Save Her (Texas Hearts Series Book 1), page 3
"What? Are you stupid? I’m trying to get out of one relationship; why would I jump right into another one? Hell, what business do I have getting married? What am I going to do? Sit at home while you go away? Marry someone else and start popping out kids? That is not the life I want. I want to BE someone, not be TIED to someone. I need to cut ties and figure out my own life. Maybe I can finally be happy for once in my damn life.”
Now, that wasn’t a shot to the heart. It was a missile with laser accuracy. Her heart shattered inside her chest. She couldn’t understand this reality. What was he saying? What could he mean? They were in love. She felt like her chest was going to explode and her lungs were shriveling away to nothing. He continued on, not even realizing that she was dying right in front of him. Her heart taking its last beats as he looked on with no understanding of her suffering.
“What?” he interrupted. “What did you think? That this would be some happily ever after? That we would be that high school sweetheart couple that spent every day together from the moment they started dating and never looked to see if there was anything better out there?”
How am I not bleeding out at the pain? Can he not see my soul turning to ash? She just couldn’t understand how she made him so unhappy when he made her the complete opposite. She couldn’t sit here. She had to get away. She knew she probably wouldn’t see him again, so as she stood, she stepped to him and rose on her toes to kiss his cheek and whisper, “Sean? I love you. Please be safe." The first tear fell before she could turn away, and she heard his muttered curse before he spoke up. But it was too late. Way too late.
"Katy! Peach... wait! That's not what I meant to say. You don’t understand." An awkward pause followed. "Look, honey, I'll write, OK?"
Running into the house, she slammed the door and darted through the living room. Her parents were sitting on the couch, cuddled up, watching the evening news together. The normalcy of their actions made her stomach quiver as her world was rupturing at the seams.
"Katy?"
"Katherine!"
"Hey! Are you OK?"
She didn’t answer; she couldn’t, not as her heart was breaking and her dreams were crashing down around her. Through the tears, she could hear the shrill ring of the telephone in the kitchen, and a few seconds later, she caught brief snatches of a one-sided conversation as her mom wandered around in the room below her.
"He's leaving? Rodeo— I know..." Then, "OK, I'm sorry, hun. I had hoped with the way things were going between them he'd changed his mind."
Changed his mind? Had everyone known about this but her? Am I the only person oblivious to Sean living a life he despised with a girl who wasn’t good enough?
"No, it's OK, she'll be alright. Call if you need anything. I am always here with an ear... K, bye."
She could only guess so. That put everything Sean had said in a whole new light. As she felt her heart crack anew, the sobs she had been desperately attempting to hold back slipped through and she buried her head in her pillow as her tears came even faster.
Half an hour passed before she heard a light knock at the door. "Katherine, baby, it’s Mom. Can I come in?" Without waiting for a response, she tried the knob, and finding it unlocked, she entered.
"Are you OK, sweetheart?"
Wiping the last of her tears, Katherine nodded.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Katherine answered with a weak "No" before clearing her throat and trying again. "No, Mom, I'm fine." She smiled slightly through tear-swollen eyes. "I'm fine. Promise."
After a few minutes of watching Katherine silently, she blew out a sigh and went over to hug her daughter tightly, wishing she could take away her heartbreak before walking out and closing the door behind her with a soft click.
A long night and several thousand tears later, Katherine woke up to a bright morning and a new perspective. She showered, dressed, and decided to head out and enjoy the first day of summer.
I’ll be damned if I hold anyone back, not even me. I cannot believe that I made him so miserable and he never even said anything! I mean, did I really even know him? And what about me? Who am I without him? Do I even know anymore? I’ve been with Sean since he started high school, and being with him is really all I know. But if he chose to walk out on me, and now I have to spend the next two years of high school and the rest of my life without him, maybe it’s time for me to get out there and try going to parties and having the experience that my friends all swear I need. I can do this. I will move on if it freaking kills me.
She was in the kitchen eating toast; she felt sure her stomach couldn’t tolerate anything more substantial and drinking her usual cup of coffee when the phone rang. No one was around, so she slid off the counter and went over to answer it.
Her voice was rough from the emotional outpouring she had suffered last night, and it broke when she answered the phone with, "Hello?"
"Peach? How are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm great," she answered with false sincerity. "Actually, I was heading out; I’m going to meet someone and maybe see about hitting that new club the next town over tonight.” Her eyes burned and so did her chest with the lie, but she refused to hold him back another second.
"Well, that was quick. We were going to have a picnic and go fishing today. Re-planned already?" Boy, did that one hurt her, because picnics and fishing were their version of a date, and there was always cuddling and shenanigans when they spent the day doing that.
"Well, ya know, it’s the first day of summer and we live in a small town. Word spreads fast. I actually just got off the phone with Chad. We're going to lunch."
"Chad? Katherine, seriously, you know he's trouble."
