Emily Uncensored Book 3: It's Complicated, page 4
Her oldest of course is out of the house and almost my age.
I think that it’s strange Cindy has a daughter who is almost thirty. Cindy relates to me more than any other 50-year-old I have ever met. Well, minus the whole crazy session I just witnessed in her bedroom.
I am driving her van.
Cindy says she’s too distraught to drive. So she took two valium and is just now leveling out.
I didn’t want to pick up the kids wearing my Hello Kitty onesie, so I borrowed some of Cindy’s clothes.
She is a tall and skinny bitch, so basically I look like a Smurf trying to wear a super model’s clothes. But it’s probably better than a black and white, sparkling pajama ensemble.
We take a left on Jackson and the elementary school is in view.
Right then I spot something.
I see Jonathan’s car parked on a cul-de-sac. With him is a young women, probably about my age. They are talking in the car. We pass them faster than I can say: what the fuck?
So impulsively I just throw my hand out to the side and accidentally hit Cindy right in the left boob.
“Ouch! What the hell?” She screams as she starts rubbing it. Thinking that will actually help anything.
Idiot.
“Sorry. I just thought I saw something.” I say as I put both hands back on the steering wheel. I realize I am entering “kid zone”, and I need to get my shit together.
I need to not run over little ones.
“What was it?” Cindy turns her head back to check it out.
“It was probably nothing.” I am biting my lip now.
“Seriously, it must have been bad. You better tell me before the kids get in.” Cindy turns to face me as I pull into the longest line of cars in the world, located in front of the school.
“Is this how pick-ups are everyday?” I ask as I look around, getting a better understanding of my surroundings.
“Ya. It’s horrible. But, what did you see? Spill.” Cindy opens her eyes wide at me the way she does when she is ready to take in large amounts of gossip.
I turn to her, “I thought I saw Jonathan sitting in his car with another women.”
“Ok, well that’s not a crime. Who was it?” I can tell Cindy is happy about the fact that she may have some detective work to do.
“I don’t know. I couldn’t really see,” I say and then start to bite my nails.
“Stop that!” Cindy scolds, “We just have to assume it was nothing. Unless… Unless you want me to investigate?” Cindy is literally clicking her long nails together. Sort of like Doctor Evil does in Austin Powers.
“Oh, Jesus. Last thing I need is you investigating some love affair Jonathan is having.” I put my head on the steering wheel. “It’s my fault really, because I spent all last summer pushing Jonathan on that Bethany Devil Bitch and look what happens? He cheats on me.” I am now banging my head on the steering wheel.
“Stop that! Emily, get your shit together. You don’t know what it was. It could have been someone else’s car entirely.”
Right then someone honks at me to move forward. I didn’t realize I was holding up the line, so I jolt forward like some newbie driver.
Cindy rolls down her window. She is about to yell at the cunt-bag behind me but I stop her.
“Cindy, don’t. You’ll embarrass the kids.”
“You think I care if they are embarrassed? They are over-privileged. They need to be brought back down to earth a little.” She puts her sunglasses on and rolls up her window while still staring at the bitch behind us in the rear windshield.
“So what are we going to do?” I ask.
“Here come the kids. We will talk about this later. Just don’t worry. He loves you. You are probably imagining things.” Cindy puts on her mom face as the kids arrive to the car. “Hey babies, get in. We have a special driver today. And Mark, no wiping snot on the back of the seat today, ok?” Cindy gives me a smile.
I am squinting my face, thinking that if that little boy puts one booger on the back of my seat I am going to punch him. That is just gross!
We head back the way we came. I look down the cul-de-sac to see if Jonathan is now mating with said female whore, but there is no car. Nothing.
I get home after my afternoon as a taxi cab, and decide I really need a shower. My mom and dad are drinking their afternoon tea.
Jonathan’s car is not in the driveway.
I have to admit I am pretty bummed.
So bummed I can’t even pleasure myself in the shower!
I don’t feel like reading porn or watching Hentai.
Is this what love feels like?
I am going to kill him when he gets home.
I fall asleep in my bed after my shower. I am exhausted.
I guess I keep forgetting that there is another human inside of me.
I need to eat.
No.
I NEED to eat!
The parental units are watching CNN.
Mother is knitting.
They are, for once in their lives, sort of peaceful and cute, so I sneak into the kitchen without disturbing them. I must have slept for awhile. It’s 8PM.
