Go Around, page 16
She makes me feel so immediately comfortable that when I smile back, it’s genuine rather than politely forced. “Great to meet you too. I know, it’s ludicrous. And what are friends for, right?” And finally? I wonder exactly what’s been said about me and how Elise and I know each other.
“Exactly.” After another hand squeeze, Rosemary releases me to reach into her oversized purse. She extracts a compact and after a quick study of her reflection, stuffs it back. She lowers her voice. “How is she?”
“Okay, I think. I mean…you know, if you ignore the obvious of what she’s dealing with.” She really does seem okay. Scared and confused about what happened, what’s going to happen, but coping with it.
“Right.” She glances around as if checking for eavesdroppers. “You know I did offer to let her stay in my spare room because she really had nowhere else I could think of, or that I felt comfortable letting her go to. But she said she was going to come see her ex and see if she could help. Avery, I was so pleased and so relieved she has someone she trusts so much. Now don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have her with us, but I think being here is much better for her than with Irving and me. Plus, we did agree keeping work and home separate wasn’t a bad thing.”
I only just hold back my smile. Oh really, Elise? Didn’t you basically say that I was the only person you knew who was available? It’s so innocently conniving that I’m not even mad about it. If she hadn’t made the first move then we’d never have had the chance to reconnect. And as much as I’m afraid of the hurt that’ll come if she leaves again, or the confusion if she doesn’t, I’m glad for the chance to finally get everything cleared and out in the open. “Ah, well I was happy to help out.”
Bennett saunters in to interrupt with his usual “Who is this, are you allowed to be here, and if yes—will you pet me?” routine.
Rosemary’s, “Oh, my darling” is a barely restrained whisper.
Bennett stops by my side and sits immediately at my hand signal. Rosemary glances at me. “May I?”
“Of course. He’s usually a total teddy bear.”
My permission to pet him turns her into a gushing grandmotherly type, and after carefully introducing herself to Bennett and receiving a hand nuzzle in response, she leans down to study him as she rubs the sides of his face. “Oh, you are so handsome, yes you are. My bastard ex-husband bred boerboels and I would bet a steak dinner one of his parents was purebred for sure.” She spares me a glance. “Have you ever had him DNA tested?”
“Mhmm, Elise did not long after I got him. You’re spot on. Boerboel, Rottweiler and a tiny bit of Lab because why not?”
She smiles as her attention returns to Bennett. “Did someone try to breed you to be a big growly boy? Silly people. Biggest sweethearts I ever owned were Rottweilers and boerboels. Loyal and protective to a fault when needed but so sweet otherwise.”
Bennett’s thumping tail is anything but growly. I scratch his neck. “He was my brother’s dog. I kind of inherited him when he was just a puppy. But he’s a great dog and pretty tolerant of me being away for work during the day. As long as he gets his walks and play time when I get home,” I add.
Rosemary rubs Bennie’s ears and he melts against her leg. “I bet he’s a chewer.”
“Oh yeah. Wears out heavy-duty toys in a month. When he’s not people watching out the window, napping, or trying to get the opossum, chewing is his hobby.” I gesture at the solid metal ring bolted into the wall just above Bennie’s head height. The floor underneath the ring is worn out in an arc from Bennett’s play. “I had that anchor point put in so I can tie a tug-toy there for him to play with during the day while I’m at work, and I leave him plenty of food-puzzle toys.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea.” She laughs when Bennett attempts a cheek lick. “You are such a handsome boy and so lucky to have a Momma that loves you so much.”
Elise emerges from the guest room in a whirlwind, still shrugging into a jacket as if she’s afraid to let me and her manager chat for too long. She glances at herself in the hall mirror then moves to my side to join in the Bennett adoration-fest. Once she’s finished showering him with goodbye pets, she looks to Rosemary. “Okay, are we ready?”
“Of course.” She smiles at Ellie and asks a very motherly, “Do you have your paperwork?” Once Elise holds up a manila envelope, Rosemary gives me a soft, maternal cheek pat and Bennett a long, loving face rub before she slips out the front door with a lilting, “I’ll leave you two to say bye.”
When the door has closed, leaving Bennie to stare longingly at it, Elise turns to me. “Sorry, I hope she wasn’t too…Rosemary.”
“She was great. I like her.”
“Phew,” Elise exhales. “I should only be a few hours with this if everything at the courthouse goes to plan. And then after brunch we’re going into the FBI office to talk with the agent in charge of my cybercrimes case. Rosemary wants to personally hand over everything she’s been collecting—letters, photographs, emails. Especially the ones from Bridges and the Hayes Horde.” The look she gives me tells me she knows it probably won’t be as simple and easy as she’s made out, and definitely not just a few hours. “And then my therapist’s appointment this afternoon.”
“Sure. I’ll see you when I get home tonight. So far I’ve just got a day in the office. I’ll let you know if that changes and I have to spend some time in the air and might be late. You can call if you need anything or if the FBI-speak is confusing.”
Her smile is brilliant. “You bet. Be safe up there if you fly.”
“Always am.”
