Neliem, page 24
He leers a bit. “No one wants to be me, Oriana.”
“You fit in.” It’s the truth.
“I don’t.” He stares at me, the ball of energy between us, drawing me closer. My pulse escalates.
“Is that why you refused Tanya?” Part of me is scared of what he might say.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since you told me about the pretty lady coming to your school and giving you a gold coin.” He places my hand over his heart. “Maybe even before.”
I start to speak, but he stops me with a look so tender that it takes my breath away. “She was my mother.”
His eyes melt into mine, sending a quiver to my gut. This beautiful creature, part Neliem, part Outcast, part me, utterly takes my breath away. Almost as powerful as when Za-Za offered me his hand in the schoolyard. The reminder sends a wave of nausea to my stomach. Za-Za; my Za-Za, who I loved and lost and somehow found again.
I bolt up, panic fluttering in my head too fast. I cannot do this. I cannot allow myself to fall in love with his brother.
Tristan collapses down in the hay, his head a mass of chestnut curls and stares at me with eyes that promise everything. Then, without a word, his hand finds mine.
“Ezra will send me back to Madera. There is still time left …”
“Ezra is never sending you back to Madera, and if he did, I would fly the seven winds to find you.”
And I believe him.
I scoff, “Taking the ferry would be faster.”
He lowers his face so that it’s almost touching mine. And it’s there. That spark that turns my blood to fire.
“Cassia and Tanya will be returning to Madera later tonight.”
“What?” This is news. Welcome news, but unexpected. Especially the way they’re treated, as part of the inner circle of venomous vipers.
“Landis never cashed the dowry. He knew as soon as he got off the ferry … and Henric … well … it took him the better part of the day. Personally, I think they deserve each other. But regardless, they entrusted me with the funds, which have been properly secured.”
A light shines on their previous conversation. This is the plan that Tristan has been keeping secret from the others. But it’s still puzzling. “I don’t understand. Why go all the way to Madera, to only change your mind and send them back?”
“Untouchables don’t make sense, Oriana. Stop attempting to understand anything these people do.” He checks his watch and winks. “By tomorrow, it’ll be done, as if none of this ever happened, all monies back in their families’ hands.”
I suppose it’s easier this way, secretly sent back without warning and without any potential family interfering.
“What do you know of poisons?” Tristan stares at me, and I explain, “I’m serious; I found a book under the butler’s pillow. At first, I thought it remedies, but … well.”
I pry the book out of my pocket with the pages marked for toxins. He bites his lip, fingering the worn book. “Only one reason to have such a book.”
Someone is either being poisoned or is about to be.
His breath steadies as he turns the leather cover and reads an inscription. “What else has my sweet Neliem been up to?”
“I found quite a bit of money in a servant’s quarter.”
He laughs loudly. “Opening purses … I should’ve suspected after you stole that knife.”
Affronted, I gasp. “It was wedged in a hole in the wall behind the dresser.”
Tristan glares toward the servants’ quarters. “We need to inform Aunt Cora and have them discharged at once.”
“Why not wait to discover their motives?”
He looks at me, perplexed. “They wish harm, Oriana. Someone might very well wind up dead. Za-Za won’t take it seriously. At least, not as much as he should.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure informing Aunt Cora is the best solution. I steal a glance. Tousled in the hay, laying so close that I can count each inhale, he’s more beautiful, more intoxicating than ever.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
His arm slips over mine. “What is it now?”
“Why don’t you frequent the … the … brothels?” I try to sound disinterested, but my voice hikes up at the last word.
“Za-Za going back last autumn to seek you out. I mean, it was more than an obsession, it was madness. Our father sought to disinherit him, and no one even suspected your origin then. Still, the boy wanted his heart’s desire. It made me think. The thought became a dream, and the dream became a desire, which became a possibility. Don’t look at me like that.”
It takes me a moment to realize that I’ve been glaring, a small puddle of drool escaping my mouth.
