One Snowbound New Year's Night, page 15
“Van...” she trailed off helplessly. “I wanted you to know that...”
“Open it.”
She did, cautiously, and saw her own words. That’s all. Nothing else.
Her heart had swooped up so incredibly fast with hope. Now it fell just as swiftly, landing hard. Tears of disappointment sprang to her eyes.
“Why—?”
“I want this, Becca.” He pointed at the card. “This love of yours is mine. I want it more than I want anything else in this world. But I have to give it back to you. Right? That’s how this works? You give me yours. I give you mine?”
“But you don’t love me, Van.”
“Don’t you doubt me,” he said with affront. “We’re not repeating old mistakes. Remember?” He clomped a step closer and cupped her cold cheeks in his cold hands, looked deep into her eyes. “You are the only woman I want. I’m selling this house because what is the use in having it if you’re not in it? I don’t know how to love except by...” He shrugged and looked at their surroundings. “By giving you everything I have. I didn’t think words could be enough.” His brow flexed. “But if that’s what you need, if that’s all you need, then you have them. As much as you mean those words, so do I. I love you. I always will.”
She had never fainted in her life, but she almost did right then. Her heart took a hard bounce and she forgot to breathe and her vision tunneled into pinpoints so all she saw was him. His warm hands cupping her cheeks was the only thing holding her upright.
“Don’t say it’s too much,” he warned gruffly. “I don’t know how to give you enough love.”
Her eyes were watering so hard she had to blink to clear her vision. “It does feels like too much. It does,” she choked. “Because I’m...”
“Be careful what you say next, love.” His hands gentled. His thumbs settled at the corners of her mouth and his lips touched the tip of her numb nose. “I have very high standards and I will not take kindly to hearing that my wife is anything less than utterly amazing.”
She tilted a wet look up at him and the sunlight glinting through the trees turned everything into halos and sparkling light. The world was silent and the air crisp and fresh. The moment too big with possibility.
“I’m scared,” she admitted in a whisper.
“Me, too. But I can’t do another four years without you. I can’t do four minutes.”
Behind her, the driver opened his car door. “You folks hosting a polar bear swim?”
“No,” Van called absently, gaze locked to hers. “But that’s how I’ve felt since you were gone, like I was naked in a frozen lake. Come back.”
Hard shivers were chasing through his body, but he didn’t mean she should come back in the house to warm up. He meant forever.
Be smart, Becca. You might get your heart broken again.
Or she might not. She wouldn’t know if she didn’t try. Maybe she could have things other people got.
Or maybe she could have this one thing that no one else had—Van’s love.
She began to tremble, but it might have been shivers. She nodded jerkily.
Van grabbed her shoulders and planted a kiss on her lips, a hard, hurried one that was no less powerful for its brevity.
Then he released her and brushed past her, grabbing up her suitcase as he told the driver, “She’s staying with me, but don’t knock her rating. Do you ski?” Van quickly had the man grinning at the news that he could pick up a full complement of Van Scott gear from a local shop.
As the car drove away, she and Van slipped and skittered down to the house, laughing and clinging to each other.
“I swear, if you locked us out of the house...”
“I might have. I wasn’t thinking of anything but catching you.”
The door was open and they tumbled in, kissing and falling into each other’s arms. It was exciting and sweet and so achingly good, she couldn’t help pausing and sobering.
“Is this happening too fast?”
“Probably. That’s how we do things.” He rubbed her arms.
“That’s how you do things,” she said pointedly.
“It’s okay if you need time, Becca. It is.” He dipped his head to look straight into her eyes. “But tell me if that’s what you need. Don’t shut me out, okay? Not again. Promise?”
She gave a faltering nod. “You, neither.”
“Open book. I swear.”
They kissed with their still-cold lips, but it was sweet and hopeful and made her want to believe in this. That she could have him. That they could be like this forever.
He was still shivering, and she slithered her arms inside his robe to try to warm him. Her clothes were cold and the snow clinging to her jeans was melting and damp, making him flinch and pull away with a laugh.
“Look, I know I just said I wouldn’t rush you.” He winked one eye as though he suspected he was pushing his luck. “But I need to warm up. Any chance you want to join me in a hot shower?”
“Is the sauna still on standby?”
“Oh, yeah, let’s do that.”
* * *
Van changed her flight so Becca could stay a few extra days in Whistler and they could travel together to Sydney. Becca had given a private eye roll when he upgraded her ticket to first class, but also gave a private squeal of glee because she’d never had the promise of free champagne when she boarded before.
They were leaving tomorrow, and she was already second-guessing her school plan, but Van insisted he would live his life around hers while she started her classes to see if lab work would be a good fit for her.
These few days of reconciliation were almost too ideal. They skied and made love and talked about everything and nothing, but she kept having faltering moments of worrying it couldn’t last. She feared she would come crashing back to earth any second.
Each time it happened, Van seemed to notice, catching at her hand or saying a quiet, “Hey. You know I love you, right?” And when he said it, he pulled her into his arms and held her like she was the most precious thing in the universe.
