I stared hard at him and scooted closer to him and tucked my chin on his shoulder.

  He let out a groan of a sigh. "Six months, three weeks, and three days. Unfortunately I didn't keep track of the exact hours, but I first saw you exiting the library at nine-twenty-four in the evening. You dropped your purse on the sidewalk and a man walked by and turned to look at you. I worried he might attempt to mug you and steal your belongings, but he may have simply found you attractive. You entered your car approximately three minutes later, having bumbled around on the sidewak to pick up a couple of items that fell from your purse."

  "Thanks," I said, grinning. "Was that so hard?"

  "You're supposed to find this unsettling, not amusing, Miss Tanner."

  "Do you know what, Lucent? Usually when someone finds someone else interesting, they strike up a conversation far earlier than almost seven months after seeing them. You could have just come into the library regularly and talked to me."

  It seemed like such a bold and brazen thing to say, and I doubted I would've usually said it, but it seemed right. Lucent was odd and strange in his own way, and perhaps a little shy. Not a usual shy, but a different sort. Important-person shy. And dominating, controlling, obsessive and possessive, needy and passionate, strong, stubborn, beautifully handsome and erotically arousing. He was a lot of things, and he thought some of them were bad things, but I thought most of them weren't.

  He rolled his eyes at me. "Regardless, we can't do this, Miss Tanner."

  "We can't do what?" I asked.

  "You should know what I mean by now," he said.

  "I'd like if you clarified exactly what we can't do."

  "I can't accept you as my slave or submissive or anything of the sort. I do not have relationships outside of those things. It is a part of me that I accept and embrace, and it's impossible for me to be anything to the contrary. Along with that, I refuse to draw you into this lifestyle because you don't know about it. What we did in the library was pleasant, if I'm being brutally honest, and I did enjoy it, but it wasn't everything."

  "I understand," I said. I sort of understood. Or, at least I understood why he felt this way.

  "Since you already know I've stalked you extensively, you'll realize I completely understand you aren't the type of person I require. I would be an abhorrent man if I attempted to mold you into what I desired and disregarded what you were, and so I must ask you to accept this. There can be nothing between us, Miss Tanner."

  "You should come to the library sometimes," I said. "Rob tries to do events every week. We can talk. I like talking to you, too, Lucent. It's not all about sex and your BDSM things, you know? You're still an interesting person."

  "Talk?" He said the word like it was foreign and incomprehensible.

  "Yes, talk. Like we're doing right now? Waiting to decide what we're going to eat for breakfast? People do it sometimes. It's really quite interesting, this talking thing."

  "I do enjoy speaking with you," he said with a sly, lopsided smile.

  "I need your phone number," I said.

  He furrowed his brow and stared at me, considering his options. "Fine."

  "You're being more agreeable now," I noted.

  "It's difficult not to be agreeable when I'm dealing with a crazy woman who knows no fear and has recently acted irrationally, slept in my office all night, applied for a position she didn't even want just for a chance to speak with me, and any number of other things, the likes of which I'm sure I'll find out soon."

  "Oh?" I asked. "What makes you so sure you're going to find out?"

  "Because I'm about to give you my personal phone number and I assume you'll be calling me to tell me," he said.

  Oh. Oh! I liked that. This was good. Lucent smiled at me and I smiled back. He put his arm around me and let his hand rest on my waist, comfortable and safe. I liked that, too. It was a little more than talking, but not too much more, apparently. Holding me close to him wasn't a BDSM thing, was it? It wasn't a relationship thing, though; I knew that for sure. It was just a thing. A Lucent thing.

  Giddy, excited, I reached over the booth to my previous seat and grabbed for my purse. Hefting it over the table and into my lap, I searched through it and pulled out my phone. Unlocking the keyguard, I handed it to Lucent, grinning.

  "You're far too happy about this," he said. "It's bothersome."

  "Do you really like those pancake sandwiches?" I asked. "Can you order me a good one? I don't know what to say or how to get it."

  He tapped in his number, setting himself up as a contact in my cell phone. "What fruit do you like?"

