“I don’t think she said what she said because she’s straight. It’s possible that I misunderstood the situation from the get-go. We gotta get going so we don’t miss the first game.”

  I knew Anne Marie well, so I knew that she wanted to say more negative stuff about straight women and about Joyce, but I wasn’t interested in hearing it. I almost regretted telling her anything.

  ***

  This last day—championship day—of the tournament was all about single elimination. If you and your partner lost one match, you were out. I had noticed before the matches started that Anne Marie and I were in the same side of the tournament bracket as Joyce and Sam. Fortunately, Anne Marie had put on her game face, and we did well, so it wasn’t a surprise when we ended up playing against Joyce and Sam. There was a fifteen-minute break before our match would begin. I ducked out to go up on deck and get some fresh air. Also, I really didn’t want to take the chance that I’d run into Joyce before the match and end up being unable to concentrate on the cards. I needed to stay focused if I was going to win. That’s what I was here for.

  When we did meet at the table, I shook hands with her cordially enough. She smiled warily. I felt her squeeze my hand, but I pulled it out of her grip gently. I was aware of Anne Marie watching me. I could have sworn I saw her smirk at Joyce. Sam was his usual jovial self. Once we sat down, I was all business. Sam made a few jokes at first, but soon stopped either because his competitive nature kicked in or because he didn’t get the sort of response from us he had hoped. Anne Marie and I took the most tricks in the first three games, but then Joyce and Sam came back from that deficit to tie things up at eight to eight. The first pair to score ten points would win the match. We won when I went alone. I took all the tricks. Anne Marie and I were thrilled, and Joyce and Sam were out.

  “You ladies are really good. Congrats,” Sam said.

  Joyce also congratulated us. She may have wanted to say more. In fact, it really looked like she had much more to say, but I was really trying to stay focused on the cards. And I really didn’t have time to waste on someone who didn’t know what she wanted.

  Anne Marie and I made it to the semi-finals where we lost to the same duo from Michigan that beat Frankie and Carol in the quarter finals. I was kind of down about it, but I think Anne Marie and I did really well overall. We were in a celebratory mood so we decided to hit the buffet before heading down to the post-tournament cocktail party. Ice cream was available 24/7 at the buffet, and they had a childhood favorite of mine—rum raisin. You could even get it in a sugar cone. It was when I went up to get a second helping that I ran into Kristen, who was getting herself some rainbow sherbet.

  “Hi, Hannah. Congratulations,” Kristen said.

  “Hey. Thanks. Have you enjoyed the cruise?” I didn’t know what she knew, but I hoped she didn’t have any more questions about her mother.

  “Sure, sure. Look. My mom told me what happened and—”

  “Did she?” I couldn’t believe that. Even back when Joyce and I were in nursing school together, I knew her to be someone who kept her own counsel. I couldn’t see her telling anyone about our vacation tryst, especially her own daughter.

  “Okay. She didn’t tell me everything. She told me a little bit because I asked her what was wrong. I know when something’s bothering her, and she was upset when she came home last night. She was pretty unhappy this morning, and as good as my interviewing skills are, even I could only get a little bit out of her. My guess is that you and my mom really like each other, and something went wrong last night. Mom clearly really likes you. I haven’t seen her light up around anyone the way she does around you, not since my dad. I think she’s confused, but please don’t give up so easily on her.”

  I took a deep breath. I felt a bit offended. I never thought of myself as someone who gave up “so easily,” and my ice cream was melting. “It’s sweet that you’re concerned about your mom and her being happy, and you’re right we’ve spent a lot of time together on this cruise. But there are good reasons why this won’t work, and I needed to walk last night. We get back to New Orleans tomorrow. You both will go home to California. I’ll go home to Chicago, and that will be it.”

  She waved her hand and sighed heavily. “Not only did you give up too easily. You cut your losses before you even lost. Please give my mother a chance.”

