Mr Darcy's Legacy, page 3
“I am scared,” she said. “Not of you!” she added in haste, “I am scared that we have disrupted some rules of life or society. It is so important to go to the church pure, and I do not feel I am, anymore!” she confessed reluctantly.
In just one step, Darcy was near her. Bowing deeply, he placed lingering kisses on her hands in a gesture full of tenderness and respect.
“We did nothing wrong, my love. You are the purest woman I know!”
“Who travelled with you alone, in a carriage and allowed you…”
She did not continue as she was not entirely sure of what truly happened in that carriage. It was so intimate and enjoyable at the same time, but also frightening. For her, everything that happened was for the first time: every kiss, embrace, every caress… She let him conquer territories on her body no man had seen before… but for him, it was so normal, so natural as if he had done that many times before.
She genuinely wanted explanations to a question she did not dare to ask, but Darcy had other problems in mind. He helped her to stand up and sit on the sofa, while he sat in the other corner, not touching her at all.
“We will be married as soon as I get the license!” he said, wanting her to come closer but instead Elizabeth rose up, in a hasty movement of denial and ire.
“No, my dearest!” she said in a rather decided tone, but still with a smile on her face. “We are not going to be married like that!”
It was not at all the reaction Darcy expected.
“You do not want to marry me anymore?” he asked with an incredulous expression on his face.
“No!” Elizabeth said. “God, no, of course, I want to marry you, but not like this, in haste, almost hiding, here in London with only this little party around us. Darcy, we are all tired and just returning from a horrible adventure. Please try to understand!”
But it seemed he could not. All the happiness in his face, he had when he entered her rooms, vanished, replaced by concern and a bit of sadness.
“Come Elizabeth,” he said, “we discussed this before leaving for London. This is why I sent Parker to London, to find out what is necessary for us to acquire the Marriage License and to find a church in which to wed. We can marry in any church you choose in London, or anywhere else, but let us marry, forget this week and depart for Pemberley.”
“No.”
It was just a whisper but the decision in her voice was as firm as if she had shouted.
Darcy stood up, wanting to leave, but Elizabeth blocked his way.
“Stay, please stay; it is our first dispute as a couple.”
“We are not yet a couple, my dear,” Darcy said with a voice that Elizabeth did not like.
Gently she made him sit once again on the sofa. She was facing him, attempting to smile, but Darcy kept his gaze away from her eyes, annoyed and sad.
“My love,” Elizabeth said, “we also have to face these circumstances, for we will not agree with each other every instant of our lives. But I do wish to discuss and solve our problems.”
They were silent for some time; obviously, Darcy did not intend to speak, so Elizabeth continued:
“You must understand that you were not the only one living an ordeal; imagine how desperate I was or how scared was Georgiana. Now when you are safe, you do not agree with the methods we used, but back then we tried to find you, by any means. It was not a joke, it was not leisure, nor an everyday happening, but a disappearance. You could have been wounded or… I cannot even name the worst of our thoughts; we had to consider every possibility. Even that…”
Elizabeth hesitated; it was so obvious Darcy did not enjoy their discussion.
“Even that I ran away from marriage!”
“Yes!” said Elizabeth hesitantly. “Even that!”
“Because it was what you knew of me!” The mockery in his voice was like a knife that pierced her heart.
“I do not know you, Darcy, how could I? There have been only a few weeks since you proposed to me; we danced together, we walked, but we had few opportunities to talk! I was waiting for our living day by day to know you.”
“You did not know me, but you had some particular ideas,” Darcy said in a bitter tone, “how did you put it, so in the past: my arrogance, my conceit, and my selfish disdain of the feelings of others! Nice opinion of your future husband!”
“Darcy,” Elizabeth cried, “how can you say that? Those feelings were a long time ago; I would never accept your proposal if I still had such an opinion of you! I told you the day you came to Longbourn to ask me to be your wife that all my feelings and my opinion of you had completely changed. You are an honest and generous man!”
“Precisely, Elizabeth, I may have all the faults in the world, but I am an honest man! It is my legacy from my parents and all my ancestors. But you choose to doubt my honesty towards you.”
“No, no, it was not like that, but I must confess that this question arose among us in the first moments when we finally understood that you were missing. I am sorry, this is my own weakness and you have all the right to blame me! But please consider I was terrified when this idea floated in my mind. I have full confidence in you, but you have to accept that being left before the marriage is the most feared event in a young woman’s life. I grew up with this dread, we all did, my sisters, my friends, it is better not ever to marry than to be deserted at the altar.”
They sat in silence for a long time. The tension between them was lessening, but Darcy was still sad.
“I longed to marry you tomorrow!” Darcy said.