I pull out enough food to make a sandwich.
Bread, mayonnaise, bologna, cheese, lettuce, tomato. It is Divine.
Finally, at 8:15PM Jonathan walks in the door.
He walks into the kitchen. I try to feel him out. He seems off.
“Where have you been?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” Jonathan chugs a bottle of water.
I look at my fake watch, “It’s late, Mister Clark. Client?”
“Not exactly. It’s complicated.” He tries to walk out of the room, but first stops to kiss me on the forehead.
“Where are you going?” I ask, almost pleading with him not to leave.
“I’m tired. I’m going up to bed. I love you.” Jonathan is definitely different.
Bastard!
I immediately text Cindy: Something is up with Jonathan. We need to investigate tomorrow.
Cindy texts back: black hoodie and sweatpants.
I squint at the screen. What the fuck is she talking about?
I text: huh?
Cindy: That’s what we need to wear.
Me: OK? Look crazy lady, meet 5AM tree in the park. No excuses!
I figure I will just roll with this whole investigator, Making A Murderer kick she is on.
Cindy: perfection.
I roll my eyes.
Ya, she really is 50.
I take me and my pregnant ass to the couch with a bowl of chips. My parents are now watching a Civil War Documentary. I sit down and rest my head on the arm.
They both just let me.
Thank you little baby Jesus.
I need this break.
8
Finding Out
I wake up from a dream where Jonathan is having hot sex with some female. She isn’t me.
They are in the car.
He has her top off and is sucking on her nipples.
She screams.
He pushes up against her and the horn goes off.
She is sitting on top of him.
They are sweaty and passionate. It seems so real. I am watching them. I can see everything. Jonathan licks her fingers and kisses her neck. I can’t see her face. But I hate her.
He looks content, and into it.
I wake up in a sweat.
My heart is racing.
The house is dark.
It is early.
Way too fucking early.
I fell asleep on the couch.
My face is smushed against the hard sofa cushion and drool is sliding down onto the floor. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought someone had drugged me.
Ugh, my neck is killing me now.
I stretch.
I am trying to get rid of the images from my dream.
I get up, and for the first time since I’ve been pregnant, I actually feel pregnant. I mean the throwing up and such makes one feel disgusting, but right now I feel, large. Like, growing a small human inside of me large.
Can I even make it to the park?
To my mission with Cindy?
I have to! I have to find out if my dream is a reality.
Also, I really need to find out if Jonathan is cheating on me before this things pops out of me, rather than afterwards.
It’s 5AM and I am supposed to be out the door already. Jonathan is probably running, I’m sure.
My fat, slug of a human shell somehow gets upstairs and changes. Black hoodie? Check!
Journal? Check!
Chewing gum for heinous breath? Check!
Cindy is already at the tree. When I get there she whispers, “I’ve already seen Jonathan.”
I yawn. “Oh ya? What was he doing?” I ask.
“Running.” Cindy says as she raises her eyebrows at me.
“Cindy, he runs every morning. We are not looking for those sorts of things out here. We are looking for suspicious behavior.” I sit up tall and take a look around the park. “Now which way did he go?” I ask, wondering if we could still follow him.
“I don’t know, he was just running! I think he had ear phones in.”
Alright, now I am concerned about Cindy and her brain functions.
We sit and wait.
Cindy talks about how she couldn’t sleep last night because she was thinking of ways to catch Jonathan in the act. She remembered one scene from Making A Murderer, when police planted evidence. She said that it got Steven Avery convicted, so if we need to go to those sorts of lengths to see to it that Jonathan is being a loyal husband, she has no moral obligations to him.
I told her to fuck off, and that there is no way in hell we would need to “plant evidence”.
“You know, I would make a great detective. I am also hot, so that’s a bonus.” Cindy says in a very matter-of-fact way.
“Oh ya? Then you should become one.” I am kidding of course, but Cindy looks over at me with these large, puppy dog eyes.
“You really think so?” Cindy asks.
I quickly put out her fire. “No, Cindy. You have a better chance that one of your six children will murder someone. And that you will become involved in a police case that way, instead of going through years of schooling and police training.
“Now, keep your game face on. We have an important mission here.” I am almost yelling at this point.
