The Influencer, page 19
part #10 of Professor Molly Mysteries Series
“What about Mr. Henriques?” I asked Medeiros. “Did Howdy kill him too?”
“No,” Medeiros said. “Mr. Henriques died of heart failure. We haven’t said anything publicly because we haven’t been able to find any surviving family members to notify. Would you happen to know his next of kin?”
Neither of us did.
CHAPTER 45
IT WAS A CLEAR, SUNNY morning. I was getting ready to walk up to my office when someone knocked on the front door. I peered through the peephole and yanked the door open.
Jandie Brand stood on my front porch. Her trademark baby face looked a little less chubby than I remembered, and her sparkling black eyes had hollows underneath them. Her skin was bare, and her hair was pulled back. She was still quite pretty, but not as dressed-up as I was used to seeing her.
“You’re alive,” I exclaimed observantly. “Come in. Let me call in to work. I’ll tell them I’m working from home this morning. No, wait, let me call Emma first. Pat?”
“Yeah?” Pat called from the kitchen.
“Can you make an extra cup of coffee? Jandie Brand is here.”
I heard a ceramic mug crash onto the tile floor.
“Sorry,” Pat called out. “Be right there.”
Pat brought out the coffee just as someone pounded on the door.
“That’s probably Emma,” I said. “I’ll get it.”
“What was so freakin’ important that I had to come over here right now?” Emma stood defiant on my front porch, her tiny fists planted on her sturdy hips. “I gotta get this babooze to the airport.”
Only then did I notice Emma’s brother Jonah standing next to her.
“Hey,” Jonah said to me.
“Jonah,” I exclaimed. “Good to see you. Wow. You haven’t changed. At all.”
It was true. He even had on the same Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax t-shirt I remembered him wearing into Sprezzatura.
“Postpone your flight,” I said. “This is worth it. Come in.”
“You’re the one who was writing about my husband Eddie,” Jandie was saying to Pat. She sipped her coffee. “Soon to be ex-husband, I’m happy to say. Oh, I’m gonna miss real Kona coffee.”
Jandie was being polite about the coffee. She was drinking Mizuno Mart house brand, which was zero percent Kona coffee.
“Jandie,” I said, “There’s someone who wants to meet you.”
Jandie turned around to face us. Emma opened her mouth as if to say something, and froze in place.
“This is Emma Nakamura and her brother Jonah,” I said. “Emma and Jonah, Jandie Brand. Jandie, they’re two of your biggest fans.”
I had no idea whether Jonah had even heard of Jandie Brand, but I figured he’d go along with it.
“Hey,” Jonah said to Jandie.
Emma remained as immobile as if I had just introduced her to Medusa.
Jandie jumped up and clasped Emma in a hug, which seemed to reanimate her. Jonah’s hug was next, and it lasted longer.
“It’s so great to meet you both,” Jandie squealed. As Jandie, Jonah, and Emma took selfies together, I dragged over a chair from the living room so all five of us could all sit around the table.
“Jandie,” I said, when the selfie session was done, “it’s really good to see you. I’m thrilled you’re alive. How are you alive? After...what we saw in the video?”
“I’ll explain later,” Emma whispered to her brother.
“That wasn’t me on the bed. I was the one filming.” Jandie held up her coffee as if to take another sip, and with the other hand held out her phone and snapped a picture of herself. “Hey, what do you think of my no-makeup look? I mean, I just escaped a deadly, life-threatening situation, I shouldn’t seem too worried about filling in my eyebrows, right?”
“You look really good, Jandie,” Emma said. “I like the natural aesthetic.”
“Yeah,” Jonah agreed.
“Oh Molly,” Jandie said, “How did our house burn down?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “The insurance company is still investigating.”
“Was it hashtag-Justice-for-Jandie?” she asked eagerly.
“The name did come up,” I said.
“I bet it was Justice for Jandie. Cause they thought Eddie hurt me and they came back to punish him. Oh my fans are the best! Do you think they used those mazel tov cocktails?”
“Sure. It was probably Justice for Jandie.” I didn’t know, so I figured I may as well agree with her. Jandie clearly preferred that explanation and didn’t seem bothered by the prospect of her adoring fans setting her house ablaze. “Do your fans know you’re okay?”