"Look, Sean, you're gone. You said some things last night that made me think. I am so very sorry that I made you miserable and that our relationship was so hard for you, but if you are moving on, then I am, too. Why should I spend my whole high school career in a relationship and then pining for a guy? You made this choice, not me. No more dictating my life. Go be a cowboy, Cowboy. I’ll be fine. No worries. Go live your dream, and I'll stay here and live mine." She spat all of that out with not just a little of her teenage hormones rushing through her, feeding her adrenaline.
"Katherine, I didn't mean it the way it sounded, you know that. This is just not the kind of life I want right now. I'm—"
"Hey, Cowboy," she cut in, "don't sweat it. I’ll always be your friend. Keep in touch, ‘kay? I've got to go."
"Wait! Now, just wait a damn minute. What the hell do you think you are doing? You can’t do this, Peach. You love me and you know I—"
No. He won’t get away with going there. He made this choice. It isn’t what I want, but he didn’t give me a choice in the matter. I am putting a stop to this BS before he tries to go any further.
"Sorry, Cowboy, I've got to go. I need to go shopping. I need a new dress for my date."
Her facade dropped just a little as she murmured, "Be safe, ‘kay?"
"Katherine!” he said sharply.
"Hey, there's someone on the other line. Have to go. But keep in touch. I'll, uh, I’ll really miss you, Sean." Her voice broke on the last part, which only came out in a whisper. She hurriedly hung up the phone.
No sooner fell her hand away from the phone than it rang again, but she walked out of the house without a backwards glance.
I didn’t ask for any of this, but if I am being forced into this new life, then the very least I can do is try to keep moving forward. No one has to know how broken I am or that every dream I have ever had now lies shattered at my feet. The ruins of the future she was sure of twenty-four hours ago were haunting her as she imagined the future yawning out in front of her, with no color, no hope in sight.
She might not have asked for these changes, but if they were going to be forced on her, then she was determined that the only thing people would get out of her from then on was a superficial brick wall.
Chapter 4:
The driver’s side door being yanked open jerked her from her memories.
"Sorry it took so long, Peach. Everyone wanted to know how you were doing and if we had any plans yet." He glanced at her, and as a traitorous tear fell, he reached over to wipe it away and whispered, "Hey, it's alright."
She leaned away from him and rested the side of her head on the window, understanding that he believed the tears were for her dead parents, whom she had momentarily managed to forget. Since the memories of Sean and her did not hurt as bad as the present ones, she once again lost herself in them, while he started the truck and drove away, keeping his eye on the road but his attention diverted to her.
It had only been a couple of weeks before she had received the first post card. A beautiful picture of the desert landscape with 'Welcome to New Mexico' across the top, on the back a simple message:
Hey Peach,
I’m in New Mexico. Weather’s perfect. Remember when we joked about getting lost in the desert? I have Saran wrap with me just in case I need to use condensation to be able to hydrate. You should be proud of me. Could have ridden better but doing good. Be home when I can. Give love to our families.
Cowboy
THERE HAD BEEN OTHERS, always a beautiful picture and a brief message, in the beginning some little anecdote reminding her of a memory they’d shared. She’d kept each one of them tied with a ribbon under her bed, cherishing each careless pen stroke.
Four years after the first postcard, he came home to bury his dad, lost to a heart attack. At the funeral, she held his hand and cried for both of them, for his parents were truly like her own. After the service, he pulled away from her again, both physically and emotionally, and she knew it meant good-bye again. Another form of Sean-inflicted pain, but she was used to it by then, or at least she tried to convince herself of that. After that day, the post cards tapered off, and in that year, she only received four. Each one a simple "Hope you're well," no signature.
Almost a year to the date from losing his dad, his mom died. She waited for him to show up, and when she heard his truck roar to a stop, she rushed out the door to see him, heart in her throat and a tear-soaked face. She came to a stop ten feet from him, her eyes resting on the long-legged blonde on his arm. She was so preoccupied with the girl on Sean’s arm that she didn’t notice the hulk of tattooed man who got out from the back seat.
"Sean?"
Sean just stood there, looking at her and taking her in from top to bottom, while she raked the sight of him in. Memorizing every single minute change, the haggardness that had not been there before, the tightness of his eyes, the weathered look his skin now had from being in the sun so often.
"Sean?" the blonde asked mockingly. "Ev, who is this girl?"
Ev? What?
The man slammed the back door to the pickup, stepped up to Sean’s side, and said, breaking the awkward and tense silence, “Alright, brother. Let’s get inside and see what’s what.”
Sean visibly shook himself and stepped away from both women, following the huge man up the pathway to the front door of the ranch foreman’s house.
The blonde reached out a perfectly manicured hand as Sean walked away and introduced herself. "Hey, girl! My name is Courtney Kincade, Ev's girlfriend. I just realized who you are! That sweet little neighbor girl who followed him around in high school; uh, Candy or something like that, right?"
Katherine looked up at Sean, but he was long gone. She turned her attention to the other woman, still not taking her hand in introduction. “Why do you call him Ev?”