Cindy sighs, “Well, my kids aren’t going to murder anyone. They are perfectly normal functioning members of society.” She huffs.
Just then we spot Jonathan.
I take out my journal.
He is talking on his phone.
He is sweaty and gorgeous.
Ugh. So fucking sexy!
He goes inside and Cindy and I make our way to her house.
We decide we will follow him in her van.
Cindy tells her children that they are walking to school today. They all scream at her as she shuts the door behind her.
“Everything OK?” I ask.
“Oh yes. The kids are just being little assholes again.” She jokes.
We both smile. We park the van near the neighbor’s driveway. When Jonathan pulls out in his black Mercedes, we follow. I am in the second row of seats, peeking up over Cindy’s shoulder. Yelling at her to not get too close. We get on the freeway and get stuck in traffic heading into the city.
We finally make it to the parking garage at Jonathan’s work one hour later.
We park a few spots away from Jonathan.
We shut off the engine and climb in the back of the van, throwing toys and bags of chips out of our way. We grab the binoculars I pulled from my bedroom earlier. I had bought them over a year ago to spy on Jonathan. That time it was in a very different way.
Cindy and I are crouched down, quiet. I am looking through the binoculars, but I lose sight of Jonathan.
“I wonder if we should get out?” I ask Cindy.
“Only if you want to get caught. Look, a good detective stays put and watches.” Cindy says.
“I thought a good detective asks questions and interviews potential suspects.” I say in a sarcastic tone.
“OK, let’s go.” Cindy says and she slides open the van door. We walk around the car, only to see Jonathan leaning against his, talking on his cell phone.
“Shit! We’ve been spotted!” I whisper and throw Cindy back into the van.
“I told you!!” She scrambles in.
Just as I am about to shut the door I hear Jonathan's voice. “Cindy?” He asks.
Cindy and I look at each other with large eyes and a stunned expression.
I mouth to her, “Shit! Answer him.”
Cindy just shrugs her shoulders.
Jonathan approaches the car.
He sees me and our cover is blown.
“Well, I guess your day job as a detective is over Cindy.” I say to her as I unveil my hood.
“What are you doing here, babe?” Jonathan asks and tries to lean in to give me a kiss.
I point my finger at him viscously. “I should be asking you the same question!”
Jonathan looks puzzled.
Cindy just waves her hand at him.
He nods back at her.
“I work here.” Jonathan says as he looks at his watch.
“Well, who were you on the phone with?” I ask folding my arms together.
“Your dad actually. He wanted to know where we keep the Windex.”
“Oh.” I say, ashamed of my actions.
But I still need answers, dammit!
“Look, I need to go. Can you meet me for lunch?” He asks the two of us.
Cindy answers: “Uhhhh…”
I answer: “You would like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, I would actually.” He smiles his sexy smile and tries to grab my hand.
“Who is she?” I just decide to throw it out there. See where the fuck it leads me.
“Who is who?” He asks. But he isn’t fooling anyone.
“The girl from my dreams!” I shout. But then realize I sound like a crazy person.
I take a deep breath. I can tell Cindy is nervous. She probably doesn’t want to be involved.
Well, too damn bad!
“Jonathan, I am only going to ask you this once. Who is the woman that was with you in the car yesterday?” I am relieved that those words finally left my mouth.
“Is that what this is about? Jesus. Can you step out of the van please?” Jonathan says in a low, aggravated tone.
“No! You can just tell me right here in front of Cindy.” I am pissed.
“Emily, get out of the car.” He is trying to boss me.
“Jonathan, why don’t you get in the car?” I am being stubborn.
“I’ll get out. Jonathan, you get in.” Cindy saves the day with her rational voice of reason.
She steps out of the van and mouths “sorry” back at me. I just glare at her.
Jonathan reluctantly gets in the van and closes the door.
Now we are both sitting in the two middle seats of a minivan that smells of children, dirty socks and pretzels.
We stare at each other for a minute.
“So. Who is she?” I begin.
“I love how you just assume I am having an affair.”
Jonathan has a point.
“Well, it might be the fact that I am pregnant, or the fact that you cheated on your last wife, but yes, that’s the conclusion that I draw.”
“Well, you are wrong. I would never do that to you.” Jonathan looks pretty hurt. He looks down at his watch, “I don’t really have time to explain the whole story to you this second. But you do need an explanation. Can you meet me?” He asks.
