Heat, page 6
“Easy,” Taraeth said as he stood and blocked Balladyn’s way. “She wanted you dead, but I saw your potential. I kept you alive.”
“About that,” Usaeil began.
Taraeth jerked his head around and gave her a stern look before he returned his attention to Balladyn. “You’ve told me how you hated Rhi for not coming for you. You captured her and tortured her. You said she was becoming Dark. You have one last chance to convince her to come to us, or you’ll have to kill her.”
There wasn’t an entity in the universe that could make Balladyn kill Rhi. Though he would gladly take out everyone else for her. He kept all that to himself as he stared at his king.
He knew without a doubt that the time had come to remove Taraeth so he could take the throne. There was no other choice for him. Or Rhi.
And once Taraeth was gone, Balladyn was going after Usaeil.
“I understand,” he said calmly and dropped the magic.
With one last scowl in Usaeil’s direction, Balladyn walked from the throne room to find the love of his life. As the door closed behind him, he heard Usaeil yelling at Taraeth, but he didn’t care. There were more pressing matters.
“Rhi,” he whispered, knowing his voice would reach her wherever she was.
CHAPTER NINE
Nikolai’s mind was filled with lustful thoughts about the things he longed to do to Esther’s body. He ran his hand over his lips as he thought of the near kiss with her the night before.
While she slept, he paced the flat. He studied more maps of London, he sketched, and he even turned on the tele. After only ten minutes, he shut it off and paced some more. Finally, he went to the cigar box and spread the coasters on the living room floor and began to systematically look up each location on Esther’s laptop.
He felt her presence behind him long before she appeared. He stilled, his gaze lifting as he focused all of his senses on her. She was like a whisper of pleasure, a sigh of anticipation.
A breath of desire.
Con’s urging to give in to what he craved came back to Nikolai. It would be so easy to reach for her, to let the fires of lust consume him.
It was the longing within him to do just that, which kept him from surrendering.
“Did you sleep at all?” she asked as she walked into the kitchen.
He heard her moving things around, and then he smelled the coffee grounds. “I doona need sleep.”
“Lucky you,” she said, yawning.
Incapable of stopping himself, he turned his head to her. He found her leaning against the counter with her eyes closed in a plaid sleep shirt that buttoned up the front and stopped at her shapely thighs. Her brown locks were mussed. Thick socks covered her feet with the long neck of an ostrich running up the outside of her leg to the animal’s face that stared back at Nikolai with derision.
She looked positively adorable except for the dark circles under her eyes. He’d noticed them weeks ago. Now, they were more visible, but the exhaustion was taking a toll on her body, as well.
He watched as she cracked open one eye when the coffee beeped that it had finished brewing. She poured the caffeinated liquid into the largest mug he’d ever seen. Then, with it held between both hands, she sipped it, her eyes closed once more.
It was the Druid that kept her from finding rest. Or rather what the Druid might have made Esther do in the time that had been lost.
“You’re staring,” she murmured.
He leaned to the side, bracing himself on one hand. “Did you sleep?”
“The bed was very comfortable.”
“That’s no’ what I asked.”
She sighed and lifted her lids to look at him. “Sleep is … difficult to come by.”
“Do you see the Druid?”
“I wish that wench had a name,” Esther grumbled. Then she shook her head. “It’s not really her. When I close my eyes, I see myself trying to kill Kinsey as she attempts to end my life. Then all the things I could’ve done that I can’t remember run on a repeating loop, getting worse each time.”
It was as he thought. “Does Henry know?”
“Sometimes it’s better if my brother is unaware of such things.”
Nikolai didn’t agree with her, but it wasn’t his family. “You’re going to need rest.”
“I’ll be fine as soon as I’m recharged with a mug or two of coffee.” She flashed him a wide smile, then changed the subject. “What are you doing?”
He glanced at the coasters spread around him. “Learning what I can about these locations.”
“And what did you find?” She walked to the island and leaned on it, gazing at him curiously.
“You like out-of-the-way places. The smaller pubs that locals tend to frequent.” His gaze moved to a pile of coasters. “Though you do sometimes visit the popular restaurants where there is a wait.”
She walked to sit in the chair he’d occupied the night before during their talk. Tucking her legs against her, she leaned on the upholstered arm and sipped her coffee.
Pointing at a large stack of coasters off to the side, she asked, “What are those?”
“Places outside of London. I thought it best to focus within the city for now.”
Leaning back, she eyed the pile. “I have a container for each year I collected the coasters at my flat. That cigar box is only a few months’ worth. I started the box when I went undercover at Kyvor.”
“A smart move.” Especially since they now knew the Druid was working with someone at Kyvor.
It had been Esther, along with Kinsey, Devon, and Anson who exposed the corruption within the tech company and brought it down. Though everything pointed to Ulrik, someone looking like Ulrik had been seen. That’s what sent Sebastian on a hunt to track down Mikkel.
Now, the man who had run Kyvor, Stanley Upton, was locked away in the mountain at Dreagan. After an initial talk with him, he was left alone except to be fed, but it wouldn’t be long before Con began another interrogation.