  I didn’t answer as she turned her back on me and walked away. I just stood there, the slowly melting ice cream dripping down my arm.

  I went back to the table where Anne Marie, Frankie, Carol and Sheila were sitting.

  Anne Marie said, “What did she want?”

  I didn’t reply at first. I tried to salvage what was left of the ice cream, and my friends just stared at me, waiting for an answer.

  “She just wants her mom to be happy.”

  ***

  The more I thought about Joyce, the more I realized that I did want to have one more conversation with her. I didn’t want to leave things on such a brusque note. I arrived at the closing night cocktail party and took a seat at the bar. My friends were at a center table, but I fobbed them off, telling them I would join them later. I ordered a fruity cocktail and waited until I saw Joyce. I hoped she would speak to me. I was in the middle of my first mango margarita when I saw her walking toward me. She was smiling, and she grabbed the empty bar stool next to me.

  “Hannah. You played really well today,” she said.

  “Thanks. Joyce, can we step outside and talk?”

  She nodded, and we left the bar. I figured that we would just talk at a quiet spot on the deck, watching the ocean go by, but she clearly had other ideas. I followed her to the elevators, and Joyce punched in the number to the highest deck with elevator service. A couple of minutes later, we got out and then I followed her up a flight of stairs. Soon we were on the adults only, clothing-optional deck. There were a several other people here, mostly men, having one last hurrah before we docked in New Orleans tomorrow. We were able to find a quiet corner facing the setting sun, our last sunset on board. The most vibrant colors were already gone, but the subdued palette of twilight was breathtaking. We stood next to each other at the railing, our arms not quite close enough to touch.

  “It’s really magnificent, isn’t it?” I spoke just above a whisper.

  “It is. Hannah, I never wanted to hurt you. You do know that, don’t you?”

  “Sure.” I was terrified that she was going to say that I was just an experiment, that she wanted to see what it was like to be with a woman, that I was just a vacation fling. I’m a lesbian. I am nobody’s science experiment. Besides, I had done vacation flings before, but what I was feeling meant that I wanted much more from Joyce.

  “This was so new to me,” she said. “I didn’t anticipate feeling the way I do. Oh Hannah, I think I was blindsided by all this, by you and by how I feel about you. I’ve never been attracted to a woman, and I haven’t been with anyone since Dan died. I was with him for nearly forty years. I don’t know how to date anyone, let alone you.” She seemed on the verge of tears, and I wanted to comfort her.

  “Do you still feel blindsided?”

  “A little, but in a good way. I still believe that all things are possible. I just forgot that at an inopportune moment.”

  “What are you saying?” I felt a nervous stirring in my gut. It was a pleasant, fluttery feeling.

  “I’m saying that, as impractical as it may be, I want there to be an us after this week. Yes, tomorrow after we disembark we’ll go back to our homes, but I want to keep getting to know you. I want to see if we can make this work.”

  “I do, too.” I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. A single tear was rolling down her face.

  We sat down on a nearby chaise lounge. I held Joyce close to me, and we kissed again. I enjoyed the feel of her in my arms.

  “Well, it’s about time,” said a booming voice. It was the same drunk, almost naked guy who had chastised us a few nights before.

  I kept my eyes on his face, but Joyce didn’t. “Look at you, just letting it all hang out,” she said.

  “You should try it sometime.” He raised his glass. “I salute you ladies and hope you find happiness together beyond the confines of a boat deck suffused with moonlight.” He gulped what was left of his cocktail.

  I heard another male voice send up a hearty “Hear, hear!” There were also a few cheers.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  White robe guy bowed, saluted and walked away. “I need a drink!” He and his friends left, leaving us alone to bathe in one last starry moonlit night at sea.

  My stomach growled.

  “I’m hungry, too,” Joyce said. “Should we go down to dinner?”