“You are so full of mystery!” I huff, “Fine, but only if Cindy comes.”
“Alright. She might as well know too. That Mexican place across from my work. 5PM.” Jonathan orders as he opens the van door.
“You mean the place we met to sign contracts way back when? Oh, perfect setting!” I am being a bitch just because I can.
All I really want to do right now is rip his clothes off and show that woman in my dreams who’s boss.
But before I can change my mind, Jonathan is gone.
Cindy gets in the car.
“What happened?” She asks.
“It wasn’t my finest moment. We find out the juicy details at 5.” I scramble towards the drivers seat.
“Did he cheat?” Cindy asks, handing me the keys.
“I guess not.” I start the van.
“How mysterious.” Cindy buckles up.
“Retail therapy?” I ask.
Cindy smiles.
9
Mexican
Cindy and I are sipping down our second round of Margaritas.
Mine, of course, is virgin. Cindy receives a phone call from her son explaining to her some crisis at home that she can’t really do anything about. She sighs and tells him to calm down. She tells him to call his father. She tells him she will be home late tonight, and it won’t happen again and would he please just help her out.
I am feeling guilty now. For pulling my friend, who is responsible for all of her children, out of her home and into a New York Mexican restaurant hell.
“Cindy, we can go if you need to.” I say as I slurp my last sip.
She shakes her head no. She tells her son thank you and hangs up.
“Are you kidding me, Emily? I never get days to myself.” Cindy leans in close. “The last time I went out was with my husband for our anniversary, and we ate at a really fancy restaurant and it was great. But then we got home and after taking off my clothes in the bathroom in anticipation of sex, he decides to fall asleep in his underwear face down on our bed.” Cindy slurps the last of her drink now.
I raise my eyebrows. “Wow I feel like a selfish snatch now.” I say.
“Well, you are a selfish snatch, but I’m glad you are in my life. Otherwise, the only excitement I would ever see, would be when Chase’s friends come over and look at my cleavage.”
I laugh. Cindy has great cleavage. Fake, but great.
Right then Jonathan walks in.
He sits next to me and kisses me on the cheek.
He says hello to Cindy.
“Let’s eat!” He rubs his hands together like he is ready to pounce on the chips and salsa.
I think that it’s strange Cindy has a daughter who is almost thirty. Cindy relates to me more than any other 50-year-old I have ever met. Well, minus the whole crazy session I just witnessed in her bedroom.
I am driving her van.
Cindy says she’s too distraught to drive. So she took two valium and is just now leveling out.
I didn’t want to pick up the kids wearing my Hello Kitty onesie, so I borrowed some of Cindy’s clothes.
She is a tall and skinny bitch, so basically I look like a Smurf trying to wear a super model’s clothes. But it’s probably better than a black and white, sparkling pajama ensemble.
We take a left on Jackson and the elementary school is in view.
Right then I spot something.
I see Jonathan’s car parked on a cul-de-sac. With him is a young women, probably about my age. They are talking in the car. We pass them faster than I can say: what the fuck?
So impulsively I just throw my hand out to the side and accidentally hit Cindy right in the left boob.
“Ouch! What the hell?” She screams as she starts rubbing it. Thinking that will actually help anything.
Idiot.
“Sorry. I just thought I saw something.” I say as I put both hands back on the steering wheel. I realize I am entering “kid zone”, and I need to get my shit together.
I need to not run over little ones.
“What was it?” Cindy turns her head back to check it out.
“It was probably nothing.” I am biting my lip now.
“Seriously, it must have been bad. You better tell me before the kids get in.” Cindy turns to face me as I pull into the longest line of cars in the world, located in front of the school.
“Is this how pick-ups are everyday?” I ask as I look around, getting a better understanding of my surroundings.
“Ya. It’s horrible. But, what did you see? Spill.” Cindy opens her eyes wide at me the way she does when she is ready to take in large amounts of gossip.
I turn to her, “I thought I saw Jonathan sitting in his car with another women.”
“Ok, well that’s not a crime. Who was it?” I can tell Cindy is happy about the fact that she may have some detective work to do.
“I don’t know. I couldn’t really see,” I say and then start to bite my nails.
“Stop that!” Cindy scolds, “We just have to assume it was nothing. Unless… Unless you want me to investigate?” Cindy is literally clicking her long nails together. Sort of like Doctor Evil does in Austin Powers.