She sneaks a kiss, her lips just brushing the edge of my mouth. But despite not being a full kiss, her lips still linger, soft and warm. “I’ll feed and play with Bennie to keep him happy until you get home.”
At the sound of his name, Bennett’s tail thumps hard on the polished hardwood floor.
My heart thumps in my chest.
After a tedious and tiring day, the moment I open the door, I hear music. Or more accurately—piano and quiet singing. After giving Bennett a hug hello, I follow the sound to the living room with him close behind. Ellie rarely sings when she plays, mostly because her go-to pieces are classical without lyrics but when she does, she’s incredible. I’m not sure I’m hearing what I think I am, but after a few moments I realize it is Simon & Garfunkel. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and the sound is haunting. She’s always been able to take any piece of piano music and change the tempo and rhythm of it or even mix it with another style—Bach with a jazz lilt actually sounds pretty great—but in this case she’s turned an already emotional song even more so, the rhythm almost off-kilter and falling apart even as she keeps it together.
I’ve forgotten her singing voice and I’m not surprised to feel the prickle of tears and a familiar tightening in my throat that has nothing and everything to do with her song. My brother always said his musical tastes were born twenty years before he was, and growing up, he would play Simon & Garfunkel, the Beatles, Cat Stevens, Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin and dozens of other artists—all on vinyl of course—at top volume until either my parents or I would beg him to give us a break. After he died, I dragged out the vinyls and stereo he’d left for me and played every record as loudly as I could until I’d exhausted his collection and my grief. Then I put everything away and haven’t touched it since.
I’m sure Elise has realized I’m there, but she doesn’t stop. I lean down to scratch Bennett’s chest then leave Elise to her restorative music. As I shower and get started on dinner, she flows through classical, pop, and rock before eventually emerging just as I’m setting the table.
“Hey,” she murmurs.
“Hey yourself. How was everything today?”
“Fine. Court was surprisingly easy, as was the FBI visit. They were excited for all the stuff Rosemary handed over.” Her smile is a little wonky. “And seeing my therapist was just what I needed to help me figure out my feelings about this. I’ll probably go back again before Christmas.”
“I’m glad.” I gesture to the assorted bowls on the counter. “Great timing by the way. You missed out on all the meal prep I was going to ask you to help me with.” The Vietnamese vegetarian summer rolls I made were fiddly but worth it.
Her grin tells me her tardiness is entirely intentional. “Thanks.”
“You’re going to be up shit creek when you go back to work and you have to cook every night instead of sharing duties with me.”
“I’ll be working most nights, and that’s why they have craft services on set.” She flutters her eyelashes. “Some nights if I’m too tired to cook, I hang around and steal some food before I go home.”
“Sneaky.”
“Very.” Elise dips a finger into the lime dressing. “Oh that’s yum.”
“I know. Speaking of sneaky, Rosemary told me something interesting this morning.”
“It’s a lie,” she says immediately. “I didn’t really fall down the stairs in front of Ava DuVernay at an Emmy’s after-party and get swooped up by her before I fell flat on my face. I just tripped as I approached her and I did manage to stay on my feet.”
“I see. That’s a story I definitely want to hear sometime. But that’s not what she said. She told me she offered to let you stay at her place and you declined.”
Ellie’s expression is admirably neutral. “Right. She did, and I did.”
“So when you said you didn’t have anywhere to go…” I let the insinuation hang. I’m more amused than angry at her minor manipulation, but I’d still like to know exactly why she was so desperate to stay here.
She doesn’t hesitate. “I wasn’t exactly truthful. Yes, she did offer to let me stay with her and we did discuss it, but I thought I’d see if I could stay here first. I mean, I adore Rosemary and her husband but mixing work life and home life is not a good idea.”
“Right.”
I know by her expression that she’s picked up on the meaning of my expression. Elise nervously fidgets with the mandoline I used to shred red cabbage. “Avery, when I saw you on that plane I felt like someone had just pulled my feet out from underneath me. It felt like a great big sign from the universe that what I’d been feeling and fighting was real, and that I really needed to do something about those feelings. And then the…the attack happened and you were right there, keeping me safe. And once I could breathe again, all I could see was the opportunity to maybe spend some time together and at least get back to some sort of friendship. So I decided to take it. But I really did need somewhere to stay. I didn’t lie about that.”
“I know you did.” I smile and add, “And I know you didn’t.”
It feels like she thinks I don’t believe her, and she keeps on with her rambling persuasion. “I needed somewhere safe, to be with someone I trust not just personally but also physically. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you walked off that plane. I felt like I just wanted to run after you, grab you and never let you go. And not just because of what you did.”
“I know.” I clear my throat.
Her tongue slides over her lower lip and her teeth briefly brush it before she seems to realize what she’s doing and stops. “Are you mad at me?”
“Mildly annoyed, maybe. But not mad. And my annoyance is only because I would have preferred you to just tell me straight up why you wanted to stay here.”
Both Ellie’s hands come up in a placating gesture. “I was afraid you’d say no. I thought if you felt like you were my only real option then you’d be a little more agreeable to it.”
“Do you really think I’d have said no after everything that happened that day?”
