Loving Tenderness, page 14
Philip flung his arms upward at his sides, then turned toward the door. “It’s your life. It’s your reputation.”
It’s your reputation you’re worried about, Philip, Andrew thought. But before he could utter the comeback, his brother opened the door and shot from the office.
Andrew drew in a ragged breath and sank into his chair. His own brother thought the worst. What would others think of Hannah? He didn’t care about himself, but Hannah didn’t need to be shamed anymore than she already had been.
The truth struck him. He’d done the same thing to Hannah. He’d jumped to conclusions, and he’d presumed things. He lowered his face into his hands and massaged his forehead. Lord, please give me the answers.
He placed his hand on the telephone receiver, then hesitated. What good would it do? Why upset her? He’d talk to her later. If Jemma had already noticed Hannah’s condition, he could only guess that half the town had, too. They’d be buzzing with gossip.
Chapter Thirteen
Hannah kissed JJ’s cheek and turned out his bedroom light. “Love you.”
“Love you,” he murmured, already drifting to sleep.
She paused a moment outside his door, reviewing what she needed to say to Andrew. Calming her thoughts, she strode down the hallway and entered the kitchen.
“That didn’t take long,” Andrew said.
“He’s almost asleep already. He had a fun day today. Thanks for giving him so much attention.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I enjoy it.”
She pictured JJ and Andrew at the beach, too cold to swim, but running along in the sand throwing a ball back and forth. The Indian-summer afternoon had been free and fun, but the morning had been different, and she fell silent as the image pelted through her mind.
Andrew frowned as he watched her.
“You’re right,” Hannah said, sitting across from him. “It’s not just Philip and Jemma talking. People are gossiping. I saw the looks in church today. They look at me, then at you with arched eyebrows. I know what they’re thinking, and I have to stop it.”
“Don’t worry about me, Hannah.”
“But I do. It’s wrong for me to hide behind you to avoid telling people the truth. I was raped. I have to face it.”
“You have faced it. It’s—”
“No, I haven’t.” Her stomach knotted with the truth. “I’ve avoided it. I didn’t have the courage to tell you when I should have. I still haven’t told Annie, and she’s one of my best friends. She knows. I can see it in her face, but she hasn’t said a word. How do you think this baby would feel knowing that I’m ashamed of it?”
Tears bubbled in her eyes, and she felt them roll down her cheeks. Irritated, she brushed them away with the back of her hand. “I’m hurting an unborn child with my attitude.”
Andrew grasped a paper napkin from the holder and brushed her cheek. “Don’t blame yourself for this. You’re the innocent victim. When the baby’s born, you’ll lavish him with love.”
“Him?”
He gave a half shrug. “Him. Her.” His head lowered as if in thought. “You’ll love the baby. I can’t imagine anything else.”
“But what about you, Andrew?”
“I can handle gossip. I have for—”
Her heart rose to her throat. “This isn’t about the gossip. What about you and the baby?”
His look sent chills down her back. She sensed she’d asked a question that he’d been pondering, and she feared hearing the answer now that she’d asked.
Andrew took her hand in his, then raised it to his lips and kissed her fingers. “You know I care about you more than words can say.”
“I’d hoped.”
He nodded, then lowered his eyes again. “I’ve struggled with the situation. I’m not going to lie.”
The chill turned into frozen fear. Why had she asked? She couldn’t bear to lose Andrew now, not when she’d let her heart go wild. She loved him. The three words rang in her head. She loved him.
“You look frightened, Hannah. Don’t be.”
What did he mean? Hadn’t he realized their lives had woven into a strong, beautiful tapestry? If he pulled away, he would leave her in shreds.
Andrew’s look softened. He lifted a finger and brushed it along her jaw, then caressed her cheek. His hand felt warm against her cold flesh. “Let me finish. I’ve struggled with the situation, but when Philip talked to me, I realized that I didn’t care about the baby’s father. I cared about you. If something good came out of my words with Philip, it was that. I’m here for the long haul, Hannah, and once the confusion settles down, we need to do some talking.”