He wipes it away. Then, gazing deeper into my eyes, he pulls me so that I’m seated aside him, my undone hair cascading like waves over him.
“And?” My heart hammers, my pulse racing. I’m more terrified than I’ve ever been in my entire life; scared of what I’m feeling for this complicated man.
His fingertips stroke my face. “And I wanted that. Crazy as it sounds, I wanted that obsession that would drive me to the brink of insanity to possess it. Not knowing, not having a clue that it was you who he’d found.” A shadow of sadness passes his eyes, before he jerks and grabs a handful of hay and tosses it down my shirt.
I scream and throw him down. Hay is flying everywhere, and we’re swimming in it, his shirt collar comes undone, and his bare shoulder sticks out.
I gasp.
His eyes follow where I stare.
“It’s a birthmark.” He tugs his shirt over it.
The blood drains from my face. It’s looks like my heart, the one from the wall when Ezra and I poured the water over the coals. Only it’s slanted and smaller.
“A birthmark.” My throat’s so dry, I can barely force out the words.
“I think it resembles a lump of fat.” Tristan smirks.
A lump of fat. My heart. It can’t be.
His eyes soften toward the house, lingering. “When he was little, they thought Ezra was deformed. He had a mark …”
He makes a gesture around his face.
I gulp, dread spreading down my arms.
“His mother had the maid toss him in the garbage.” He gages my reaction.
“What?”
“His birth mother, the bitch, had Za-Za tossed into the trash. They consider disfigured children an abomination. A curse.”
Suddenly, a layer is peeled back from my comprehension of Untouchables, about why they are all strong and healthy. How, with minimal effort, they conquered my people and countless others.
His finger twirls a pattern of a diamond on my palm, his voice whisper-soft. “A compassionate maid dug him out of the dumpster and brought him to my mother.”
I hold back the tremor in my voice. “She saved him.”
It’s not a question as much as a statement of admiration. I love Tristan’s mother for saving Za-Za, who in turn saved me. Tristan heaves, his shoulders sagging. “I was four. My mother, our mother, tended to him. The birthmark faded … but he was always beautiful to me.”
His beautiful smile drops. “We should leave tonight, Oriana.”
I stammer.
At once, the conviction to do the right thing snaps. I push him away.
“I’ve gone over it a thousand times …” Like Neliem himself, Tristan doesn’t let go. “It will take some time, but he will forgive us. The train leaves tomorrow. We can be on it together, and never have to see this place or these people again.”
Struggling, I push away, but he only tightens his hold. He’s so much stronger and more determined than I could ever be. Here he’s telling me to leave the one person who saved my life, who I owe everything to. And even though I strain every muscle in my body, I cannot fight him off; it’s like pulling my own limb.
“We’ll be married in the Capital and after five years …”
“Five years?” I cannot possibly move to the Capital for five years.
“The years will go quickly. Being away will be a fresh start, a new life.”
He looks at me with those pleading eyes. “He will eventually forgive us.”
I’m in too much shock to tell him the truth. It’s not Za-Za forgiving me that I’m worried about. It’s forgiving myself for destroying my one true friend’s life.
Za-Za, my Za-Za, took me to the cave as soon as the fever hit. The quarantine was already in place, with the harbor crowded full of ships denied passage. Flocks of people had gathered, demanding to be allowed to leave, but the army held them back, firing shots in the air at first to subdue them. Then, they fired into the crowds.
We’d been playing in the river, the one that led to the caves. Za-Za was teaching me how to master jumping from one stone to the other to cut across without falling into the water with the dagger clutched between my teeth. Tired, I’d leaned on him for support as we walked toward my home, Za-Za’s arms the only thing between me and earth.
Next thing I knew, I awoke to the smell of mold in pitch darkness.
I’d fainted.
