Circle, page 1
Praise for Garrett Leigh
JHC I loved this book. Fucking loved it. Angst, angst, angst. I loved Ash & Pete. I loved how the author dealt with the passage of time - I swore I could 'see' things progressing between them.
SE Jakes (Slide)
This bittersweet love story opens an emotional fountain of want and need that overflows as Leigh builds an unconventional love story that defies the odds.
Heroes and Heartbreakers (Misfits)
Leigh’s characterizations are powerful and irresistible.
Foreword Reviews (Strays)
CIRCLE
Roads #3
Garrett Leigh
Copyright © 2017 by Garrett Leigh
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
For my Fox, as ever, with love…
Also for Kandace.
Contents
Circle
Epigraph
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue
Afterword
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Garrett Leigh
Circle
(Roads #3)
by Garrett Leigh
“You’re not happy.”
“I know.”
“Why?”
“I’m just… not.”
Chapter One
Pete
September
I shifted on the hard, wooden bench. The lawyers had said the hearing was a formality—that we’d be in and out in minutes—but it seemed like I’d been cooling my heels all damn day. Actually, scrap that. It seemed like I’d been cooling my heels for months. The collar of my shirt itched. I’d spent a lot of time wearing a preppy button-down recently, and I still wasn’t used to it. I wanted to fiddle with it, maybe undo a few buttons, but a glare from Danni kept me still.
The bustle of the courthouse went on around me. I exhaled a long, slow puff of air and let my mind wander. Since the day he’d been born, I’d always known my nephew, Liam, would become my responsibility. My sister was, at best, flaky. At her worst, she was a selfish, heartless bitch, though I’d never quite pictured her as a cold-blooded killer. Until a Wisconsin social worker appeared on my doorstep early this spring, I hadn’t heard from Heidi in years, and the last time I’d set eyes on Liam, he’d been four years old. He was seven now and old enough to have a valid opinion of who he wanted to be with. For reasons I’d never understand, he’d chosen to live some of his life with me.
A blessing, right? A year ago, I’d have said yes, but that was before my mom, Maggie, had died and I’d stopped seeing the good in anything. I'd buried her three weeks before Heidi shot her husband, and without my mom, there was a void in my life no one else could ever fill.
Sometimes I even forgot Ash had lost her too.
Sometimes I forgot everyone in the world but her and me.
“Pete.”
I blinked. “What?”
Danni shook her head slightly. “You seem half asleep today. Are you gonna wake up before we go inside?”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Danni may have been Ash’s sister, but their flawless skin and wild blond hair were where the similarities ended. She lacked his patience, and she’d likely kick my ass before she let my trademark insolence slide. “I’m awake.”
“Good. Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“Nope.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
Danni scowled and I looked away. I’d spent months wrestling with social workers who didn't want to place a seven-year-old boy with a same-sex couple, especially when one of them was an ex-junkie with a history of mental illness. In theory, I didn't blame them. I had a respectable job, a nice home, and a steady partner, but Ash? He had those things now—the majority of our income was his—but he had a checkered past. A traumatic childhood, years of drug abuse, and the devastating consequences of both didn't sound good on paper.
But I did have a few things up my sleeve: letters, mainly—three of them. The first was from Danni. She told his life story from her point of view, and no one could argue with the way she described the brother she’d feared she’d never find. It was probably only the second time I’d ever seen Ash cry. Even after all this time, he still didn’t get how anyone could love him so much.
Me? Damn. I believed every word… I lived by those words every day of my life. Ash was the only reason I felt like I could offer Liam a home, and his letter broke my heart. He’d seen the worst side of the foster care system, and his handwritten statement made it clear he’d walk away from me if it spared Liam the same trauma. And while it didn't have any legal sway in the courthouse, it was probably the first time he’d seen me cry in a while.
The third letter was from Joe, Danni's husband, and a man both Ash and I considered a brother. His letter wasn't about Ash; it was about me, and though I'd yet to read the whole thing, one line scrawled at the end would stay with me forever.
Pete taught me how to love, and for that, he will always be the man I try to be… a father, a brother, a son.
Sweet, huh? I thought so, but making me cry like a bitch all over again was not cool.
I walked out of the courthouse in a daze, my ears still ringing with the final pound of the judge’s gavel. It was done, over—at least for now. At that very moment, Liam was packing his shit up in Wisconsin. He’d be with a foster family in Chicago by the weekend, and at the start of the next month, he'd spend three days of each week with us.
It was a strange feeling. I’d been with Ash for six years, and I’d never truly considered the idea that we could raise a child together. Liam was seven. His early years had already passed us by, but even though I’d had months to prepare for it, the prospect of setting that right was daunting. The kid was a stranger to me, and I didn't know where to start.
