Billionaire Blaze, page 27
“Is that going to be a problem?” Jane asked, looking between the two of us.
“Not at all.” I pulled out my card with the biggest limit and handed it over.
Kit didn’t say a word, and once more, I wondered if I was doing the right thing.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
Kit
No matter how I tried to phrase the words, I still hadn’t been able to find the right way to thank Lukas for buying me so many clothes. I didn’t feel comfortable in all of them, but he’d taken me out to dinner last night, and I had the rest in the apartment Sarai was putting me up in.
I stood looking over it all and trying to figure out how to pack it. All I knew was that someone was going to be picking me up in an hour and I hadn’t really begun packing at all. I was trying to get my butt in gear.
There was no way I was going to be ready in time now, even if I grabbed a suitcase and just put everything I might need in. I exhaled, feeling my vision blur and my fingers tingle. I’d had a panic attack before coming here and before heading to New York for Juno’s wedding.
In some ways, this was nothing new. I panicked. All I had to do was breathe through it and try and pack as much as I could.
After pulling my suitcase out from under the bed, I knelt beside it. I’d emptied it once I got here, knowing I was staying for long enough to need to have it all in the closet and not need the case.
Of course, I hadn’t bargained on everyone celebrating the near finish of the project with a trip elsewhere, and to be dragged along like some sort of show bunny.
I wasn’t impressed with that, even after Lukas had been so kind to me and bought me so many clothes to help me fit in. I felt guilty. Juno had said several times that she had wished she’d let Jack pay for more in the beginning and not been proud. And I was trying to follow her advice in this situation.
It didn’t stop me feeling guilty and out of place, however. I could put on the clothes Lukas had bought me, but I didn’t feel comfortable in them. It wasn’t natural, and none of it was me. Still, I was wearing the more comfortable outfit and doing my best.
As I began folding some of my more comfortable clothes and selecting the underwear I might want, it helped my mind to focus. I knew I was packing too much and wouldn’t wear all of it, but it was something I always did. My hands still shook with each item I handled, and I tried to think through what might happen and where we might go.
I had to pause several more times to focus on breathing and trying to calm down again. Every time I thought too much about where we might go and who might be there I remembered the dinner and having so many people look down on me. Even when Lukas had followed me out, I had felt as if I meant less.
He had decided he wanted me that night, but he’d also become a constant reminder that his world and mine were very different. When I was in his bed, or in his control in some other way, I could forget that we were very different people. I could just be his and enjoy the moment.
It didn’t solve my problems now, or help me when someone like Sarai was trying to help my career. I wasn’t sure I wanted the help, but I also knew that fear was driving my decisions. In a lot of ways, I wanted Lukas to make it simple. Would he ask me to stay here and be his long term?
My other big fear was that our relationship was just temporary. No one else had ever stayed in my life. Not for long. I was having fun with Lukas, loved the way he took care of me, but it was as if he was around sometimes and not at others, at random and without notice or explanation. I couldn’t be sure he wanted me long term.
Thinking about it now didn’t help me calm.
I glanced at the clock and almost freaked out. I was due to be picked up in fifteen minutes and I still had an array of bags and boxes around me. And I didn’t even have my toiletries or any makeup organized yet.
Getting to my feet, I took a few seconds to steady myself and then hurried to get what I might need from the bathroom as well. Once again, I was hit with how little I had that could be considered good enough. I didn’t doubt that my cheap store brands of everything would be looked down on, and I was more than a little thankful that Lukas couldn’t see all this, my impending panic attack included.
As I thought about how he might react to all this and the mess I was just trying to pack, it made me want to cry even more. The first few tears trickled down my cheeks, but I brushed them away. It didn’t help to cry, and I still had to pack either way.
Slowly I got a grip on myself again, but I knew my emotions were simmering just below the surface and I didn’t think it would take much to trigger them. I had to get through this. It wasn’t as if I had any choice.
Grabbing one of the toiletry bags I had, I opened it up. I still wasn’t sure what to put in it, but I began with the few things that I knew were absolutely necessary. If nothing else, I’d have the basics by the time my driver turned up.
It wasn’t the best way to pack, but I didn’t have much choice at this point. When I’d put everything I definitely wanted in the bag, I looked over everything else. I had plenty still to choose from that I could possibly go without, but I also knew there was a chance that it would all be needed.
“Packing is impossible,” I declared, already so exhausted from it all I just wanted to be done.
Before I could pick anything else up there was a loud knock at the door. I frowned. It was a knock I recognized. Lukas had come to get me. I froze, not sure how to respond. I hadn’t expected it to be Lukas coming to pick me up. Normally Sarai sent one of her staff to get me and drive me where I needed to be.
When he knocked again I squeaked and checked my face for puffy eyes before I hurried to let him in.
“You ready to go, sweets?” he asked as soon as I pulled the door open.
I didn’t have to answer the question as he looked behind me and saw the mess I’d created while trying to pack. He lifted an eyebrow and looked between me and it for some time.