Za-Za had carried me to the cave. It was safer, he insisted, especially with my mother on another island for a wedding. Better than staying at some neighbor’s, who might not want to help. I was too delirious to counter that my mother would whip me raw at the thought of me being held up in some cave with an Untouchable boy.
Already my eyesight blurred, and I could barely hold my head up. He moved me further into the cave, on his back, apologizing every time his feet tripped or he stepped wrong on a rock.
“Are you feeling better?” He kept asking, waiting for me to say something, anything.
He left me in the cave, which was already stockpiled with a cot and water. My body an inferno, my mind drifting out of consciousness. All the while, he held my hand, his blue eyes so full.
“Za-Za …”
“Don’t speak.” He fed me broth he’d stolen from his cook when she wasn’t looking.
I obeyed, barely clinging to life. He brought blankets and pillows and food and took vigil telling me old Embrian stories. My mind held on to the snippets of these wonderful, courageous People of the Talent, while Za-Za forced Untouchable medicine down my throat to fight off the flames ravishing my small body.
But it was what he didn’t say that made me love him more. That the sickly were being tossed in rowboats and sent adrift into the waves to die. Their anguished cries carried in the breeze until silencing completely. And this was the only reason that I didn’t die like so many other children. Outcast and Untouchable.
Because my Za-Za saved me.
And then Neliem’s words called to me. “I am like the night, all powerful and encompassing. I ride in the seven winds and conquer the seven sands. There is no escaping me.”
I wanted to hear more. It was terrifying and yet utterly compelling. Deep in my soul, longing awoke, my spirit restless, desperate to hear more. The way my lungs heaved for air, my burning body seeking relief, my mind clung to every syllable.
“What is it that you’re saying?”
“It’s another story about Neliem …” Za-Za sitting on a stool, paused, and for a moment it appeared as if he wasn’t by my side, the soft curve of his hand on my brow. I blinked, and it seemed that he was ravished with fever in a bed with those lights that didn’t need a flame. He cleared his throat and pressed a cool rag to my forehead. “He can be several places at once. Especially if someone needs him, someone he loves.”
It sounded impossible, but for the fact that I knew of someone who also was capable of such feats. “My God is like that, Za-Za.”
“He’s not God, he’s something different. Perhaps he has God in him, if that makes sense,” he murmured, pressing until his plump body encased mine. “Some say he was a trickster, a magician; does it scare you? That we don’t know who he really was?”
I opened my eyes for the first time in what seemed days. The cave was bare; no cot, no food, no Za-Za. I was dying and utterly alone. “I’m dying Za-Za.”
His voice echoed, “I won’t let you die, not ever …”
“Tell me the story again.”
“Neliem rises with the waves, his horse rips through the sand … and he finds her, like I found you.” His ice-cold exhale touched my face, squelching the fever. “It means that you won’t die, not for a very long time.”
The imprint of his stubby fingers trailed down my face, through my hair, and it felt true. Every word. “He’s strong, and you have to be strong.”
“Be strong for me Za-Za.”
“No, Oriana, you need to be strong, like Neliem. Fight back. Use the dagger; never leave it out of your sight. Promise.”
I closed my eyes and imagined the all-powerful Neliem riding in the waves, his hair fluttering like ribbons in the wind. He feared nothing, and I feared everything. There could be no two people more different.
Za-Za’s soft blue eyes buried into mine. “Every single time, you’ll fight back … promise.”
In a state of panic, I barely managed to shake my head. Here I was in a cave, unable to move, let alone kill a fly. “I can’t.”
“No, Oriana, you can. You can be anything you want … Ta-Ta tells me all the time I can be whatever I want.”
“He’s never met me …” I held back a sob, hot tears spilling off my face.
Za-Za’s eyes lit up like candles, his voice fading, “I’ll come back for you soon…”
“Don’t leave … don’t ever leave me.” I reached out, clinging to him.
“I have to.”
Music lulled me to sleep. The fever pounding in my ears, vibrating to the point that I must’ve been hearing things. A music box played a sweet lullaby, footsteps shuffling up and down floorboards. Jasmine and orange blossom in the air.
