Sentience, page 24
part #1 of Farm Land Series
“There are people in there?” I asked. Hathor nodded.
“They come from other islands,” she said. “They take people from the pits and the towns and go back and forth, trading in sorrow, filling their bellies with grief, living on death.”
She looked so angry, yet so helpless. I didn’t know what to say.
“I watch them,” she said. “Almost every day they come. If you watch from the edge of the forest near the town, you can see them herding people into the market, ready for culling. They knock them out and pile the bodies, groaning and moaning, bleeding and dying. Piles of people waiting, with flesh-eaters bidding, feeling the weight of this limb and that.” She shuddered. “They can’t see how barbarous they are.”
“How long has it been this way?” I asked, staring at the boat in disgust and fear.
“When I was young, the old ones of my village told of a time when it was different,” Hathor said. “My people left those people…” she jabbed a vicious finger at the ship “… because they knew there was another way to live. I suspect your people did the same… we don’t need flesh to live, there are other ways.”
She paused. “The old ones said that there would have been enough for everyone, if only everyone could be satisfied with just having enough. But those who wanted more allowed greed to consume their humanity. The demands of their bellies ranked higher than the compassion of their hearts. Those who wanted flesh would not stop, even when the only flesh there was, was that of their own kind. They took life then as they take life now, with indifference, self-absorption. They could not even leave us alone. They came for us because if we lived a life different to theirs, it showed up the lies they told.”
“I think my people also left when they started eating flesh,” I said.
“Their lies got bolder,” Hathor said, almost to herself. “They say we are different, lesser than them. It granted them the excuse they needed. They think they have the right to decide when our lives should begin and end.”
“They can’t accept any other way of living,” she said, her eyes on the long boat. “If they did, it would force them to look at their own lives, and that is not something they are willing to do. It would be too horrible to confront the evil within them. It’s easier to just continue on, swallowing lies as they swallow our flesh.”
I looked at the ship. What hands were clever enough to craft such a thing, and yet evil enough to do all the flesh-eaters were capable of? How strange that such glory and debasement were possible in one creature. And how strange that that creature should be of the same species as me, as Skye, as Hathor, as Bracken… They seemed as alien to me as I must have seemed to them when they tied me to a post and talked of selling my flesh to improve their lives.
“Will they see us?” I asked.
“They can’t,” she said. “I’ve been watching them for years like this. They are as unable to see me, as I am to stop them.”
“I must Reach to my people, Hathor,” I said. “I won’t leave the cave, at least my body won’t, but I must talk with them today and see where the men who were hunting me are.” I touched her shoulder. “I could talk to your people today, too,” I said.
She flinched, but nodded. “Tell them I am sorry for failing them,” she said, her voice a murmur. “Tell them I miss them.”
“I will,” I said. “But it’s important you do not move or touch me whilst I am gone. My body will need guarding as my mind will be with it no longer. It will look like I’m sleeping.”
She grinned. “And you think I’m strange,” she said. “I never heard a person make a claim more bizarre than that, and yet I am reconciled to believe you, isn’t that odd?” She walked to the fire, spooning white soup into a bowl.
“Eat, before you go,” she said handing me the soup. “You need to build up reserves for your child.”
I took the bowl with one hand and touched my belly with the other. “But there is no swelling,” I said
“Every woman is different,” Hathor said as she spooned soup into her own bowl. “Some show immediately, with others it takes time. Some grow as big as a house and others just have the lump of their babe. Your baby isn’t that big right now, but when you get to four or five months you’ll start to see her under the skin. The best moment is the quickening…” she smiled “… When the babe moves within you for the first time, you feel the stretch of a new awakening, the first moments of your baby finding its way in the world. That’s a moment of magic, and however close a father may be to his mate, however much family there are, that is a moment which can only be truly shared by a woman and her child.” She sat by the fire. “It’s the moment you understand the power inside you,” she said softly. “The power to make life.”
I sipped my soup and found tears in my eyes. How I hoped she was right! How much I would have to tell Skye!
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Keeping Secrets
I left my body propped up against a wall in Hathor’s holt. As my thoughts emerged from my physical form, I paused, looking at the face of the old woman watching me. Hathor peered at my vacant eyes and waved a hand before them, watching for any reaction. When there was none, she grunted and walked to the vine-cloaked opening. Spear in hand, she sat guarding the entrance.
I allowed my mind to drift from the cave, through the shadowed forests, up through the valley of the old ones, searching for the people who hunted me. I wafted upriver, my eyes peering into the dim recesses of the forest. I scanned the banks, but saw no sign of footprints. I heard nothing.
A sigh of relief jolted through me. They must have given up. My trail had gone dead when Hathor had taken me underground. They must have gone back to the town.