“As do I, you must believe me! But I do not want such a wedding day forced by circumstances, almost in fear that something might come between us again! I want my pale-yellow dress I made from the silk I received from you; I even want my mother to be present, and of course, Jane and Mary and Kitty. Our wedding day must shine not only from the sun in the sky but also from our hearts. Admit it, please: we are not yet ready to be married when we still have these clouds in our souls”.
Darcy considered all she said carefully, barely keeping his countenance. Her ideas made sense but, still, he had wanted so much to marry her and depart together for Pemberley. Yes, it was haste in his wishes, but he felt that their marriage would finally put an end to the horrible incident that had occurred in their lives. But maybe Elizabeth was right; their wedding had to signify a beginning and not an end. He was still displeased with her request, but he decided to accept her wish.
“I agree,” he said. “However, we will not be married in six weeks as we planned but in two, and we will travel to Pemberley immediately. Just the two of us.”
Elizabeth tried to remain calm; two weeks was a very short period, but it was obvious she had to accept his terms, yet she tried to resist, to gain at least one more week.
“But we cannot marry then… the last announcement for our marriage is in three weeks.”
Darcy saw the acceptance on her face and instantly, his humour changed. After all, their discussion was so exciting because there was no winner or loser but delicious compromises on both sides. An elegant battle with a satisfactory truce, for both.
“Do not worry my dear,” he said, “tomorrow we will have our license; we can marry at once or in one week.”
“Two weeks!” Elizabeth said, with a small smile on her face.
“Two weeks.” Darcy agreed to end their first dispute, smiling as he had one more proof he had finally found a precious woman who deeply loved him but, at the same time, had her own will, that would be imposed and accepted by him at certain moments of their life together.
There were still some problems from the past to be solved between them, and Darcy wanted to discuss them as soon as possible, allowing no cloud to hover above their love.
“Now Elizabeth, just ask the question you want to ask. Let us finish all the problems tonight!”
Elizabeth was stunned, “It seems you know me so much better than I know you!” she said.
“Yes, my dear, so it seems!” He prevailed over his resentfulness caused by her lack of confidence. Once again, he adopted a witty tone, but he had to admit that it was only on the surface; deep inside him, he was still hurt, mostly because she needed all that time to marry him and did not feel the same urge to become his wife as he felt to become her husband. He sensed something was broken between them. After the intimate moments they shared in the carriage he expected her to commit to the wedding, regardless of all the people around.
The storm between them had passed but there still were some flashes of lightning and both of them resented their disagreement in different ways.
“Come, Elizabeth,” he said again, “ask your question and let me go to bed; I will have a difficult day tomorrow.”
But Elizabeth did not know how to ask. She was silent, incapable of translating her inner troubles into real words. After all, he had admitted that in the past, he knew other women.
“How do I know that I will love you and only you forever? This is the question, is it not?”
Elizabeth nodded, her cheeks on fire. She wanted to know more than anything else, but at the same time she was remorseful; she could not stand her feelings that seemed like jealousy.
“I do not know for sure what the future will bring. Now we are friends, we will be lovers in a very short time…”
Elizabeth coloured again, but it was no more out of shame but because she sensed those strange transformations inside her body that announced a new world of feelings she was unaware of till some days ago.
Darcy laughed despite the tension between them.
“Why did you blush, now, my love?” he gently asked her but with a drop of humour as he felt her tremor. “You ask for me to tell the truth, I cannot ask for less!”
“I blushed,” she said, “because I can now imagine how happy we will be after…”
“After…?”
Elizabeth was not to be trapped into a conversation she did not want to have… yet. So she said in a bristly tone:
“Fitzwilliam Darcy! Do not use such an insinuating tone! I still cannot talk about certain subjects the way you do; and besides, it is your turn to answer, not mine.”
Darcy was watching her with such frankness in his eyes that Elizabeth smiled; in fact, she did not know for sure what bothered her. One moment she thought she was not jealous of the women before her, no matter what had happened. But the next instant, she found it hard to accept her husband knew other women. It was not only jealousy; it was also fear. What if in the future she would not be enough for him anymore?
“Elizabeth,” Darcy said, “a gentleman has in his life before marriage, certain experiences; to me, none of those was nearly close to love, as I understand it, now.”
“And how would you describe those experiences?” she said in a slightly rough tone.
“Intimate and at times pleasant moments…” he said, relieved to resolve that problem. But it was not as simple as he imagined it to be.
“I am jealous and frightened,” Elizabeth admitted.
“Let us take them one by one, my dearest. You are jealous because…?”
“Why were you intimate with other women, before me?”
“Because a man has certain needs a woman does not have!” Darcy said, smiling at her face full of worries. Her beautiful forehead was slightly creased, in a completely new expression on her face. Despite the distress of their conversation, he could not but imagine Elizabeth with the same frown and raised eyebrows in front of their children, when she discovered a prank or a fault.
Elizabeth was looking at him, trying to understand his words. They were skilfully chosen; they did not hold a definite statement, but they were close to a revelation.