He wanted to remarry in Sydney, but with a proper wedding with both families in attendance. “I’m sorry we didn’t do it right the first time, so your mom could be there. Let’s do better this time.”
“Your family doesn’t want to come all that way for a second marriage,” Becca protested as they left a pub where they’d just had lunch.
“Are you kidding? Paisley is dying for an excuse to bring the kids—wait. We’re not going home yet.” He drew her in a different direction from his SUV. “This is why I wanted to have lunch here. I need to go across the street.”
She tugged him to a halt as he led her toward a jewelry store.
“Please don’t buy me new rings. I like these.” She adjusted hers on her finger.
“So do I.” He wore his wedding band, too, even though their arrangements with their lawyers meant a certificate of divorce would appear in roughly a month. “This is something else.”
“My locket? You got it fixed?” She hadn’t wanted to give it up, preferring to take it home to get it repaired so she wouldn’t risk leaving it here again, but Van had sheepishly confessed how he’d broken it—turning her inside out with love for him. He had insisted on ensuring it was mended so she had tentatively entrusted it to him again.
Now he was giving her a cagey look that made her tense with apprehension as she went through the door he held.
The upscale shop was full of custom items. Van gave his name and the clerk disappeared. She came back with a small velvet box and a big smile.
“I saw the goldsmith working on this. What a lovely idea.”
“Thanks. Would you give us a minute?” he asked in the most charming “shove off” in history.
As the woman walked away, Van opened the lid, still eyeing Becca as though he wasn’t sure how she would react.
She looked down and saw her locket, mended and encased in a bigger heart-shaped locket with a glass front. A plethora of diamonds embedded the gold border of the larger one and it hung off a chain that looked like braided gold.
“Van,” she breathed, absently touching her empty neck.
“I was worried about your little heart getting all banged up again. I want to protect it with my own.”
She bit lips that began to tremble with an emotive smile.
He took the necklace from the box, holding it up as he opened the clasp. “You can see right into mine. And you could break it,” he warned somberly. “But I know you won’t. Not on purpose. That’s why I’m trusting you with it.”
“You...” She didn’t have words. She was blinking hard so she could continue to see and lifted her hair to let him put it on her. It was a cool, tickling weight accompanied by a soft kiss against her nape.
Across the room, she saw a blurry pair of women with their heads together, hands on their chests.
“You like it?” Van asked as she turned back to him.
“I love it so much I don’t even know what to say.” She shifted so she could see it in the mirror, but was still trying to clear her matted lashes.
“Say you’ll keep it always.”
“Always,” she vowed, learning the shape of it with her touch, enjoying the press of it on her throat. It was a heavy, extravagant statement that was proof he understood what was most important to her. It was utterly priceless. “I’ll take such good care of it. I promise.”
He turned her and nudged it a millimeter to center it, then cupped her neck and swooped his mouth down to hers in one of his heady, mind-bending kisses. Her eyes burned and he sent her soaring with joy.
Maybe this was what love really was, she thought fleetingly. Sometimes it was a hard shell that kept you safe, other times it was a dangerous fishtail that thrilled and blinded and left you breathless.
Maybe that’s just who they were and maybe that was perfectly fine.
EPILOGUE
Five years later
“MY TEACHER SAID there’s no such thing as second birthday.” Liam blinked his big brown eyes behind his thick glasses. “Only if you’re two. I’m five.” His free hand starfished while he kept a firm hold of Van’s fingers with his other one.
“I know, son. Your teacher is right.” Van’s heart turned over with love for the boy. He wanted to pick him up and squeeze him, but they were working on respecting personal space at school. There was a time and place for wrestling, and a jewelry store wasn’t it. “That’s just what your mom calls it and it’s really for her.”
“Is that why we’re getting her a present?”
“Yeah. Can you hold your thumb while we’re in here or do you want to hold my hand?” Van held the door open.
“I can just look.”
“That’s what I thought. You’re the best kid in the world. Did you know that?”
Liam nodded his floppy hair because, yeah, of course he was the best kid in the world. His parents had been telling him that as long as he could remember.
He’d been quite a handful in the beginning. Becca had wanted to try a foster-to-adopt situation, which Van had completely supported even though he had privately worried that Becca would get her heart broken if something went awry. Hell, he’d been worried he would, once he’d met this little rascal. They’d all fallen in love immediately.
Liam had been two, which was always a challenging age. He’d been affectionate and curious, but his lively and sometimes stubborn nature had become more than his grandparents could handle, especially after suffering the loss of his mom.
At that time, Liam had grabbed everything. Often, he had impulsively run to look at something that caught his eye, not paying attention to his surroundings and putting himself in danger when he did. He’d constantly been tripping and tumbling and keeping Van and Becca on guard.
One day, when Liam had stood in front of the television refusing to move, Becca had said, “Do you think he has trouble seeing?”
