Harpy High, page 23
part #2 of Tim Desmond Series
“Honestly, you might help the poor child up.”
The grinning hag shrieked as a plump hip gave her a deft body-check clear across the boiler-room floor. I expected to hear bones rattle when she hit the wall, but I was disappointed. Cushiony hands smelling of chocolate-chip cookies patted my face as the motherly one of the Three knelt before me, burbling tell-me-where-it-hurts noises.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the fuss. I was in familiar territory here, even if I could never recall my own mother wearing such a perfectly starched and frilled June Cleaver apron, complete with the requisite pearl choker. The—whaddayacallit— the gestalt was the same, though. Since Bambi Yaga had slapped Mom into the depths of slumber, I hadn’t once had to tell a grown woman to knock it off, leave me alone, I was all right, I could take care of myself. I never realized I’d missed il so much.
The pampering stopped without warning. I opened my eyes to bosom. Much bosom and very little leopard-print cloth containing it. “Are you going to sit there forever, like a zit?” I recognized the third voice straight off, without waiting for the inevitable trill of phony giggles to confirm it. Besides the Jungle Girl outfit, the lady had no other adornments except a curling fall of bright red hair and blue eyes big as golf balls, though not so googly.
Now they all Three massed in front of me, each one extending a hand. I hesitated. I knew I was in the presence of power— 110, make that Power, or Yang wouldn’t have been so jittery—and I didn’t want to offend any one of them by refusing her help up. Since I only had two hands, this was going to be a tricky bit of diplomacy.
They saw my predicament and they laughed. Then, as I watched, I saw the three hands—bony, pudgy, slim—blend into a single one. I gaped—who wouldn’t—but there was little time for wonder. The hand made an impatient “let’s get on with it” gesture and I took it automatically. One yank later I was standing up and surrounded by the Three.
“No, dear, we are not the Norns,” said the motherly one. A frown line showed between her heavily plucked and penciled brows. “Unless you’re Norse. You’re not Norse, are you, dear?”
I wasn’t. “Then you’re what?” I asked. “The Fates? The— what’s the Greek word?”
“Moirae, darling.” Jungle Girl purred up at me. We were all sitting on a row of packing crates, only she had decided that the proper place for her was on the floor making like a boa constrictor around my legs. It made it kind of hard to enjoy the milk and cookies Super-Mom was pushing on me when my mouth kept going dry.
“Unless he means the Eumenides, dear,” Super-Mom suggested. “The Furies. We do those for the Greeks, too.” “Doesn’t matter.” Bones sat stiff as an ancient Egyptian funerary statue, leering at me nastily. “We’re not them either. Not unless you’re Greek. Which you’re not.”
Jungle Girl pouted. “I wish we knew what he is. If I’ve got to change iconography, I’ll have to wash my hair.”
Super-Mom’s rosy cheeks dimpled over the knitting in her lap. “Why should that matter to us any more than our identity must matter to him? The old boundaries have long since broken, in this land. If they were ever firm from the beginning, which I doubt. He is what he is, and we are the Three. That ought to suffice all around, don’t you think?”
“Okay, so no names. But if you can’t tell me who you are, at least you want to tell me what you are? " I never had learned when to quit. I looked from side to side, but wedges of impenetrable blackness had been set up all around our packing cases, as if someone had sliced a starless night into portable screens. From behind the dark, I heard muffled roars, snorts, and howlings.
“Well, ladies, I do suppose he’s entitled to that much.” Super-Mom tucked her knitting aside where I couldn’t see it. Her two companions rose as if on cue and took their places to either side of her. The black behind them shimmered. So did they.
“We are what you think we are,” said Bones.
“More,” Jungle Girl twittered.
“Or less,” Super-Mom finished. Taking dainty steps, they wove the figures of a dance.
“If you think that Three of us are too many, we can accommodate your fancy.”
“Remodel to suit.”
“Refurbish, redesign, rethink.” A pirouette, and they were a single female form, but with three faces. A leap, and they were the Three again.
“We are what you believe.”
“We are what you think.”
