Iszak (The Dragon's Mate Book 2), page 7
She put the last of the food neatly in the box as he came out holding a duffle bag. She tried to act as normal as possible, but what she was feeling inside was not what was usual for her. She wanted to tell him that she’d changed her mind about staying with him, but forced herself to keep her mouth shut.
It was so tempting to stay with him for a few days, to throw caution to the wind and have a fling with him. But all it could be was a fling, and if the few kisses she’d shared with him were any indication, making love with him would be dangerous for her. It would make her want something with him that she could never have.
She turned to him with a bright smile on her face. “Are you ready?”
“Yes, we just need to wait for the men to bring your car.”
A sound she thought she’d never hear again came to her as she walked closer to the door and put the box alongside her duffle bag and the crossbow case she’d set there earlier. It was the sound of her car in the driveway. The men had successfully gotten it out of the ditch and she opened the door to look out. Through the glass of the outside door, she could see one getting out of her car and walking toward the truck parked along side of it. The man turned to look at the cabin and raised his hand in a wave.
Her car looked none the worse for wear, despite spending the past several days in a ditch. The car was the only big ticket item she’d purchased in years, and she was definitely not prepared to replace it if anything happened to it.
“Are you ready to go?” Iszak stepped up beside her and put his hand on the small of her back. A sad feeling stabbed her when she thought about this probably being the last time he would touch her.
She nodded her head, but refrained from speaking. The truth was that, now that the time for them to leave had arrived, she wasn’t as eager to get out of here as she’d been yesterday when she’d marched to the road with a shovel in hand. This cabin, with its location away from everything in her life, seemed like a world of its own. By leaving it, the reality of her life was starting to intrude.
While she was here, she could indulge in the fantasy that her life was fine, that she had everything she wanted. Unfortunately staying here had held a mirror up to what her life was truly like, and she hadn’t liked what had been shown to her.
She had a father who she’d devoted so much of her life to, that didn’t appear to care as much about her as she did about him. Her job situation was so precarious that taking a week away filled her with anxiety over losing it if she was away a day longer than expected. And being here with Iszak had shown her just how lonely she’d become when she’d closed herself off to the possibility of getting involved in a relationship.
“Julia? It’s time.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. She tilted her head up and put her arms around his neck. She pulled his head down and kissed him fully. For several moments, she enjoyed his lips as she used them to blot out the thoughts that wanted to crowd in her head. When it was time to pull away she did so with some reluctance, and he frowned down at her once he opened his eyes to look at her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, it’s just kind of funny. I’m going to miss this place once we leave. I didn’t think I would, but despite me being here out of necessity, it was a nice break away from my normal life.”
He tightened his arms around her and she snuggled close to him. When he held her it made everything seem like it was going to be fine and that worried her. This was not something she could afford to get used to.
“Maybe things will change for the better. We can’t stay here forever, we have lives to live and we can’t do that here. Things will work out as they are meant to, you’ll see.”
She nodded and stepped away to put her boots on. As she pulled her coat on, she found herself wanting to believe him. She desperately wanted her future to be as wonderful as his words promised, but a strange feeling, a premonition perhaps, tickled at the back of her mind. She had a feeling that when she left this cabin the direction of her life was going to change drastically and she didn’t know if she was prepared for that.
Iszak looked up at the tall apartment building when Julia pulled into the parking lot. He was glad he’d told her that he was waiting at the cabin for his new apartment to be ready, since he had to give her the address without knowing how to get there. He could not have pulled off living here for years since he would be seeing the apartment for the first time along with her.
“I can’t believe you rented an apartment sight unseen. From the looks of the building, you’ve lucked out but it could have been really bad.” This was the most she’d said to him since they’d left the cabin. She still wouldn’t look at him and he didn’t know why.
“Are you still going to try to find a hotel or have you changed your mind about staying with me?” He hoped that it was the latter, since his plan would not work if she stayed in a hotel. He had to be cool about this though, because he couldn’t risk scaring her away at this late juncture.
“I was certain of my answer only a day ago, but now, nothing is clear. The smartest thing for me to do would be to help you get your things out of the car and find a hotel. I need to find my brother and get back to my own life. I can’t afford the distraction of whatever is between us.”
It sounded like her mind was made up. Disappointment settled inside Iszak, and he wouldn’t lie to himself by thinking that it was because he wouldn’t be able to keep tabs on her. Her investigation into Kevin’s disappearance may have started this whole plan, but it had quickly turned into something more.
He wanted to explore what it was that she made him feel. If he was smart, he would let her go her own way, warn his brother that she was here poking around and concentrate on finding the woman that was meant to be with him. While it might be what he should do, it wasn’t what he was going to do. He couldn’t let her go, not yet. He reached out and touched her arm and she looked over at him.
