Her Veterinarian Hero, page 22
Tyler’s eyes searched hers as if deciphering a map legend.
“Olivia.” The timbre of his voice had never captured her name so fully. Rolling off his lips, it sounded like an impassioned plea. “These last few days have had my head spinning in a cyclone. Meeting you has made me question my purpose here in Roseley, at the clinic. What’s the point of building a life I sure do like a lot, if I know that a better life is possible?” When he cupped her face and stroked a thumb over the dimple at her mouth, she could feel him pushing all of his chips to the center of the table.
“Tyler...” she began but he shook his head as if he could shake away her hesitancy. He was trying to read her, trying to see if she was holding back her feelings from him. His touch almost made her forget her promise to herself to put Micah first and above all else in her life. Almost.
“Since you came into my life—”
“Please don’t say anything more,” Olivia whispered. She couldn’t stand to hear him confess his feelings for her. It would be torture for her to have to withhold hers.
“But I have to. I’ve been driving around town for hours imagining what the future could hold if I wasn’t afraid anymore.”
“You’ve been afraid?” she said, peering up at him. She wasn’t the only one who felt so lost and uncertain on where to go from here?
“Terrified. I’ve never trusted anyone the way I’ve trusted you.”
His confession rang true with her own sentiment. But restraint made her next words feel empty. “Friends should trust each other.”
“Can’t you see what I’m trying to say?” he said. “I don’t want to be just friends. I can’t help but think, at least I’m seriously hoping, that you want to be more, too.”
Olivia’s eyes glistened with tears. His words were like uncovering a golden treasure in the sand, but at the same time, she felt the prize was too rich to keep. She had to return it before she squandered both it and the progress she had made with Micah.
“Tyler,” she said. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
* * *
TYLER’S THROAT CLENCHED. On his drive to Olivia’s house, he had been terrified of what she might say if he finally asked for what he wanted. Yet some part of him, maybe the hopeless romantic part that echoed some trait of his dad, made him think that she’d instantly pull him into her arms. As much as that thought still terrified him—giving himself over to another person like that—he wanted to risk it. For the first time in his life, he wanted to put everything on the line and try for the life he wanted. He wanted Olivia.
“Please, Tyler,” she said. “I want you to know that I care about you more than you can imagine.”
It was a sweet sentiment, but it didn’t promote them out of the friends category.
“Is that all? You don’t feel anything more for me than friendship?”
“What does it matter what I really feel if I can’t be with you?” She pulled herself free from his hold. “I once loved Jeb, too. I wanted us to be happy, but things didn’t work out in our marriage long before he died.”
“That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t work out if you tried again, tried with me.”
“This time I have another person to think about.” Her gaze seemed to plead for him to understand.
“I’m thinking about Micah, too,” he said, earnestly. “I care about him, Olivia.”
“I know you do,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut. “I see it every time I watch the two of you together. But ever since the car accident Micah hasn’t been the same. What you see of him every day is not what I see, behind the scenes. Whenever I talk to him it feels like talking to the tip of a massive iceberg. I always sense he’s hiding so much below dark waters. I’m willing to go deep and help him shoulder whatever burden is weighing on him, but he won’t let me in and it scares me.”
She peered up at him, and for the first time he saw the maddening worry behind her eyes.
“Trauma...grief...missing his dad...” Tyler said. “All of those things would weigh on him.”
“Of course,” Olivia said.
“Isn’t that what you sense?”
“No.”
“I don’t understand, then,” he said.
She slumped onto a bench on Hattie’s porch as if defeated. Tyler had come here to confess his feelings for her, but when Olivia was obviously feeling so much turmoil with Micah, how could he win her heart without listening to it first? He followed and sat beside her, letting his presence smooth a path for his words. When she glanced at him, he continued. “I may not understand what you’re talking about, but I want to.”
Olivia began, “Everyone else thinks Micah’s just a regular teenager dealing with those issues while pushing boundaries, but I can feel something more going on. He can fool everyone else—Hattie, Dr. Redwood, you—but I know him better than anyone, and he can’t fool me. Taking your truck like he did...it’s not my son, Tyler. Can you understand that?”
Tyler hated to admit that he could. He also hated to admit that loving Olivia, the way she truly needed to be loved, meant encouraging her to move closer to Micah. Even if it meant moving farther away from him. He didn’t think one should exclude the other, but how could he convince her of that now when she was distraught over her son?
“Trust your instincts,” Tyler said. “Keep trying. He’s worth it.”
Tyler thought Olivia was worth it, too. Maybe if the circumstances had been different, he could start to confess the fullness of his feelings for her, and she’d finish his own sentences for him. But things weren’t like that now. Her life was too complicated for him to wade into it, and he was never one for going where he wasn’t invited. The consequences could be devastating.
Suddenly, Micah’s story about the riding lawn mower popped into his head. “When Jeb was alive,” Tyler said, “did Micah do anything dangerous?”
“You mean like driving your truck?”
“Exactly.”
