Rash'Tor'Ri (Soulguard Book 4), page 18
I released another gout of fire from inside me that had built up.
I could see the Souls of all the people in the sled begin to perk up when I closed my eyes and looked with my "inner eye". The lack of air had been close. Hopefully not too close.
"Stop acceleration!" Rostov yelled. We stopped Pulling and released a huge gout of Soulfire into the sky.
I looked over at Lyrica who glowed with life. The Source may manifest as a fire, but it is the spark that feeds all life. When you use it, there is a strength of life inside that wasn't as strong before. It is much more visible in us than the typical Mage due to the amount of it that literally travels through our bodies. A Soullord has a much greater tolerance for that fire of life than anyone else.
We turned to watch as people lurched out of the sled. Some of them trying to step forward only to spring ten or more feet.
"I'm guessing the Archmage is going to be angry with you again," Daphne Cavanaugh said from my left just before I was jerked completely off of my feet by a bear.
Well, maybe not a bear, but two huge arms encircled both Lyrica and me and lifted us into an embrace.
"God, I thought I had lost you two," Kharl said as he squeezed us hard enough to kill a large horse. "Who smells like burnt hair?"
"That would be the idiot who had to go out in a nuclear blast."
"What the hell did he do that for?"
"Wanted to work on my tan…" I started.
"To save my sorry ass," a voice came from our backs.
Corn staggered forward toward us, "I never got to thank you, Rourke. I was about to be popped Corn, out there."
"Glad to see you made it through it ok, buddy," I said as Kharl reluctantly released us. "Was hopin' I hadn't broken anything when I threw you. Besides, who would I have to drink with if I let you stay out there?"
"Just so you know," he said. "You'll never have to buy a drink again if one of us is anywhere near."
I shook hands with the Marine, "Watch that grip, you'd break someone's hand with it."
"You aren't gonna remove that?"
"Wouldn't do any good," I shook my head. "You remember how you did it, don't you?"
"Yeah, but…"
"Doesn't matter if you can't see it, It's still there," I said. "Be honest. You'd play around with it till you got it back, wouldn't you?"
He grinned.
"That's what I'm sayin'. It wouldn't do any good."
"What about them?" he asked, turning to the crowd of Russians that had gathered around Alexei Rostov.
"That's gonna be a whole other bag of worms," I said with a sigh.
He chuckled and turned to return to his platoon, "Thanks again."
I nodded.
"So what's up with this cape?" Daphne asked and lifted it to see my naked backside underneath.
"Hmmm," she muttered, "Never mind."
Lyrica's melodic laughter filled the air.
Chapter 36
"At least we found what he'll run from," Paige said.
"Blessed few things to fit in that category," Gregor returned.
"Why does everyone always do that?" I asked. "I'm sittin' right here."
She turned to look at me with one eyebrow raised, "You just sit there and shut your pie hole for a minute."
"We both know that only pie shuts my pie hole."
She held up one finger in warning and opened a drawer. I may have giggled a little when she threw an object to me.
It was a package containing an apple fruit pie.
She looked at me for a minute with the "and you were going to say?" look on her face.
I shrugged and unwrapped the pie.
Gregor was trying his best not to laugh but it couldn't be helped.
"As we were saying," she said, "What are we going to do about the others?"
"There's nothing we can really do about it," he answered. "Just as Colin pointed out, earlier, they know how to do it now. We can offer them positions with the Soulguard, but I'm fairly certain all of them won't accept. Some will but not all."
"The Marines are sworn to the protection of America," I said. "They've already given their oath to the Marine Corp. Once their enlistments are up, they may consider the Soulguard. But in the meantime, there is a full platoon of Marines who know how to tie the Soulguard knot. There will be more. We can count on that."
"I know," she said. "Wasn't there any other way…"
I interrupted, "We had ten minutes and five hundred and forty or so people in the shield that were dying from radiation. We thought of tying the knots ourselves but there was no time. It was the only solution we could come up with."
She sighed, "And now I have to handle the repercussions from it."
"That's why you get paid the big bucks," I said.
She glared at me.
"Don't look at me like that," I said. "These people have just lost everything. Offer them something and they may surprise you. Give them jobs. Give them educations if they don't have one."
"That might just work. Employment, education, and housing if need be."
"Can't hurt to try."
"If they're anything like where I grew up, most of the people hadn't even been to another state. Give them somewhere to belong."
"Every now and then, he makes sense," Paige said.
"Occasionally," Gregor returned.
"Ok," she turned back to me. "I want you to do what you can to reign in the Marines from sharing what they learned out there."
"I doubt I can do that," I said. "But I will relay the concerns you have about it."
"You really don't even want to do that, do you?"
"If it was up to me the whole human race would be taught how to do it."
"Some wouldn't be able to focus enough and the others would be free to take advantage of them."
"It wouldn't be a perfect system," I said. "But the victim pool for the Kresh would be a lot smaller. It would put the Human Race at a more equal footing with 'em, at the least."