“Are you sure that’s what you want? You need a place to operate out of while you look for your brother and I have a place where you can stay. It seems rather silly to waste time looking for something else when you can stay with me for free.”
A look passed over her face, and it was not positive. What was he doing? It was like he couldn’t control what was coming out of his mouth. He wanted to tell her to stay, not because he could offer her a cheap place to operate out of, but because he wanted her. Why couldn’t he get the words out? It would not unman him to admit there was an attraction there, but why wouldn’t he make himself say it?
She looked away from him and stared out the window. Say you want her. But the words would not come. He shoved aside the thought that it would be easier to take her rejection if he didn’t leave himself vulnerable to it by admitting what he was feeling.
“I’ll help you get your things out of the car and up to the apartment.”
She reached across him and opened the glove box, pushing the button to open the trunk. Once she closed it again, she undid her seatbelt and got out of the car. She closed the door with more force than necessary and he slowly undid his belt. This was not going the way he wanted, but he didn’t know what he could do, what he could say to make things better between them.
He got out of the car and went around to the back of it.
“Do you want to carry the case or the box?” She wouldn’t look at him and he didn’t think he could fix whatever was wrong. What did she want from him?
“You don’t have to do this, I can manage both. I don’t want to keep you from where you’re going.”
He clamped his mouth shut, because it seemed he was intent on driving her away, which was the last thing he wanted. Why couldn’t he say it? Why couldn’t he ask her to stay with him because he wanted her and because he was pretty sure she wanted him too. He hadn’t imagined those kisses at the cabin, but how could he be sure that was the case? They were no longer in an isolated world of cold and snow, with only the two of them. The outside world was intruding faster than he wanted, and for a moment he wished he hadn’t arranged with Rickman to have the road plowed. It would have given him more time with her.
She reached out and pulled his duffle bag out of the trunk. She dropped it on the ground at his feet, where it splashed muddy slush on his jeans.
“I’ll take the box since it’s awkward to carry.” She pulled the box out of the trunk and held it. Her face was closed and she would not look at him. “Can you close the trunk? It’s cold out and the sooner you get your stuff into your apartment the faster I can find someplace to stay.”
He did as she asked, and his brows drew together as he stared at her back. For someone who’d decided, on her own, that she didn’t want to stay with him she wasn’t acting like this was what she wanted. It was like she was angry at him about something, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was. Perhaps it was for the best that they were going their separate ways, since he didn’t even begin to know what went on in her head.
He gripped the handles of his duffle and led the way to the building. The world was silent around them and the only sound was the heavy stomp of her boots. What was her problem?
“What’s the matter?” He glanced at her and she stared straight ahead.
“Nothing.” Her lips squished together and she still wouldn’t look at him.
It didn’t look like nothing was wrong, but what did he know? He didn’t say anything more as they went into the building. The ride in the elevator was an agony of silence as he searched in his head for something he could say, something he could do, to stop this moment from turning into a disaster. He’d been so hopeful, so certain of her when they’d left the cabin that he’d taken it for granted that she would change her mind and agree to stay. That they would be together, however temporarily.
It seemed to him that she didn’t want the promise of something permanent, and he couldn’t offer her that, so they seemed like an ideal match for each other. She’d made a point of telling him that she was in a place in her life where she didn’t want a relationship, and neither was he, at least not with her. He needed to find the woman that fate intended for him, and surely it was not a woman whose father was a professional dragon hunter.
Whatever was between them would have to go unfulfilled, because neither of them were suited for the other. He knew that at the cabin, and thank God she had the sense to see it too before they got embroiled in deeper with each other.
The elevator door opened and she stepped out. He looked down at the slip of paper in his hand to be sure that he went to the correct apartment and he led the way down the hall. The closer he walked toward the moment when he would have to say goodbye to her, the more leaden his feet felt. His steps slowed and he noticed the same hesitation in her as well.
Could she be feeling the same thing? That saying goodbye right now felt wrong somehow?
He gave a shake of his head. It was wishful thinking on his part. She was probably glad to be getting away from him.
He stopped in front of the apartment door and sighed. This was it. The moment had come to say goodbye and he didn’t want to prolong it.
“Leave the box outside the door and I’ll bring it in.” He pulled the door key out of his pocket and inserted it into the lock.
“It’s no trouble to carry it inside.”
He unlocked the door with a shrug of his shoulders. “Suit yourself.”
He shoved the apartment door open and walked in. A quick glance around told him that Rickman had picked a comfortable place for him to live, but it didn’t matter. The hope he’d left the cabin with this morning was dying by the second, and it didn’t matter if this place was a hovel now that she would not be staying in it.
What had he been thinking to raise his hopes so high? That she would want to stay with a man who offered her nothing, not even the assurance that he wanted her? He could see now that the plan to keep an eye on her was a sham, a way to fool himself into thinking that was the only reason he wanted her here. The true reason had nothing to do with keeping tabs on her and everything to do with what he felt when he looked at her.
