Harem Farm, page 1
Harem Farm
David Aries
Copyright © 2021 by David Aries
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Epilogue
Author Notes
More From Me
Chapter 1
An aching pain pierced my skull.
I groaned as I tossed and turned, kneading my fingers into my forehead. It did little to ease what felt like someone going at it with an icepick. However, I knew better. Years of experience meant I could uncover the culprit without opening my eyes.
Hangover.
“Fuck,” I said to nobody in particular as I fidgeted on my side.
Why did I do this to myself? I knew this was the price that came with spending a night hitting a bottle—okay, ten bottles—yet still I’d chosen to indulge in the short-term stress relief getting absolutely plastered provided.
It was time for me to suffer for my self-inflicted crimes.
I pinched my forehead while resting my other hand over my eyes, desperately seeking to block out the light bleeding into my bedroom, willing me to get up.
Couldn’t it tell I wanted to fall back into a cathartic slumber?
“You damn bastard,” I whispered under my breath before prizing myself off my mattress and into a sitting position. “There. I’m up. Happy?”
The sun didn’t respond, for obvious reasons.
I yawned and stretched my stiff arms overhead in a bid to work the kinks out of my poor back. Once that was done, my fingers hunted for the edge of my bed, so I could throw my feet to the floor.
They didn’t find it.
Something strange tickled my wandering digits. It was long, prickly, and left a thin layer of dampness on my skin.
“Huh?” I grunted as my tired eyelids eased themselves open, moments before their accompanying balls tried to spring from their sockets.
What the…?
Something told me I wasn’t in my bedroom, unless someone cultivated an entire forest within its confines while I’d been down the pub. The vegetation was so dense I couldn’t see more than a few meters in any direction bar up where light managed to bleed through the treetops.
I rubbed my eyes, hoping it would make things return to normal, but the forest refused to vanish. I even went as far as pinching my arms like some clichéd soap opera character.
Still nothing.
Okay, what is this?
I chose to presume I wasn’t dreaming, and it was safe to say this wasn’t my house. Had I gotten lost while staggering home like a drunken nuisance to society? Maybe I’d passed out in some pub, and they’d dumped me outside?
No, neither of them seemed likely. I lived slap bang in the middle of a city. There wasn’t a forest within walking distance. There were a couple of parks, sure, but none of them contained an area this wild. This wasn’t the sort of place where people were welcome.
Could I’ve gotten a taxi to the countryside? Maybe a train?
That seemed more plausible. I did tend to get a hankering for the great outdoors when I’d knocked back one too many… although that’d never led to me waking up in the middle of fuck knows where before.
At least I’m dressed.
In the same t-shirt and jeans as the night before and everything. I could still smell the stink of ale clinging to them.
Done sniffing myself, I hunted in my pocket for my phone, but I couldn’t find it. The same went for my wallet and house keys.
Great…
I sighed. What a way to start a day. I didn’t know where I was, the only possessions I had were the clothes on my back, and it felt like someone was playing my brain like a bongo drum. This definitely wasn’t how I’d planned on celebrating my promotion.
Not that I cared much about being put in charge of some shitty company’s IT division.
My throbbing head encouraged me to fall back into the grass and get some rest, but I didn’t listen and clambered to my feet. I wanted out, and I wanted it fast. However, upon glancing around, I couldn’t see any of my lost possessions or any sign of where I’d come from.
Is this one of those times they encourage you to stay put and wait for help?
I stood for a second, contemplating those words.
Yeah… no.
I had a sneaking suspicion a rescue party wasn’t combing the area in search of a missing drunk. I’d have to do this by myself.
After scanning the area for a second time, and coming up empty-handed once again, I picked whichever area my gut felt best and stumbled into the forest. There was no path for me to follow. Instead, I had to make do with plodding through ankle-deep grass instead of stuff which came up to my knees or higher.
Seriously, where am I?
There wasn’t woodland like this anywhere near the city. The trees were so thick and dense it was impressive, with the surrounding undergrowth truly wild. It was the sort of mazy setting I’d expect from some twisted fairy tale. A witch’s hut wouldn’t have looked out of place.
I couldn’t hear any cackles. I also couldn’t hear a peep of civilization. This place was quiet. It made the sound of my growling stomach impossible to miss.
There were plenty of fruit and berries within sight, but I decided against making them my breakfast. I already felt bad enough without potentially poisoning myself. There was no reason I couldn’t wait a little while longer. It was only a matter of time until I found an exit.
Just a matter of time…
Any minute now…
…
Okay, this is ridiculous.
About what felt like an hour later, I still had no clue where I was. The scenery hadn’t changed; unwelcoming wild woodland continued to surround me on all sides.