“Jeb used to goad him into doing things he wasn’t ready for—reckless things. We had plenty of arguments about it, that’s for sure.”
Slowly, a sickening thought came to Tyler. Piecing together the conversations with Micah and all Olivia had told him, too, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Micah really was hiding something important. If Tyler’s instincts were right, it was something Micah would never, could never, tell his mother.
“Oh, Olivia,” he said. “I think there is something going on with Micah.” Fear flashed over her eyes. “He said Jeb used to let him race your lawn mower.”
“You mean push. We had a push mower and a—”
“Fifty-four-inch zero-turn riding mower with smart speed?”
Olivia’s face fell grave. “No... He was probably just telling you that to impress you.”
“Or to see how I’d react before telling you the worst of it.”
“What could be worse?”
He needed Olivia to connect the dots faster. He needed her to figure it out on her own so he wouldn’t have to be the one to suggest it. How could he verbalize such an idea?
Then, all at once, the realization landed on her face like a knockout punch. She smacked a hand over her mouth to muffle a horrified gasp.
“Micah would have told me that. The paramedics, first responders, police...would have known the facts of the accident, wouldn’t they?”
When her gaze shifted, they both turned to see Micah sauntering out of the woods and crossing toward them, unaware of what they had been discussing. When he spotted them, he cringed, most likely from getting caught red-handed out of the house when he was supposed to be grounded.
Tyler gave Olivia’s hand a supportive squeeze. He wanted to do this next part with her, but he felt like he would be overstepping an invisible yet firmly drawn boundary circling a parent and her child.
With Olivia’s hand in his, the realization dawned on him so naturally it felt like waking up from a blissful dream. He turned to admire her beautiful profile and found it cinched in anguish. This wasn’t one of those magical moments conveyed in storybooks when time stands still and you fall in love with someone amidst butterflies and rainbows. This was real life and heartache and having the hard conversations because you loved someone.
As he watched Olivia wait for Micah, ready to have one of those hard conversations, Tyler realized that he had fallen completely in love with her. He could hardly believe it, as he had spent his entire adult life protecting himself from such a dangerous thing. Part of him wanted to slip away so he could come to terms with it on his own. But the other part, the stronger part, squeezed Olivia’s hand again. She and Micah were at the edge of a steep precipice and he loved them both too much to leave now.
“Olivia,” he said. “I think you need to ask your son a very important question.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
OLIVIA BIT BACK all the emotion welling in her voice as she whispered, “It has to get worse before it gets better, right?”
“I wish someone had talked to me after my dad died. You have a chance here.”
“Tyler!” Micah called as he approached them. He rolled his eyes and corrected himself. “I mean, Dr. Elderman. I have to call you that or Mom lays into me.”
Olivia never felt like she laid into Micah about anything, even when it came down to grounding him over the truck. But if he was feeling guilt about something else, it would cloud his perception, wouldn’t it? That made sense, didn’t it?
An icy realization skittered down Olivia’s body. What if she said the wrong thing? What if her questions sounded like accusations to Micah’s ears? She wished she could put this conversation on hold and call Dr. Redwood for advice. He’d know the right thing to say, the right questions to ask. He was the doctor and she was...
Olivia straightened her shoulders and drew a deep breath.
She was the mother.
“Are you staying for dinner?” Micah asked.
“Not tonight, buddy.”
“Why not?”
“You and I need to talk, Micah,” Olivia began calmly. “Just you and me.”
“Mom, why are you acting so weird?” Micah glanced between her and Tyler. “Have you guys started dating yet?”
“What?” Olivia and Tyler said in unison. Micah rolled his eyes at the heavens this time.
“I saw you two dancing. Everyone did, for goodness’ sake.” Micah playfully elbowed Tyler in the gut. “You can do a lot worse than this guy.”
“We’re not dating,” Olivia said, suppressing a blush. She was used to the reverse situation when she said or did something to unintentionally embarrass her son. Being on the receiving end of Micah’s insightfulness, especially when it made her cheeks redden, was a new experience.
“Why not?” Micah said with a retort. Tyler lifted his brows with amusement, and it spurred her to hurriedly explain.
“Dating isn’t on my agenda right now. I have other things on my mind.”
“Can’t you walk and chew gum at the same time?” Micah looked to Tyler for some encouragement, but to Tyler’s credit, he remained emotionless. At least in the way it affected Micah, he was supportive of her decision.
“I want to focus on our life together, Micah—yours and mine,” Olivia said.
“What does that mean?”
“It means we’ve been getting adjusted to Roseley, and I need to decide if we’re going to stay and put down roots or go back home.”
“Do I get a say in that?”
Olivia did a double take. “I—I suppose. I’ll do what I think is best for us, because I’m the mother, but I’ll always listen to you.”
“Always,” Micah scoffed. “That’s rich.”
“Hey,” Olivia said, unable to suppress the hurt in her voice. “What does that mean?”
“You don’t take into account what I think. You never have.”
“Never? Like when?”
“For a start, moving us to Roseley.”