“What are you thinking?” Esther asked.
Nikolai ran a hand over his jaw. “Bast was certain we’d been wrong all this time. That it isna Ulrik attempting to expose us.”
“You were one of those closest to Ulrik, do you remember Mikkel?”
“Con asked me the same thing. I didna spend much time with Ulrik’s family. I met them on a few occasions, but they were in dragon form, no’ human.”
She watched him for a silent moment. “But you find it odd that someone looks like Ulrik.”
“Aye,” he replied. “As should you.”
“I do. The fact is, I don’t care which of them is to blame. It could be one or both. Regardless, they need to be stopped.”
Nikolai moved to the sofa. “I’m holding out hope that it isna Ulrik.”
“If it isn’t him, why has he told Con he would fight him to be King of Kings?”
“I doona have an answer.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Perhaps it’s because you’re trying not to see what’s right in front of you.”
“You could be correct. I suspect we’ll know soon enough.”
“Yeah,” Esther said with a nod. “We know the Druid is part of the scheme, so if we can find her, we’ll put a kink in the plans of whoever is running the show.”
He grinned at her enthusiasm. “So, where do we begin?”
“After I accepted the mission to go undercover at Kyvor, I devoted a few days to becoming my new persona. I moved into a flat and spent the next three weeks being seen by my neighbors. I conducted my life as if I were looking for a job.”
Nikolai nodded as he listened. “How long did it take you to get an interview with Kyvor?”
“Less than a month. MI5 used their connections to get my application noticed. That’s all it took to be brought in for the interview. Then it was up to me to make sure I got hired.”
“Which you did,” he said.
She curled her toes and smothered a yawn. “It wasn’t as easy as I’d thought it would be. There were five interviews in all. I was passed over, but MI5 worked quickly to procure an even better position for the person who was offered the job. I was next on the list, but even then, it took them a week before they called.”
He frowned at her words. “A week?”
“I was leery, as well. Turns out, I had a right to be. Somehow, they’d figured out I was MI5, which is nearly impossible. There were only four other people who knew about my mission.”
“I assume you checked into that.”
She nodded. “I called each of them individually with my fears after I was hired.”
“So they would check each other out,” he deduced with a grin. “Smart.”
“Or foolish if more than one were working together.”
“But you doona believe that.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “The only other option is the Druid.”
“Which is verra possible.”
“It is,” she replied bleakly.
Nikolai swiped his hand from left to right over the coasters. “Which place do we visit first?”
“That one,” she said, pointing to the coaster with a white horse rearing up on its hind legs.
He picked up the coaster and read, “The White Mare.”
“Give me twenty minutes, and I’ll be ready,” she said as she got to her feet, refilled her mug, and headed upstairs.
Watching her go, Nikolai wondered if finding Esther’s missing memories would help her. What if the thing she feared the most were true? She would then have to live with that.
It was the unknown that was slowly eating at her. Nikolai knew exactly how that felt. How many times had he wondered what might have been if he’d only spoken with Ulrik.
Or sided with him.
Ulrik had once listened to his counsel. Nikolai should’ve tried harder to talk to him. He should’ve done a lot of things differently.
Nikolai made his way upstairs to take a shower. As he passed Esther’s room, he saw that the door was cracked. He looked inside to find her sitting on the corner of the bed staring off into space. The despair that contorted her beautiful features pulled at him. If he couldn’t help Ulrik, he would make sure Esther found the answers she sought.
Her head turned then, and their gazes met. She didn’t try to hide her feelings, and he was glad she allowed him to see who she really was. Because she had kept all of it hidden away at Dreagan.
“I’m going to be fine,” she said.
He wasn’t sure if she was convincing herself or him. “I’ve no doubt.”
She stood and began unbuttoning her nightshirt. Nikolai wanted to stay and see her bared to him, but he wasn’t yet ready to test the attraction between them when they had just begun their mission. He turned away and headed to the bathroom. He turned on the shower. While the water heated, he braced his hands on either side of the sink and stared at his reflection.
The man he saw wasn’t the one he’d once been. He was crushed under the weight of his grief and remorse, but that wasn’t the man Esther needed. Though she would never admit it, she was vulnerable.
He would be her shield, the Dragon King who stood against all of her enemies. Then he would stand beside her as they slew them together.
Whether she knew it or not, she was helping him find his way back to where he belonged. He hoped he would be able to do the same for her. Because it was a desolate place out in the cold alone.
He stripped out of his clothes and stood beneath the spray of water. This was the first day of a long journey that posed threats at every turn. He smiled because he was more than ready to face them.
CHAPTER TEN
The act of looking back on a part of the past caused Esther to eye her life as an outsider would. And, frankly, she didn’t like what she saw.
For two hours, they walked the streets around where she’d used the flat for her mission, searching for anything. Every once in a while, Nikolai would stop and stare at something before they finally made their way to the pub.
