Iggy's World, page 1
Copyright © 2019 Gail Anderson-Dargatz
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Title: Iggy’s world / Gail Anderson-Dargatz.
Names: Anderson-Dargatz, Gail, 1963– author.
Series: Orca currents.
Description: Series statement: Orca currents
Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 2019007034X | Canadiana (ebook) 20190070366 | ISBN 9781459821392 (softcover) | ISBN 9781459821408 (PDF) | ISBN 9781459821415 (EPUB)
Classification: LCC PS8551.N3574 I34 2019 | DDC jC813/.54—dc23
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019934035
Simultaneously published in Canada and the United States in 2019
Summary: In this high-interest novel for middle readers, Iggy embarrasses his family with his internet podcast.
Orca Book Publishers is committed to reducing the consumption of nonrenewable resources in the making of our books. We make every effort to use materials that support a sustainable future.
Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada, the Canada Council for the Arts and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.
Edited by Tanya Trafford
Cover artwork by iStock.com/Wendy Townrow
Author photo by Mitch Krupp
ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS
orcabook.com
Printed and bound in Canada.
22 21 20 19 • 4 3 2 1
For Graham
Contents
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six
Episode Seven
Episode Eight
Episode Nine
Episode Ten
Episode Eleven
Episode Twelve
Author’s Notes and Acknowledgments
Episode One
Testing, testing. One, two, three. Is the mic on my phone working? Check, check. I’ll have to keep my voice down. My dad’s filming a show right now. I’m recording this podcast just off the set.
Here we go! Welcome to Iggy’s World.
Hi! I’m your host, Iggy Zambini, and you’re listening to episode one of Iggy’s World, a podcast about insects. I know, I know. Insects make your skin crawl. But don’t tune out yet. This podcast isn’t just about bugs. For example, today I’m recording this from the set of the sci-fi web series Great Big Bugs in Space. Because, you know, the show is about great big bugs in space.
My dad, Jove Zambini, is the director of the show. Maybe you’ve heard of him. He produced and directed the mystery web series In a Pickle: The Pickle Factory Murders. Okay, maybe you didn’t hear about that one. What about Sock Knitters’ Showdown? It’s a reality show about knitters competing to make the best socks. Heard of that one? Yeah, I’m guessing not.
But Dad’s latest project is a hit, sort of. At least, it has a small cult following. People like to watch Great Big Bugs in Space because it’s so cheesy. The costumes and sets are super cheap and corny. I can see a guy over in the corner dressed as a giant beetle. Mom made his shell from a tinfoil roasting pan. She bought it at the dollar store and spray-painted it black.
That’s kind of Mom and Dad’s thing, making web series on a shoestring budget. On this show, Dad not only directs but is also the lead actor. Mom makes all the costumes and props and writes the scripts too. And Dad just gave my sister, Cara, a part on the series. Funny, he never offered me a part.
The series is crowd-funded. That means people go to a website and offer money so Dad can make the shows. But he never gets a lot of cash that way—at least, not the kind of big bucks producers usually need to make a TV show. That’s why Dad is making a web series, a kind of mini TV show on the internet. They’re a lot cheaper to produce.
And that’s also why Dad is filming the show at the bike park near our house. He doesn’t have to pay to build a set. Quite a few big-budget movies have been filmed in our area though. The hills are dry and covered in sagebrush and ponderosa pine. Filmmakers can pretend the landscape of this part of British Columbia is somewhere in the United States or Mexico.
There are spots here that could also pass for another planet. That makes this a perfect setting for a sci-fi flick. But it’s still weird to see actors dressed as insects hanging out in my bike park.
“CUT! Iggy, what are you doing?”
Oh, crap. That’s my dad, yelling as he marches over here. I don’t think he’s too happy with me.
“Whatever I did, Dad, I didn’t mean to.” I’m nearly six feet tall, but I still have to look up a little when I’m talking to him.
“Iggy, you know better than to talk while we’re filming.”
“Sorry, Dad. I’m recording my first episode of Iggy’s World and—”
“Your first episode of what?”
“Iggy’s World. My new show.”
“A show? What, like your sister’s?”
“Sort of. Only hers is a vlog, remember?” My sister has her own online TV show.
“Of course, I know about Cara’s YouTube channel. But who are you talking to?”
“My phone, Dad. I’m recording a podcast. I have to fill in stuff for my listeners.”
“You’re recording right now? But where is your microphone?”
Dad is so old school. “I don’t need a mic, Dad. I’ve got a voice-recorder app on my phone. In fact, this app is made for recording podcasts. I just hit Record and create my show. Then I hit a button to publish it, and the app uploads my show to a bunch of sites.”
“What’s this show of yours about exactly?”
“It’s about insects.”
“Of course it is. What else would it be about?” My dad rolls his eyes.
“Why do you say it like that?”
“Iggy, you never stop talking about bugs. I get that it’s your thing, but for the rest of us it’s—”
“Boring! I know.”