“Well, goodness, honey, it’s what all of his close friends call him. You must not know this, but his last name is Everett.”
The condescending tone rubbed an already emotionally raw Katherine exactly the wrong way, and she spoke through clenched teeth with barely contained rage in response. “Since I have known Sean Carter Everett since the day I was born and we spent the entirety of his high school career in a very serious relationship, yes, I would say that I do know what his last name is. And my name is Katherine, not Candy.” And with that, Katherine spun on her heel and stomped back down the path that lead to the main house.
In the days leading up to the funeral, Courtney never left his side. Sometimes, Katy would catch him looking at her and their eyes would meet and hold, but as soon as Courtney noticed, she would draw his attention away.
The man who came with them was evidently Courtney’s older brother and Sean’s best friend, and he was funny and flirtatious and made her feel, if not better, then at least distracted from this new nightmarish reality where the man she loved more than her own soul was in love with and in a relationship with some blonde tart wearing designer jeans and boots.
An already devastating occasion became a million times worse when she couldn’t connect with Sean at any point during his stay and he left without saying so much as hello or good-bye to her.
The day after they left, Katherine was walking through the house and heard her parents talking. Planning to pay them no mind, she involuntarily came to a halt when she heard his name.
"I just don't understand Sean, Daniel," her mother was saying. "He never said anything to us, but that Courtney girl told me he was planning on buying her an engagement ring soon, said they’ve already been window shopping. I swear I don't understand how Sean can still look at our baby girl with his heart in his eyes if he's getting married to someone else."
She had meant to silently continue to her room, but when her mom said that, the instinctive and painful gasp that escaped her was impossible to control.
"Oh God,” her mom said as she caught sight of Katherine. “Baby, I am so sorry."
As her mother rose from the couch and walked toward her with pity all over her face, Katherine did the only thing she could think of. She ran and her thoughts raced alongside her.
Married.
Married?
He was marrying her?
I felt sick.
I was going to vomit.
Nothing, not even him walking away, had caused this kind of pain. I couldn’t believe this. A part of me had always believed that he was coming home to me but here it was. He was marrying another woman and I had to accept that he was never going to be mine again, and God nothing, absolutely nothing, had ever brought me to my knees like this before.
The knot in my throat was suffocating me and I was sure that I was going to die this time. He was slowly killing me from the inside out and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I couldn’t even justify my own damn broken heart. I was gutted and had not the first right to feel this way.
What was I even mourning?
We had been apart longer than we were ever together and I had been without him for the entirety of my adult life. There was nothing there to be upset about, regardless of how much my heart wanted to disagree with me. The truth of the matter was that he could have been hers for all of the years he had been gone, he hadn’t made me a single promise, I had assumed that his affection had been a sign that he still had feelings for me but the words were never used. I had assumed everything.
Those fragments of her heart that she was desperately holding together through sheer willpower alone crumbled and fell, leaving devastation in its wake. Realistically, she knew they would never be together again. He had made that all too clear when he left. But even after that and all the years since, she could never stop her broken heart from hoping, from wishing, from waiting. That was done. She had clung to hopes and broken dreams, but the actuality was that the love of her life belonged to another woman. A woman who would be sharing his name soon. And that woman was not her.
Chapter 5:
The last few days had flown by in a painful, miserable blur. Each one harder than the last, each marked by tears and with fellow mourners. So many “I’m so sorrys” and “if you need anythings”.
At first, Katy had been panicked at the mere thought of returning back to her parents’ home, but she quickly realized that the whole town would converge there, so she had to lock her devastation and grief away and allow the townspeople to say their good-byes and console her, as was tradition in a small community like theirs. Sean had told her that either way, he was behind her, but she had to deal with it.
She was sitting there, all alone, on her bed. Her hair a mess and her makeup long ago washed away by the tears. The pain was so severe that it hurt to breathe. The realization finally sinking in that she had no one. Both of her parents gone; her mom’s side of the family completely wiped out now, as she had been the only child to an older couple; and her dad had no family to speak of except a brother, whom Katy had never met. She had been shocked that even though they—he, his wife, and child—all lived in another state, they didn’t even bother to show up to the funeral, even though her family lawyer had contacted them. Her dad’s family had disowned him because of her mom being an orphan with no family and working to put herself through college had put them off. Her dad already had a good job and an inheritance of his own, so after her mom had finished school in Oklahoma, they were married and moved to Texas for his job and a fresh start.
She heard car doors slamming and figured it was time to fix herself up a bit and head down, since everyone was meeting there for a memorial dinner in honor of her parents. After yanking the brush through her hair and washing her face, she hurried down the stairs to see Sean already opening the door to people with food-laden trays.
Katherine sat down in her father’s favorite chair in the family room, waiting for the crowd to gather and come to her to pay their respects and share their memories. While sitting there, she reflected on the last few days.
Walking into the house had frozen her to her core so Sean had reached down and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze and saying, “Peach, we can get rooms at the hotel, you don’t have to face this today.”