She flipped the new coaster over and over in her hand as she sat with Nikolai at a table in The White Mare, waiting for their drinks to arrive. Her gaze scanned the occupants of the bar, seeing those deep in conversation with friends, while others sat by themselves.
It had never bothered her to eat alone. Yet now, as she looked at those unaccompanied by others, she noted the loneliness in their eyes. For whatever reason, they were lost, whether it was intentional, or Fate had set them on that course, there was no hiding their forlorn and bleak expressions.
That hadn’t been her. Had it?
Each table she looked at where the person was by themselves, reading a book or on their mobile devices, it was all the same—loneliness.
The thump of the glasses being set on the table caused her to jump. Her gaze shot to Nikolai, who was watching her with his intent gaze. Always, his baby blue eyes were on her. They were never mocking or judgmental. Just observant.
“What do you see?” he asked in a soft voice after the server had left.
Her gaze briefly lowered to the table. “Have you ever had to do this? You know, go back over your life with a fine-tooth comb?”
“Nay, but I doona believe it would be easy.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” She motioned with her chin to a woman who was sitting alone, her back to the room as she faced the wall, reading a book. “What do you think when you look at her?”
Nikolai lifted the ale to his lips and drank deeply. When he sat the glass down, he said, “I see someone who wanted a hot meal, not a sandwich brought from home. I see someone who doesna want to be disturbed as she selfishly seeks every second she can of her lunch break.”
“You asked me what I see. I look around, and all I notice is dismal, awful isolation. I see those who are alone because they have no other choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” Nikolai said.
She raised a brow, silently chiding him. “Sometimes, when I had to be alone, was when I was the loneliest. There are times people or events put others in a place where they have no one. Not a single friend or family member who is there for them. They want to reach out for help, they long for it, but there is no one there. Just an empty void, a constant reminder of how isolated you are.”
His brow crinkled in a frown as his gaze studied her.
“Then there are the others. The ones who want to be alone. They are the worst.”
“How?” he asked.
To share this would give him a glimpse into her world, a world she had eagerly rushed into. A world that changed everything.
Esther slowly released a breath. “Those are the people who have shut others out, who don’t want or need anyone. They’ve either been hurt so deeply they can never trust again, or.…”
“Or?” he urged when she trailed off.
She swallowed as she was forced to look closely at herself and the life she’d led. “Or they’ve been taught not to trust anyone. Ever.”
“You have to be wary in your line of work. Otherwise, you could be killed.”
“I didn’t romanticize being an agent, but I didn’t grasp the reality of it either. Henry was right when he said I didn’t tell him my plans to join MI5 because I thought he’d talk me out of it. I knew he would give me the cold, hard facts, and I didn’t want to hear them. I thought I knew better than he did.”
Nikolai sat forward in his chair. “He was doing what any brother would.”
“That’s Henry. He always does what’s right. Perhaps I should’ve let him tell me how the first mission would be hard, but that I’d catch on quickly. Too quickly. Because then I’d be thrust into assignments I wasn’t quite ready for.”
“Obviously, your superiors thought differently.”
She turned her glass around on the table as she looked at the dark amber ale. “In all the training and books they shove at you, they never tell you how deceiving everyone begins to take a toll on your soul. There are all kinds of classes and people telling you how you’ll feel when you kill someone—because it’s inevitable in our line of work. They have therapy and time off for that. But not for the deception or the loneliness.” She raised her gaze to Nikolai. “I see all of that in Henry’s eyes when I look at him.”
She forced a laugh despite the tears that gathered at the corners of her eyes. “Only after years in the agency do you realize you don’t fit in anywhere. I’ve led so many different lives, been too many people spouting too many lies. I no longer have a place.”
“You have a place at Dreagan. With us.”
“I’m grateful that I’ve been given a chance to put the pieces of my life back together again. Returning to London with Kinsey to take down Kyvor went a long way to helping me right things. But I don’t belong at Dreagan any more than I belong anywhere else.”
Nikolai slowly sat back, never taking his eyes off her face. “Someone once told me that Fate will chew you up and spit you out many times, taking you away from those you love and dumping you into places you never wanted to be. It’s up to each of us where we choose to belong. We can either fight everything, or accept what we’re given and make the most of it.”
“Did you know Buddha?” she inquired with a grin.
A flash of sorrow filled his eyes. “I knew Ulrik.”
“Ulrik told you that?” she asked in surprise.
Nikolai smiled as he nodded. “It was one of his favorite sayings.”
“His words make me consider things differently.”
Nikolai held her gaze, looking deep into her eyes. “Good. Because you belong with us.”
The server interrupted their conversation as they placed their order. Esther wasn’t that hungry, but since she wasn’t sleeping, she definitely had to eat to keep up her strength.
After the waitress had left, Esther thought over Ulrik’s words and the fact that they resonated with Nikolai so deeply, that thousands of millennia later, he still quoted them.
“You want to find Ulrik, don’t you?” she asked.
Nikolai froze. He looked at her and nodded as he returned the glass of ale to the table. “Verra much.”