  "Shouldn't you know this? I thought you stalked me?"

  He rolled his eyes. "I apologize. I didn't think to discover what fruits you enjoy, Miss Tanner."

  I nodded, finding this acceptable. "Maybe strawberries? Oh! Wait! What about apples and cinnamon? That would be nice, right? Does he have pineapples, do you think?"

  "You want strawberries, apples, cinnamon, and pineapples?" Lucent asked, one brow raised.

  "No, no strawberries. Apples, cinnamon, and pineapples."

  "I imagine that's fine." Lucent grinned, shaking his head. "Slightly odd, but I don't think it'll be a problem."

  "Good," I said. "What are you going to get?"

  Lucent and I talked. It was nice. Sam approached us in a few minutes and I let Lucent do the ordering. He was good at it, and he explained everything to Sam in a reasonable and regular way. Strong and stern, yet friendly and approachable. He seemed different with Sam, at least a little bit.

  Was it because they shared their interest in BDSM things? I didn't know much about any of that. Maybe I should try and learn more on my own? Lucent didn't want to mold me into anything, but if I became it by myself, that was fine, I thought. And then what? If I did like submission things, and his BDSM things, and maybe the slave things, or whatever things, then...

  Maybe we could have a relationship? Did it work like that? I thought, yes, maybe it did. I hoped it might.

  ...

  Apparently pancake sandwiches were the most amazing sandwich creation ever. Lucent ordered one, too, but he got eggs and sausage in his.

  Sam delivered our food with a smile and a flourish, then left us to our own devices. We ate and I died a little death, savoring the wondrousness of Sam's Delicatessen and his secret morning breakfast menu. I also scooted closer to Lucent and eyed his sandwich while he ate. Pressing myself up against his arm, I sighed wistfully.

  He watched me, his expression blank, while he chewed meticulously. Once he finished and swallowed, he rolled his eyes. "What?"

  "Can I try yours?" I asked.

  He contemplated his options, and decided to favor me. Holding out his sandwich, feeding me directly, he allowed me to take a bite. I smiled and nuzzled against him and tasted his sandwich and chewed. This all felt very nice and I liked it.

  "Miss Tanner," Lucent said, dragging me back to reality. "Please don't mistake this for anything more than friendliness."

  "How friendly are we going to be?" I asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, are we good friends? Close? Can I cuddle with you? Are we friends, um... with..." I blushed and paused, because I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to continue that thought process verbally or not.

  "With what?" he asked. His nose wrinkled curiously.

  "With, um, benefits, like..." Oh God, I'd said it, hadn't I? "I mean, can we have sex?"

  "No," he said.

  "I don't mean it in a bad way," I said. "I'm not trying to downplay relationships or anything of the sort. I enjoyed having sex with you, that's all."

  "No," he repeated.

  "I mean, let's just say I'm curious, alright? Maybe I would like your BDSM things, but I don't particularly know, you know? You could show me, if I asked? Is that your thing you mentioned? Topping from the bottom? What if I'm very submissive and I don't even know it and then once I find out, maybe..."

  "You're a dreadfully difficult woman, do you know that?" he said.

  "Shouldn't you have known this beforehand? Didn't you do background checks or something? How does that work? Do you know my credit scores?"

  "No amount of background checks can inform anyone of how unexorbitantly curious a person is, I assure you." He bit, chewed, and swallowed some of his sandwich. "And, yes, I know of your credit scores. I must say, they could use improving."

  "I'm a student," I countered. "I don't have a lot of opportunities."

  "You don't need opportunities to pay your bills on time. You've been a few days late, consistently, during many months. If you set up automatic payments or make a note on a calendar, or any other number of useful reminders, you'd go far towards increasing your credit scores."

  "What about my Lucent score?" I asked, grinning.

  He tilted his head to the side and smirked. "That's a secret, Miss Tanner. No amount of prying will reveal those numbers."

  "What do they go to, though? Is this a one to a hundred point system or does it scale higher?"