“I am not sure I understand what you are saying. You mean in your life there have been other women because you needed them? Were you engaged before?”
Darcy had an urge to laugh but he realised that he could not mock her because her question appeared from the most profound purity that could exist in the world. In the society where he lived, purity was no longer a shared legacy for all the young girls. In London, he could count on his fingers those who followed those values. But he was not sure how to explain that to his wife to be. He imagined that her only discussions with her friends and sisters were about kissing. In all families, there was a Lydia, but her type was the exception not the rule and, in any case, he was sure Lydia did not discuss such matters with her sisters; at least not with Jane and Elizabeth as they would not allow it.
“Why are you hesitating?” Elizabeth asked. She was again worried, following each shade that his face revealed.
“My dear,” he said. “I am not totally sure you understand these matters between men and women.”
“I want to understand all between a wife and a husband!” she said stiffly.
“Yes, I agree, but a wife is… a woman and a husband is… a man, so…”
“Are you pleading for the consummation of our marriage before our wedding?” she asked.
“No! Absolutely not!” he responded in a determined tone. “What happened in the carriage was marvellous, but you are right. We both were under a spell, or just so happy to be out of danger. For me, it was important to discover you, but we will wait for the wedding night for more!”
Elizabeth looked at him and tried not to smile; she was certain Darcy could read her face and knew her inner thoughts, which at that moment were very contradictory. From one point of view, she was glad he took that decision but she also had some regrets that their discovery − as Darcy named it − was forbidden for at least two more weeks.
He gazed and smiled at her, that bizarre, insinuating smile that caused her heart to race at a dangerous speed. He wanted to say something, but Elizabeth came near him and covered his mouth with her delicate fingers. His smile did not disappear while he kissed her fingers and said:
“It is your decision, my love; we can be married as soon as I am back, tomorrow, with the license!”
It was a game, nothing but a game. They had decided their wedding day would be in two weeks, but Darcy liked most of all to see her little expressions on her face: wonder, confusion, shyness, each dear to him as they reflected her world that was about to change.
“So?” she insisted further. “Were there other women in your life?”
“Yes, there were, but no one you should know of.”
“How is that?” she asked again with that confused face he adored.
“Because in the life of a 28-year-old man there usually have existed other women, of a certain type.”
They were still sitting on the sofa, not touching but that distance had a particular advantage for Darcy and disadvantage for Elizabeth. He could clearly see her blushing as she could not conceal her thoughts.
“I want to know…” Elizabeth said quite uncertain of what she wanted to know.
“You will, I promise you; even those secrets a man does not tell his wife to be. You are a special woman who needs to know, not out of pointless curiosity but because it is important to understand the relationship between a man and a woman. Now tell me, before I go to sleep, why are you still afraid?”
Elizabeth was not at all tired, on the contrary, she was in an unusual state of excitement; the other nights, when turmoil had kept her awake, were utterly forgotten. She did not want him to leave; they were having such a good discussion, and she feared that the magic, once interrupted, would be lost forever. She longed for his hands, as daring as they had been in the carriage, to prolong their delicious time together. But Darcy was exhausted, not completely recovered and he needed rest.
“I told you that I was jealous and afraid”.
“So, for jealousy, we will have a longer discussion, one day. As for the fright, I do not see the reasons, so I am waiting for you to share them with me.”
For Elizabeth fright and jealousy were closely related, but it was not easy to explain.
“I am scared to lose you,” she eventually admitted.
Darcy understood her rather well; it was precisely one of the reasons why he suggested to Elizabeth to get married in haste. Therefore, Elizabeth was right not to agree to marry in the next days. Such a hurried marriage would have revealed his fear and he refused to be afraid as he was in his childhood. There were no motives that could change his intention of marrying Elizabeth. He had thrown away the key and nothing could happen even if they should wait the two weeks she pleaded for.
“My dear,” he said as he stood up and kissed her forehead, “we are going to be married in two weeks. It is our decision and nothing will change my mind. It is only you who could, but I will make sure you will want me so much as not to be capable of rejecting me again!”
He was laughing and mocking, and his tone made Elizabeth feel a sudden urge to take him into her arms, just to be sure that this man was to be hers in a very short time; so she led him to the door and made a delicious move towards him. They were both in such obvious need of a real kiss that he could no longer resist and folded her into his arms; then he stopped and said with a hoarse tone:
“That discussion…, we have to have it very soon!”
Chapter 4
They all met at 9 o’clock for breakfast, as Darcy had asked them to, their spirits much improved from the last evening. There was not yet real joy among them but, after a good night’s sleep, all of them were rested and relieved. They all expected Darcy to speak, and indeed, he started the discussion. He could not be angry with the party for the decisions they took but they had to decide on the future consequences his misadventure would have.