I shook hands with my attorney. As she turned to leave, check in hand, it struck me again that if Heidi had turned a gun on her husband just a few years earlier, I wouldn’t have had the means to fight for Liam. Ash was paying the legal fees. Much to his disgust, he’d made a fortune selling his unwanted paintings and sketches. But it wasn’t as easy as throwing money at the problem. If this was going to work, our lives had to change. I worked shifts as a senior nurse in one of Chicago’s busiest ERs. Ash had more flexibility, but he still had places he needed to be every day. Work, school, and the art gallery-come-tattoo studio he co-owned with Ted. Yeah, that’s right. Ash was finally using the big-ass brains he’d been born with, and whatever happened, I didn’t want my sister’s mistakes to fuck up the life he’d worked so hard for.
To get around it, I’d made plans to quit my job and go back to the mind-numbing boredom of checking vitals in a swanky clinic. Lucky for me, the ER had other ideas and had put me on a permanent shift pattern. Barring mass-casualty incidents, the occasional weekend, and three night shifts a month, I’d be home every day by six. With Danni and Joe’s help, we’d hashed out a system that worked.
“Babe, you need a life. You gave us that when we had Cosmo. Let us help you too.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Besides, I needed time to learn to cook if the poor kid wasn’t going to live on take-out pizza and toast. I’d grown too used to Ash and Maggie taking care of me.
Next to me, Danni’s hand on my arm brought me gently back to the present. As she turned to me, the diamond stud in her nose caught the sun, distracting me from the swell of her pregnant belly. “I can’t wait to tell Cosmo,” she said. “She knows we’ve been hiding something from her.”
“She’s two,” I said absently. “She doesn’t know anything apart from how to hide M&Ms in my couch.”
“Then give her organic raisins like Ash does. They don’t melt.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” My face twisted into a wry smile. Ash had been Cosmo’s best friend since the day she was born. Some days I was lucky to get a look in with either of them, and Joe suffered the same. Not that we minded. A child could never be loved too much, and no one could be loved too much by Ash. “I should call him.”
I reached for my cell phone, but Danni's knowing smirk stopped me. I followed her gaze to the lone figure sitting on a bench across the street, and all the doubtful tension in my body faded away.
I’d told him not to come to the courthouse. He was a gentle soul, but he didn’t take kindly to well-meaning social workers picking our lives to shreds. After the first hearing, I’d convinced him to stay home. It appeared I’d been talking to myself, though, because there he was, slouched down with his hood up, looking a decade younger than his twenty-seven years. Fucker hadn’t aged a bit.
On cue, he looked up, and as he found my eyes, everything fell into place. I’d felt off kilter when I’d walked out of the courthouse, but Ash grounded me, like he always had. Securing Liam’s future had been our focus for months. Now it was over, all that was left was to make it work.
Right?
Heh.
A conversation flashed into my mind, whispered a few months ago in the dead of night when I’d started awake to find Ash staring at me.
“You’re not happy.”
“I know.”
“Why?”
“I’m just… not.”
And despite the efforts of the people who loved me most, nothing had changed.
Chapter Two
Ash
November
The blast of the alarm clock woke me. I jumped and slammed my hand down on it, then rolled over and eyed Pete. Years ago he’d been such a light sleeper that his cell phone had only needed to vibrate under his pillow and he’d be up, wide awake and ready to go. He didn’t stir now. These days, two years after an accident that had nearly killed him, it took him a while and several nudges from me to get going.
Not that I often nudged him much, unless he had somewhere to be. Pete sleeping, his strong chest bare, his arm flung over his head, was the kind of beautiful that made the rude awakening from the alarm clock totally worthwhile.
Unfortunately, though, it was one of those mornings when we both had to get up. Pete had to work, and after a morning of working on the accounts at the studio, I’d be driving across the city to pick Liam up from his foster family and bring him home for the weekend. “Pete?” I put my hand on his chest and shook him gently. “Wake up, fucker. It’s morning.”
Pete groaned and shook his head. “No… s’not.”
“Would I lie to you?”
Pete opened one deep brown eye and then the other. I watched the haze clear and his brain work to gather his thoughts. “What time is it?”
“Five-thirty. You’re starting early today so you can take Liam to that movie he wants to see.”
“The one about the meatballs?”
“Something like that.”
Pete sat up and rubbed his eyes. “He knows I’m on the third shift on Sunday, right?”
“I thought you were going to try and change that shift?”
Pete’s answering grunt was noncommittal, and for a brief moment, I felt like punching him. But the feeling faded as quickly as it had come. I’d grown used to this in recent months, and I tried not to compare him to the Pete I’d woken up with this time last year. The Pete who’d rolled over and smiled sleepily at me like he was the happiest guy in the world. The Pete who had been happy. For a whole year, we’d been blissfully content, but then Maggie had gotten sick and died, and part of Pete had died with her.