"I'll bring your ideas to the Council," she said. "But I have serious reservations about something like that. It's a decision I wouldn't make on my own."
"If we don't think about it, Earth is going to be at quite a disadvantage compared to the other worlds on the other side of the Gate."
"Three worlds are turning out soldiers with the knot. They are training to take the home world back from the Kresh. Some are swearing the Oath to the Soulguard, some are already sworn to others."
"Others, meaning you?"
"Some have sworn to the Prophet. A lot of them don't even know what the Soulguard is. Right now, the knowledge is passed through the Soulguard. It won't always remain so."
Her eyes narrowed, "You did this on purpose."
"Not really," I answered. "It happened and I didn't see any reason to change it."
"Remember when I told you there would come a time when your duties as a Soulguard would clash with your duties as this world leader you've become? This is one of those times. As a Soulguard, you're pushing the limits with this."
"Right now, those sworn to others are sworn to people who are sworn to the Soulguard," I said.
"That's why I say you are pushing the limits. How long until that changes?"
"It changed two days ago," Gregor said. "If we wish to put any sort of control over the spread of the knowledge, it must be now."
Paige sighed, "Nothing is ever simple with you."
"Not all that complicated," I said. "Spread the knowledge. Make them more than victims for the Kresh. What happened in Pittsburgh can be avoided. Think of what would have happened if the Kresh had met the whole population of Pittsburgh with Soulguard knots."
"A thousand years we've kept the secret," she muttered.
"Should have spread the knowledge after the first attack in Kansas," I said. "But that's just me."
"What do you think would be the most efficient way to spread the knowledge, Gregor?" she asked. "Television?"
I noticed she had gone past the question of would it be done to how it can be done in the most efficient way.
"That would be good for those who have television, but we need to get them all."
"Telepathy would be the best way but I would need a lot of Kresh to power something that powerful."
"I don't think that is going to be an option," she said.
"Probably not."
"Then we will approach the Council and see where this takes us. You go get some rest. You've earned it. Not everyone can say they've been blown up by a nuclear weapon and survived."
I probably should have done what she said but there were a truckload of reports left to look through, including our losses on the northern front when the bomb had been set off. The Russian Academy had sent in everything they could muster and they had been within the blast zone. We had lost thousands to the blast. Some Mages had gotten shields up in time but they were blessed few in number.
There had been thirteen thousand who had gone in and less than a thousand made it out. Those thousand were all Mages and they would be in need of help. They had just watched as all those around them had been incinerated. None of the Mages had been close enough to shield much more than themselves. It would have been Hell on Earth to watch that happen.
We had been luckier than we deserved.
Chapter 37
"You keep this up and you're going to be one big scar," Lyrica said as her fingers traced the outline of scar tissue on my back. "Lucky I could start healing immediately."
"Yea, but chicks dig scars," I laughed.
She pinched me, "Maybe I don't like scars."
"You seemed to like them just fine a few minutes ago."
"I may have been a little distracted," she returned.
"I had a lot of these before."
I rolled over to face her. Her fingers traced the scar across my eye.
"Some of them are rather dashing," she said with a grin.
"I bet you say that to all the guys."
"Yea, all my boyfriends are dashing," her melodic laughter flowed over me. "I won't accept any less."
"A girl has to have standards."
"Of course," she returned. "So what are your plans for the day?"
"More of the same," I said. "Reports keep comin' in. The Kresh were obliterated by the blast. They were close in to the center of it. There's no tellin' if the damage carried into the gate to Hub. I haven’t heard anything from that side."
"I have some radiation sickness cases coming through," she said. "I'll probably be late getting back, tonight."
"I'm sure I'll be late, too," I answered. "I have to start writing letters today to families."
"You know they aren't all your fault."
She knew how this part of my job affected me. I could delegate the job to others but I feel a need to keep doing it. I had to always remember the cost of the war I had chosen to fight. Every loss we take because I hadn't closed the gate, permanently, was because of my choice and part of the cost. The least I could do is acknowledge that responsibility. I would be days writing the letters to their next of kin.
"I know the stakes of what we are fighting for," I returned. "I chose to place the good of the other worlds over the good of this world. I chose to do that. It is my fault."
"You carry too much, my love." She said. "All of us chose to agree with your choice. It's not just you. For that matter, I could close these gates just as you could. I will not carry the guilt because I choose to leave access to the other worlds. They need what we have to be released from their fate. Your Kresh need you to change their race into something that we can coexist with. There are much larger issues than our one planet."
"I know this up here," I said, tapping my head with a finger. I pointed to my heart, "Here, I feel every single one."
"I know you do," she said and nestled into my chest. "It's what makes you who you are and the man I love."
I held her for a few moments but I knew I had to get to work. With a sigh, I let her go and slid out of the bed.
"No rest for the wicked," I said.
She sighed in return and sat up in the bed, "I hate it when you're right, but you're right."