“We are what you need.”
“What everything needs, if it’s to make sense.”
“A beginning, a middle, and an end.”
“And then a beginning again.”
“Well, dear, it does make for steady work, having it that way.” Super-Mom tried to execute a bit of complex footwork and stumbled into Bones. “Whoopsy! Excuse me.”
Bones glared. “Sometime,” she growled, “we ought to consider whether there are worse things than unemployment. An end, a final end with no new start to follow might be just the restful change the world desires. The ceaseless round can be quite tiresome.”
“Now you’re talking like those wicked things we left behind us in the Leeside.” Super-Mom gave her gruesome colleague a severe stare.
“Oh, pooh!” Jungle Girl waved away Bones’s distasteful notion. “If the world wants a once-and-for-all ending, good thing the world doesn’t always get its own way, then. Silly old world!”
I followed their dance better than I followed their explanation. “I still don’t understand!” I cried. “What are you? You’re speaking in riddles!”
“Oh no, dear, that would be poaching on someone else’s territory.” Super-Mom pinched my cheek as she whirled past. “Although we have been known to dabble.”
“We played at beauty pageants with Paris of Troy.”
“We had a fine round of blindman’s bluff with Perseus when we were the Gray Ones, although having just one eye to go around strikes me as rather stingy dealings.”
“Babd, Maeve, and Morrigan.”
“Artemis, Cynthia, and Hecate.”
“Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”
“Larry, Moe, and Curly Joe!”
“Who said that?”
All of them tried looking innocent.
Bones paused in her part of the dance to clamp steely fingers into my shoulder and hiss in my ear, “We are so fond of games, we Three.”
Her breath had an unpleasantly moldy tang to it. I jumped away and landed between the other two. They never missed a beat, so I had to shout my questions at them on the fly-by.
“But whatever you are, you’re not monsters! Why were you trapped in the Leeside?”
“Not monsters? Isn’t he a dear to say that!” Super-Mom took my hands and dragged me into her arms, where we did a waltz. In perfect Three-quarter time, of course.
Jungle Girl cut in and had me doing the cha-cha-cha before I knew it. “/don’t think we’re monsters. We’re just the Three. We know an awful lot, and we do have this itsy-bitsy smidgy-widge of power ... or so I’ve heard.”
Again cold claws dug into my arms and wrenched me away from my partner. Willing or not, I was caught up in Bones’s unyielding grip and prancing out a polka. “Legends name us the controllers of man’s fate, the guardians of man’s knowledge, the possessors of answers to all the questions man might wish to know. We decree the beginning, the middle and the end of every life, if you believe all that’s ever been said of us.” I struggled to get away, but Bones was a loyal partner. The one-two-THREE-fl«
“We spin, we measure, we cut short the life of every man.” “We hold more wisdom than any man will ever learn.” “We are the start, the quickening, the death, and still the new birth after for all men.”
“But we are women.”
Bones drew back her cowl, and there was no more skin to veil the smiling skull. “For some men,” she said, “to bear the insult of such power in such vessels makes us monstrous enough.”
She held the strand taut and by some passing enchantment the filament widened before my eyes until I saw each fiber of it heavy with my own lifetime. Chalky teeth parted in glee as she opened the shears and laid their hungry blades against the thread.
Just as the pale blades met, a blinding blue flash dazzled me. When I blinked away the after-spots, we were back on the packing crates again.
“Uh . . .I guess that answered my question about what you are, all right,” I said.
“Well, yessss.” Super-Mom tapped her lips thoughtfully. “I suppose you could see it that way.”
“We just like to think of ourselves as the Boss.” Bones showed me more of her dental work than I cared to inspect.
Super-Mom gave her another of those hefty pokes. “Don’t get too big for your britches, my girl, and go claiming to be more than you are. Or have you forgotten the Leeside so soon?” It was weird seeing someone as white as Bones go paler yet. Upset or no, she covered by getting stubborn and saying, “Who cares how he sees it? What counts is that as far as he’s concerned, we are the Boss.” Her eyes slued in my direction. It was like suddenly having a rattlesnake decide to take a personal interest in your every move. “Perhaps he’s wondering why we asked him here?”