“Oh, Jesus. Last thing I need is you investigating some love affair Jonathan is having.” I put my head on the steering wheel. “It’s my fault really, because I spent all last summer pushing Jonathan on that Bethany Devil Bitch and look what happens? He cheats on me.” I am now banging my head on the steering wheel.
“Stop that! Emily, get your shit together. You don’t know what it was. It could have been someone else’s car entirely.”
Right then someone honks at me to move forward. I didn’t realize I was holding up the line, so I jolt forward like some newbie driver.
Cindy rolls down her window. She is about to yell at the cunt-bag behind me but I stop her.
“Cindy, don’t. You’ll embarrass the kids.”
“You think I care if they are embarrassed? They are over-privileged. They need to be brought back down to earth a little.” She puts her sunglasses on and rolls up her window while still staring at the bitch behind us in the rear windshield.
“So what are we going to do?” I ask.
“Here come the kids. We will talk about this later. Just don’t worry. He loves you. You are probably imagining things.” Cindy puts on her mom face as the kids arrive to the car. “Hey babies, get in. We have a special driver today. And Mark, no wiping snot on the back of the seat today, ok?” Cindy gives me a smile.
I am squinting my face, thinking that if that little boy puts one booger on the back of my seat I am going to punch him. That is just gross!
We head back the way we came. I look down the cul-de-sac to see if Jonathan is now mating with said female whore, but there is no car. Nothing.
I get home after my afternoon as a taxi cab, and decide I really need a shower. My mom and dad are drinking their afternoon tea.
Jonathan’s car is not in the driveway.
I have to admit I am pretty bummed.
So bummed I can’t even pleasure myself in the shower!
I don’t feel like reading porn or watching Hentai.
Is this what love feels like?
I am going to kill him when he gets home.
I fall asleep in my bed after my shower. I am exhausted.
I guess I keep forgetting that there is another human inside of me.
I need to eat.
No.
I NEED to eat!
The parental units are watching CNN.
Mother is knitting.
They are, for once in their lives, sort of peaceful and cute, so I sneak into the kitchen without disturbing them. I must have slept for awhile. It’s 8PM.
I pull out enough food to make a sandwich.
Bread, mayonnaise, bologna, cheese, lettuce, tomato. It is Divine.
Finally, at 8:15PM Jonathan walks in the door.
He walks into the kitchen. I try to feel him out. He seems off.
“Where have you been?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” Jonathan chugs a bottle of water.
I look at my fake watch, “It’s late, Mister Clark. Client?”
“Not exactly. It’s complicated.” He tries to walk out of the room, but first stops to kiss me on the forehead.
“Where are you going?” I ask, almost pleading with him not to leave.
“I’m tired. I’m going up to bed. I love you.” Jonathan is definitely different.
Bastard!
I immediately text Cindy: Something is up with Jonathan. We need to investigate tomorrow.
Cindy texts back: black hoodie and sweatpants.
I squint at the screen. What the fuck is she talking about?
I text: huh?
Cindy: That’s what we need to wear.
Me: OK? Look crazy lady, meet 5AM tree in the park. No excuses!
I figure I will just roll with this whole investigator, Making A Murderer kick she is on.
Cindy: perfection.
I roll my eyes.
Ya, she really is 50.
I take me and my pregnant ass to the couch with a bowl of chips. My parents are now watching a Civil War Documentary. I sit down and rest my head on the arm.
They both just let me.
Thank you little baby Jesus.
I need this break.
8
Finding Out
I wake up from a dream where Jonathan is having hot sex with some female. She isn’t me.
They are in the car.
He has her top off and is sucking on her nipples.
She screams.
He pushes up against her and the horn goes off.
She is sitting on top of him.
They are sweaty and passionate. It seems so real. I am watching them. I can see everything. Jonathan licks her fingers and kisses her neck. I can’t see her face. But I hate her.
He looks content, and into it.
I wake up in a sweat.
My heart is racing.
The house is dark.
It is early.
Way too fucking early.
I fell asleep on the couch.
My face is smushed against the hard sofa cushion and drool is sliding down onto the floor. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought someone had drugged me.
Ugh, my neck is killing me now.
I stretch.
I am trying to get rid of the images from my dream.