“And aren’t you just a little old for this kind of hobby, Iggy? I understood your interest in bugs when you were in fourth grade, but now that you’re fourteen—”
See what I have to put up with around here? I don’t get any support for my stuff. Nobody cares. Not even my dad.
“That’s not fair, Iggy. Of course I’m happy you’re doing something you love. It’s just—”
“So you’ll listen to my podcast? If you give me your phone, I can show you how to download it—”
“Iggy, can’t you see I’m busy? I’m directing right now. The cast is waiting for me.”
I can see that. The giant spider is tapping one foot. The huge grasshopper is using one of his fake legs to itch his back. And then there’s Dad, towering over me with his hands on his hips, giving me the stink eye. Again.
“Iggy, are you going to describe everything I do? You sound like those actors tell us what’s happening on the screen. You know, the voice-overs for the visually impaired.”
“I’ve got to tell my listeners what’s going on. My podcast audience can’t see you.”
“Why don’t you host a vlog instead? That way you can show your audience what you’re seeing.”
“With this face? Are you kidding? Who’d want to watch me talk about bugs?”
“I don’t think that’s the issue, Iggy.”
“I get it. They probably don’t want to listen to me talk about bugs either. But that’s why I’m recording my first show here, on the set of Great Big Bugs in Space. I thought the backdrop of your sci-fi web series would make my show on bugs seem more exciting.”
“Fine, fine. Whatever. Iggy, just get off the set and be quiet. I’m not paying all these actors to stand around. We’re losing money here.”
Sigh. There goes Dad, stomping off as if I’ve disappointed him again. I thought maybe he’d think it was cool I was making a show like him. Whatever.
“Iggy! I said be quiet and get off the set!”
Jeez. He doesn’t have to yell.
“Sorry, Dad.”
“Now!”
“I’m going, I’m going!”
I’m out of here. Thanks for listening. Stay tuned for my next show. In episode two, you’ll meet my famous sister, Cara. Why is she so famous? Why did Dad give her a part on his web series and not me? Those are good questions. You get the answers next time on Iggy’s World.
Episode Two
Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Iggy’s World. I’m your host, Iggy Zambini. On our last show you met my dad, Jove Zambini. He produces, directs and acts on the web series Great Big Bugs in Space.
In this episode, we’re still on the set of Great Big Bugs. I’ll introduce you to my sister, Cara Zambini, host of the fashion vlog I’m Fabulous and You’re Not Me. She also plays Carla on Great Big Bugs in Space, the lovely daughter of my dad’s character, Jock Zamboni.
I think Cara’s at the base camp. The base camp on a film set is usually a collection of trailers where actors get their makeup and hair done or hang out between filming scenes. In our case, base camp is the ratty RV we use for camping trips and a tent trailer Dad bummed off a friend. Yup, Cara’s in the tent trailer, staring into her phone as usual. I’ll just open the screen door.
Let me introduce you to my sister. “Say hello, Cara.”
“Hey, what are you doing? Get that phone away from me, freak.”
In case you hadn’t guessed, that’s my sister being her charming self. “Come on, Cara, be nice. Just say hello.”
“Didn’t you hear me? I said get that phone out of my face!”
“What’s the big deal? You’ve got your own phone in your face most of the day.”
“Not all day. Just when I’m recording my show.”
“Or when you’re taking one selfie after another.”
“I have to let my fans know what I’m up to, don’t I? Anyway, I’m chilling right now, so get out of here.”
Did you see that? My sister just waved me off like she’s all that. Typical. She thinks she can get away with that kind of thing because she’s so pretty. Perfectly styled hair. Flawless skin. Sparkling white teeth. Dad says she has “star quality,” whatever that is. That’s why he cast her in the role of Carla on Great Big Bugs. At least, that’s what he said. I think it was because Mom and Dad can’t afford to hire a real actress for the role.
“I heard that! God, Iggy, you are so rude. I am a real actress, with a following. Which is more than you can say.”
I know I don’t belong in front of a camera. My nose is shaped like a potato, and it turns red when it’s cold outside. My eyes are too big for my head. And this hair? It’s bright red and curly. If I pat my hair down, it just boings back up. My dad says I remind him of Beaker from the Muppets, whoever that is. All I know is, Mom swatted him when he said that, so it can’t be good.
“You do look like Beaker, Iggy.”
“How would you know, Cara? You don’t even know who that is.”
“I do so. Just google him. Here, I’ll show you. Check him out.”
Okay, that’s just mean. I guess this puppet guy is supposed to be a scientist because he’s wearing a lab coat. He’s got googly eyes and a mop of red hair. His head is shaped like a stick insect’s. Long and skinny and weird. Wait a minute. So everyone thinks I look like a stick insect?
“You kind of do, Iggy.”
Great, just great. So here’s my sister, up-and-coming star. And here’s me, a Muppet. Was I switched at birth? Probably. Though I am tall and thin, same as Dad. Maybe he thinks he can get away with insulting me because he looks like Beaker too.