I started to get out of bed. Pete’s hands on my shoulders caught me off guard. He yanked me over him and locked his arms around me in a grip that left me plenty of room to breathe. “Nope,” he said with a sleepy smirk. “You’re warm.”
“The heat is on full blast.”
“So?” He pulled me close and kissed my shoulder, teasing it lightly with his tongue. “Whatcha going to do about it?”
I gripped his chin and pulled him off me, though I couldn’t contain my grin. It was a while since he’d last woken up with a smile. “What do you think?”
“I think—”
I cut off his answer by sucking the rough flesh of his neck into my mouth. Pete laughed and then groaned. “Fuck, I shoulda kept my mouth shut. I gotta go.”
He squirmed, but I put my hand on his chest and tipped him onto his back. No fucking way—he’d started this—and I’d missed this side of him way too much to let him leave. To help my case, I pinned his hands over his head and attacked his neck once more. I knew him. If he stayed still long enough for me to sink my teeth in, he wasn’t going anywhere.
But too soon, he moved again and this time, apparently, meant business. He attempted to untangle himself from me, and it worked, to an extent, but I wasn’t about to help him. He’d gotten a leg out of the bed when I pounced again.
I threw him back on the bed and kissed him. Beneath me, he arched and kissed me back, all the while shaking his head in protest. “I’ve really got to go.”
In answer, I rolled him over, grateful that the scarily efficient heating system allowed us to both sleep naked. Besides, his griping was unfounded. What I had in mind wouldn't take long.
Old habits die hard, and I still had to be in the right mood to fuck from behind, but first thing in the morning was often the perfect time for me—I was in the moment before my treacherous brain caught up with me. And it helped that Pete loved it. Watching him buck and arch as I slid into him was enough to distract me from just about anything… except the knowledge that it had been months since Pete had last topped.
Beneath me, Pete squirmed, pulling me back into the present, and the cloud in my brain dissipated for the time being. Six years hadn’t dulled Pete’s ability to rock my world with a twist of his hips, and he widened his legs to make more room for me. “Damn it, Ash. You’re gonna make me la… fuck!”
His incoherence made me grin as I took his hands and wrapped them over the bars of the headboard. I slicked up quickly and drove into him, bruising his hips with my hands as a groan tore out of me. I still couldn't bring myself to touch his back when we fucked like this, but it didn't keep me up at night anymore. These days, only this kept me up all night… most of the time, at least, ’cause life was never perfect, right?
Pete braced himself on the bed frame, and I reached around and found his cock. I knew his body better than my own, and it wasn’t long before he growled and came in my hand. A few more thrusts and I was done too, coming with a shudder that threw me off balance. Quick, dirty morning sex. Yeah. There wasn’t much better than that.
I held Pete against me for a long moment before I pulled out and flopped down on the bed beside him. Breathless, he rolled over and leaned over me. He pushed the sweat-damp hair off my forehead and pressed a light kiss to my temple.
“I really have to go now. Are you still okay to get Liam from Mrs. Gellar? You’ll have Cosmo as well, remember?”
I took a moment to catch my breath before I opened my eyes. I met Pete’s steady gaze, and just like that, it was back to reality. Back to a life of childcare, chores, and paying the bills. A life I’d never known I wanted before it landed on my doorstep. “It’s fine. I’ll pick her up after Liam. Do you want dinner before you go out?”
“Nah. I’ll get him a ’dog at the movie theater.”
Pete started to slide from the bed, then he stopped, leaned back, and rubbed my chest, almost as an afterthought. “Don’t hole yourself up with those accounts all day. You know they make you crazy.”
He was kidding, but there was truth behind his humor. These days his black mood seemed never ending, but he still had nothing on me. Pete’s grief gave him a tangible reason for his apathy. Me? Damn. I was just plain crazy, or at least, I had been once.
The Monday after Liam’s weekend visit turned out to be one of the rare days I woke alone. I jumped awake, knowing immediately that Pete hadn’t come home from his hospital shift, and took a minute to ground myself. But it didn’t work, and I fumbled for my phone. It had been three years since the police had woken me at dawn to tell me that Pete had been hit by an L train, but the cold dread remained even as my screen lit up with his message.
Bus crash. Gonna be late x
He’d sent the message minutes before the alarm had woken me. I wondered if it was worth tapping out a reply, but my phone rang in my hand before I’d thought of anything coherent.
It was the ER. “Pete?”
“Morning, fucker. Did I wake you?”
“No, I was up.”
“You don’t sound it.”
I cleared my throat and forced myself upright. “I’m up now.”
Pete chuckled. “Listen, I’ve only got a sec, but can you do me a favor?”
