What She Found, page 5
Is it Karina, looking for someone?
I pull away from Wesley and nudge him, pointing to the shadow.
Or is it someone else?
He kisses me again, but I push myself off the counter and reach for the knob. He doesn’t stop me, so I open the door, but no one’s there. I step out and turn from side to side.
No one.
Did I imagine it?
“You okay?” Wesley whispers and steps beside me.
I stare up at him and nod. “I thought I saw someone out here.”
He frowns, looking around as I fuss with my hair, sure that someone will walk around the corner, out of the darkness, at any second.
Wesley clears his throat. “I should go help Matt.”
No, stay. Except I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. Matt might really need help, and I don’t know if I’m ready to be like this with someone right now. So close.
“Okay?” he asks.
I nod.
He grabs his jacket from the couch and puts it on, pulling his hood up over his head as he looks back at me. Neither of us say anything as he strides out the living room door and closes it behind him.
Why didn’t he want to stay? Did I freak him out? Is there something wrong with me?
I go to the same door and open it, popping my head out. Wesley has disappeared somewhere into the thunderstorm, and the porch is empty. I feel his absence, lonely again.
My stomach swirls as my mouth pools with saliva. It hits me all at once, and I run into the powder room with enough energy to swing the door shut behind me, but not enough to turn the light on before dropping to my knees by the toilet and grabbing hold of the cold ceramic.
There are some things I miss about how it used to be with Derek, and I think of them as I rock back and forth, gripping the toilet seat tight. I’ve missed them for so long because things weren’t good for so long that now it seems weird to miss them at all—but I do.
What have I been doing?
What do I do now?
I feel it all swirling inside me, ready to come up, but I can’t let it go.
Chapter Five
I wrap my long hair up into a ponytail and use the counter to pull myself up, away from the toilet. I swallow away the acidic texture in my mouth, burning down my throat and in my nose, and cup my hand beneath the faucet as a constant voice, soft and low, stops me from turning the tap on.
A man’s voice, yes?
Maybe not.
I open the door, and the sound is coming from my left. The cellar door.
There’s a glow along one side, just a crack, and I take a step toward it. Was it open before? I don’t recognize the voice, and I can’t make out the mumbling.
Is it a TV?
Footsteps thud down the stairs and walk through the living room toward me as I step back into the bathroom and close the door.
If it’s Wesley, I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want to see him at all.
The footsteps pass across the door, along with a shadow. I splash water on my face, rinse my mouth, and then open the door a crack, peeking into the darkness.
No people. No voices. Was I hearing them? Have I been hearing and seeing things all along?
I scurry across the dark living room, up the stairs, and find the bathroom door at the top closed, light illuminating the crack beneath it by the floor. I stop in front of it, remembering the look on Cassy’s face as she hid the pill bottle. Why was she hiding it? If it’s still in there, in her bag, I could see what it was.
I knock on the door without thinking, but no sound comes from the other side. “Hello?” I whisper. “It’s Tabbie.”
Nothing.
What if someone passed out in there? Hit their head? Maybe that’s where Karina is?
I twist the knob and push, stumbling into the empty washroom. Maybe empty…Could there be something behind the shower curtain?
I stumble forward and reach out for it, steeling myself to yank it open, only to make myself vulnerable to whatever monster is on the other side, and I pull it back.
Empty tub.
Someone forgot to turn off the light.
I turn to the counter, but it’s bare. The little black bag isn’t there anymore. Did Cassy take it with her? I’m almost sure she didn’t.
I flick the light switch and shuffle down the hall to my bedroom, closing the door behind me, then gravitate mindlessly toward the big window by the other side of the bed, where I stare down at the evergreen and maple trees lining the road. I’m above the same porch where Wesley and I almost shared our first kiss. Over there’s where Matt and Wesley disappeared.
I stumble back and sit on my bed. The road is almost visible from this angle. Leaning my head against the pillow, I can see it through the rain.
If Derek were here with me, we’d have gotten a better room, a bigger bed, and I’d feel back to normal again. Not always good. Not always bad, or so I thought, but normal.
I’m not supposed to want what we had, and I’m not sure if I do, but I want normal again—ache for it. The life I used to have. The future I thought I was headed toward. The little family, the trips and travel. Really, just the feeling of working toward that future with someone who loved me—who wanted the same things. The home he became to me.
I tug the sheet beneath my chin and curl up on my side as my stomach swirls once more, staring out at the leaves blowing through the trees.
Please don’t be sick again. I’ll never do another shot again if I can just go to sleep. The wave of nausea washes over me and away, over me, and away.
Is Karina still outside somewhere? Did Matt come back for her? I should stay up, but I can barely keep my eyes open anymore, and…I just want to hide away until the pain is gone, the sickness passes, and it’s time to go home, back to my crappy new apartment, into my crappy bed, and hide away there.
Cheer up, Tabbie, Bonnie would say if she were here. It’ll all be okay. You’ll feel normal again.
I sigh, releasing some of the deep weight of the pain she left behind, as a lump forms in my throat. Bonnie would be downstairs, looking for Karina, waiting for Matt, and making sure everything and everyone was okay. I should go. I should see.