“But I will come back, and I’ll marry you. I swear it…” Za-Za whispered in my ear, as if it could be true.
It seemed impossible. But, so did an Untouchable boy risking his life to save mine.
“Really?” Shadows danced on the walls, the cave eerily cold with only a sliver of moon peeking inside.
“Yes, but …” His voice broke, quivering. “You’ll meet Ta-Ta.”
He was no longer beside me. His shadow turned, his shoulders hunched. His body quivered as he stifled the sobs.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because you’ll meet Ta-Ta and love him more …” His round face held more anguish than I had ever witnessed.
I reached out and, using every ounce of strength, wiped his tears.
“That’s impossible.” And I meant it. I might not have known this Ta-Ta, but I knew I could never feel about him how I felt about Za-Za. Ever. “Come here.”
“Why?”
“I want to kiss you.”
He hesitated. “You’re too weak.”
“Not for a kiss.” I reached up and brushed my lips against his wet cheek.
“There.” And I smiled. The fever didn’t feel so hot, and I could wiggle a little. “It proves I love you, Za-Za.” I sighed, feeling better. “Forever.”
He touched the spot where I’d kissed him, fingering it. Then without warning, he threw his warm arms around me and hugged me close.
“I will get better; I’ll be strong and fast and unstoppable, like Neliem. But most of all, I’ll only ever really love you until the day I die.”
Gently, he scooped down and kissed the top of my forehead. “Oriana … I swear I will come back for you. I swear it on your saints and on your God.”
Exhausted, I rested my eyes, safer and happier than I had in my entire life. The next day, I awoke to find myself in my own room. My fever had broken during the night, and my mother returned none the wiser.
But the worst part is that I might have lied to Za-Za.
I do love Tristan.
The bell clangs twice, signaling that dinner is served. It rings, vibrating like some harpy, clanging until I’m positive I shall go mad. In the foyer, dozens of newly arrived packages collect, waiting for servants to distribute them to the correct rooms. One girl, who can’t be more than eleven, fills her skinny arms with a box too big. Without thinking, I relieve her of it with a simple, “Thank you; I will see to where it’s going.”
Reading the tag, I carry it upstairs to one of the female cousins’ rooms and toss it on the pink satin bedcover.
Down the hall, I hear arguing. The porter arrived earlier with tickets for Tanya and Cassia back to Madera. Tanya’s mother is deadly sick with gallbladder stones, and since Cassia is conveniently available, she will accompany her, as well as Uncle Anton, who has some pressing business on the island.
The crumpled telephone message said as much. Now the servants rush to have supper ready early so that two girls, who’ve never so much as skipped a meal their entire lives, won’t leave on an empty stomach.
For what it’s worth, it’s a clever lie. With everything that’s happened, Cassia would never have believed that her mother or father were ill. But conveniently, Tanya’s mother has no telephone and it fits that she would need someone to go back with her. Uncle Anton will no doubt have an urgent message right before the ferry leaves, which will require his immediate attention. With fake sincerity, he will offer apologies for such an untimely interruption.
Two Untouchables girls will be dismissed without a second thought.
But this news brings me no joy.
Through the doorjamb, I can see Tanya’s bag’s packed for a day. Cassia paces about, her eyes never resting. “Why do I need to accompany you?”
More pacing. A pitcher lifts, then settles. “I shouldn’t even be here. I should be in my own home. Henric should’ve sent for me.”
“He will; you have your entire lives to be together …”
The bed creaks, the rusty springs squeaking.
“Why can’t that one take you?” Cassia won’t even dignify me by addressing me by my proper name.
“Oh, you would rather Oriana escort me?” Even from outside the door, I can hear Tanya’s clear disdain. She was wise to hide it so well. And I have to give her credit; by taking my side, she appeared sympathetic and kind. Clever girl.