They’d booked him an appointment and within a couple of weeks, the boy had been wearing a pair of thick glasses. He had still grabbed for everything in his reach, but once his depth perception improved, he wasn’t knocking things over as he did. When they read to him, he began pointing out animals, mimicking the sounds. Words quickly followed and being able to make himself understood had made his tantrums mostly obsolete.
It was a bittersweet victory. As his behavior improved, they were sure his grandparents would change their minds about relinquishing him to adoption. Instead, they agreed to an open situation and still took Liam for a weekend every month or two, joining Van and Becca for Liam’s birthday and Christmas and any other occasion when family was gathering. Becca and his grandmother were really close, both having a hole in their life that the other filled in her own way.
Van was glancing over earrings and bracelets, conscious that Becca wouldn’t expect or particularly want anything expensive, but the anniversary of Liam’s adoption was important to him, too. He wanted to mark it with something special.
“Daddy, that one’s a plabbidus.” Liam kept hold of his thumb while he pointed at some crystal figurines. “Mummy would like it.”
Van came to look at the modest little sculpture of a platypus, always getting a kick out of the way Liam mixed up his words and imbued a few with Becca’s accent. Maybe they hadn’t made him, but he definitely reflected bits of both of them. The boy had taken to skiing like a duck to water last winter.
“She would, wouldn’t she?” Becca would love it because her son had picked it out.
They had visited Becca’s family twice since Liam had joined them and both trips had included visits to the zoo with Wanda’s kids. Wanda was bringing her family this Christmas, excited for her kids to see snow for the first time.
Van nodded at the clerk to wrap it, and thirty minutes later, they entered the house to the scent of angel food cake. It would only be the three of them, but all the more special for being an intimate celebration.
Becca had already changed out of the floral scrubs she wore to the lab and waved, pointing to show him she was on the phone with the Bluetooth.
She worked at the lab on a casual basis, also running a foundation funded by Van Scott Equipment that ensured underprivileged kids could learn to ski. Van mostly worked from home and scrupulously limited his hours, keeping his schedule flexible so he could pick up Liam from school when Becca had commitments of her own.
“My husband just walked in,” she said to whoever she was talking to. “Let me discuss it with him. We’ll call you back in the next day or so? Yes, thank you.” She hung up.
“Bec. Are you crying?” Van moved to take her arms, blood chilling in his veins as he noted the redness around her eyes. “What happened?”
“I’m fine. I promise.” She beamed him a smile through her misty eyes and patted his chest, giving him a distracted kiss before quickly bending to reassure Liam. “I missed you while I was at work today. Where have you and Daddy been? How come you’re late getting home from school?”
“We got you a present.” He proudly offered the gold-embossed bag.
“Goodness! That wasn’t necessary.” She gave Van a you-shouldn’t-have look and weighed it. “I wonder what it could be.”
“A plabbidus.”
“Oh. Does he need water?”
“Not a real one!” Liam said with a giggle.
She chuckled and hugged him again, gaze soft with love. “I can’t wait to see it, but I’ll open it after tea, if that’s okay. Do you want a few minutes of screen time? I need to talk to Daddy.”
Liam nodded and she set the timer on his tablet, sending him toward the stairs where he had a playroom in the loft.
“Who was it?” Van asked with concern as Liam started up the stairs.
“Tamara,” she said in a lowered voice, mentioning the social worker who had assisted with their adoption of Liam. “There’s a little girl she thinks would be a good fit for us.”
“Babe.” It was a heart-punch of hope.
Van took her trembling form into his arms. They had planned to wait a little longer before bringing another child into their lives, worried about risking Liam growing attached to someone who might not be able to stay. Van was trying to be patient, but he really wanted to fill out their family.
“I know what you’re going to say. It’s always risky,” she pointed out. “This little girl only has an elderly grandfather who wants to be in the picture, but can’t take custody of her. It wouldn’t be a foster situation. We could adopt her right away. She’s three and has a small health concern that requires injections which was one reason Tamara thought of us. That, and we already have the open situation with Liam’s family so she knows we understand that dynamic. I know we said we’d wait a little longer before we made any moves, but...” She raised a pleading gaze to his. “I really want Liam to have a little sister. She could be with us by Thanksgiving.”
“I want a little sister,” Liam said. He had only gone midway up the stairs and sat there, tablet held in two hands before him.
Van couldn’t help a guffaw at the kid refusing to be left out of a private conversation. Or not having his vote counted on something so important to all of them.
“Sounds like three out of three,” Van said wryly, hugging Becca tight. “Motion carried to proceed?”
By Christmas, their daughter Sarah was with them. She was round and assertive and still getting used to her new family. When Wanda offered her a gift to unwrap, she grew overwhelmed by her new cousins and all the noise as they tore into presents with Liam.
“Sarah, come sit with Mummy, love,” Becca invited, opening her arms.
Sarah quickly took refuge in her mother’s lap. She absently played with the pendant at Becca’s throat as they watched all the action from a safe place in the corner of the sofa. Becca accepted the gift from Wanda and they opened it together, admiring the puzzle of marsupials it contained.