I get up, and for the first time since I’ve been pregnant, I actually feel pregnant. I mean the throwing up and such makes one feel disgusting, but right now I feel, large. Like, growing a small human inside of me large.
Can I even make it to the park?
To my mission with Cindy?
I have to! I have to find out if my dream is a reality.
Also, I really need to find out if Jonathan is cheating on me before this things pops out of me, rather than afterwards.
It’s 5AM and I am supposed to be out the door already. Jonathan is probably running, I’m sure.
My fat, slug of a human shell somehow gets upstairs and changes. Black hoodie? Check!
Journal? Check!
Chewing gum for heinous breath? Check!
Cindy is already at the tree. When I get there she whispers, “I’ve already seen Jonathan.”
I yawn. “Oh ya? What was he doing?” I ask.
“Running.” Cindy says as she raises her eyebrows at me.
“Cindy, he runs every morning. We are not looking for those sorts of things out here. We are looking for suspicious behavior.” I sit up tall and take a look around the park. “Now which way did he go?” I ask, wondering if we could still follow him.
“I don’t know, he was just running! I think he had ear phones in.”
Alright, now I am concerned about Cindy and her brain functions.
We sit and wait.
Cindy talks about how she couldn’t sleep last night because she was thinking of ways to catch Jonathan in the act. She remembered one scene from Making A Murderer, when police planted evidence. She said that it got Steven Avery convicted, so if we need to go to those sorts of lengths to see to it that Jonathan is being a loyal husband, she has no moral obligations to him.
I told her to fuck off, and that there is no way in hell we would need to “plant evidence”.
“You know, I would make a great detective. I am also hot, so that’s a bonus.” Cindy says in a very matter-of-fact way.
“Oh ya? Then you should become one.” I am kidding of course, but Cindy looks over at me with these large, puppy dog eyes.
“You really think so?” Cindy asks.
I quickly put out her fire. “No, Cindy. You have a better chance that one of your six children will murder someone. And that you will become involved in a police case that way, instead of going through years of schooling and police training.
“Now, keep your game face on. We have an important mission here.” I am almost yelling at this point.
Cindy sighs, “Well, my kids aren’t going to murder anyone. They are perfectly normal functioning members of society.” She huffs.
Just then we spot Jonathan.
I take out my journal.
He is talking on his phone.
He is sweaty and gorgeous.
Ugh. So fucking sexy!
He goes inside and Cindy and I make our way to her house.
We decide we will follow him in her van.
Cindy tells her children that they are walking to school today. They all scream at her as she shuts the door behind her.
“Everything OK?” I ask.
“Oh yes. The kids are just being little assholes again.” She jokes.
We both smile. We park the van near the neighbor’s driveway. When Jonathan pulls out in his black Mercedes, we follow. I am in the second row of seats, peeking up over Cindy’s shoulder. Yelling at her to not get too close. We get on the freeway and get stuck in traffic heading into the city.
We finally make it to the parking garage at Jonathan’s work one hour later.
We park a few spots away from Jonathan.
We shut off the engine and climb in the back of the van, throwing toys and bags of chips out of our way. We grab the binoculars I pulled from my bedroom earlier. I had bought them over a year ago to spy on Jonathan. That time it was in a very different way.
Cindy and I are crouched down, quiet. I am looking through the binoculars, but I lose sight of Jonathan.
“I wonder if we should get out?” I ask Cindy.
“Only if you want to get caught. Look, a good detective stays put and watches.” Cindy says.
“I thought a good detective asks questions and interviews potential suspects.” I say in a sarcastic tone.
“OK, let’s go.” Cindy says and she slides open the van door. We walk around the car, only to see Jonathan leaning against his, talking on his cell phone.
“Shit! We’ve been spotted!” I whisper and throw Cindy back into the van.
“I told you!!” She scrambles in.
Just as I am about to shut the door I hear Jonathan's voice. “Cindy?” He asks.
Cindy and I look at each other with large eyes and a stunned expression.
I mouth to her, “Shit! Answer him.”
Cindy just shrugs her shoulders.
Jonathan approaches the car.
He sees me and our cover is blown.
“Well, I guess your day job as a detective is over Cindy.” I say to her as I unveil my hood.
“What are you doing here, babe?” Jonathan asks and tries to lean in to give me a kiss.
I point my finger at him viscously. “I should be asking you the same question!”
Jonathan looks puzzled.
