Game Changer, page 14
I’m furious with Kyle for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, but Brooks’s declaration renders me speechless. We’ve never really talked about our future or what it would look like. We’ve never considered things beyond this season. We’ve been so busy trying to stay away from each other that it’s almost unfathomable that we might actually get to be together—that he wants us to be together.
It’s not like this is coming out of left field and I didn’t have a clue about the way he felt about me—but hearing him say it is another thing entirely. I’m kind of scared and a little nervous, but above all, I’m exhilarated. I’ll frame this horrendous photo and give it a place of honor on my wall if it gets Brooks to say stuff like that to me.
"I know, I know," Kyle replies sullenly from his bed. "I didn’t think it would work, but I had to try and pull out all the stops."
"It only makes me love her more, realizing how far we’ve come," Brooks declares, holding my gaze.
He said that he loves me.
Brooks Davison said that he loves me.
And not only that, he said it for the first time in front of my brother, showing without a doubt just how much he means it. He’d never utter those words in front of Kyle unless he was ready and willing to back them up one hundred percent. For him, this isn’t just some rekindled infatuation. He’s serious about us.
I don’t know what to say as I slowly lower myself into the chair next to Kyle’s bed. I think I love him too, but I don’t want to do the predictable thing and just say it back. That would sound lame, like he had forced it out of me. Having this whole big, romantic moment in front of Kyle is nuts. I don’t know why Brooks is doing this here, but then he goes on.
"That picture says it all. You’re the one who brought us together, Ky. Without you, there’d be no Sasha and me. The roots that run between the three of us are all tangled up. I know, for my part, I can’t have one without the other. It doesn’t work that way. We go too far back to start divvying things up now. I want my best friend and the woman I love. Don’t make me have to choose."
Kyle takes a deep breath after listening to Brooks’s impassioned plea. He just spilled his heart out, and if Kyle tramples all over it with some wiseass remark, I’ll kill him, sick or not.
"Dude, chill," Kyle finally responds, holding up his hands as if to ward him off. "I already hinted to Sasha on the phone. I can work at wrapping my mind around the idea of the two of you, but I don’t think it’s wise to flaunt it during the season. There are too many eyes on Sasha. You add a love story to the mix and the whole thing is just gonna explode. Right now, all it is is gossip, but if you confirm that the two of you are dating, be prepared for all hell to break loose."
"But I can’t hide the way I feel," Brooks argues. "Not anymore."
"And I don’t want you to," I speak up as Kyle turns his doleful eyes to me. Feeling the weight of his gaze, I go on. "But Kyle’s right."
Brooks sighs in frustration, taking a step to come over to me, but I raise my hand to stop him.
"Wait. Just hear me out." I pause, giving voice to the thoughts that have been floating around my brain for some time. "I think that, when we’re alone, behind closed doors, away from prying eyes—we should be free to do what we want. But when we’re in public, we’ll be careful not to give anything away. No holding hands. No kissing. All public displays of affection will be strictly off-limits."
"It still sounds risky to me. I hate the thought of you having your hands all over my sister, bro, so the less anyone has to see of it, the better." Kyle tries to get Brooks to look up at him, but he stubbornly keeps his baby blues trained to the floor.
"Sandy?" I prod him. "What do you think?"
"I’m not exactly thrilled," Brooks replies, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I’m not the type of person who likes skulkin’ around in the shadows. The both of you know that’s not how I operate. I believe in being true to who I am, whether I’m in public or in private. I don’t wanna have to hide the way I feel about you, Sasha. You’re the brightest part of my life. I wanna show the world how much I care about you, not pretend that you mean nuthin’ to me."
Brooks starts pacing back and forth in front of Kyle’s bed. He’s driving himself crazy over this, and that’s not what I intended. I was just trying to give us an out, a release valve to extinguish some of the tension that builds up whenever we try and stay away from each other. Brooks threw caution to the wind that night on the dance floor, and things like that can’t happen again. We’re going to get caught, and I don’t think I can deal with the distraction of people talking about our sex life on top of everything else. I need to remain focused on winning a World Series ring for my brother—and for him.
Today, I saw the difference when we entered the hospital. Last time, everyone was staring at Brooks. This time, they were staring at me…with Brooks. We can’t be linked together in the public’s mind. Kyle’s right. It’s too much too soon. I can’t handle everything all at once. I don’t want to share what I have with Brooks with anyone. It’s special and private and, most importantly, ours. I don’t want the feelings we have for each other to turn into some trashy tabloid fodder. I love him too much for that.
"So you agree to cool it at least while you’re on the road or at the stadium?" Kyle questions his friend, acting like he’s some kind of referee in all of this.
"If that’s what you really want, Sasha." Brooks glances up at me like I’m breaking his heart.
I can’t take it. I rush over to him. "It’s not what I want, Sandy," I cry, caressing the chiseled planes of his face. "It’s just what needs to happen until the season ends. I think it’s a better alternative than what we were trying to do. We don’t have the privacy of Landry’s ranch surrounding us anymore. We’re back in the real world, and I don’t want to blow it. I won’t have them tearing us apart. I can’t lose you."