I grab the sheet, about to pull it off my body, when high beams light up the road outside my window, and just before it turns into the driveway, I can make out the car. Matt and Cassy’s car. Good. He’s back.
I snuggle my cheek against the soft, cool pillow and close my eyes.
Maybe he fixed the car and brought Karina back to it while I was with Wesley in the bathroom.
Wesley in the bathroom.
My favourite memory from this weekend.
From the year thus far.
I hold on to it, transporting myself back into the small, dark powder room. I can smell his cologne, feel his rough hands on my arms, his soft, warm lips on my neck. His strong arms wrapped around me tight, lifting me up. As I drift off, I hold on to the affection I’ve missed as long as I can, in case I never feel it again.
Chapter Six
Noises from the hallway wake me, and I squint into the morning light as I prop my shoulder up against the pillow and listen. My head throbs, a constant, dull ache, as someone calls up the stairs. The anxious feeling of having overslept creeps into my chest.
“No, you didn’t pack it.” That’s Cassy.
“I didn’t pack a t-shirt?” Matt calls back from the hallway close to my door. “I can’t believe that.”
“Believe it!” Cassy shouts up at him. “I packed the twins to go to grandma’s. I didn’t have time to pack yours too. You were responsible for your own clothing, and you didn’t pack a t-shirt.”
I press the pillow to my ears to drown out the sound, but knocks at my door follow, sharp and fast. I press my fingers against my temples, rubbing the pain away. “Yeah?”
“Did you bring an extra tank top?” Liz calls to me. “Can I borrow it?”
“Yeah, fine.”
She bursts through the door and walks to my bag, digging through it with a light laugh, sweat stains on the back of her light pink tank top.
“What?”
“You pack like I do,” she says. “Arlie hates it.”
“Arlie, huh? Guess you two are better?”
“Uh huh.” She pulls out a black tank top from my bag. “It’s hot out today. Just got back from a jog.”
I close my eyes. “Everything hurts.”
“I’d have asked you to join me this morning, but you really drank a lot last night.”
Thanks. Didn’t know.
“If you need something for that, there’s a bottle of acetaminophen down on the kitchen table if everyone hasn’t used them all up already. We really are getting old. Cassy’s the only one without a hangover.”
The pills.
I open my eyes and sit up straight. “Karina. They were for Karina. What happened with her last night?”
She shrugs. “We thought maybe you knew.” I rub my eyes as she stares at me. “No?”
I shake my head. “Wesley was the last to see her, and then Matt came back… Wait, didn’t he see her when he got back?”
Liz shakes her head. “So when did you last see her?”
“I brought her pills, but she’d vanished. I wasn’t gone long… or it didn’t feel long—”
“But Wesley saw her?”
“That’s what he told me, and then he left to go help Matt.”
She frowns. “Matt didn’t mention it.”
“Are you sure?”
She cocks her head to the side. “Are you sure?”
She thinks I was too drunk to remember. Maybe I’m just not explaining it well. “Liz, I know Wesley told me he saw her on the porch, and then he left to help Matt. I saw Matt’s car pull up in the driveway before I fell asleep. If Wesley was with him, or who was the last to see Karina after that, I don’t know.”
Liz shrugs and strides to the door. “That’s really strange.”
She leaves without another word, and I pull on my jean shorts, hopping and hobbling over to the dresser to grab my toiletries bag.
“Hey.” Cassy taps on the door, and I jump. “Damn, sorry.”
I pull a tank top over my head.
“We’re leaving.”
“Right now?” I tug my hair tie out and shake it all loose from the knotted ponytail. “I thought we were all staying until after lunch at least. Making a weekend of it. What time is it?”
“Ten, but the twins are driving their grandma nuts; Matt’s in a bad mood, and I just spoke to his mom and promised we’d pick the kids up before lunch, so we’ve gotta hit the road.”
“Hey, do you know what happened to Karina?”
She frowns. “I went to bed before you. I thought you knew where she went. Hey,” she whispers with a hiss, checking behind her before continuing, “did anything happen between you and Wesley?”
I press my lips together and look behind her.
“Oh, he left, so speak freely. I just don’t want Connor to hear if his little plan didn’t work.”
“Wesley left?”
“Yeah, like ten minutes ago, maybe fifteen.”
And he didn’t say goodbye to me.
“Did something happen?” she asks, a concerned tone to her voice. “Did you two hook up, and then he just up and left?”
She can read the disappointment on my face.
I clear my throat. “Just a kiss. Nothing more.”
“Ooo, well, that’s fun, right?”
“Cass!” Matt hollers from downstairs.
“Okay, gotta go—”
“Wait, so no one knows what happened to Karina?”
She shakes her head. “I guess not, but it really sounds like she finally got that ride from her mystery man and a tow for her car. We didn’t want to wake you up, so Matt went to check this morning, and it’s not there anymore. Call me and let me know you got home safe, okay?”
I nod, and she dashes out of the room and bounds down the stairs, waving to me as she disappears.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I did when I got here, but the loneliness has taken on a whole new meaning now that I’ve been ghosted by Wesley. That’s why I shouldn’t have let anything happen between us. It was a stupid, drunk decision. I’m not ready for more rejection.