One discovery did cause concern, however. As I raced along the river, I saw a section of the round house that had been swept away with me. Although shattered and broken, it had clearly been made by human hands. I hoped they had not seen it; something like that would give an indication that there was a wild settlement up the valley. But I could see no footprints near it, and the river was battering its fragile form. Soon, it would be in bits, and would reveal nothing. Helping it along, I drifted into the fibres and aided the water in pulling it apart. The panelling broke up, and bits that fell into the river looked like twigs.
But whatever relief that gave, I had another task. I needed to find Skye. I had to let him know I was safe, and carrying our child beneath my heart.
My mind flowed over the tops of the trees, up through wind and forest, past a great, crafty spider sitting in her webbing, past new shoots of bean plants springing into life in the fields of the Farmers.
As the sun returned as master of the skies, so too was new life starting to bud. Soon enough, I thought, the rains will be over and we will return to the life we knew under the sun. The Farmers would return to the fields, and my people would enter the cycle of creation once again. Grain would be planted, herbs gathered, and we would dry reeds in the clearing. Thorn and Skye would knap flint, and children would play naked in the stream. There would be days of gathering, meetings with the Farmers. The rains would come no more, and we would be free of fear of the skies for months.
There would always be fear of the flesh-eaters, that was unavoidable, but as I thought of the coming of the sun, what it would bring to us, how happy we would be, I wanted to race to the village that moment, and put my arms about every person there. Our life was hard, often a struggle, just as Skye had said, but there was satisfaction in our toil, comfort in knowing we worked together, worked for each other; a little part of ourselves offered up to every other person of the village; a little part of our soul that was shared, always welcome in the heart of another.
My longing to see my friends was so keen that I could see it, a sharp, crimson flame, burning in the stream of thought and feeling I rode. Skirting along the top of the horizon, I came at last to the place where I had fallen into the rush of the water.
I could see the village.
My heart sang, threatening to burst from me. How I wished I was there in body and not just in thought! My chest burned with the pain and pleasure of seeing my home again. I gazed about, eager to see everyone, everything.
Near to where the round house and I had been swept away, stood another ruined hut. It was broken, walls lolling, its shattered form hanging and groaning and its floor still covered in slow-flowing waters, but the other four round houses, further up the incline, looked strong, and the villagers were building another.
They looked thin, tired, but they went about their task with resolution. I had been gone only a week, but was shocked to see hollow cheeks and pale faces. I saw the reason. The ruined hut was one of the store houses. Clearly, when I had been swept away on one, another had broken too, and supplies had been lost.
The season of rain had taken a toll, yet my friends sang softly as they went about their work, and looked up at the returning sun with hope and happiness.
How I longed to walk beside them, touch them, laugh with them… My heart wanted to crow with joy and weep all at the same time. For a moment, I did nothing more than stand, watching them, drinking in their faces.
And then I saw her, heaving a wooden pole into place to make the roof of the new round house.
Bracken.
For a moment I thought my insubstantial heart had stopped beating. As though the phantom lungs I carried within my thoughts had ceased to draw breath. I rushed towards her on the wings of happiness.
Bracken, I said softly. Do you hear me?
Holt? She stopped moving as she heard my voice, stood frozen and then a smile broke out on her face. She motioned to the others and stepped away. Is that you?
It is, I said, wanting to sob for joy. It is me.
It is so good to hear you, she said, her inner voice singing. I wish I could put my arms around you.
So do I. I felt my heart might burst.
Where are you?
I have found a friend, I said. Of sorts… the last survivor of another village. Her people were captured and her home destroyed by flesh-eaters. She is the only one left. She took me in when they were hunting me, and watches over my body now. She saved me.
Bracken paused. Will you bring her to us?
I don’t think she will come, I said. I think she may be a bit unstable, like people when the thunder-sickness comes… She has a strange idea that if she leaves her village, she will lose her people entirely. Her mind is in disorder; she takes on the personalities of other people, dead people.
You mean she is possessed?
I don’t believe they really live within her, I said. But I think the experience of losing so much has twisted her mind. People she loved and lost seem to take on parts of her character and emotions. But she is kind, and she will not hurt me. I wish I could bring her to our village. I think it would be better for her than to live with the ghosts of her people.
If you can convince her to come, Bracken said, we will make her welcome.
Thank you.
You are wondering where Skye is, Bracken said, grinning.
I never could hide anything from you.
There is no need to. He is at the edge of the river, rebuilding our defences. It has been all I could do to find enough for him to do each day. Every moment you are away, he must be busy or he runs mad. He fights your advice to stay with us. We have tried to convince him that you are as strong as you are brave, and you wanted him here, rather in danger in the woods.