“They will,” she said. “But only after Howdy confesses. I’m not letting him off the hook.”
“Good choice,” I said. “What a horrible person he turned out to be. So Jandie, who was under the covers if it wasn’t you? Was it a mannequin or something?”
“No. Where would I get a mannequin?”
“So the whole disappearing act,” Emma interrupted. “Did you go along with it willingly? Or did someone make you do it?”
“It was my idea to begin with,” Jandie said. “Do you know who Aimee Semple McPherson was?”
“Charismatic preacher from the 1920s,” Pat said, “built the Angelus Temple in Los Angeles, founded the Foursquare Church.”
“Talk about an influencer!” Jandie set her coffee cup down. “She had her own radio network, and millions of fans. One day, when she was at the peak of her fame, she went out swimming and didn’t come back. It was a huge news story. Then one day she reappeared, and said she’d walked through the desert or something, and her shoes weren’t even worn out. She made headlines all over the world. I thought, hey, I could learn something from her!”
“What could go wrong,” I said.
“What did go wrong?” Pat asked.
“Howdy Howell, that’s what. He got it into his head that the two of us were gonna run off together. As if.”
“So where were you this whole time?” Emma asked. “Was it the halfway house next to Little Jack Horner’s? You know we went down there a couple times. But only cause we thought you were in trouble.”
“You were close,” Jandie said. “I was staying in one of the tiny houses on the Little Jack Horner’s property. Phoenix Desertspring set the whole thing up. At first, I didn’t really trust her. She seemed like kind of a crackpot and I thought she was asking too many questions. But we were doing everything in cash, with no paper trail, so I guess she had to check us out and make sure we were gonna come through.”
“Did you say crackpot?” I asked. “You were talking about Phoenix?”
“Yeah, I mean, what kind of person calls themselves Phoenix? Why would you name yourself after some boring city in Arizona?”
“You paid cash,” Pat said. “Not ‘cosh’, cash.”
“We found a note with Jack Horner’s name and number and a word that looked like ‘cosh’” I explained.
“Oh,” Jandie said. “That was probably something Eddie wrote. His handwriting is terrible.”
“Jandie,” I said. “Who, or what, was Howdy Howell attacking in that video? What was under the blanket?”
“Can you believe Howdy?” Jandie said. “The Universe was really looking out for me that night. I think Nell saved my life.”
“Who’s Nell?” I asked.
“My friend,” Jandie said. “She was the one under the blanket.”
“You filmed someone beating your friend to death with a shovel?” Pat asked.
“No, of course not!” Jandie protested. “Nell was already dead. She was one of the rehab girls.”
“From next door?” Emma asked.
“Yeah. Phoenix hires them to do cleaning and baking and stuff. It teaches them life skills. Nell and Rainbow brought my meals and did my housekeeping. I was stuck inside with my phone turned off. All I had was a phone to the front desk, but I couldn’t call out or anything. I talked to Nell and Rainbow every day and we kind of became friends. Anyway, Nell. She’d been doing pretty good with her treatment, but one day, some of her old friends came to visit and they all snuck off and partied. Afterward she came over and said if she went back to the Center, they’d know she’d fallen off the wagon and they’d kick her out. So I told her she could sleep it off in my room. Anyway, she never woke up.”
“I’m so sorry, Jandie,” I said.
“I guess when you quit using, your tolerance goes down,” she said. “You can’t party like you used to.”
“So your friend passed away in your room,” Pat said. “What happened then?”
“I was about to call the front desk to ask Phoenix what I should do, and my room phone rang. It was Phoenix calling me! To tell me she saw Howdy on his way to my cabin. By that time he was being kind of a pest. I got the idea to leave Nell on the bed and cover her with a blanket. I thought Howdy was gonna come in and try to argue with me or something. I just wanted to scare him. I knew Nell wouldn’t mind. She’d wanna help me out. I didn’t expect Howdy to come in and...Ugh! That could’ve been me! Anyway after Howdy finished he started crying and ran away. I called Phoenix. She came right over. We wrapped Nell up and rolled her into the river. In a really respectful way, of course.”