“ ’Cause he’s cuteV' Jungle Girl wrinkled her nose at me. Super-Mom just sighed.
“Well, yeah, that would be nice,” I said, playing it cool. Somewhere behind the screens of night something roared loud enough to made me jump. So much for cool.
“We asked you here, dear, because we’ve been following you rather closely.” Super-Mom had her knitting out again. I eyed it warily. Now that I knew where she got the stuff, I didn’t want my life being made into a cardigan.
Jungle Girl nuzzled my knee. “Or do you think a mere kitten’s random leaps came up with the terms of your battle?” “You mean you—?”
“We had a hand in it.” Jungle Girl inspected her pearly polished nails, playing coy. “Or Three.”
“Why?” I asked. “Does this mean you’re on my side?” Bones smashed a scone to crumbs with one vicious bite. “The only side we take’s our own. And we don’t like being cheated.” For a heartbeat, her eyes blanked out into empty sockets in whose depths I saw Bambi Yaga’s face. “Talk about getting too big for one’s britches,” she grated.
Super-Mom reached across her knitting to pat my hand. “Even the rankest amateur spinner knows that there’s only so much weight a strand will bear. Put too much on it, and it snaps. If he loses to the witch, Dr. Faustus’ forfeited sorcery will be but a small addition to her power. Unfortunately, if you lose as well, she will possess enough magic to strain the web-work of the world to the breaking point.” She sat back and resumed knitting. “We wouldn’t like that at all, dear.”
“Huh? If she gets my magic she’ll be—? I don’t have any magic! Nothing to write home about, anyway.”
“Yes, dear.” Super-Mom wrassled with a snarl. “Whatever you say, dear.”
“Listen, all I have I got from Eleziane’s father, Lord Pala-mon. My wand—my father’s sword—both together, but it isn’t working—it can’t—my mother—”
“Shut up,” said Bones. “We know.”
Jungle Girl ran her fingernail up the inseam of my jeans until I squirmed. Hey, she got my attention.
“We Three are whatever you mortals believe us to be. Just so you are to yourselves. Does magic’s symbol bestow power, or merely wake it where it lies? When greed fights goodness, does it matter whether the battle-plain is the borderland of empires or the Glenwood High School gym?” A weird, foggy look came over her. She began to sway on her haunches, chanting: “Armies gather, if you can the armies see. Who claims them for his own, owns victory. Sword-brothers stand together in the fray, heart to heart, and win the day. Magician, wisely choose your friends! Strange allies rule when battle ends.” “There she goes again.” Super-Mom shook her head indulgently. “You’ll have to excuse her, dear. She will get these attacks of prophecy. You know how it is with virgins.”
“I do not,” I grumped.
“Well, pay attention anyway. There might be something important for you in what she says.”
Pay attention? Important? Now she tells me! While Super-Mom had been speaking I’d missed a good stretch of doggerel revelation.
Desperate to salvage something, I patted my pockets and turned up a leaky ball-point stick pen and a wadded-up receipt from Record City. As I scribbled down as much as I could remember of her babblings, Jungle Girl cried out: “She wakes to see the frog be crowned a queen!”
And quit.
“Oh, goody,” said Super-Mom. “Peace at last.”
“Wait! Hold it!” I gasped. “I didn’t get all that. What comes after ‘Seek heroes’?”
Bones plucked pen and paper from my hands and stuffed a bunch of folding money into my shirt pocket.
“Just buy the prom tickets for us, kid. We’ll see how much of your butt we can save for you there, okay?”
I was making my stunned and silent way up the basement steps when I heard Three voices call as one:
“—and when you’re lining up our dates, be sure to tell them we’ve got great personalities!”
Save the Last Dance for Me
“Trust me: She’s got a great personality,” I wheedled.
“But does she like dogs?” Gorm of the Shining Helm replied.