“I...” Even opening my mouth to explain made me tear up again and a lump formed in my throat, cutting off my words.
“Need a hand?” He came into the apartment and shut the door. I didn’t know what to do. What should I say? I must look like a total idiot.
Lukas walked further in, taking in how far I had gotten and the open suitcase in the middle of the floor. He knelt beside it as I followed him closer. As he picked up the new dress and began folding it to put it in the case as well, I tried to get down on the floor next to him. I slipped and almost knocked him over.
Somehow, he caught me and righted me. I tried to apologize but before I could he kissed me full on the lips and silenced every word. Instead, hot tears fell down each cheek. Slowly he wiped them away.
“What’s wrong? Did you have a lot of work still to do, or...” He trailed off, looking around again as if it might give him more answers.
I tried to think of how to explain it, but I didn’t know where to begin. The whole situation had unraveled when I thought about who else might be with us and what they might think. Slowly I focused on where the feelings had begun to get on top of me and explained.
While he listened, Lukas helped pack my clothes and encouraged me to fetch him items. Despite my embarrassment at what I had, I gave it all to Lukas and let him decide what to put in the suitcase.
“Thank you,” I whispered as he zipped up the case, too tired to speak any louder.
“It’s okay. Just…maybe ask for help a little sooner next time.”
As he helped me onto my feet I tried to summon up the strength to point out that I had no way of knowing he would show up, but in the end I just nodded. He took hold of my hand and wheeled the suitcase out to the car. It was time to go.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Lukas
It was a long drive to get to our weekend resort, but one I usually loved. I’d shared the whole thing with Kit, although she’d been quiet for the first part of the journey.
Hearing her try and explain why she hadn’t been ready had been difficult. I’d understood she was nervous and didn’t want a repeat of the dinner where she’d walked out, but she’d been a mess over it.
Something about the whole thing just seemed off. Could one person be this worried, or was something else going on?
I didn’t know, but she’d perked up and started talking to me about all sorts of childhood vacations we’d both taken. I hadn’t grown up as wealthy as I was now, but her parents had been poor enough that she hadn’t been on many vacations. The ones her parents had managed to give her sounded amazing, however.
She spoke so fondly of the way her mother and father had lived and worked together that it made me sort of envious of her. She had no idea how special it was to hear of their care for each other.
As we pulled into the resort I glanced over at her and saw the look on her face. She was in awe of the place we’d come to stay. I knew she wouldn’t say it, and she soon shut her mouth and looked more normal. Then again, normal for whom?
All along, I’d known this wasn’t normal for her. Somehow, Sarai and I had brought her into a world where she wasn’t comfortable, and I knew she was trying to fit in, but it was a lot, and it was hard. Hopefully I could give her some time and space away from it at the same time.
I didn’t want to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Being her dom made it my responsibility to help her through this. While she was here, I hoped to give her some relief from the pressure of being like everyone else. If nothing else, to reward her for following along where I led, even if it scared her.
For now, I had to push the fears I had to the back of my mind. She’d been spending so much time working according to her and Sarai, and she hadn’t been ready this morning. Could it really just be work, or had she been…doing something else? I didn’t know. There was no way to, and I knew it was a niggle. It wasn’t her fault I was paranoid.
She hadn’t given me any other indication that anything was wrong or I had anything to fear. I had to be better than this. I had to not let my past cloud my judgment of her.
“Want to go see our rooms?” I asked her after I’d stopped the car. I whispered it close to her ear, trying to be suggestive.
A light flicked on in her eyes as she gave me her attention. “I’d love to. I think Sarai had other plans, though. She wants to show me the area or a garden or something.”
I exhaled, the hardness that had begun forming already dissipating. I had forgotten that part. But I would do what I could to make up for it later.
As I got out of the car and rushed around to open the door for her, I considered the alternatives and what I might do to her later instead. She deserved some fun. I just hoped that Sarai understood not to put too much pressure on her.
I took Kit’s arm and proudly walked her into the resort. She was stunning, and whether she knew it or not, she had as much right to be here as anyone else did. No one deserved to be made to feel like they didn’t belong.
She smiled up at me and leaned in a little closer. It was perfect and gave me the opportunity to be protective of her and make it very clear that not only was she mine, but I was hers. In a place like this, it was important to make the right first impression. Already I could see heads turning.
In these circles, people knew me by face, even if they didn’t know me personally. And I didn’t like having all sorts of people coming up to me trying to get something. Whether Kit truly wanted me or not, it was handy having her around, if only to keep off the obvious sharks.
By the time we had checked in, Sarai and Richard were coming through the door as well, Richard having kept up with us most of the way there. She smiled and we moved to the side to let them also get checked in. Already all our bags were in the resort lobby, and I headed back over to tip the person who had taken them from the car and would take the car to be parked elsewhere.
