“But you lift tires and logs. I like to do cardio.”

  “I do cardio,” I said. “I can jog in the park with you.”

  She smirked. “Are you trying to stop me from getting a dog?”

  “No,” I said with a laugh. “But you don’t need a dog for the things I can do.”

  “Can you play fetch?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “I can try.”

  “Can you bark?”

  “I can roar.”

  “I want a buddy,” she said. “I’ll never had kids so a pet is a good substitute.”

  I totally forgot about that. She had her tubes tied so it was impossible for her to have kids. For some reason that really bothered me. When she told me a long time ago I thought it was odd. But now it got under my skin. “Do you have any regrets?”

  “Getting my tubes tied?”

  I nodded.

  “It was definitely an impulse decision. I was depressed and I wasn’t thinking clearly. But so far, I haven’t regretted it.”

  I decided I never wanted to get married or have children. It was a decision I was okay with. It just wasn’t in the cards for me. But now the idea of never having kids bothered me. The idea of never getting married and being alone forever scared me.

  Why?

  Maybe I was just emotional because Trinity just got married. Or maybe it was because I knew Lexie would be a great mom and it was terrible to think Jared ruined that for her. Honestly, I didn’t know what was going on in my heart.

  She finished her lunch then put the bag aside. “You still never want to get married?” She kept her eyes averted and her voice shook, like she was nervous or uncomfortable.

  My heart raced at her question. Why did she ask me that? Was it because I asked if she regretted getting her tubes tied? Or was there another reason? “I don’t know…” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “You don’t know?” She turned back to me, an unreadable expression on her face.

  “I guess I don’t know what I feel anymore.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away. I had no idea what was going on or why my heart was beating so fast. I wasn’t even sure what the hell I was saying. Lexie never wanted anything serious so I shouldn’t give her the impression I might want something serious. It could chase her away. And the idea of losing her terrified me. “Never say never, but no, I don’t want to get married.” I think that salvaged the situation.

  She looked away again.

  I stuffed my backpack under my head as a pillow and lay down. Then I patted my chest. “Get over here.”

  “I’m not a dog,” she said with a smirk.

  “You’re cute like one.”

  She crawled to me then got comfortable against my side. We lay in the shade and felt the light breeze move through our hair. Now that we were comfortable I looked around and noticed the other couples in the park. They were doing the same thing as us, holding each other while they lounged. Some couples were reading while others talked quietly together. To an outside point of view, we looked just like everyone else.

  Lexie rested her face on my shoulders while her arm rested across my stomach.

  I turned my face toward her and stared into her eyes. It was a beautiful day but I didn’t care about watching the clouds in the sky or the flowers bend in the breeze. I preferred to stare at her.

  She leaned in slowly then pressed an innocent kiss to my mouth.

  I automatically closed my eyes and felt the heat blast through my veins. Every time she kissed me I felt the spark. It made my lips burn from the explosion. Instead of letting the kiss end and turning away, I kissed her back. The kisses started off slow until we were making out, unable to stop.

  I pulled her closer to me and indulged myself with her mouth. My hand moved into her hair and I gripped her tightly, not wanting to release her. I could kiss her all day, and sometimes that’s all I wanted to do. It was sexy and turned me on but there was more to it than that.

  A lot more.

  ***

  “Stay.” I kept her from walking out the door by pulling her to my chest. “You got clothes here. Just stay.”

  “I have work in the morning.” She tried to pull away from me but it was a feeble attempt.

  I pulled her back. “Come on, baby. Sleep with me.” I pressed my face to hers and stared at her lips. “I’ll take you to work in the morning.”

  “I really should get home…”

  “I thought you like having a beast in your bed to protect you.” I rubbed my nose against hers. “I don’t bark but I do bite.” I grabbed her bottom with my teeth and sucked.

  She melted in my arms and it seemed like she would agree. But then she pulled away. “No…I should go, Conrad. Don’t make this harder for me.”

  “I’m not. You’re making it harder for yourself by not staying.”

  She rested her forehead against my chest and took a deep breath.

  “I’ll do that thing you like…” My hand dug into her hair. “Just stay with me.”

  “I’ll come over after work tomorrow.” She pulled away.

  “I’d prefer having you sleep with me. It’s like having a very soft and sexy teddy bear.”

  Her lips upturned in a smile. “Stop torturing me.”

  I did my best to get her to stay and she still wanted to leave. I decided to stop fighting so I wouldn’t appear too clingy. “Okay, I’ll let you go—this time.” I kissed her forehead then her neck. “Let me walk you home.”

  “No.” She put her hand on my chest. “I don’t need you to walk me.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “Really, it’s fine. I’m going to take a cab anyway.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked. She liked it when I did things for her, but she had her limits. It was important for her to retain her independence in a few respect.

  “Yes. Goodnight, Conrad.” She kissed the corner of my mouth before she pulled away.

  “Good night, Lexie.” It took all my strength to let her walk away. I wanted to snatch her and pull her back to me. Shit, I wanted to tie her to the bed so she could never leave.