“Talking?”
“About us.”
Her pulse escalated. “There’s so much to consider, and I’m frightened.”
“Frightened about us?”
“No. Jack. He’ll be released in a couple of days.”
“I know. I’ve had the same thought.”
He rose and drew her into his arms. “We’ll be on guard, Hannah. That’s all we can do.”
“But if he finds out about the baby, he’ll—”
“Don’t even think about it. We have a couple of days. What do you say? We’ll handle the problems as they arise.”
She couldn’t say anything because his lips met hers, and her fears slipped to the back of her mind. In their place, her defeated spirit lifted like a kite on the wind as he kissed her gently.
Hannah pulled her hand from the receiver, praying her arrangement to talk with Jemma had been the right one. If Philip and Andrew were at odds over her, then she had to resolve it. She’d thought about it since Sunday, wondering what to do. This seemed the only answer.
Jemma had agreed to meet her at the coffee shop down the street, and since Jemma needed a while to get there, Hannah used the extra time to unload the dishwasher. While she stacked plates and bowls in the cabinet, her thoughts drifted to her talk with Andrew and then to the calendar hanging beside the kitchen phone. October fifth. Jack would be released today.
Fear suddenly grabbed her. Would he come after her or JJ again? As much as she wanted to think he’d learned a lesson, she knew Jack would learn nothing. His goal was to force her back into his life, and she’d rather die than allow JJ to be influenced or abused by his father.
As the possibility tore through her mind, a plate slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor. Her fingers shaking, she picked up the larger pieces, then wet a paper towel to capture the smaller fragments. When she dropped them into the trash, a red splotch appeared on the white towel.
She studied her finger and saw a sliver of china imbedded in her middle finger while blood oozed around the wound. Jack, too, was like this—a shard in her life, making her bleed physically and emotionally. She had to stop him, but how?
As she headed for the bathroom medicine cabinet, a prayer wove through her mind. She needed constant prayer. She couldn’t waver in her determination to ask for the Lord’s help. He was the only One who could remove Jack from their lives. JJ and this baby deserved lives of safety and security. With Jack around, they had none.
Hannah rinsed her hand, dabbed on an antiseptic, then withdrew a plastic bandage strip and wrapped it around her finger. Moving away from Loving entered her thoughts as she pressed on the adhesive, but the idea pained her. Life had become complete since she’d met Andrew.
With Andrew still in her thoughts, Hannah glanced at her watch, realizing she should be on her way. She grabbed a comb and pulled it through her hair, then checked the bandage to make sure she’d stopped the bleeding.
With her bag draped over her shoulder, she headed down the stairs and outside into the temperate air. Autumn had arrived. The crisper air felt warm in the sunlight, but in the shade, a chilly breeze wrapped across her frame.
She hurried down the sidewalk, glancing at her reflection in the store windows. At the coffee shop, she grasped the doorknob, gave it a pull and stepped inside. The warmth felt good as she looked around until she spotted Jemma seated at a booth on the side wall.
Jemma gave her a wave, and she crossed over, trying to look normal when all she could think of was the purpose for this visit.
“Thanks for coming,” Hannah said, sliding into the booth across from her. “I know it was quick notice.”
“That’s what’s nice about having a retired husband. He’s often home to babysit.” Jemma gave her a sweet smile, but behind her eyes a questioning look grew. She lowered her gaze to Hannah’s bandage. “You cut your finger.”
“Just careless. Nothing serious.” She tucked her hand in her lap, not wanting to talk about Jack and his release.
The waitress arrived and served them coffee, and Hannah took a moment to gather her wits before initiating the subject. “How are the children?” she asked.
A frown flickered across Jemma’s face. “They’re fine.” She shifted her saucer closer to her. “Is JJ okay?”
“He’s fine.” Hannah realized she needed to get to the topic. “This isn’t about JJ.”