“I’ll put this in the kitchen and get out of your hair.” The heels of her boots clicked rapidly on the tiled floor as she took the box to the kitchen. He set his duffle aside, and debated what he should do. Was he going to let her walk out the door as if nothing was between them?
The sound of her boots getting closer made him turn and force a smile on his face. If she wanted to leave, there was no point in prolonging this.
“Take care of yourself, Julia.” He put his hands behind his back as he looked at her. She looked up at him and bit her lip.
“Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me. I would have died if you hadn't found me that day.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but thought better of it. She took a step toward him and held her arms out.
He pulled her to him and put his arms around her. He was sure that she intended this to be a goodbye hug and a thank you, but now that she was in his arms he realized there was no way he could let her go. He buried his face in her sweet smelling hair and inhaled. She felt so right, with her body pressed to his, cocooned in his arms that he couldn’t let her walk out the door without giving one last try to get her to stay. He’d do it right this time.
He pulled back and cupped her face. Her eyes were so deep and blue that they pulled him in. He lowered his face so that their lips were only a fraction apart. Hers were so full and plump that he wanted to taste them. But he couldn’t, not yet. This moment was too important to mess up. He had to get this right.
“Don’t go. I want you to stay with me. There is something between us and I don’t want you to go. I don't know if it will last one night or a few weeks, but I know that if you walk out that door right now I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
He edged his mouth closer to hers, so close that he could feel her sweet breath on his lips and he hoped that what he said was enough. It was the truth. What was between them could be an infatuation that would burn itself out in a night or a week. He knew in his head that it couldn’t amount to anything more but his heart cried out for her. His body hungered for her and he could not let her walk away from him if there was something he could do to convince her to stay.
“I’ll stay.” Her words whispered across his skin and elation shot through his body. For a second he couldn’t believe that she’d said what he wanted to hear, and once it hit him, the control he’d exerted over himself snapped. He could not hold himself back from her any longer. He tipped his head and claimed her mouth for his own.
7
Julia wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself closer. The anger, mixed with disappointment, faded with his words and actions. When he'd made the suggestion that she should stay here because it was cheaper, it had hurt her because she thought that what she was feeling was one sided. Thank God he'd said something when he had, because she would have walked out the door and like him, would have regretted it.
She couldn't get close enough to him as his mouth devoured hers. The moment she'd been wanting, been dreaming about, was going to happen. She wanted him so much, more than she'd wanted anyone before.
He pulled back and cradled her face in his hands. Please don't let him have changed his mind. She stared deep into his silver eyes, trying to communicate the desire she felt for him. He dipped his head and fused his mouth with hers again. He moved his lips on hers, the urgency of that first kiss was gone to be replaced with one that had all the time in the world.
He slowly backed her up until she was pressed against the door. It felt so right with her body pressed against his, with her soft curves melting into the hard planes of his body.
His mouth drifted away from hers, to glide across her cheek and to nuzzle her neck as his fingers drifted away from her face to bury themselves in her hair. Julia shivered when his lips found the sensitive spot just below her ear, and a chuckle rumbled in his chest when he exploited that spot.
“We have way too many clothes on.” She shoved him back and his eyes flared. With hurried movements she undid her heavy coat and tossed it aside. He didn’t move fast enough to suit her and she pulled the zipper of his jacket down. He took her hands to stop her and she tried to tug them free. He could not be stopping this now.
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" The low rumble of his voice penetrated the fog of desire enveloping her, and she put her hands on either side of his face and lifted her head so she could look in his eyes. There was so much desire for her in those silver eyes that she would have said yes to him after only seeing that look. But the desire inside him was answered by a desire of her own, which was just as strong.
"This is what I want. I haven't wanted anything more in a long time." She raised up on her toes and kissed him briefly on the lips. She pushed his coat off his shoulders and it fell down his arms to land on the floor. “But do you think we can do it somewhere other than the front hall of your apartment?"
He gave a soft laugh. "Forgive me for wanting you so badly that I forgot to show you the rest of my apartment. What area would interest you the most?"
"Your bedroom." It was the only room that interested her at the moment. He took her hand and pressed a kiss on the back as he took a step back and pulled her away from the door.
"This is the first time I've been in here, so I hope I can find it." He tucked her arm through his, and let her away from the front hall. Fortunately finding the bedroom wasn't difficult and within a matter of moments they were standing beside the bed, facing each other.
"This is much better." She slid her hands up the cotton fabric covering his firm chest and laced her fingers around the back of his neck. His hands went to her waist and he pulled her to him. It seemed to take forever for his mouth to find hers, but when it did it was as if she was finally home. And now they didn’t need to stop with kisses, and with that thought, she slid her fingers down the opening of his shirt.