  As hungry as I was, I was reluctant to let go of her. I didn’t move. Neither did Joyce. She knew, as I did, that this would be our last night together for, well, who knew how long? I realized we hadn’t actually spent a night together. We both had roommates, which put a crimp on any nighttime action. Tonight would not be any different. Joyce planted a big, wet kiss on my lips. I traced my finger around her lips and nose and eyes and the beautiful lines of her face.

  “Let’s go eat,” I said.

  ***

  We headed to our last dinner at sea. Joyce’s daughter was off with some people she had befriended on a couple of the excursions, so Joyce sat with me, Frankie and Carol. Nobody seemed to know where Anne Marie was.

  “All I know,” Carol said, “is that she’s been spending a lot of time with Sheila.”

  “She seems very happy, even giddy, Anne Marie does.” Frankie looked right at me. “She always had a bit of a thing for you, but I think she’s gotten over that. I think she’s surprised at how much she likes Sheila.”

  “And I’m happy for her. She deserves someone who’s gaga for her, you know?” At that moment, my cell phone vibrated with a text from Anne Marie. We had never made any sort of agreements about our suite if someone hooked up because I don’t think either one of us expected any action outside of the euchre games. I read the text and grinned.

  “Would you like to come over to my place after dinner?” I whispered in Joyce’s ear. “Anne Marie will be spending the night elsewhere. Probably with Sheila.”

  “I’d love to go to your place after dinner,” she said.

  I told Frankie and Carol that I would see them in the morning.

  As we strolled through the ship, Joyce held my hand. She didn’t seem to care who saw. We walked past Sam, who gave us a nod and a wink and then returned to talking to the same blonde from Ohio that he had been trying to seduce at the French restaurant a few nights ago. We recognized the drunk naked guy from the clothing-optional deck. He was fully clothed and raised his glass to us.

  We got to my cabin, and Joyce dropped her khaki shorts to the floor and kicked them aside. She pulled off her pale blue polo, and threw them on top of the shorts. She stood there, oh so lovely, in a black lace bra and cotton hipster panties. Now it was my turn. I pulled off my turquoise tank top and jean shorts. She turned around, and I unhooked her bra. It fell to the floor. I stuck my fingers in her waistband and pulled her underwear down. She stepped out of them with so much grace. I swear there was a distinct toe point with each step. I took off the last of my underwear and wrapped my arms around her naked skin.

  My balcony door was open, but the sheer curtains were closed. The wind started to pick up, making the curtains flow and scattering the moonlight on my walls. I reached to turn on the light, but Joyce stopped me.

  “No, let’s be together in the dark.”

  I wrapped my arms around her again and cupped her breasts.

  “They used to be perkier,” she said.

  “They’re beautiful exactly as they are now,” I responded.

  I kissed the back of her neck and buried my face in hair. She smelled of coconut oil and mangoes. Her skin was sweet like sugar. We swayed back and forth matching each other’s motions and that of the ship. I rubbed my snatch into her butt.

  “My butt used to be perkier, too,” she said.

  “Don’t care.”

  We fell on the bed together, and she turned around to face me. She kissed me, and it felt like time had stopped, like we would always be there on the ship. She kissed my nose, and I kissed hers. I sucked my second finger, so that it was covered with saliva. I reached down to her pussy.

  “Can I?” I said, my fingers gently brushing her pubic hair. “If it’s too dry, we can do something else.”

  “I want you to go down on me again. I liked that.”

  That sounded good to me, and I moved down. She dug her hands into my hair, and I loved that moment just before I dove into a snatch when a woman’s fragrance filled my nose. A woman always smelled of expectation and desire at that moment, and Joyce’s smell was just as lovely as she was.

  I licked her until she yelled out my name and her back arched. She then returned the favor. I may have been her first, but she was getting good at this part.

  We lay in each other’s arms like we belonged together. I was beginning to think more and more that we did.

  In the middle of the night, she headed back to her cabin. Tomorrow we both had to get up early and get off the ship. That meant packing and clean up and trying not to forget anything. After she left, I slept in the warm spot she left behind.