She stood and began straightening the bedcovers.
"Why do you do that? We'll just mess it up tonight."
She looked up at me with one eyebrow raised, "Until then, it will look nice."
"I always thought it was a waste of time. Ky used to give me a hard time for it."
"Unlike you, I listened to her and made my bed."
I chuckled as I buttoned the last button on my black uniform. We had come out into the open but our uniforms remained the black we had used when we operated at night.
She stepped up and kissed me then traced the scar across my eye with a finger, "Dashing."
I grinned, "I'll see you tonight."
She turned to go toward the bathroom, "It's a date."
Stepping outside into the chill morning, my breath fogged. The cold doesn't affect us much with the fires of the Source flowing through us. A Soulguard feels it a bit more than a Mage, but much less than the normal person.
I hoped the releasing of the ability to the public would happen and I hoped it would happen soon. If I had been the one to make the decision, it would have been done years ago.
As I made my way from the small house that we were using, thanks to a family that had relocated out of the area, I saw the familiar dark soul of Pelin waiting for me.
"Master," she greeted.
"Don't call me Master."
"Yes Master."
We always went through the formula. It was our own form of friendly banter. I knew I would never convince her to stop and she knew I wouldn't stop trying.
"We would like to speak to you about something."
I could see her hesitation, "Just spit it out, Pel."
"Better if we are all there," she answered. "Please come with me, Master."
I followed her to another small house. I could see the souls of the Shak'Tar Mages.
"Master," Lee greeted me. "I want to share something with you about the one you call the 'Beast'. I am older than most of the surviving Shak'Tar. We never had much chance of a long lifespan under the rule of our former Master."
I nodded.
"I have seen something similar to what you have done, before, Master. My understanding is that you believe you are imprisoning the persona that is created by the Kresh DNA?"
"Yes."
"Master, this persona we feel in you is of your own creation. I have seen this before and it is dangerous. In the beginning, perhaps you just tried to cage that rage we all have inside of us, we of the Blood. This DNA you carry is stronger in you than us because of your ability to touch the Source of the Kresh, but I have seen the persona inside of you. You have pushed many of the things you consider… unsavory, from your own persona into this one. The more you do this the stronger the second persona becomes. You are experiencing this now. It is harder to hold it back than before because you have made it stronger. Your only way to be at peace is to accept that it is you just as the persona you keep in the forefront is you."
"You want me to accept that I am a rage-filled, hateful beast?" I asked. "That I long to be out in a battlefield, surrounded by those I can kill at my leisure? That the joy I felt when I tortured that Ma'Nar's soul in Kansas was truly who I am? If that is me… I could never accept that."
"Master, that is not you," she said and laid a hand on my shoulder. "That is a part of you. Everyone is capable of dark deeds. We all know this as fact, considering the deeds we have done. That capability is part of us, part of who we are. Just as it is part of you. You must accept that it is so, or I fear we may not be strong enough to protect you from yourself. We will never cease to try, we would die for you, Master. But we would prefer not to, if you don't mind."
She pushed me toward the door, "Now, go. Do what duties you have set for yourself. Just put thought in what I have told you. If you need our strength when you do what needs done, we are always with you."
Chapter 38
I looked up from the letter I was writing to Anya Triveka, the mother of Iosif Triveka. The door to the small classroom I was using for an office opened and four people entered. Rostov, Prada, Adaya, and Brighton. They didn't say a word, but each took a page from my list of fallen from our Russian forces we had lost to the nuclear blast.
"But…"
"No arguments," Rostov said in his thick Russian accent.
"Thank you," I answered.
They all had brought the electronic notebooks and took seats in the desks that were scattered throughout the room.
I felt an overwhelming sense of pride as they all began typing at the keyboards in front of them so I returned to the letter I was working on. It was a new thing to be sending letters to mothers of Soulguards. This war had changed so many things. The larger percentage of Soulguards were now younger than I was. Before, these letters would be going to children or grandchildren. I found the change to be depressing.
I finished that letter and hit enter to send it through the channels to be mailed. I tried for quite some time to inform families in person but there were so many that I couldn't feasibly do so any more. I still tried to find something of a personal nature to say about each person, when I could.
Three more letters were finished when the door opened, again. Another group entered and took pages from my list. Galen, Reyna, Cristof, and Asante. There was only one other of my lieutenants and he was on his way back to China at the moment.
"Thank you," I said as they took seats with their notebooks.
I watched them for a moment with a small smile on my face and continued. Kharl joined us after a bit with Daphne Cavanaugh. Kyra would have been present, as well but she was back in Kansas working with a new set of recruits. Gregor and Paige spent several hours at a pair of the desks, too. Everyone was familiar with my ritual and they were there to support me.
After Cairo we had been doing this for weeks. Those are the hardest times to be one of the leaders. All of these people died under your command and it becomes harder as the numbers increased. Third Kansas had been the smallest amount of deaths from a battle in years and they had come from a tornado.