She smiled. It is hard for Skye to remain still when he wants to take action. He has been the most productive of all our people since you were stolen from us.
Bracken turned to one of the villagers. They were clustered around her, staring. They knew she was in conversation with someone they couldn’t see. “Go to Skye,” she said to Thorn. “Holt will be following just behind you.”
Smiles broke out on the faces of villagers around her. I saw Leaf rush forward and grab Bracken’s hands. Her large, dark eyes were full of tears. “Tell her thank you,” she said clinging to Bracken’s hand. “Tell her thank you for saving my life. If the day comes when I can repay what she did for me, I will not hesitate to.”
Bracken smiled. You heard that?
Yes, I said. Tell her she is my friend, and I would do the same a thousand times over to save her.
Bracken relayed the message and Leaf burst into tears. Ash stepped forwards and took her by the shoulders. “Thank you,” Ash said, her arm around Leaf’s shoulders. I knew she was talking to me.
Any of you would have done the same for me, I said, and Bracken repeated my words to them.
You are a hero to our people, Holt, Bracken said warmly, and when you return, we will have much to celebrate.
There will be more things to celebrate, Bracken, I said, than just my return.
What do you mean?
I must talk to Skye first.
I hope you will tell me next, said Bracken, her voice afire with curiosity. She could have Reached into my thoughts, but she did not. She respected my right to my secrets.
I smiled. I will let Skye do that, I said. Please let me go to him.
Bracken nodded and motioned to Thorn to find Skye. As I left her mind, I felt her sadness. It was like a cloak falling away from a body, leaving it cold. My presence had kept her warm and safe for a moment, and then it was gone. I hated the thought of causing Bracken any pain, but at the same time, I treasured her sorrow. I could feel how deeply she cherished our friendship. The depths of her love for me were great, vast, running as deep into her body and soul as the burrowing knives of past sorrows. I was as a sister to her, not one formed of blood and bone, but through our shared gift. Apart from Skye, I was the one person who could see the sorrows she hid, and the strength and frailty within her, and she knew I would tell no one of them. She trusted me with her life, and with her soul. I knew of the loneliness within her, and I was the only one who could hold it back, granting her comfort.
I will be home soon, Bracken, I said to my friend. I will come home to you soon.
As soon as you can, my friend, she said and smiled sadly. I miss you.
As I went to follow Thorn, I turned to look back at Bracken. Her beautiful face was creased with sorrow, but also joy. She covered her face with her hands and wept. As the villagers went to comfort her, she stood up straight and tall.
“I should not weep to hear a friend so far from us,” she said. “I should rejoice, for we thought her lost, and she is not. Holt will return, and neither the forces of the earth nor the greed of flesh-eaters can stop her. Our family will be whole once more, on the day Holt returns.”
A cheer went up around the village and I was surprised to see many with tears in their eyes. They crowded around Bracken for news, and she eagerly relayed details to them.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, Holt,” said Thorn, looking about, unable to see my floating mind. “But thank you for saving my sister.” Thorn looked at Leaf, safe in Ash’s warm arms with Bay at their feet.
“It isn’t just me who wants to thank you. You gave everyone something on the day you saved Leaf. We all thought you had died trying to save one of us. That’s something, Holt. Being willing to give your life for that of another, in a world where most people never think before taking life, that’s something. There is a rare courage in you.”
I wanted to tell Thorn that I was sure anyone from the village would have done the same, but he didn’t give me a chance to get near his mind. I wasn’t sure I could speak to a non-Reacher in any case. Reachers could hear and feel me, but whilst I could read the thoughts of non-Reachers, they didn’t know I was there. Whether or not it was possible for Thorn to hear me was set aside as he continued to talk, and said something astounding.
“Bracken wants to adopt you as her daughter,” he said, “to make you the future leader of our people. Everyone has agreed, as long as you want to.” He paused, his face stiff with emotion. “Bracken says you are the spirit of our future,” he said. “And I believe that. The other villagers are willing to accept you as our future leader because Bracken believes in you, but I will accept you because I believe in you.”
I could hardly believe what Thorn was saying.
He walked to the river, where a gang of people were working at a furious pace. My heart stalled as I saw Skye, his face grim, fixed on his task as he drove poles into the earth. He looked tired and worn.
I flowed to him like the washing of the waves on the sand of the beach, like the wind through the leaves and the scent of flowers on the breeze. I fell into his mind like a child wanting nothing but the comfort of love.
Skye, I said, my voice warm.
Holt? he said, stopping. Others rushed to grab the large wooden pole he had simply let go of, staring as though he was mad.
I am here.
You are safe?
I have found shelter with a woman who is caring for me. I went on to describe my time with Hathor, and told him that the men on my trail seemed to have stopped looking for me.