Just how big was this fucking forest?
I can’t keep going like this. I need food, drink, and a damn aspirin.
It turned out roaming through the wilderness wasn’t a good hangover remedy. My headache was getting worse, and my stomach had started throwing a fit. Then there were my feet that felt like they were on—
I tensed up like a meerkat as I heard something in the distance—voices.
People!
I rushed toward them with the eagerness of a puppy rushing to its owner. It was the happiest I’d ever been at the thought of bumping into a stranger. Were they a camper, a hunter, or perhaps a lumberjack? As long as they knew the way out, I didn’t give a damn.
Or so I thought. Then I jumped through the bushes and laid eyes on those I’d been dying to meet.
The trio clammed up and turned their eyes to me—their yellow slitted eyes. They weren’t people. That much was obvious. They were loincloth-wearing lizards who came up to my crotch in height. They were all different colors—purple, blue, and green—but carried the same makeshift stone-tipped spears which wouldn’t have looked out of place in the stone age.
Unlike their owners.
I stared back, mouth hanging open.
Erm… what?
I couldn’t claim to be an expert on what creatures lurked in the countryside, but I was pretty sure I would’ve heard about a race of miniature lizard people hiding in a nearby forest.
What were they?
A pinging sound made me jump as a floating text box appeared in front of me.
- - -
New Ability Available: Scan Sight
Would you like to purchase this ability?
[Cost: 1 deed point]
- - -
I stared at the pop-up. Then I rubbed my eyes… and stared again.
The text box didn’t go anywhere.
Okay, this is getting weirder and weirder.
The world was a big and mysterious place. The possibility that spear-wielding lizard folks existed and had remained hidden from human detection since the start of time wasn’t zero. It was nanoscopic, but not completely out of the question. Floating text box appearing out of thin air? That took things to another level.
Before I could put more thought into it, the lizards spoke.
“DNEUFRUGU,” one of them snarled.
“DNFURN,” replied another, eyes not leaving me for a moment.
“DNUGURU,” said the third before licking their chops.
They weren’t speaking English, that was for sure, but I had a bad feeling I knew what they were talking about. Their eyes gave them away. They weren’t filled with the curiosity or confusion I showed them. It was closer to a trio of cats looking at an injured bird.
I raised my hands as I shuffled back. “Hey, whoa.
The lizards disagreed. They clutched their spears and fanned out to ensnare me.
Fuck that!
I turned and bolted before they got the chance.
The lizards screamed and gave chase.
“Of course,” I said to myself as I raced ahead with everything I had.
In theory, that should’ve been enough. My legs were longer than theirs. In fact, my legs were likely taller than they were, full stop. However, it didn’t seem to matter. They were fast little buggers who bounced over the terrain with ease. I was more blundering around, falling through bushes, while searching for an escape route.
There was nothing apparent to be seen. It was all forest. Dark, unwelcoming forest.
I didn’t let that stop me. I kept moving. The last thing I wanted was to become a one-man lizard buffet.
Fantastic. What a morning!
Hungover. Lost. Dispossessed. Running away from a bunch of flesh-hungry lizard monsters.
I was never drinking again.
In my mind, things couldn’t get any worse. Then I spotted shadows in the corners of my vision. More lizards. They were trying to flank me.
Forget my last time drinking, this is going to be my last time breathing unless I do something.
“Hey!” I yelled at the top of my burning lungs while my legs powered forward. “Can anyone hear me?! Little help here!”
The only reply I got was from the bloodthirsty lizardfolk gathering in number.
I kept yelling. I wasn’t prepared to die here. Sure, my life wasn’t great—I couldn’t say I was satisfied with the path I’d ended up on—but that didn’t mean I was ready to throw in the towel. I wanted to live, and I would do whatever it took to make that happen.
Running wasn’t enough. Sooner or later, they’d catch me. I had to do something drastic.
When I entered a poor excuse for a clearing, I skidded to a stop and turned to face the lizard directly on my heels. In the same movement, I threw a hard right hand.
The reptile hadn’t expected me to stop, or so said the way it ran straight into my fist. My knuckles connected right between its eyes, knocking it to the ground and out cold.
I grinned as I rubbed my sore hand. Its scales had been tougher than I’d envisioned but nothing I couldn’t handle.
That’s one down. That leaves…
Thirty pairs of beady yellow eyes pierced through the darkness, surrounding me on all sides.
Oh…
I gulped. Yeah, that could be a problem. Still, I didn’t let it scare me; I didn’t have time to be scared. I kept my fists raised and yelled, “You think you guys intimidate me? Guess again! Back off, now, unless you want to die!”
The lizards hesitated for a moment… before approaching with weapons ready.
Crap.
