly ignored. The house passed me by in a haze of identical corridors and huge mirrors. It didn’t matter how many times I came to Ellie’s family home, I still couldn’t find my way around. The mirrors freaked me out too. Why would anyone want to see their own face on every wall? I knew I didn’t.
Ellie’s mom, Vivienne, spotted me hovering in the kitchen doorway. “Ash! There you are. Have you been hiding from me, young man? It’s been too long.”
I smiled sheepishly, the way I knew she wanted me to. “Sorry, Vivienne, I’ve been really busy at work.”
Vivienne’s smile brightened. She directed me to a stool at the kitchen counter and poured me a glass of something dry and fizzy. “And how’s that going? Do you like it?”
“It’s, um, good. Thanks.”
“Have you thought any more about going to school?”
I shot a discreet glare at Ellie. She flashed me gleeful wink and ducked out of the kitchen, leaving me at her mother’s mercy. I forced a patient smile. “Yeah, and the answer is still no. Even if you pay for it, I don’t want to go.”
Vivienne clicked her tongue at my standard answer. The mannerism reminded me of Maggie, but though Vivienne was always nice to me, she lacked the warmth Maggie just couldn’t hide. “Very well,” she said. “You’re a stubborn boy.”
She let it drop as Ellie’s father, David, appeared in the kitchen and pulled up a stool opposite me. Vivienne set a dish down on the counter and came to stand behind him. She wound her arms around his waist and put her chin on his shoulder. “Ellie said your roommate was going to stop by later. She seems quite taken with him. What’s he like?”
“Pete?”
Vivienne smiled, her eyes amused as she peeked over David’s shoulder. “Yes, Pete. Ellie says he’s Italian. Does he have brown eyes?”
I swallowed. “Um, yeah.”
David let out a short laugh and abruptly got to his feet. “Vivienne, leave the boy alone. It’s no wonder he’s hardly ever here. Just be thankful he’s found a decent roommate. Ellie wasn’t so lucky.”
Vivienne sighed as he stepped away from her and opened the refrigerator. “Yes, I know. I still think we should look into buying the place next door. There’s no reason to keep her somewhere she’s not happy.”
I watched from my seat at the counter as they continued to dance around each other. Their relationship puzzled me; it always had. Ellie said they’d been high school sweethearts, but despite Vivienne’s best efforts, David always seemed detached, like he’d rather be anywhere but with the woman he was supposed to love.
Weird.
A little while later, Charlie wandered into the kitchen and slid into the stool beside me. “How’s dinner coming, Mom? I’m starving.”
Vivienne slapped his hand away from the food on the counter. “It won’t be long. Why don’t you show Ash the monstrosity on your arm? Perhaps he can help you do something about it.”
Her gaze was steel, and it was an expression I’d seen before when irate parents brought their badly tattooed teenagers into the shop to get fixed. “You got ink?”
“Not really.”
Vivienne dropped a dish on the granite counter with a clatter. “You have something permanently engraved on your skin, Charlie. That’s a tattoo.”
Charlie turned his back on her and discreetly rolled his eyes. “It’s not a tattoo. Trust me, if I wanted one, I would have come to you.”
It was sweet of him to say, but I doubted it was true. There was no way Charlie would ever get a tattoo—he wasn’t the type. Pete said he was “preppy.” Curious, I gestured to his arm. “Show me.”
Charlie shot a backward glance at Vivienne. “Not here.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Come with me.”
I followed him out of the kitchen and into the massive hallway. He led me to the darkest corner before he finally rolled up his sleeve. I squinted in the poor light and gestured for him to hold his arm up so I could see the badly etched number four on the inside of his wrist. “Why did you get that done?”
Charlie snickered. “I didn’t, man. I just went to some banging party on the South Side. Next morning, I woke up in the chick’s bed with this on my arm.”
I whistled. “How much did you drink?”
“A lot, but I can’t tell my mom that. She needs to think I actually wanted it.”
I looked again at the crude, poorly applied ink. It was pretty awful; it looked like it had been done with a crayon. “How are you going to convince her of that?”
Charlie shrugged, but whatever he was going to say was interrupted as his sister Megan appeared in the doorway behind him.
“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you’re fawning over Ash too. The way Ellie moons over him is bad enough.”
Her aggression rolled over me, but Charlie whirled around. “Get lost, Meg.”
Megan sneered. “I’m going. I wouldn’t want Ash to think we all wanted to fuck him.”
Her boots clipped on the marble hallway as she stalked away. Charlie was pretty mad, but I didn’t care. Megan’s words never hurt me. She was probably the only person I’d ever met who was as miserable as I was.
Dinner passed without further incident. I kept my head down and ate everything Vivienne put in front of me. Conversations continued to pass me by, and my mind couldn’t help wandering to the previous evening, which I’d spent with Pete and Maggie. She’d made meatballs and spaghetti that we ate off her ancient, cracked dishes. It was probably the nicest thing I’d ever eaten, and aside from lying in bed with Pete, it was the most content I’d ever felt. Sitting in this mansion with fine china plates, I just didn’t fit. I was only there for Ellie, because without her I’d still be scribbling on the sidewalk.
I slipped further into myself as the evening wore on. By dessert, I had the fix for Charlie’s crappy tattoo figured out, and by the time Vivienne brought out the coffee, I had three other jobs done too. With my imagination in overdrive, my fingers began to itch for my pencil. When I got a sketch in my head, I couldn’t rest until I’d put it on paper, and I got antsy if I had to wait. I began to watch the clock, drumming my fingers on my thigh. When ten o’clock rolled by and there was no sign of Pete, I called it a night and headed home. I said good-bye to Vivienne and Ellie and slipped out of the side gate. I lit a cigarette and paused a moment to stare up at the stars. I was blowing smoke at the moon when I heard Pete’s dry chuckle.
“Dude, that shit’s going to kill you.”
PETE tumbled us both onto the bed. I laughed and let him drag me on top of him. He’d pounced on me the moment I’d kicked the front door shut and made short work of getting me naked.
The walk home had been… interesting. I could only grin when I’d seen his amused, tired eyes gleaming at me from behind his hood. I’d been so pleased to see him. He’d seemed happy to see me too. He produced a bottle of Jim Beam from his bag, and we’d decided to forgo the L and make the three-mile trek home on foot.
He was quiet for a while, at least until the whiskey perked him up. I didn’t ask why he had a bottle of hard liquor stashed in his bag. I didn’t have to. His job was a roller coaster; a bad shift for him could be something truly awful. I didn’t blame him for needing a drink. Hell, after a night in with Ellie’s family, I needed one too. The whiskey making him horny was just an unexpected bonus.
My clothes littered a path to the bedroom. I tore Pete’s from his body, flipping us as the last item hit the floor. Pete laughed and ground his hips into me. His dick rubbed mine, distracting me, and just like that, he rolled us again.
We broke apart for some much needed air. Pete pulled the covers up over my shoulders.
“Cold?”
“Hell, no,” he said huskily. “I’ve just spent two days wishing I was in bed with you. Indulge me.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. All thoughts of Thanksgiving, work, and just about anything that had ever crossed my mind evaporated as I took advantage of his position beneath me. I explored every inch of him, his chest, his belly, and lower still until he let out a frustrated groan and yanked me back up the bed.
Usually, Pete had more patience than me. He was the ultimate tease, but the combination of the alcohol and whatever he wasn’t telling me had left him urgent and needy. He smashed our lips together. The kiss was rough, almost frantic. He pulled on my hair. His stubble scratched my cheek.