  ***

  Twenty minutes later there was a knock on my door. I was sitting on the couch when I heard it. My heart jumped in excitement when I thought of Lexie. Maybe she grabbed a bag of clothes and toiletries and decided to come back. Maybe I would be sleeping with her tonight—and not have to tie her up.

  I jumped over the couch then headed to the door, the grin already stretching my face at the thought of seeing Lexie. Maybe I would make her beg a little bit before I let her in. Then I would go down on her and make her come so hard my land lord would threaten to evict me.

  I opened the door without checking the peephole, and my smile immediately dropped when I saw the person on the other side of the door.

  Beatrice.

  She stared at me with eyes wet with spent tears. Her hair was messy like she’d been running her fingers through it. Her shoulders weren’t strong like they once were. They sagged under the weight of her grief.

  “Beatrice, what’s wrong?” Alarm flooded through my body and I felt terrified. I crossed the threshold and came closer to her, my hands immediately moving to her upper arms.

  She took a deep breath while she stared at me. “I’m sorry…I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Talk to me.”

  She looked at the ground for a moment before she spoke. “My dad passed away.”

  My body went cold. “What…?”

  “He had a heart attack…he didn’t make it.”

  My entire body stiffened in pain. The news was so unexpected. I didn’t know why Beatrice was so upset but that was the last thing I suspected. She just started a new relationship with her father and now he was gone. It was cruel. “I…I’m so sorry.”

  Silent tears started to emerge. “I don’t mean to bother you. I just—”

  “It’s okay.” I pulled her into my chest and hugged her. My arms kept her positioned against my chest and I rested my chin on her head. “It’s okay, Beatrice. You aren’t bothering me.”

  “I just got him back and now he’s gone…”

  It was terrible. And I couldn’t think of anything to say. Beatrice had lost both of her parents and now she had nothing. How could I make this better? How could anyone make this better?

  I thought I heard footsteps down the hallway along with a noticeable gasp. I turned to the right to see if someone was watching us. A girl turned the corner just as I looked. The only thing I saw was the end of her blonde hair.

  “Come inside.” I didn’t want anyone to bother Beatrice. I’m sure she didn’t want to cry in front of my neighbors.

  “Okay…”

  I led her inside then shut the door behind us. Then I held her again.

  Now that we were alone, she burst into tears and sobbed into my chest.

  There was nothing for me to do except hold her and listen. I rubbed her back gently while I tried to think of something comforting to say. Nothing came to mind. The type of loss she felt was unimaginable. Fortunately, I’d never known such pain.

  We moved to the couch where she continued to lean on me and cry her heart out.

  It made me uncomfortable when women cried, but that didn’t apply to Beatrice. I’d seen her cry before. Our old relationship came to my mind. I remembered going to the library just to see her. I did everything I could to spend time with her. Slowly, she started to open up to me until we became close friends. Then somehow down the road, we both fell for each other.

  It seemed like a lifetime ago.

  I remembered the day we broke up vividly. She was pissed off at me for seeing her father behind her back. I was just trying to do the right thing. The fight became too much, and I threw in the towel. Tears streaming down my face, she let me go.

  Beatrice stopped crying an hour later. It was past midnight and it was dead silent in the apartment. I was suddenly aware of how alone we were. She took the tissue I offered her and wiped the moisture from her eyes.

  “I’m sorry about everything, Beatrice.” I already said that but I couldn’t think of anything else. I just needed her to understand that I did care. “You don’t deserve this.”

  “Dad was always in bad shape. My brother told him to exercise and eat better…he never did.”

  I rubbed her shoulder.

  She leaned into my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her eyes started to close.

  The TV was off so I stared at our distorted reflection in the screen. She lay on me with her eyes closed. She was probably exhausted from all the crying. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. Sleep was the only escape from her pen.

  Within minutes, her breathing became deep and labored.

  If she slept on me like this she would have a serious kink in her neck the next morning. I scooped her up into my arms then carried her into my room. I lay her on the bed then pulled her shoes off, tucking her under the sheets. It was the same bed we used to sleep in together. Seeing her in it now gave me déjà vu.

  My natural instinct was to sleep with her. She needed comfort, and my bed was more comfortable than the couch. Plus, I’ve already slept with her.

  But something stopped me.

  Lexie came into my mind. She didn’t care about Beatrice or the fact I was ever with her. But I felt like I was betraying her in some way. I wouldn’t want her to sleep with Jared even if it was just friendly.

  I left Beatrice’s side and headed back into the living room. I grabbed an extra blanket and a pillow then tried to get comfortable on the couch. When Roland was going through a hard time, I slept on the couch to keep him company. And it was an ordeal on my back. But I bit the bullet and just dealt with it.

  Before I fell asleep I thought of Lexie. Whenever I wasn’t with her, she was what I thought about. I wondered if she was already in bed, fast asleep. Then I wondered about Beatrice and how she would move forward with this. Now that her dad was gone, did that mean she inherited the wine company? Or would her brother take it over? Would she continue law school? Or would she drop out because everything was too painful?