I wasn’t surprised my intimidation check had failed, but I wasn’t pleased either. It left me no choice. Somehow, I had to defeat a pack of armed lizard monsters using nothing but my bare hands.
“Fine,” I said to myself rather than the approaching predators. “Let’s do this—”
A fireball flew over my shoulder and exploded in the face of an approaching lizard, throwing it back out of the clearing.
I, as well as all of the lizards, gawked at where the blast had occurred.
What just happened?
Two more lizards were swiftly blown away before something burst from the bushes and jumped to my side. It was a young woman with smoke rising from her hands. “Whoa, that was close. Looks like I made it just in the nick of time, huh?” She glanced over her shoulder and offered me a smile.
“Yeah,” I replied, voice trailing off as I stared at her. It was impossible not to. I’d seen plenty of good-looking girls in my twenty-six years on this planet, but this was the first time anyone had stolen my breath with a single look.
I couldn’t get enough of her big green inviting eyes. They were like peridots dancing in sunlight, as stereotypical as that sounded. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they were hypnotic, such was their pull. The only reason I managed to drag my full attention away from them was because her beauty only continued onwards. I shamelessly goggled her sun-kissed features, drinking in the sight of every freckle dancing from her cheeks, over the bridge of her sweet little nose. They accompanied her intense orange locks perfectly, which had been tied in a sloppy ponytail that didn’t look too dissimilar to a flame blowing in the wind.
Her hair didn’t dip any lower than her shoulders which peeked out from beneath a white medieval shirt. It was tied at the bottom to leave her flat stomach on show, despite the best efforts of two black suspenders rising from a matching pair of shorts. It was an outfit designed to be cool and practical, yet couldn’t help showing off her toned legs, athletic curves, and fluffy tail.
Oh, yeah. She had a tail.
From the small of her back emerged a fluffy orange tail that dangled over the back of her shorts. It was a perfect accompaniment to the pointy canine ears sticking from the top of her head, as well as the fur that dominated her limbs below her elbows and knees.
A fox girl?
It was either that or she was wearing the best cosplay I’d ever seen. The fur on her arms looked too real to be faked. Things were just getting weirder and weirder… although I had no intention of complaining about this development, for multiple reasons.
The sound of snarling lizards reminded me this wasn’t the time to be ogling the woman who’d come to save my life.
“Stupid kobolds,” she grumbled as another fireball flickered to life in her palm. “Sorry, but could you trust me for a little bit? Something tells me things are about to get a little hectic…”
Before I could reply, a kobold burst toward us.
It didn’t get far. My savior took it out with a fireball to the face.
The other kobolds took that as their cue to launch an all-out attack… not that she let them without a fight. My foxy angel whipped around, driving away a line of attackers with a trail of fire. She pointed her other hand in the opposite direction and unleashed, filling the air with explosions.
Her foes squealed as they were blown back into the undergrowth.
I watched on, my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t help myself. After all, how often did I get to see a fox girl shooting fire from her fingertips?
Never. The answer was never… until now.
It was a show like no other. She twirled around and around, unleashing fire from her hands wherever a kobold appeared.
“Take this… and that!” she said while casting shot after lizard-blasting shot.
The kobolds couldn’t get close to us. Even though it was thirty against one, she was in a different league entirely. She was a fire-throwing goddess surrounded by low-level mobs. Our win was all but guaranteed.
Or so I wanted to believe…
As the fight dragged on, something began to dawn on me: the kobolds weren’t decreasing in number. Her attacks were proving great at keeping them away, but they weren’t dealing much damage. Nor were they scaring the kobolds off.
She gulped and muttered under her breath, “Oh Shepherd. Why are there so many of them?” She didn’t let it stop her from fighting, but it was hard to miss the sweat dripping down her perfect sun-kissed skin.
I didn’t know how tiring fire magic was, but I couldn’t see it being a walk in the park, especially when slipping up meant death. How long would she be able to keep this up for?
How long would the kobolds be able to keep it up?
As long as this status quo continued, we were fine; the kobolds couldn’t get close. But there was no guarantee that would last, especially with me standing around doing sweet fuck all. There had to be a way I could help, magic or not.
From the corner of my eyes, I caught something glistening in the underwoods.
“Watch out!” I exclaimed as I threw myself between her and the object.
An arrow flew from the shrub and stabbed me in the side.
I winced. It had been a direct hit. The damn thing had gotten me near my stomach.
She gasped and threw a hand over her mouth. “You’ve been shot!”
“Ignore me,” I said, pointing at the bush. “Archer!”
Another arrow soared toward us.
My savior swept it out of the air with a plume of fire before launching a fireball that blew the bush to pieces. “Got it!”