"You never will," Brooks whispers, sliding his arms around me.
"As much as I hate to say it, will you please get out of here before you make me hurl?" Kyle complains in the background. "This is what I get for speaking up that night on the beach. Now I’m begging my best friend to take my little sister back to an apartment that I own and turn it into some kind of love nest. Jeez, sometimes a guy can’t win for trying."
I hide my face against Brooks’s shoulder. Great—even my brother thinks we had sex. First Landry. Now him. Talk about humiliating. I don’t want my first time with Brooks to be laden with all of this baggage and unnecessary pressure. It should be a spur-of-the-moment thing. When it feels right, I want to just let it happen and see how things unfold. Now he probably thinks I want him to wow me as soon as we get back when the two of us are already dead on our feet after flying all night.
I don’t know how to go about having this conversation with Brooks as I stand there clinging to him. Kyle doesn’t make it any easier when he turns on the TV above our heads and starts clicking through the channels, pretending to ignore us.
I guess I’m just going to have to figure it out as I go along.
Chapter Fifteen
Brooks
Playing for the first time at Kings Stadium is unlike anything else.
I was a head case the night before my debut. I don’t think I slept a wink. I had so many endorphins pumping through my body that I thought my feet were going to lift off the ground. Everything was going good until about the sixth inning, when my energy level began to plummet. I was all keyed up on nerves, but they were only able to sustain me for so long, and then I started to crash. Coming down from such a high in front of fifty thousand people was intense. My legs turned to jelly. I couldn’t pick up the flight of the ball against the stadium lights. Even though the crowd was rocking and it was an exciting game, my eyes were constantly on the verge of closing. I’d never felt like that on the field before, but somehow I managed to get through that first game. After that, my confidence steadily improved from there when I saw that I was capable of competing at the sport’s highest level.
Everyone deals with the jitters differently. I’m well aware of what Sasha’s up against, and I didn’t want to push it when I helped wheel her luggage back into Kyle’s apartment. I gave her a lingering kiss with the promise of more, urging her to get some rest before her big night. She didn’t ask me to stay, and I didn’t offer.
I left and went next door, though all I did was toss and turn alone in my bed, unable to empty my head of thoughts of her. When I heard her rustling around on the other side of the wall, I realized that it probably would’ve been better if I had stayed and held her until she fell asleep. I could have stroked her hair and soothed her into a peaceful slumber. But no, I had to get all weird after hearing Kyle call his place our ‘love nest’ and book it out the door.
Around noon, I listen to the water running through her pipes, telling me that she didn’t get much shut-eye either. So I get up and hustle to get ready, tossing a frozen bagel into the toaster oven and grimacing at the July expiration dates on the few perishable items in my fridge. I hate being on the road. The minute I get home, it’s like walking into a time warp. Everything’s exactly as I left it last week.
I chomp on my bagel and play the message Chase left on my phone. He thinks it might be a good idea if his wife, Grey, does an interview with Sasha for The Queen of Diamonds site in order to combat the rumors flying around about us. At this point, I don’t think Chase knows what to think when it comes to Sasha and me. He’s just trying to minimize the damage. Chase went out on a limb for us with Terry, and as much as I hate to admit it, maybe Kyle’s right about us being more discreet. I’ll have to run Chase’s offer by Sasha and see what she thinks.
At one o’clock, I text Sasha to see if she’s ready to go. When she responds in under three seconds, I know that she’s anxious. I lock my door and step outside, and she’s already standing in the hallway. I smile at her as I approach.
"Ready to make history?" I stop in front of her, watching her face turn pale as it all starts to sink in. I want to kick myself. I meant to psych her up, not freak her out.
"I’m going to be the first woman ever to play at Kings Stadium." She takes a shaky breath. "Wow. Make that double wow."
"It’s time to walk where all of the greats have tread." I slide my arm around her shoulders and she leans into me.
"Sandy, I’m scared," she whispers. "Like really scared. Like petrified-out-of-my-mind kind of scared."
"You’re not the only one to feel this way," I share with her. "I’ve seen guys puke. I’ve seen guys bawl on the phone to their mothers. I’ve seen guys freeze up and not be able to move. Everyone reacts differently. I mean, it doesn’t get bigger than this. If you’re not scared, something’s wrong."
"Terry said he was sending a car for me, and I know I sound like a baby, but I don’t want to walk in there all by myself. I need you with me." Sasha looks up at me imploringly as we trudge down the steps and reach the door leading to the street.
We’re at a definite crossroads. I don’t want some stranger driving her either, but to go against Terry’s wishes is only asking for trouble. I glance outside, and I don’t see anyone waiting for her. Sasha shouldn’t be alone right now. She’s in such a fragile state, and she doesn’t even know the half of it.
Casey also left me a message, telling me that they’d thought a heart was on the way for Kyle last night. The person in front of him on the transplant list died—ironically while the heart was in transit. In a rush to find a new recipient, it turned out that the available heart was a good match for Kyle. However, everything got caught up in a snafu of paperwork and the tiny window between harvesting the organ and placing it in Kyle’s body passed before it could be delivered, wasting a precious opportunity.