Kit stuck by me still, and I took her hand as our luggage was wheeled toward our room. Already others in the lobby were looking as if they might come over to us, two women sitting near the window having been whispering until we got closer. As one of them got to her feet and gave the other a coy look, I turned to Kit.
“Do you want to check out the facilities while we wait for our friends, my dear?” I asked, speaking fairly loudly.
Although she seemed puzzled for a fraction of a second, I glanced toward the women, keeping my face turned more toward Kit. She followed the look and then nodded.
“I’d love to, darling. You and me for a moment.” She spoke as loudly as I did and then we hurried past the women, neither of us giving them a chance to meet our gaze.
It was everything I needed. We were soon away and in the elevator, with no one but the bellboy bringing our luggage up for company.
“How long do you think Sarai will give us?” Kit asked. I couldn’t tell if she was being suggestive or not, but I shrugged.
“Depends if anyone decides to intercept her and Richard in the lobby. She likes to talk to people in places like this. Something about you never knowing where your next job or client is going to come from.” I smiled despite the words sounding derogatory. No matter how much I knew it could be good for business, I had never liked small talk and having to figure out who was genuine and who wasn’t.
The joy of what I did was in the actual doing, not the people I worked with or the accolades. I liked designing buildings and then the satisfaction of seeing them finished and, if I chose the people I worked with well, the final building being even better than I hoped.
With Kit, I was enjoying the social aspect of it more, but that was because I was enjoying Kit. All of Kit.
If Sarai didn’t give us time for anything, I knew I was going to need to take a cold shower. My mind was already in the gutter, thinking of everything I could do to her. It would have to wait until later.
As we went into the room and looked around at the suite, I considered my option. Did it have to wait for later? Or could I play with Kit a little before I got her into the bed this evening?
While she tipped the bellboy and I watched her exploring the room, I grinned. I was sure I could make this more interesting. And with any luck, it would also take her mind off the pressure of fitting in with all these rich snobs.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
Kit
Although I had spent some of the morning crying, and I’d been nervous about a long weekend with Lukas at the resort, I had to admit, so far it had its perks. The suite was bigger than my entire apartment, and Lukas had already made it clear that the weekend would have some fun elements and wouldn’t be all work.
Sarai would make sure there was plenty of work of one kind or another if she had her way, however.
I tried not to think about it as I walked into the bathroom and saw the bathtub was big enough for two. Beside it there was also an ice bucket and a couple of glasses. I didn’t know if there was any champagne anywhere, but I didn’t doubt Lukas would find some if we wanted it.
By the time I walked back into the main room of the suite, Lukas had moved our bags into the bedroom and was looking in the fridge by the bar. I felt a little nervous again, not sure how long we would have until Sarai wanted us, or even when we would be expected to go back downstairs.
It provided me some comfort to know that Lukas hadn’t wanted to talk to the women in the lobby and had made it very obvious he only had an interest in me, but I had to wonder if that was the reason I was here. Did he just want to put off women he didn’t want, or did he really want me?
As soon as he noticed me, Lukas came over to me and pulled me into his arms. For now, it pushed the fears out of my head and helped me to feel as if he wanted me here.
“You’re beautiful, you know. And I know that you’re not sure about this whole thing, but I’d like to help make sure you have fun and don’t worry about people. No one who matters thinks badly of you or wants to see you fail.”
“Thank you,” I replied, blushing at the sudden attention. Had he been reading my mind? “I hope that you’ll have fun as well.”
A smirk spread across his face, making me wonder if I’d said the wrong thing. Or the right. What was he thinking?
“There is something I thought of. If you think you can trust me.” He gently stroked my cheek, growing a little more serious, but there was something about the way he was looking at me.
I gulped, but slowly, I nodded.
“I want to show you another element of being mine in this relationship. See if we can keep you from worrying about how you’re dressed or look, and a little more…interested in other things. Are you okay with that idea?”
“You want to help me not be nervous?” I asked, not sure what he could be thinking of that would allow him to do both.
“I want to help you be all sorts of things, but yes. If you’ll give me the chance, I’d like to try something. I know this will push you in some ways, so if it gets too much, you can stop at any point, but I’d like to show you that having a dom doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom and it doesn’t have to just be about sex or you giving yourself to me.”
I lifted an eyebrow, hoping he would keep explaining, but he kissed me and pulled me in even tighter for a moment.
“You’re truly wonderful, and I want you to know that.” As he spoke, he let go of me and walked toward the bedroom.
I didn’t know if I should follow him or not, but he was soon back with a black velvet pouch he was holding by a string. It held the top tightly closed.
His eyes fixed on my face, he took one of my hands and turned it palm up.
“These…are for you,” he said as he put the bag in my hands. I could quickly tell the bag hid a couple of round objects, and my eyes went wide. “Ben Wa balls. I’d like you to wear them for a bit.”
“Wear them?” I asked.
“Yes… Inside you. Deep inside you.” He closed my hand around them. “No one will know they’re there but you and me. And you can take them out whenever you want. You just have to give them back to me when you do.”