  My bedroom door opened and Beatrice stepped out. “Conrad?”

  I sat up. “You need something?”

  “Sleep with me.” She didn’t usually make demands like that. Only when she really wanted something did she voice it. She was passive in our relationship. I assumed she was still passive.

  My natural instinct was to oblige, to do anything to make her feel better. But then I thought of Lexie—again. “I’m sorry, Beatrice. I can’t.”

  She gave me a sad look. “I need you…”

  How did I resist a demand from someone who was falling apart? “I can sleep on the floor.”

  She came into the living room then lay beside me on the couch. Her arms wrapped around me and she snuggled close to me. Her face rested on my shoulder.

  I was extremely uncomfortable. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Lexie and I were just fooling around so I wasn’t loyal to her. But that didn’t change the way I felt. Would it bother Lexie if she knew Beatrice was snuggling with me like this? Or would she not care in the least?

  It didn’t change anything. It still felt wrong.

  Beatrice fell asleep again, and I took the opportunity to move from her arms without waking her then lay on the other couch. I let her keep the pillow and blanket while I used nothing. Fortunately, Beatrice didn’t wake up again.

  And I remained on the other couch—alone.

  Chapter Four

  Lexie

  The only reason why I didn’t stay with Conrad was because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t leave. As time passed, it became harder for me to resist that feeling in my heart. I started to analyze his every word and action, wondering if there was any reciprocation under that dark exterior.

  He held me like he loved me, and when he kissed me I felt like the only woman in the world. It seemed like there was no one before me or anyone would come after me. I felt special, like I was the key to his happiness.

  Our rounds of sex no longer felt physical. We always took our time and looked into each other’s eyes. It was sensual, a type of lovemaking I never experience, even when I was married.

  Our relationship was nothing like what it started out to be.

  I walked to the street then got inside a cab. On the drive, I kept thinking about the longing in his eyes and the way he looked at me when I was about to walk out. He begged me to stay, repeatedly.

  We spent all our time together, and his father told me Conrad loved me.

  But was he right?

  I stared at the lights from the city as they passed but I didn’t really look at them. All I thought about was Conrad’s face. This fling we’d been having had gone on for seven months. It was the longest meaningless relationship I’d ever had. Most of the time they ended before a month had come and gone. But with Conrad, I didn’t want it to end.

  What do I do?

  I was already in too deep. There was no coming back from this. Every time I tried to pull away and keep it physical, he dragged me back in, inserting his hook in my cheek. He made me fall for him over and over. Nothing I did gave me enough distance. I was doomed.

  There were only two options left. I could walk away and try to get over him. Or I could tell him the truth and hope for the best.

  Both of those sucked.

  Conrad seemed to be different but when I asked if he was still against marriage he didn’t give a straight answer. It didn’t seem like he even knew the answer. But he was so…tender with me. He treated me like I actually meant something to him. When he saw Jared, he got so upset and jealous. Would he react that way if he really didn’t care?

  If I ended our relationship and walked away, I would save face. But I would also lose any possibility with him. And if I told him there was a chance, however small, that he might feel the same way.

  So would it make more sense to tell him and roll the dice?

  There was no way I could keep doing this much longer. My heart was already in the game and I was going to get hurt regardless of the outcome. Something needed to change. I had to walk away from this amazing, smart, and beautiful man before he crushed me worse than Jared did.

  So I made my decision. “Turn the cab around.”

  “Sorry?” he asked.

  “Drop me off where you picked me up.”

  I was really doing this.

  ***

  I walked back into the building and felt my blood pound in my ears. I was about to lay down all my armor and surrender to him. Confiding every secret and ounce of love in my heart was terrifying. He might reject me and shut the door in my face.

  But he might love me in return.

  My footsteps felt heavier than they did before. Every step felt like a death sentence. I wanted to turn around and forget about the escapade but I kept going. Our relationship had come to a halt. It needed to change or it needed to end. And that decision was for him to make.

  I turned the corner and stopped in my tracks.

  Beatrice was standing on Conrad’s doorstep. She wore a black dress with matching pumps.

  Conrad opened the door and took one look at her before he pulled her into his arms and held her aggressively. He rested his chin on her head while he continued to squeeze her, touching her the way he touched me. His thick arms made her appear even smaller. Her thick brown hair fell in layers everywhere. I didn’t see her face but I knew it was her.

  Nothing seemed to be said. They just held each other.

  My eyes burned with distant tears, and the profound sense of hurt echoed in my chest. I felt sick and weak. The sight before me broke my spirit and shattered the pieces of my heart that Conrad had managed to put back together.

  Conrad loved Beatrice and always would. I never stood a chance. And he obviously had a relationship with her outside of the one he had with me. He promised to be monogamous with me but he went behind my back and had his own fun.

  I felt so stupid.

  How could I fall for him?

  The tears fell down my cheeks and I sniffed. Then I turned around and dodged around the corner before either one of them could notice me. I didn’t want to ruin their precious moment.

 

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