She pauses, face contorting as she considers. After almost a minute she murmurs, “Honestly? I didn’t know what you would say. But my gut said you’d help me even after I left you and hurt you the way I did.”
I reach for her, and am immediately soothed when she steps forward to take my hand. “Your gut is right, as usual. Even after all this time and all my feelings about it, I still—” I catch myself in time and hope she doesn’t pick up on my falter. “—care about you.”
But something in my voice, my expression, my words must have given me away. I’m not surprised, she’s always read me better than anyone else. Ellie’s gaze is steady, her voice measured and even when she tells me, “I still love you too.”
Chapter Fourteen
It’s Greed night! The mid-season finale has been at the back of my mind since Elise’s arrival and I’ve been wondering if I can get her to not piano for an hour while I watch. I’ve also been wondering if she’ll join me. She used to be ambivalent about watching herself on screen and the reason was usually something along the lines of her roles being blink-and-you’ll-miss-me. Not anymore, Ellie.
The fact that the show is my weekly priority and not hers is evident when she drops a bomb on me as she’s putting dinner on the table. “I was thinking we could go to the indoor shooting range after dinner tonight and get that practice in? Hopefully it’ll be less busy around nine or ten p.m. and I can have a little privacy. What do you say?”
I can’t believe she’s just asked me that. “I say nope, sorry, I can’t.” At her look of surprised hurt I make sure to enunciate, “Elise. Tonight is Greed night, the last episode before Christmas break. It is unmissable. Any other night I’ll be all over going to the range to practice with you, but tonight? My butt is going to be on the couch from nine to ten p.m. and the only thing that’s going to move me is needing to pee during a commercial break.”
Her face relaxes from upset into something more like pleasure. “Oh. It didn’t even register that it’s tonight.” She bites her lower lip but her mouth twitches into a smile anyway. “You really do watch it? I thought you were just saying anything you could to get under his skin on the plane.”
“Yes, I really watch it. I’ve watched it since the first episode.”
She flushes then quickly turns her face away as if realizing she’s revealed her feelings. “Why?” she asks as she spoons ratatouille onto my plate.
“At first I was curious to see this thing that was more important to you than us.” I pause when I realize what I’ve just said sounds a little nasty. “Sorry, you know what I mean.”
Her smile is knowing. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then I realized how damned good the show is and how amazing you are in it.”
My usually confident ex-girlfriend actually looks shy, almost embarrassed. “Ah. That’s good. I’m glad you like it. I mean, objectively I know people do, but it always feels like that’s separated from what I’m doing while filming it.”
“They like it because of you, Ellie. You’re utterly incredible.”
“Thanks.” Elise drops her gaze down to the casserole pot. After a few seconds she looks back up at me, now grinning wickedly. “I put extra eggplant in this.”
“Oh that’s going too far. You’ve really overstayed your welcome now,” I drawl.
Still grinning, Ellie uses the serving spoon to pick a few bits of eggplant out of the ratatouille and, keeping eye contact with me, places them on my plate.
Not that I ever expect anything other than culinary genius from Elise, but dinner is wonderful—even the eggplant, which I admit I might eat again if it’s like this. My stilted version of eggplant-praise earns me a beatific smile, a sneaky kiss then an even sneakier butt slap when I stand up to clear the table. I have half an hour to clean up and to prep myself for Greed and Ellie is obviously catching my glances at the clock. “Mind if I watch it with you? I don’t think I’ve watched a full episode since the first season.”
“Course you can, sweetheart, but I swear to god if you spoil any part of it for me I really am going to kick you out of my house. Eggplant is one thing but spoiling my favorite show is another level.”
Her mouth twitches at my usage of sweetheart. “Can I take Bennett with me when you kick me out?”
“No.”
“Shit. I’d better keep quiet then.”
“Mmm, you’d better.” I nudge the dishwasher closed with my foot. “This really is my favorite television event of the week, Ellie.”
She leans into me, resting her face against my shoulder. Her words are slightly muffled. “You know I wouldn’t dream of spoiling anything for you.” She pulls back slightly. “Except the fact we’ve been renewed for another two seasons. But you didn’t hear that from me.”
I pretend to zip my lips. “Won’t tell a soul. That’s epic.”
She smiles. “It is. I do love a steady paycheck.” The smile wavers. “I just don’t love some other things.”
“Creepy stalkers and inappropriate fanboys aren’t particularly lovable.”
“No,” she muses. “They aren’t.”
She tops off her glass of wine and pours me a berry kombucha. “All right. Let’s do this. Do we get popcorn? Is there some special watching ritual or something?”
“Yeah. I park my ass, watch the show, and enjoy.”
“Works for me.”
I lower the level of liquid in my glass to won’t-spill-while-carrying and grab an already open bag of Skittles from the pantry. “Ben! Greed time.”
Bennett gets up from his bed right away and after a long stretch, saunters over to us. He’s got his pleased face on, and his goofy expression—which is probably more just because he’s been spoken to—sends Elise into a fit of giggles. “Oh no, really? Bennie’s a fan of the show too?”