“Why didn’t you call the police?” I asked.
Jandie looked at us blankly.
“I don’t know. Phoenix said Nell would have wanted it that way. I’m sure she reported it to...whoever, I dunno. Rainbow didn’t like it when she found out, but Phoenix is the boss. Actually, now that I think of it, Phoenix didn’t want to tell anyone about the postcard either. Rainbow got it from the trash and snuck it to the police.”
“What postcard?” Pat asked.
“It was from Howdy,” Jandie said. “It said I’ll be there tonight. Don’t keep me waiting. It didn’t get there till the day after anyway. Phoenix was real good at not telling anyone where I was, but I think she kinda got carried away with all the secrecy stuff.”
“Phoenix is a financial partner with the rehab center next door,” Pat said. “I’ll bet that’s why she didn’t want to report the death right away. They get paid per client. The longer she can delay reporting Nell’s death, the more money in their pockets.”
“Well, thanks for everything,” Jandie said. “Okay, I’m gonna get going before Mr. Henriques figures out I’m here.”
“Jandie?” I said. “Mr. Henriques passed away.”
“Oh no, that’s so sad! Well, I guess he was pretty old. No offense. How did it happen?”
“They found him in your house,” Pat said. “Under the fish tank.”
Jandie’s eyes grew wide.
“Oh, no. Did he die in the fire? Is Justice for Jandie gonna get in trouble?”
“No,” I said. “No one was hurt in the fire, thank goodness. But before he passed away, Mr. Henriques said your husband asked him to watch the aquarium.”
Jandie wrinkled her nose.
“I don’t believe it. Eddie trusted Mr. Henriques with his precious fish?”
“He didn’t trust you?” Pat asked.
“No! He was always telling me, don’t stick your hands in there, don’t touch the jellyfish, stay away from Mr. Grumpy’s spines, blah blah blah.”
“Mr. Grumpy’s spines?” Pat said.
“Yeah, not like the spine in your back. He means like a stick that...sticks out of the fish. I call him Mr. Grumpy. He’s kind of ugly, but also beautiful in his own way.”
“You got a picture?” Emma asked.
Jandie scrolled through her phone and handed it to Emma.
“Here it is. Look at his expression, old Mr. Grumpy!”
Emma showed the photo around the table. A brown-and-white fish rested on the floor of the aquarium. The fish’s body looked like a lump of mud. But the translucent white spines protruding from its back and fins were as delicate as lace.
“That’s a stonefish,” Jonah said. “They got ‘em in Australia. If you step on one, it can kill you.”
Jandie lit up.
“I’ve always wanted to go to Australia,” she said.
“You surf?” Jonah asked.
Jandie dimpled at him.
“I’d love to learn.”
“Should we tell someone?” I asked. “About the stonefish? Maybe Mr. Henriques reached into the tank and that’s what caused his heart failure.”
“He did have a habit of putting his hands where they didn’t belong,” Jandie said. “Anyway, I better get going. Thanks for an awesome adventure.”
“Are you staying in Hawaii?” I asked Jandie.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to see what the future brings.”
She cast a shy smile at Jonah.
“Jandie, one more thing,” I said as she was hitching her purse onto her shoulder. “I used to be a big fan of your husband’s, I mean soon to be ex-husband’s cartoons. And then one day he just stopped drawing them and he never said why. Do you know what happened?”
“Oh, that one’s easy,” Jandie said with the casual air of someone tossing a lit match over her shoulder. “His wife, I mean the one before me? She drew the cartoons. He took the credit. When she got sick and died, no more cartoons. You won’t find that in his stupid book.”
CHAPTER 46
ONCE THEY HAD HOWDY Howell (not his real name, it turns out) in custody, Mahina PD quickly matched him to a man wanted in Michigan for the murder of his wife. Her body had been found in the woods, wrapped in a blanket. It was determined that she had died from blunt force trauma. As of this writing he is serving a 30-year sentence in his home state.