Needless to say, Kyle and Casey were devastated, but they pleaded with me not to tell Sasha, at least not yet. They didn’t want it to upset her when she already has enough on her plate today.
I look into the eyes that have become as familiar as my own and know what I have to do. I can’t abandon her. She needs me now, no matter what Terry says.
"Then let’s go." I prop open the door and beckon her forward. My car is parked just down the block in the nearest garage. We’re both wearing sunglasses and casual clothes, and no one pays any attention to us as we walk down the street.
Only once we’re in the darkened confines of the garage do I begin to breathe easier. So far, no one’s tipped off the paparazzi as to where she’s living, but it’s only a matter of time before they’re camped outside our building every hour of the day. I come to grips with the fact that this might be the last opportunity I have to drive her to the stadium, and a lump forms in the back of my throat.
I like doing this with her. I like going to work together like it’s no big deal. People have relationships in the workplace all the time. It sucks that we should have to be any different.
I open the door for her, and she hops in, watching me with her eyes as I close it. I’ve been alone for so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to do things like this. Waking up with a woman, even if we’re in separate apartments. Going through my daily ritual with someone by my side. It feels strange, but I like it.
"Are you hungry?" I ask as I back up and pull into traffic. "I could stop and grab something for you if you’d like. You don’t have to get out."
"No, that’s okay. I don’t think I could keep anything down anyway. I found a bag of pretzels in one of Kyle’s cabinets that’ll tide me over whenever my stomach stops churning." She seems down, and I don’t know why. Something’s bothering her and it’s more than just the game.
I let it slide as I roll beneath a traffic light that’s just turning yellow.
"I’m having some groceries delivered later. The super will hold them until we get back, but feel free to take whatever you need. I know Kyle’s apartment is set up more like an office than a home." I ramble on, concentrating on the cars in front of me.
"See, that’s the thing," Sasha says, opening up. "I didn’t want to get into this right now, but I think you should know that Terry called me this morning. He’s pretty adamant about me moving into the place his secretary found. He saw the pics of us online and he wants to meet with me as soon as I arrive. He’s not too happy with me at the moment. I don’t think my living arrangements will be open to discussion."
"Then I’ll say something." I cast a sidelong glance at her. "He can’t make you do anything you don’t wanna do, Sasha."
"Of course he can! He’s Terry Bloom of the New York freakin’ Kings. He can do whatever the hell he likes. I don’t have a leg to stand on—not after what happened in Baltimore and Texas. He told me not to get mixed up with one of his players, and I basically disobeyed his direct order. He’s going to have no mercy on me. Why should he?" Sasha squirms in the seat next to me, fiddling with the strap of her seatbelt.
This is not how I envisioned pulling up to Kings Stadium on her first day. I wanted it to be a somewhat happy memory. One we could look back on and laugh about how nervous she was. But this is something else entirely. She knows her plan depends on us being able to live next door to each other, the one place where we can carve out some private time for ourselves as our refuge, our sanctuary from the rest of the world. If Terry takes her away from me, we won’t have any alone time together—none at all.
Damn it. I should have stayed with her this morning. Now God only knows how long it’ll be until I get to hold her again. Terry could send one of his people over and have her packed up and gone before the game gets underway. This could be it—these last few minutes we have alone in my car—as the row of flags lining the roof of the stadium comes into view.
"I told you that day in Landry’s cabana, it’s not over. I promised you that I’d find a way, and I will. You just have to trust me, okay?" I reach for her hand and feel it tremble in mine. "I’ll figure this out. You just focus on what you have to do on the field. I’ll take care of the rest."
What if standing next to her on the field is the closest I get to her in the next two months? No. I can’t think that way. I won’t think that way. Terry can try to separate us all he likes, but I refuse to let him keep us apart.
For once grateful for my tinted windows, I park in my designated spot and turn off the car. Not wasting a second, my mouth is on Sasha’s before I can even think. She responds readily as I slide my leg over the seat, bringing myself down on top of her. She knows this could be it, and her kiss is as hungry as mine. My hands travel across her body as I try to commit her soft curves to memory, knowing how much I’ll long for this during the endless string of nights to come. Her hair is still damp from the shower, and I inhale the clean scent of her shampoo. Her skin flushes wherever my mouth touches it, but I linger over the bruise on her arm, bestowing on it an extra dose of tender loving care.
I’m going too far with her and I know it. I don’t want things to always be so desperate and fleeting between us. I want to take my time with her. Take things slow instead of being forced to settle for these fumbling attempts at intimacy. She means too much to me to just make out with her in the front seat of my car.
"I’m sorry," I mutter, sitting back on my heels, dizzy from how fast things were escalating as I fumble to rebutton my shirt.
She’s breathing heavily, and I can’t tell if she’s mad at me or not—and if she is, what she’s mad at me about. Did she want me to stop or did she want me to go on? All I’m sure of is my own emotions. What we were doing didn’t feel right. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of her when she has so much on her mind. I want her to be with me completely, not with a part of her lost inside her head, thinking and worrying about something else.
"Don’t be sorry," Sasha finally mutters, tears pooling in her eyes. "There are probably a million security cameras down here and—"