  "I refuse to elaborate on the secret methods set forth to determine my scoring system."

  "Am I the highest of anyone? If not, do you think I'm improving well enough to reach that limit in the future?"

  He didn't answer. He ate his sandwich, remaining tight-lipped. I still had my own sandwich, too, and I grumbled and laughed and then finished it off. We ate, shoulder to shoulder, quiet but friendly. I liked friendly Lucent. He was a lot better than asshole Lucent.

  "What time is it?" I asked once we finished.

  "It shall soon be nine," he said.

  "Oh God."

  "You have class." He nodded. "Thankfully your attendance is exemplary and I believe you can miss a day without repercussion."

  "Maybe, but..."

  "No," he said. "How much did you even sleep last night? You can't have slept well on my office's couch. Come. I don't trust you to actually rest. We'll return to my office and I'll guarantee you take a nap."

  "I thought you said sleeping on a couch was bad for me?" I said. "I can go home and sleep in my bed, you know?"

  Lucent simply smiled, saying nothing. We got up from the booth and started to leave.

  "Don't you need to pay?" I asked.

  "Sam has my credit card on file. He'll charge me."

  "Shouldn't we leave a tip?"

  "It's taken care of, Miss Tanner."

  "I need to use the bathroom."

  He sighed deeply. "I'll wait outside."

  That was good. Yes. I needed to ask Sam something privately without Lucent listening. I hurried to the nearby bathrooms while Lucent left the deli, planning the best way to phrase my question without arousing suspicion. Would Lucent be upset if he knew? Yes, probably. Which was why I couldn't tell him.

  ...

  We arrived back at Lucent's office with no issues. He didn't hold my hand this time, though. The streets were busier now, and people probably recognized him more easily, so maybe that was it. He didn't want to be seen with me? Not exactly, but relationship-wise, I assumed. To be fair, it probably wasn't even about him, I thought. He had those rumors about his BDSM things, and if people saw us together, they'd assume, and all of that, and...

  Did he really have a velvet-covered paddle? He said he did before, but I hadn't seen it, and I wasn't quite sure I believed it yet. I should ask him. Not now, though. Later.

  He closed the door to his office and I walked over to his couch. I didn't know how I was supposed to sleep on a couch in the middle of the day with Lucent working nearby, but he didn't seem to understand that. He watched me sit down.

  "What are you doing?" he asked.

  "I'm going to try and figure out some way to sleep? Isn't that what you wanted?"

  Lucent grinned a secret grin. "Come." He beckoned to me, then marched to his desk.

  I shrugged and got up and followed after him.

  Lucent opened one of the drawers of his desk, then moved a few things around. Near the back, set against the side of the drawer, was an innocuous button. Innocuous, except for the fact that it was a button attached to the side of a drawer in a desk. I didn't think buttons were supposed to exist in places like that. He pushed it.

  Beneath his desk, a carpeted panel slid to the side, revealing a square hatchway and a ladder. I stared, mouth agape.

  "After you, Miss Tanner." He gestured towards the ladder with a sly flourish of his hand.

  "Is this like a spy movie?" I asked. "What's down there?"

  "It's far more mundane than a spy movie," he said. "Go and see."

  He didn't need to tell me twice. I'd most certainly never been down a ladder beneath a desk in the most prominent building in the city, with a man who enjoyed BDSM things, who was wonderful and intelligent, and, well... I'd just never done this before but I wanted to. I climbed down the ladder.

  Below Lucent's office, hidden away, windowless, was a bedroom. And not just a casual, regular bedroom, either. Oh my God, this was the most beautiful bedroom I'd ever seen. It had a pair of bookshelves off to the side with an assortment of books, and a contemporary wooden side table with a lovely looking lamp. The bed was a massive affair of mattress combined with plump pillows, and thick bed dressing. I wanted to grab a book and climb into the bed and hibernate for the winter. With tea and soup and crackers, except there weren't any of those.

  Lucent climbed down after me and watched me gape and stare at everything in the room.

  "Why is there a secret bedroom beneath your office?" I asked.