  ***

  Saturday: Disembark, New Orleans

  Packing the next morning was haphazard and hurried. Maybe Anne Marie and I should have been better organized, but at least we were both happy. Anne Marie had a silly grin plastered on her face.

  “You look perky. Did you have a good night?” I asked with a sly look.

  “I had a great night. And you? I assume you had company.”

  I rolled up a couple of my shirts and stuffed them into my suitcase. “Joyce and I had a lovely time last night. Thanks for letting us have the room. Were you with Sheila last night?”

  Anne Marie nodded. “Her cabin isn’t nearly as big as this one, but it was fine for us.”

  “You really like her,” I said.

  “Yeah, I do. She’s not you, but actually that’s a good thing.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Oh really? Should I be insulted?”

  “No. What I mean is I held on to my feelings for you I think because it prevented me from finding someone who was really attracted to me. I knew you would never like me in the way I had liked you, but it was comfortable. Does that sound weird? I mean, I knew exactly what to expect. Rejection can be easy. It’s when someone says yes that things get hard.”

  “What if I did ever feel that way about you? What would you have done?”

  Anne Marie’s eyes got wide. “I would have run. I think I would have been happy at first and then terrified.”

  “And you don’t feel that way with Sheila? She obviously likes you.”

  She fiddled with her toiletries bag. “I had nurtured how I felt about you for so long that it had become this precious thing, a totem, something sacred. There was something unreal about how I felt. If we had started that kind of relationship, my feelings for you couldn’t withstand the reality of an actual relationship. And finally I realized I was just being unfair to myself. I deserve someone who wants me.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  I meant it. I deserved someone, too.

  ***

  Joyce, Kristen and Sheila joined me and Anne Marie for breakfast. The ship’s kitchens must have had a lot of food to get rid of because I had never seen so much bacon, sausage and other items during a whole week of breakfasts during the cruise.

  After breakfast, I didn’t say goodbye to Joyce. I said, “Let’s talk tonight” as we parted ways in a ship hallway. I believed her when she said she wanted to give this a chance. I did too. I was worth it, and so was she.

  ***

  Epilogue:

  Six Months Later…

  Every summer, Carol and Frankie hosted a few of their friends at a cottage in Michigan that had once been owned by Carol’s parents. Since Frankie and Carol had taken it over, they had renovated it and the guest house on the grounds. Joyce and I joined them. Anne Marie and Sheila also made the trip that weekend. Anne Marie was lucky that she got to see Sheila fairly often. Milwaukee wasn’t as far away as Anne Marie had feared.

  Anyway, the weekend was glorious. Joyce was spending the summer with me in Chicago. I was going to spend the winter with her in California. Right now, we were into seeing how we did living together for a few months at a time. It was still early days, but so far things were good.

  On Saturday night Joyce and I sat in the backyard stargazing. The others stayed inside, saying it was too chilly. It was chilly out, but Joyce and I really loved this sort of thing, just enjoying each other’s company under the night sky, just like we did on the cruise.

  “All we need now is a drunk gay guy wearing only a bathrobe to order us to kiss,” she said, snuggling closer to me.

  We were laid out on a chaise lounge wrapped in a fleece blanket. I loved that. I loved feeling her body next to mine. “We don’t need anyone to order us to kiss.”

  “Really? Then why aren’t you kissing me?”

  I closed my eyes and kissed her. I could see her as a young nursing student comforting me when I was homesick. I was attracted to her then, but I couldn’t do anything about it. When I opened my eyes, I took in the vision of her. I was more attracted to her than ever, and there was a lot we could do about that.

  ###

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  About the author:

  Elizabeth Andre writes lesbian erotic romance, science fiction and young adult stories. She is a lesbian in an interracial same-sex marriage living in the Midwest. She hopes you enjoy her stories. She certainly loves writing them.

 

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