Olivia spoke as carefully as she could manage. “Drastic times called for drastic measures, Micah. I don’t know if you noticed, but you and I weren’t doing so well back home. Hattie offered me her support and I latched on with both hands—for us.”
“I mean, I’m happy here,” Micah continued, noticeably surprised by his mother’s explanation, perhaps because she’d been honest with him in a way she hadn’t been before. “But you didn’t run it by me first.”
“That’s because I thought it was the right thing to do.” Olivia stopped to consider that she meant it. She’d been second-guessing herself for so long because Micah had been difficult, but now, listening to him, she knew she’d done the right thing bringing them to Roseley and she was pleased to say it.
“Well, there have been other things, too,” Micah said.
“Such as?”
“Dr. Scott.”
“That was the right call, too,” Olivia insisted. “You have to meet with a new counselor.”
“Yeah, well...”
“What?”
“Just...that’s not even one of the things I’m talking about.”
“Then, tell me.”
“Never mind.”
Micah started to make his way toward the door, but Olivia stopped him. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Tyler moving around the side of the house to give them privacy. If he was doing exactly what she’d asked him to do—give her space to focus on Micah—why did the sight of him leaving feel so wrong?
Olivia almost called out to him to stay with her, stay with them, but instead she regrouped and tugged Micah on the arm.
“Sweetheart, talk to me. What does that mean?”
Micah whipped around. “It means you didn’t care about what I thought before Dad died, but now you can’t stop talking about what I need with everyone else. I’ve heard you talking to Hattie. The air vents in this place carry the sound up to the bedroom like you’re talking to someone in the same room.”
Olivia’s brain scrambled, trying to remember anything she might have said to Hattie that would have upset her son, when Micah suddenly tugged away and sprinted off toward the woods. She knew he was going to hide out there for the rest of the night. All this time she’d thought of the woods as a refuge for him, a sacred space she didn’t want to visit unless he invited her. She sensed that if she went there otherwise, Micah would see it as trespassing, as overstepping, maybe even smothering.
But as she watched him disappear beyond the tree line, she felt her feet lifting off the ground and thudding hard to catch up with him.
“Micah!” she called. “Wait!”
When she made it to the tree line, she could see him in the distance, his red sweatshirt ducking around trees, following a beaten path he’d forged since arriving in Roseley. Olivia plowed through branches, hurrying to catch him. Twigs clawed at her face and snagged at her clothes, but she didn’t really feel them. All she could think of was healing whatever was broken between her and her son.
After a minute, she came to a small clearing where three large trees stood in a circle. Their trunks were only a few feet apart, as if they had sprouted from the same root and had broken through the surface of the soil together. Four feet from their base, Micah had built a platform. He had fenced it in with walls of wooden slats, thick branches and a giant tarp he must have repurposed from Hattie’s shed. A few wooden boards in one of the trees acted like holds on a rock-climbing wall. In a flash, Micah had gripped them and climbed up into his fort, leaping behind the tarp and pulling it closed behind him.
“Micah, please,” Olivia called. “I want to come up. I have to talk to you.”
Silence met her, yet she persisted. Navigating the wooden holds, she climbed the trunk and pulled back the tarp. She wasn’t sure what she had expected to find. All she knew was that she never in her wildest dreams expected the sight that awaited her.
Olivia crawled into the fort and sat beside Micah on the scratchy wood floor. In front of them was a photo collage that stretched as tall as the fort. There were dozens of photographs and drawings of Micah and Jeb together—fishing, playing, dancing, surfing. It dawned on her as she looked at the photographs that most of them had been manipulated and photoshopped. Many were of activities Micah and Jeb had never done together, not even once.
“Wow,” she breathed, staring up at it. She didn’t want to pass judgment, good or bad. Creating the art wasn’t about making something beautiful; it was about expressing something that words couldn’t touch. Falling back on her professional experience, she whispered, “Tell me about this.”
“You can see for yourself.”
Olivia touched Micah’s hand. “I want to see what you see.”
Micah picked up a photograph he had edited to look like him and Jeb paddle boarding. He tacked it to a small white space at the top of the collage.
“I keep thinking of all these things I’ll never do with Dad. When I won that camp scholarship, I kept thinking about how I wanted to do that fun stuff with him, not a dumb camp counselor.” Micah slunk back onto the floor beside her. “Hattie had all these photographs of us just gathering dust in boxes, so I scanned them into my laptop, edited them and printed them to look like...this.”
It was a magnificent sight, the images of Micah and Jeb together. The representation of all that could have been if fate had sought out a different future for them. It made a part of her heart writhe under the crushing weight of loss all over again.
But still, as she cataloged each photograph and the glimpse into Micah’s soul that it symbolized, some part of her son, the part that felt like it had been drifting away for two years, now seemed to return to her all at once. He had been listening to her after all.
“Do you feel guilty Dad died?” she said.
Micah tipped his head, confused. “Guilty?”
Olivia held very still as she forced herself to ask the question that her conversation with Tyler had led her to. “Were you driving when you and Dad got into the accident? You can tell me. I won’t be angry.”