Jemma’s head tilted downward, but her eyes kept their direct gaze. “So what is this about? You wanted my opinion.”
“It’s more than an opinion, Jemma. I want to explain something.” Hannah swallowed her discomfort and took a lengthy breath. “You know that I’m pregnant.” Her hand, unbidden, caressed her belly.
Jemma’s head jerked upward as a look of surprise filled her face. “I figured you were.”
“And so do many of the women in the congregation. I see them looking at me and Andrew.”
“Yes.”
She didn’t deny it, and Hannah was relieved she was being honest. “Andrew’s not the baby’s father, Jemma.”
Her intake of air resounded in Hannah’s ears.
“What do you mean?” Jemma asked. “If he’s not, then who—”
“The baby is Jack’s.”
“But I thought you were divor—”
“He used to rape me, and the night I ran from the house he forced me to be with him again.”
“Raped you?” Jemma’s mouth wrenched downward as her eyes searched Hannah’s.
“He’s a strong man, and he’d been drinking. When he’s mean, I can’t stop him. He beat me and then had his way. When he’d finished, he rolled over and fell asleep. I lay there, fearing to move, until he began to snore. Then I crept from the bed, grabbed a coat and JJ from his bed, and left the house, vowing it would never happen again. He’d taken my car keys, and I didn’t want to make noise trying to find them so we walked. You know the rest of the story.”
Jemma nodded, her shock fading to concern. “Hannah, I’m so sorry. You’ve been through so much, and then we all thought that—”
“That Andrew was the father. Believe me. Andrew has given me friendship and support. He’s done nothing improper. He’d never even suggested it.”
“I’m so sorry. It’s not my business, but Philip likes you and thought that Andrew wasn’t being responsible. That he’d—”
“Philip owes Andrew an apology. Andrew was protecting me by not telling him what had happened. I don’t want to make this a public announcement, so I guess those who are speculating will continue to blame Andrew.”
Jemma shook her head. “It’s a bad situation for you and Andrew, but I’ll respect your wishes, Hannah. I won’t tell anyone…except Philip. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I want Philip to know. Andrew isn’t aware that I’m telling you this. I suppose he’ll be angry.”
“He’ll understand. I’m disappointed that Philip jumped to conclusions. I warned him that he should learn the truth before saying anything, but you know men. And the Somerville name. Philip does have a problem with pride.”
“We all do, I suppose. If I weren’t so proud, I’d spread the word about what happened.”
“Maybe little by little you will, Hannah. I hope you’ve told some of your friends. I pray the police knew this.”
Hannah shook her head, wishing she’d been honest with them, but now it was too late. Jack was free again which meant she wasn’t.
“Here’s my school,” JJ called from the back seat.
Andrew chuckled at the boy’s excitement about returning to his school late in the day for the fall open house and festival. He turned into the parking lot. “You like kindergarten, JJ?”
JJ gave two strong nods. “We have fun homework.”
“Fun homework? I hope you always feel that way, pal,” Andrew said, seeing Hannah’s warm smile.
He pulled into a parking slot and turned off the ignition. JJ unhooked his seat belt and unlatched the door before Andrew had a chance to get out. He grinned, witnessing the boy’s new sense of grown-up independence.
Hannah stepped outside, her protruding belly clearly evident beneath her oversized top. She caught JJ’s arm. “I want you to stay close to us, JJ. It’s dusky. Do you hear me?”
“But today’s my birthday. I’m five and I wanna see the scarecrows and pick out a pumpkin. And I get a treat, too.”
“We’ll do that together,” Hannah said, taking his hand as they walked through the parking lot.
Andrew understood Hannah’s unspoken fear. Jack had been released, and they’d both talked around the subject without dealing with it.
What they had dealt with was Hannah’s visit to Jemma ten days earlier. At first, Andrew had been angry. Then he’d realized Hannah’s unselfish desire to smooth things over between him and Philip. He couldn’t fault her for that. Philip had apologized and their relationship had healed once again.