Cindy just waves her hand at him.
He nods back at her.
“I work here.” Jonathan says as he looks at his watch.
“Well, who were you on the phone with?” I ask folding my arms together.
“Your dad actually. He wanted to know where we keep the Windex.”
“Oh.” I say, ashamed of my actions.
But I still need answers, dammit!
“Look, I need to go. Can you meet me for lunch?” He asks the two of us.
Cindy answers: “Uhhhh…”
I answer: “You would like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, I would actually.” He smiles his sexy smile and tries to grab my hand.
“Who is she?” I just decide to throw it out there. See where the fuck it leads me.
“Who is who?” He asks. But he isn’t fooling anyone.
“The girl from my dreams!” I shout. But then realize I sound like a crazy person.
I take a deep breath. I can tell Cindy is nervous. She probably doesn’t want to be involved.
Well, too damn bad!
“Jonathan, I am only going to ask you this once. Who is the woman that was with you in the car yesterday?” I am relieved that those words finally left my mouth.
“Is that what this is about? Jesus. Can you step out of the van please?” Jonathan says in a low, aggravated tone.
“No! You can just tell me right here in front of Cindy.” I am pissed.
“Emily, get out of the car.” He is trying to boss me.
“Jonathan, why don’t you get in the car?” I am being stubborn.
“I’ll get out. Jonathan, you get in.” Cindy saves the day with her rational voice of reason.
She steps out of the van and mouths “sorry” back at me. I just glare at her.
Jonathan reluctantly gets in the van and closes the door.
Now we are both sitting in the two middle seats of a minivan that smells of children, dirty socks and pretzels.
We stare at each other for a minute.
“So. Who is she?” I begin.
“I love how you just assume I am having an affair.”
Jonathan has a point.
“Well, it might be the fact that I am pregnant, or the fact that you cheated on your last wife, but yes, that’s the conclusion that I draw.”
“Well, you are wrong. I would never do that to you.” Jonathan looks pretty hurt. He looks down at his watch, “I don’t really have time to explain the whole story to you this second. But you do need an explanation. Can you meet me?” He asks.
“You are so full of mystery!” I huff, “Fine, but only if Cindy comes.”
“Alright. She might as well know too. That Mexican place across from my work. 5PM.” Jonathan orders as he opens the van door.
“You mean the place we met to sign contracts way back when? Oh, perfect setting!” I am being a bitch just because I can.
All I really want to do right now is rip his clothes off and show that woman in my dreams who’s boss.
But before I can change my mind, Jonathan is gone.
Cindy gets in the car.
“What happened?” She asks.
“It wasn’t my finest moment. We find out the juicy details at 5.” I scramble towards the drivers seat.
“Did he cheat?” Cindy asks, handing me the keys.
“I guess not.” I start the van.
“How mysterious.” Cindy buckles up.
“Retail therapy?” I ask.
Cindy smiles.
9
Mexican
Cindy and I are sipping down our second round of Margaritas.
Mine, of course, is virgin. Cindy receives a phone call from her son explaining to her some crisis at home that she can’t really do anything about. She sighs and tells him to calm down. She tells him to call his father. She tells him she will be home late tonight, and it won’t happen again and would he please just help her out.
I am feeling guilty now. For pulling my friend, who is responsible for all of her children, out of her home and into a New York Mexican restaurant hell.
“Cindy, we can go if you need to.” I say as I slurp my last sip.
She shakes her head no. She tells her son thank you and hangs up.
“Are you kidding me, Emily? I never get days to myself.” Cindy leans in close. “The last time I went out was with my husband for our anniversary, and we ate at a really fancy restaurant and it was great. But then we got home and after taking off my clothes in the bathroom in anticipation of sex, he decides to fall asleep in his underwear face down on our bed.” Cindy slurps the last of her drink now.
I raise my eyebrows. “Wow I feel like a selfish snatch now.” I say.
“Well, you are a selfish snatch, but I’m glad you are in my life. Otherwise, the only excitement I would ever see, would be when Chase’s friends come over and look at my cleavage.”
I laugh. Cindy has great cleavage. Fake, but great.
Right then Jonathan walks in.
He sits next to me and kisses me on the cheek.
He says hello to Cindy.
“Let’s eat!” He rubs his hands together like he is ready to pounce on the chips and salsa.