Edward Ladd moved out without saying goodbye. Driving home one day, I had to pull off to the side to let a moving truck make its way down Uakoko Street. I checked the burned-out rental unit when I got home and found it empty. No aquarium, no fake plywood bed, nothing. The rent was prepaid for a few more months, so there were no hard feelings on my part.
Phoenix Desertspring, proprietor of Little Jack Horner’s and employer of first resort for the residents of the sober living facility next door, was called in to testify in front of the County Council. They concluded resident deaths and departures were not always reported promptly and the facility was exceeding its occupancy limits. No one could figure out what had happened to the money that was supposed to be used to convert the cesspool to septic. But people weren’t exactly beating down the doors for the chance to manage a halfway house in Kuewa, and somebody had to do it. So it was soon back to business as usual for Phoenix Desertspring and her business partner, Mercedes Yamashiro, owner of the Cloudforest Bed and Breakfast.
Kaycee Kabua was none the worse for her stint in Mahina lockup. Jandie Brand, apparently feeling a little guilty that Kaycee had been dragged into her drama, gave Kaycee a free spot on her social media feed. Kaycee was a natural. She described how Howdy Howell had tried to frame her by planting the attempted-murder weapon in her carport. But Howdy’s evil plan was doomed to failure, Kaycee explained, because she would never have a bloody shovel lying around. She always kept her tools clean, to prevent transmission of plant diseases such as Rapid ʻŌhiʻa Death. And that, she concluded, is why you can depend on K.C. Landscaping for your home and small business landscaping and maintenance needs.
Pat moved quickly to investigate Jandie’s claim about the true authorship of Tedd Ladd’s cartoons. The culmination of Pat’s research was a feature in the Weekly. In Pat’s telling, Edward Ladd was a self-promoting impostor who had taken credit for the work of his first wife and was now trying to revive his career on the coattails of his second. The story was picked up by other outlets and went nationwide just as Ladd’s book was released. Rhyme and Reason: A Semi-Autobiographical Meditation on Rationality and Art garnered terrible reviews and was jeered into remainder bins all over the nation.
When a particularly scathing review of his book appeared in a major national newspaper, Ladd livestreamed a sweaty tirade (he had apparently spent the past few hours drinking) against book reviewers, ex-wives, and the female sex in general. He quickly gained a small but ardent online following of disaffected young misogynists who call themselves “Tedd’s Ladds” and spend a lot of time agitating for the repeal of the 19th amendment. So Ladd managed to make his way back into the spotlight after all.
Jandie Brand continued to gain followers and fame, as well as a new fiancé. Emma is happy for her brother. She remains fond of her future sister-in-law, albeit increasingly unimpressed with her intellect.
“I love ‘em both,” Emma will confide, after a few glasses of wine. “But no way should those two be allowed to reproduce.”
When Donnie and Francesca returned from their mainland trip, Donnie was surprised to see the rental unit under construction. I hadn’t mentioned the fire to him. I’d wanted him to enjoy a worry-free trip with baby Francesca. So Donnie was a little unnerved when I told him everything that had happened in his absence. He blamed himself for leaving me alone in Mahina. I tried to assure him that none of it was his fault, and in fact it was a good thing baby Francesca was thousands of miles away when all of this unfolded.
One evening, when Donnie and I were relaxing at home (as much as one can relax with a toddler in the house), Micah from the insurance company called me. After weeks of investigating the origin of the fire, the investigators had secured video from a home surveillance camera across the street. It showed a prowler, lurking around the rental unit, peering in the windows, and smoking. Something alarmed the intruder, causing her to drop her lit cigarette by the front door and flee—almost tripping over the tangled leashes of her two little Yorkshire terriers.
Mrs. Aragaki, the owner of the surveillance system, had at first been reluctant to stir up trouble by coming forward with the evidence against Linda Wilson. But when she received a notice (printed on lime-green paper) ordering her to tear up her low-maintenance gravel yard and replace it with grass, Mrs. Aragaki decided it was time to strike a blow against tyranny.
The fire was deemed to be accidental, so no criminal charges would be pursued. Linda Wilson’s insurance would simply have to reimburse my insurance. Since Linda had the same home insurance company Donnie and I did, the case would be wrapped up with minimum fuss.
