If Ever I Fall, page 9
“Not a single person.”
He grunted again.
She opened her backpack and pulled out her French book. Of all things, today they’d partnered up and practiced ordering in restaurants. The timing couldn’t’ve been better. She laid her backpack on the seat next to her, opened the book on her lap, and was flipping through the pages when the SUV swerved. Tommie cursed and righted the vehicle.
“You okay back there?”
“Yep.” She looked at her backpack and saw its contents were on the seat and the floor. Shit. She didn’t see Matt’s letter.
“Stunad cut over from the left turn lane.”
“I’m fine. No worries.” She saw they were turning into her driveway and she unbuckled her seatbelt to gather up her stuff. When the car stopped at the gate, she got down on the floor and looked beneath the seat for Matt’s letter. She didn’t see it anywhere.
She rechecked her backpack and the seat. The car moved up the drive to the house and stopped. She ran her hand between the entire seam between the seat back and the bench. Nothing. Back to the floor, where she was patting underneath the seats feeling for the envelope. A shaft of light came through the back when Tommie opened the door.
“Waddya doing?”
“Gathering up the stuff that flew out of my backpack when we swerved,” she told the underside of the bench.
“Get outta there and lemme look.”
Oh hell to the no. “Give me a sec, okay. I know what I’m looking for.”
“Soph, there ain’t nothing in this car except what flew outta ya bag. Whatever I find, it’s yours.”
Damn straight it was, and he wasn’t getting his mitts anywhere near her stuff. “One more minute.”
She straightened up but was still on her knees when Tommie reached into the side pocket of the door and held up the envelope with Matt’s letter in it. “This what you looking for?”
Take a deep breath. Appear calm. “Yep.” She held out her hand.
He turned over the envelope and read it. “This don’t look like school stuff. And it’s addressed to Amy.”
She wiggled her fingers. “It’s mine.”
“This what upset ya?”
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. All the saints and the apostles. Someone. Anyone. Give her a hand here. “Nope.” She walked on her knees to the open door, then wiggled her fingers again. “I’ll take that now.”
“Soph, you’re crawling around the car on your hands and knees freakin’ out looking for this thing. I’m thinking it’s sumpin’ that upset ya.”
Lord, hear my prayer. “It’s mine, Tommie. I’d like it back now.”
“Ya know,” he tilted his head toward his enormous shoulder, “I’m thinkin’ it’s sumpin’ the Don should take a look at.”
“He respects my privacy.” That right there was a huge, ginormo lie. “He doesn’t read my mail.”
“Well, this ain’t addressed to ya, so no worries.” He stuffed the envelope with Matt’s letter inside – MATT’S LETTER – into his inside jacket pocket.
Damage control. That was Sofia’s first and only thought. She left her backpack and stumbled out of the car, flying past Tommie, and ran into the house. Nonna called out to her, but Sofia kept running, moving down one hall, then another, rounding the corner to commit the most giant no-no – much worse than any sin – in their household. She didn’t knock, she didn’t wait for her father to say, “Come in.” She pushed through his study’s door, which was no easy feat cuz that sucker weighed a ton, swung the door behind her, hoping it closed, and took in her father’s face as he stood from his huge executive chair and leaned his large hands on his desk, his eyes blue molten fire.
“Don’t yell,” she shouted. He looked like he was going to combust. His usually placid, olive-toned face was mottled with red blotches that seemed to go all the way down his neck. “Listen to me before you say or do anything.” His hands balled into fists but remained on his desk. “You have to hear me out.”
“Leave it here, Tommie, and close the door on your way out.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tommie walking to her father’s desk, where he dropped the envelope with Matt’s letter in it on the corner of the desk closest to her father’s left hand. Tommie turned, walked away, and she heard the door snick closed. Until that moment she didn’t realize she was standing two feet in front of the desk, trembling so hard her skirt shook against her knees.
“I’m waiting,” her father ground out as if the words had to force themselves past his clenched teeth.
“I love you, but you’re suffocating the hell out of me. It’s like I’m living in the Dark Ages. You took away my car and my cell. No one’s allowed to call the house, and you won’t let me call anyone from the house except Gio. Since I’ve been back, I can’t go to any parties, dances, or even Amy’s house. The only time I’ve been anywhere is when you let me go with Gio and Nat to those Halloween parties. I’m guessing you had someone tailing us, but I never saw them, so I had a good time.”
“Was that good time before or after you called Matteo?” His voice rumbled through the room, and she swore she saw the papers flutter on his desk.
You see, this was what’d slipped her mind. Since she’d been back home her life had been an endless cycle of whooshing dips and then chugging up a hill like a roller coaster, but without any of the fun. In her emotional upheaval, she’d forgotten about her father’s reach. She’d forgotten he knew everything. About everyone. All the fucking time. How? She had no idea.
She had been careful. Deliberate. No one, absolutely no one knew anything but Amy. Sofia had used Amy’s phone in the bathroom in a house of some college guys she didn’t even know. She hadn’t talked to Matt for more than a few minutes. The text he sent back with his correspondent’s number went to Amy’s phone. The letters went through TLC to Amy’s house. Amy gave Sofia Matt’s letters. Sofia gave her replies to Amy to mail. It was contained. Only Amy knew. Only Amy.