  "It's hardly a secret," he said. "It used to be an unused storage room, but I requested the use of it from Mr. Landseer and he agreed to my request. Because of zoning regulations, this building isn't classified for residential use, so the door has been sealed from the outside and the only standard entryway now lies beneath my desk. I use this room occasionally if I need to work late into the evening and be back early in the morning for a meeting or some other similar occasion."

  "Oh," I said.

  "It's safe," he said. "If necessary, in case of fire or other hazards, there's emergency maneuvers to open the sealed off hallway door. You needn't worry about that."

  "So you couldn't kidnap someone and trap them down here," I said. "That's good to know."

  "The room is muted, though not soundproof. Confining anyone in here would never work. I'm not a kidnapper, either. I just stalk people."

  "People?" I asked. "Have you stalked anyone else besides me?" Stupid, really, but I didn't like that idea. I wanted to be the only one, as odd as it sounded.

  "No," he said. "Fortunately not. I doubt I could handle the aftermath of it if anyone else turned out like you."

  "I'm going to take that as a compliment," I said. "I think you're saying I'm very special and unique."

  "Probably," he agreed.

  "I'll sleep," I said. "I am really tired. Thank you, Lucent." I paused for a second, unsure if I should say more. I needed to, though. "I know that you think what you've done is wrong, but you've been so kind and nice and caring towards me and I can't think you're wrong, Lucent. I appreciate everything, and I appreciate you worrying about me."

  He smiled and came close and kissed my forehead. "Go rest, Miss Tanner. I'll have lunch delivered and we can eat it once you're done napping."

  "I'd like that," I said, suddenly feeling shy and affected.

  "Good," he said. "If you need anything, there's a phone in the top drawer of the bedside table. My personal extension is six-five-six. You can call me from your cell phone if you wish, too. Sleep well."

  I nodded. He climbed back up the ladder, returning to his office. I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely.

  ...

  The rest of the day was amazing. I slept and woke and Lucent and I ate lunch together. He let me act as an extremely temporary personal assistant, which was to say he asked me to deliver something to Mrs. Landseer in her office. I got to meet Mr. Landseer, too, and I blushed and muttered and didn't know what to do or say, but it was nice.

  I did enjoy meeting people, but I always felt awkward. Lucent laughed when I told him, finding it odd that I could act so stubborn with him, and so reserved and shy with someone else.

  "That's different," I told him. I didn't know how it was different, but it was.

  The day ended, though. Lucent needed to go home and I needed to do the same, but he said he'd visit me in the library and he'd call me. Or I could call him. We'd call each other or something like that.

  Vanessa nearly bowled me over when I arrived back at our apartment. She had questions; a lot of questions. I probably had answers, too, but they weren't answers I wanted to give her. Where was I? Well, I was off doing something kind of stupid. I couldn't say that. I told her I'd spent the night studying at a friend's house.

  "I don't believe you," she said. "You're lying to me."

  I shrugged and grinned and fled to my room.

  "Did you have sex, Elise? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you dating Lucent?" she asked by way of shouting through my closed door.

  "No to all three," I said. I sort of wished I could say yes to all three, but unfortunately I couldn't.

  I couldn't yet, but...

  I had an idea. I fully admitted to myself that this was, perhaps, a terrible idea, but I didn't think it was terrible. Or, I wanted to believe it wasn't terrible. Before leaving Sam's Delicatessen, I'd asked Sam about his club. Just the name of it. What was it, exactly? Was everyone invited?

  Carousel. It was an alternative lifestyle club focused on various aspects of domination and submission, but they accepted others, too. Everyone was technically invited, but they kept a close eye on people to make sure no one caused any trouble. Places like that tended to attract the occasional bad apple, but they weeded them out fast and banned them from entering afterwards.

  It was a nice place, he said. Not judgmental. Some people came dressed in leather and latex, while others preferred casual wear, but as long as people behaved appropriately, everyone was welcome.

  Everyone was welcome, and so I was welcome, and...

 

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