After packing and using the washroom, I bring my bags to the living room and grab my purse from the floor. Wait, didn’t I leave it on the couch?
I open it to dig around for my sunglasses, but right at the top is my notepad and something scribbled on the first page. I bend over to pick it up, the pressure inside my head building as I grab it.
Won’t do that again.
It’s handwritten in black ink.
Don’t stop until you find it.
I turn it over, but there’s no writing on the back.
Don’t stop until you find… what?
Who wrote this?
“Tab?” Liz calls from the kitchen. I tuck the notepad back in my purse and join her by the counter as she fills a kettle with tap water. My sandpaper tongue glides over my lips, so I grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it up. I turn and take a long gulp, coughing, as Arland dumps the last two pills from the bottle in his hand and tosses them into his mouth.
“None left?” I ask.
Please let there be more.
He swallows and opens his eyes wide. “Sorry, Tabbie.”
I rub my left temple and close my eyes, but the swirling in my stomach returns until I open them, and a glass on the table with a cherry red lip stain and amber liquid sitting at the bottom catches my eye. I guess Karina got her drink after all.
“Tea or coffee?” Liz asks.
“I think I’m going to go…” Everyone else is leaving, and I feel terrible. I just want to be alone in my own bed and go back to drowning out the world.
“Sorry about last night,” Liz whispers to me as I pass her.
“You okay?” I whisper.
She sighs and nods, and I know she means for now. They have their issues to work out, but I’ve never questioned whether Arland loves Ryan, and I hope he can make them his top priority again to prove it to her.
Can’t have the whole gang falling apart. Derek and I are bad enough. It changes the whole dynamic.
“Hey,” Connor calls from the living room. “You makin’ coffee?”
“For you?” Liz says. “Of course.”
“Great!” He ambles into the kitchen in a wrinkled t-shirt and khaki shorts. “Have you seen my wine? The box of wine bottles?”
“I took it out to your car,” Arland says. “I knew it’d be open, so I put it in your trunk.” He turns to me. “I’d have done the same for you already, but Connor always leaves his unlocked. Keys?”
So much for Wesley bringing my wine to my car. So much for anything with Wesley.
“You okay, Tabbie?” Connor asks and elbows me.
“I have a wicked hangover,” I say, wiping sweat from my brow, and stare up at Arland, “and Arland just took the last of the pain meds.”
“I’m sorry!” Arland laughs. “You probably needed them more than me. Your keys?”
“Oh, thanks.” I huff and shake my head, digging them out of my purse. “The drive home’s going to be hell.”
“Speaking of,” Arland says, grabbing my keys and turning to Liz, “I’m going to have the cleaning service come early, since everyone’s leaving earlier than expected…”
“Hey.” Connor nudges me. “Wesley told me to tell you goodbye for him.”
Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t, and Connor’s trying to make me feel better about him running out, but it doesn’t matter. It was just a random, one-off encounter, and it’s silly to make it into anything more.
I pat him on the back twice and give him my best fake I’m okay smile. “I’m off.”
He returns mine with a half-hearted one of his own as Liz sets his coffee on the table. “Thanks for everything, guys,” Connor says and raises his mug to Arland and Liz. “You got us a great spot this time. Bonnie woulda loved it.”
Arland nods. Although he averts his eyes, he’s blinking back tears.
If Bonnie were here, everyone would still be here. We’d be sitting around this table, or outside under the giant maple trees, enjoying this peaceful place. Feeling whole.
“I wish you’d let us pitch in one of these times,” Connor says.
Classic Connor.
“Maybe next time,” Arland says, grabbing my box of wine.
Classic Arland.
“Can’t wait to go back to the chalet,” Connor says with such genuine excitement, Arland, Liz and I exchange smiles.
“Don’t wish away the summer,” Liz says and sips her tea.
But I do.
I wish away the summer, and the fall, and hope the lonely, sick feeling inside me goes with it. Maybe by the winter, I’ll feel right again, but the strange feeling enveloping me can’t only be blamed by my hangover.
A stranger came to this house last night, and she disappeared as mysteriously as she arrived. I may never know how she got home, or how she came across this house, and I hope she’s okay, but the guilt of not trying harder to find her—to help her—still remains.
Karina could have been me, and I could have just disappeared, too.
Chapter Seven
It’s not until six days after I arrive home from the vineyard trip that my younger brother calls. His name lights up on my cell phone screen as I roll out of my rock-hard bed and hit answer.
“Hey, Reese, what’s up?”
“Just wanted to tell you a thunderstorm’s on the way to you guys this afternoon, so it’s best to leave before ten.”
I smile and shuffle to the kitchen. “Oh yeah?”
He thinks I’m still at the vineyard because I told him I’d be there until today, giving me a whole week of not having to take his calls, answer his questions, and pretend I’m okay. Whatever it takes to have some time to myself and sulk before the next meeting with Derek and the mediators.
“Yep, just checked. Weather’s good out your way, though, so once you’re back in town, you’re fine.”