Amy.
“Amy?”
He tilted his head slightly to the right.
Holy fuck. Sofia had been betrayed by the only true friend she had on earth.
She crumpled to the ground.
The Study
Di Caro residence
Dutchford
Sofia
She didn’t stay down for more than a moment. Her father appeared at her side and lifted her into his big, strong arms, then carried her to the sofa in front of the fireplace where he sat, and not since she was a little girl, he placed her on his lap and lightly pressed her head against his wide, solid chest.
“Forgive her,” he murmured in her ear. “I can be persuasive.”
Well, there was an understatement if she ever heard one.
Sitting there, being contained, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to punch him in the face. She wanted to sob her eyes out. Instead, she waited and she listened.
“Remember,” his deep voice was barely above a whisper, “when I told you there were things you didn’t know and never would?”
She nodded against his chest. He was talking about Matt’s family.
“I’ve been protecting you from those things.”
She jolted and fisted his crisp tailored shirt.
“No car means you’re not alone on the road. No phone means no one can track you or hack you. No parties mean no one can put anything in your drink. No visiting Amy means she’s not in danger if someone comes for you.”
There was so much there, and so much he wasn’t saying, it made what he was saying somehow scarier. By now, the trembling was back with a vengeance, making her fingers curl and tighten in his shirt.
“I don’t want you scared, my precious Sofia, I want you safe so you can live your life to its fullest, and for a very, very long time. Until this danger passes, I’m asking you to trust me to keep you and the rest of my family safe.”
“Wh…what about Gio an…and Nat. Th…they’re, they’re –”
“Protected at all times. People are there watching out for them.”
“Do…do they know?”
“That they’re protected?”
She nodded.
“Absolutely.”
She wondered how Nat handled that. Gio was born to this life. Nat was marrying into it.
Always adept at reading people, her father answered her unasked question. “Natalia is a practical woman. She understands who her future husband is and accepts all of the realities that come with him.”
Damn. How did he do that? Say everything without saying anything.
He tightened his arms for moment. “Are you up for answering some questions?”
She nodded.
“What do you want?”
She loosened the hold on his shirt but didn’t let go when she leaned back to look up at him. “For…for real?”
His lips twitched. “For real.”
Deep breath, get it out all in one go. “Is Matt pushing me away because of you?”
He didn’t keep her waiting. “In part. Mostly, he wants you safe.”
Her head swam and the clench around her heart loosened. “If,” she wasn’t practiced at speaking in code, but she tried, “he didn’t have to…worry about keeping me safe, do you think…”
“No.” Her heart dropped to her knees. “I know.”
Elation. “Is there a way for him to…not worry about keeping me safe?”
“There is.”
“Then I want him.”
“For real?”
She yanked on her father’s shirt and tried to smile up at him. “Absolutely.”
“You’re sure?”
“I know you think I’m too young to make such a monumental decision about the rest of my life, but Gio was only three years older than me when he fell in love with Nat through the mail.”
“Those are three big years, my Sofia.”
“I get that.” She couldn’t argue facts. “How’d you know with Mom?”
Again, he answered with no hesitation. “I couldn’t imagine living my life without her.”
Wow. She was shocked he didn’t tell her he was older, had more experience, they took their time, yada, yada. “Must run in the family.”
She heard the soft chuckle in his chest. “So it seems. What about university?”
“None of that changes. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to study and learn all I could about my art so I could devote my life to it. Matt knows this, and he wants it for me. He’d never stand in my way.”
“I’d have to agree.”
“You know, I’m smart and determined.”
He gave me a small smile. “I’m well aware.”
“I’m not fragile.”
“I never thought you were.”
“You treat me like I’ll break if a strong wind blows near me.”
“I treat your mother, sister, grandmother, and now Natalia the same way.”
“But not Gio.”
“No. The feeling is the same, but I am a product of my upbringing. He’s my son.”
“So old school.”
“I’m all right with that.”
She slapped his chest lightly. “Why haven’t we done this before? Not the crisis stuff. The talking.”
“A mistake I intend to rectify.”
“At the beginning of the summer, before you left Sicily, when you took me to lunch?”
He nodded. Once.
“One of the best times I’ve ever had with you.”
“Then we’ll do it more often.”
She didn’t want to move back to the heavy, but she had to know. “What now?”
He understood what she was asking. Sometimes, she thought he read minds. “You have to trust me to protect you even if it means you live in the ‘Dark Ages’ a while longer. Can you do that?”
She nodded.
“No more letters, Sofia. You must promise me.”
“I promise.”
“No more phone calls either.”
“I won’t call him, Dad.”
“Good.” He gave her a squeeze. “When I’m comfortable your safety is no longer compromised, you’ll know, and so will Matteo.”
She wrapped her arms around him, well, as far as they would go and spoke into his chest. “The waiting is going to be rough.”