“Sure she does,” Neil said briskly, swaddling the hero in a rented cummerbund. “Crazy about ’em. Why don’t you trade those two whatever-the-hells for a coupla dogs yourself some day?”
Zisi and Zasu, the Hounds from Heck, growled ineffectively at us from their place under Neil’s bed.
“I still don’t like this whole setup,” said Perseus, fiddling with his bow tie. “By rights, the Mythological Continuum should’ve been set ass-over-amphora the minute we stepped out of the Back Room.”
“But it wasn’t,” I hastened to remind him. “Which means de facto that this is something you heroes are not only permitted to get away with, it’s something you’re supposed to do. Perseus, this is your mission!”
I waited for him to get the “hero-look” in his eyes when I said mission. You know, that bright-eyed, simpleminded, oblivious stare you see in every picture of Sir Galahad beholding the Grail. I’d seen it first when Neil and I, accompanied by T’ing and Teleri, entered the Back Room of Feidelstein’s to do our heavy-duty recruiting. The heroes were reluctant, to begin with. A few of them were downright truculent. Mostly we garnered a lot of I-gave-at-the-human-sacrifice responses.
Then Teleri played hardball. “Glory,” she said. “Battle. Death. Blood. Havoc. Girls. Free beer.”
Bingo. The “hero-look” in spades. Which was how we managed to scrape together the ten happy souls (not counting the dogs) presently crowding Neil’s bedroom. Our task now was to get this pack of yahoos zipped into their rented tuxes, introduced to their dates, and over to the Glenwood High School gymnasium before Neil’s father came home and discovered all of his six-packs were missing.
It had been a long afternoon. Even thoughts of impending immortality-through-bloodshed lose some of their glamour for the staunchest of heroes. Perseus wasn’t buying any.
“Our mission?” he repeated with all the fiery passion of a life insurance actuary. “So you said. So it seemed when you unmasked the fiend who had usurped our noble host’s place.” Fat lot of good that had done. I’d stepped up to the monster who’d been playing Ben Kipnis’ part at the deli counter and pulled a Perry Mason sudden-death accusation on him. It was pure bluff, but it worked. The critter got the wind up, panicked, and tried to make a dash for it. Siegfried (or Siegmund) leaped in and made like a Germanic Cuisinart.
“Would’ve been nice if we could’ve asked him where he stowed Mr. Kipnis,” I mumbled. “It’s mighty hard to cross-examine a pile of fiend puree.”
“Fear not,” said Perseus. “Once we have triumphed over the witch and her minions, we shall undertake the . . . Quest for KipnisV Whoa! The Q-word! The “hero-look” flickered alive, then died quickly. He gave the bow tie another futile twitch. “Speaking of fiends, who in Hades created this sadistic frippery?”
“Probably the the same asshole whose only social skill is knowing how to tie one of them,” Siegfried suggested. He had dealt with the problem of bow ties with his usual heroic directness, by ripping the one I gave him off his neck and chopping it into cole slaw with his sword Nothung.
“I still don’t like this,” an Aztec hero said. We gave up trying to call him by his given name as soon as he gave it— something like Hzulptlzpotecatlieeatl. “All this stealth, these ruses, this obnoxious clothing. Why can’t we just show up and bust heads? I am morally opposed to skulduggery.”
“Unless it involves real skulls,” said Cuchulain.
“Celts who live in huts with niches for displaying severed heads shouldn’t throw stones,” the Aztec shot back.
The Irish hero stopped carving cuchulain + emer 4EVER in Neil’s bedroom wall long enough to ask, ‘ ‘Why not? Throw one big enough and the job’s done.”
There was an urgent knocking at the door. T’ing came in without bothering to wait for a by-your-leave. Our token knight, Sir Edgar Dragonslayer, let out a yip of outraged modesty and clutched his cast-oif hauberk to his massive chest. “Woman, people are changing in here!” he bellowed.
T’ing didn’t look like she was in the mood to coddle anyone’s propriety, least of all that of a warrior who augmented his basic armor with accessories made from the tanned hide of a slain dragon’s—uh—Well, he said it made a pretty good sleeping bag.