“Here’s the scarecrow contest,” Andrew said, steering them toward the display created by the elementary school classes.
“I see mine,” JJ said, running toward the entrance.
“Hold up,” Andrew called, his gaze darting around the periphery, watching for Jack’s surprise attack, but the way seemed clear.
At the entrance to the roped-off section, Andrew picked up a flyer and scanned it. “Pumpkin decorating and scarecrows.”
“And you vote for the best one,” JJ said, bouncing in place as if he couldn’t wait one more minute.
Andrew lifted his head from the flyer. “The winning class will be taken on a field trip to the corn maze. They’ll learn about varieties of corn, gourds and pumpkins the flyer says.”
Hannah shook her head. “What’s a corn maze?”
“Mom,” JJ said as if he couldn’t believe she wouldn’t know.
His look made them both chuckle.
“My teacher Mrs. Daily said it’s a path through the corn, and we find prizes.”
“Then let’s hope you win,” Andrew said, as he waved them into the contest area. He leaned closer to Hannah. “The flyer tells all about the corn maze. I’ll show you later.”
She grinned and followed him into the exhibit.
As they made their way through the aisle, Andrew searched the crowd. He couldn’t dislodge the uneasiness he felt. He could only imagine Hannah’s constant worry, trying to live each day with the continual threat.
Andrew tried to forget his fears as they viewed the children’s ingenious creations—pumpkin and burlap heads wearing old coveralls and flannel shirts.
When JJ dashed to his class’s scarecrow, Andrew and Hannah followed.
“It’s great,” Andrew said, eyeing the paper sack head with the crude misplaced drawings of eyes, nose, mouth and ears.
“Let’s vote for this one,” Hannah said. “I like it best.”
JJ beamed. “Me, too.”
They cast their votes, then made their way to the pumpkin patch and to the tables where they used colorful markers to create a hand-designed pumpkin face. Andrew stuck the decorated pumpkin in the crook of his arm, then captured JJ’s hand in his as the boy tugged him toward the captivating scent of cider and donuts.
“Aren’t you tired, boy?” Andrew asked, anxious to get moving and find a place to talk with Hannah alone. “We’re having cake and ice cream after dinner.”
“I’m not tired,” he said. “It’s my birthday, remember?”
Hannah gave her son a weary look. “Okay, but this is our last stop. You’re starting to slow down.”
In truth, Hannah had slowed down. Andrew located an empty bale of hay where Hannah sat while they went to purchase the treats. Before JJ finished his large donut, he’d slid down and used what remained of Hannah’s lap for a pillow.
“Just as I thought, JJ. Sit up.”
“But, Mommy. I’m comfortable.”
Then to Andrew’s surprise, JJ suddenly lurched upward and gaped at Hannah. “What was that?”
She laughed. “The baby moved.”
JJ leaned down to stare at her belly. “It moved? How come?”
“The baby just moves sometimes.”
“Maybe I squashed him?”
Andrew drew closer, intrigued by the event. “You’re feeling him move?”
“Of course.”
“Feel it, Andrew,” JJ said, grasping his hand and pulling him toward Hannah’s abdomen.
He eyed Hannah, then JJ, and hesitated.
“Go ahead,” JJ said, urging his hand forward.
Hannah nodded, and Andrew accepted the offer and rested his palm against her rounded stomach. Nothing happened.
JJ watched his hand. “Do you feel him? He kicked me.”
“I guess he went back to sleep,” Andrew said, amazed at his disappointment. He started to pull his hand away, but Hannah captured it and held it in place.
“Don’t move,” she said.
With pure amazement, Andrew felt a rolling sensation beneath his hand, then suddenly a vigorous poke that whacked against his palm.
“A foot or an elbow,” Hannah said, her voice sending ripples down Andrew’s spine.
“That’s truly awesome.”
“It makes you realize there’s a little human being living in there where it’s safe.”
Where it’s safe. Andrew raised his head, and his focus shifted to the crowd. He scanned the area and saw nothing suspicious.