“Dad doesn’t insult you.”
“Yes, he does, Cara. And he never has time for me. He just kicked me off the set.”
“That’s only because you talk so much. No, because you talk about bugs so much.”
You hear how my sister says the word bugs? As if they’re disgusting or something.
“Bugs are disgusting. Who are you talking to anyway?”
“I’m recording a podcast.”
“A podcast? About what?”
“Insects.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. Who is going to want to hear you talk about bugs? Get over yourself.”
“That’s all you do on your vlog. You just talk at your phone about makeup and clothes and stuff. You think I’m full of myself? Your show is called I’m Fabulous and You’re Not Me.”
“I’m playing a part. I pretend to be full of myself.”
Yeah, right.
“Anyway, I do way more than just talk. I show my followers new trends in makeup and fashion. If you’re going to make a podcast, make it about something interesting.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything. Just not bugs.”
“But insects are the one subject I know something about. It’s my thing. You’ve got your YouTube channel and a role on Mom and Dad’s series. I’ve got to have something to call my own.”
“Is that why you’re trying to do a podcast, Iggy? Because you’re jealous?”
“No! Maybe. A little. Dad just gave you that part in his show. And he’s directing a web series. Mom’s writing it. You’re all famous. Or sort of famous. All I’ve got are my bugs. And no one wants to listen to me go on about insects, not even my science teacher. He said I had to stop lecturing everyone during class. He was the one who suggested I start my own podcast on insects instead.”
“Ha! That’s too funny. Even your science teacher is sick of you talking about bugs.”
God, when Cara insults me, she tosses her hair like she’s in front of Dad’s camera. Posing.
“I do not.”
“Do too.”
“Iggy, if you want to host a successful podcast, you’ve got to interview people. Or take your audience to cool places. You do want an audience, right?”
“I’m here on the set of Great Big Bugs in Space. That’s cool. And I’m interviewing you right now!”
“You’re not actually going to publish this garbage, are you?”
“Maybe.”
“You do and I’ll find a new home for that creepy praying mantis you keep as a pet.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“You know I would.”
She would. My sister once shook my entire box of crickets into my sock drawer. She was tired of listening to them sing in my room, which is next to hers. I was picking crickets out of my socks for days afterward. The girl’s dangerous.
But I have to take the risk. “Cara, do your worst. I’m not going to trash this episode.”
“Iggy, you post that and you are toast. Give me that phone!”
Got to run. I mean, I’ve really got to run. Cara’s trying to grab my cell. That’s it for this episode of Iggy’s World. See you next time for episode three, “Meet the Queen Bee.”
“Iggy! Don’t you dare upload that podcast. Freak, I’m warning you!”
Done.
Episode Three
Ignore that noise. That’s just my sister banging on the door of the RV, demanding to get in. Cara isn’t too happy about me uploading the last podcast episode. But I’m sure she’ll get over it in a minute. Or sometime next year.
Welcome back to Iggy’s World. I’m your host, Iggy Zambini. In this episode—
“Iggy, what’s going on?”
“Oh, hi, Mom.”
“What did you do to your sister this time?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“He’s lying, Mom. Iggy, give me your phone! I’m going to delete that podcast before anyone hears it!”
You guessed it. That’s my sister, yelling outside the RV.
“Cara, I’m trying to work here. Take your argument somewhere else. Or you’ll both lose your phones!”
And that’s my mom, the real genius behind Great Big Bugs in Space. I call her the queen bee because even though Dad’s the director, she’s the one who runs the show. Right now she’s sitting at the little table inside the RV, working on her laptop. That’s the table I sometimes sleep on at night, by the way. That is, when Dad’s filming late. Which is just about every night. It converts into a bed that’s way too small for me. For now, though, it’s Mom’s desk.
“Say hello, Mom.”
“Who am I saying hello to?”
“I’ve started a podcast.”
“A what?”
Mom’s old school too. I have to explain everything to her. “Like a radio show, only online.”
“I can hear you, you know. And I know what a podcast is. I was just surprised that you would start one. What kind of podcast? What’s your topic?”
“You really have to ask?”
“Bugs? What kind of audience do you have? How many subscribers?”
“Actually, I’ve only just started so—”
“Nobody yet? Then let me be the first. Show me where to sign up.”
Just let me put down the phone while I type in the web address on Mom’s laptop.
“Okay, Iggy. I’ll take it from here. I just click here to play? I’ll listen after I’ve rewritten this scene.”
Great. I have one fan. My mom. Story of my life.
“I’ll always be your number one fan, Iggy.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.”
As I said, Mom’s the head writer on the web series. Well, the only writer. And she makes the props and sews most of the costumes. That’s why she’s tired all the time. And why her hair’s like that.
“Is my hair that messy? I haven’t had time to shower today.”
“You look great, Mom.” Oh, hey, that’s where I got my hair! It’s Mom’s fault. So I wasn’t switched at birth after all.