“You can handle it.”
“I have no choice.”
“In this, no, you don’t.”
“It sucks.”
He lifted her chin with his forefinger and gave her his half grin. “I’m sure it does.”
“I have a request.”
He tilted his chin down.
“Talk to us more at the dinner table.”
His eyes widened enough to for her to know, she’d surprised him.
He gave her a full smile this time. “I’ll give it a try.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“The best words a father ever hears.”
The Lunchroom
Our Lady
Two Days Later
Sofia
Sofia knew Amy had come back to school today and was avoiding her. Her father must’ve told Amy the cat was out of the bag, and, knowing Amy, she didn’t want to get into it with Sofia. And who could blame her. Really, nobody ever said no to Don Alessandro. While Sofia had no idea who the people were with whom her father did business, she had been around him at every family function for nearly eighteen years, and she remembered about fourteen of those years.
Outside their immediate family gatherings, there wasn’t a dinner, christening, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, wedding, funeral, holiday party, or celebration that had fewer than forty people in attendance. Typically, there were about three hundred people or more. And every single adult, from the nonnos and nonnas, the old zias and zios, to Mom and Dad’s brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces, almost all of whom were successful in their own right – business owners, doctors, lawyers, executives – every one of them showed deference to Don Alessandro. Sought out his advice on a wide range of subjects, many times disappearing for an hour, cloistered in the Don’s study while the party carried on. Aside from Uncle Aaron, who had defied his brother-in-law long before they’d become in-laws, which was probably why Dad still held a mean grudge, Sofia couldn’t think of a relative who didn’t mentally genuflect when asking for the Don’s ear.
Amy was feisty and had a mouth on her, but facing the pressure the Don must’ve applied to get Amy to rat on Sofia? Amy caved. Maybe not at first, or all at once, but she never had a snowball’s chance in hell of saying no to him.
Sofia sat in the middle of the lunchroom, conspicuously alone, letting Amy know Sofia wasn’t hiding. That she’d welcome an approach. But the proverbial ball was in Amy’s court, so all Sofia could do was wait. After about ten minutes of looking busy skimming her World Studies outline, Sofia heard the rustling of what sounded like a plastic bag behind her. She’d bet Sriracha Sunshine Hippeas. Sure enough, a bright yellow bag was dropped in front of her before Amy rounded the table.
“Peace offering?” Sofia looked at the snack.
“If it’ll work.” Amy tilted her head and stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.
“Anyone else, I’d be pissed. But c’mon. Who says no to him?”
“Right?” Amy breathed out a long sigh. “I mean, I tried to say no. Really.”
“I believe you.”
“But day-um. He knows how to play that guilt violin like a concert master.”
“He’s had a lot of practice.”
“It shows.” Amy wiped her brow. “I was shitting bricks and shaking in my boots at the same time.”
Sofia couldn’t help it, she laughed.
Amy looked relieved. “All he told me was, you knew, and he figured we’d talk.”
“We’ve come to an understanding.”
Amy made a rolling motion with her hand. “And?”
“Everything he’d doing is to keep me safe from some danger he refuses to tell me about.”
“Hmm.”
“Honestly? I don’t want to know. It’s not that I think I couldn’t handle it, but it’ll be another thing swirling around in my head, and I’ve got enough unwanted shit piled in there to last me two lifetimes.”
“Amen to that, sister.”
“So, on the one hand, I realllly don’t like him treating me as if I’d get the vapors from too much info, on the other, I’m okay with not knowing. I trust that it’s fairly awful when he says there’s danger he’s protecting me from.”
“He doesn’t strike me as someone who does drama.”
Sofia barked out a laugh. “He’s the last person on earth who’d create drama. He’s all about control.”
“Oh yeah. I saw that up close and in person.” Amy fanned her face.
“Since he and I talked, I’ve been thinking of all the fucked-up things that happen to ordinary people just living their lives. Then I layered on being his kid. His daughter no less – he’s so old school – and up until my asshole ex went all gonzo, I wasn’t hemmed in. I knew he kept a close watch, but he never said I couldn’t do anything. I figure, if he’s worried enough to go all Dark Ages on me, I need to respect that.”
“Look at you being all reasonable and adult.” Amy grabbed the bag of Hippeas and pulled the sides and the top seam separated. She tilted the bag to Sofia and she took a few.
“Something he said made me settle.”
More hand motions from Amy, whose mouth was stuffed.
“He told me Matt was pushing me away partly because of him, but mostly because he wanted me safe. Then he was vague, but what I took away from it was once Matt knew the danger was gone, we would be free to be…” she shrugged, “us.”
“And in the meantime?” Amy sucked each fingertip.
“No more letters. No more phone calls.”
“Harsh.”
Sofia nodded. “Don’t have much choice.”
“Too true.” Amy tilted her head. “You know I’m not all Pollyanna and shit like that, but I think everything’s going to be all right, Soph. I’m not blowing smoke or anything. I really feel it’s all going to work out.”
Sofia sighed. “From your mouth, Ames.”
