The Rule of Luck, page 28
I stared at him.
His expression was very hard and very cold. “Should you decide to speak to any authorities about what happened, your life will be forfeit—though I’m sure you already know that. Do svidaniya, Ms. Sevigny. Try to have a nice life.”
He strode briskly to where Oksana waited. I watched in mute surprise as they got in, the door slid closed behind them, and the flight-limo engines ignited. Oblivious to the rain on my face, my eyes followed their vapor trail until the clouds obscured it. Their abandonment cut through me like a knife. Did they blame me for what happened? Was it my fault it had all gone so wrong? Had I asked them to come swooping in and put everything at risk? No. Yet they’d done it anyway and the result was more horrible than I could even contemplate. Alexei Petriv was gone. As quickly as he’d come into my life and thrown everything in it into chaos, he’d vanished. It was all over before it had even really begun.
That realization hurt more than I imagined. I felt sliced open and numb, as if everything had been torn out and taken from me. It wasn’t like we’d fought, broken up, and would never speak to each other. I was literally never going to see him again. Ever. The way he smelled, how he looked at me, the feeling of his hands on my skin, or his unguarded expression when he came inside me and I saw how much he wanted me—I would never experience any of those things, no matter how much I might want them. It had all been so fleeting and quick, with barely any time to make a proper memory. How would I be able to remember him clearly? How could I hold on to any of this?
The complete and total loss was so staggering, my stomach heaved and I threw up on the ground beside me. I’d barely finished when a hand gripped my arm and hustled me into the waiting flight-limo. Within the hour, I was home. It set down by the curb in front of my condo, and the door slid open. I got out, peering up at the building that had been my home with Roy. Before I’d even gathered the belongings the chain-breaker dumped on the curb, the flight-limo took off.
I had no trouble getting into either the building or the condo with my new access codes. Inside, I found everything placed where it had been before. My precious Tarot decks were all in their cabinet as if they’d never left. My quirky table Eleat was waiting for my input. Even the food I’d had lying around my kitchen was there. The attention to detail shocked me. How had he remembered?
No, that wasn’t entirely true. One thing was different: the bed. As soon as I reached the master bedroom, I saw it wasn’t the same. This one was more expensive than anything I could have afforded and that shocked me—not the expense, but that he’d been sensitive enough to know this was one thing I’d have wanted to replace. The headboard was one massive piece of carved wood, stained a dark mahogany. I had no doubt in my mind that the wood was real and not a cheap synthetic fab knockoff. The mattress was plush and deep.
I stared at it blindly. Had he thought…that someday he’d be here with me or he’d help me break it in? Perhaps that had been his plan all along, despite everything—that we’d somehow end up together. That I’d look beyond the creature the Consortium had created and see something more, something…human. In our last seconds together, he hadn’t wanted me to think of him as a horrific monster grown in a genetics lab, designed to be leader of the Consortium. He’d wanted to be human, for me.
My legs went out from under me and I sank to the edge of the mattress, then crawled to the middle of the bed, inhaling its newness. I pulled the blankets around myself as the horror of everything swept over me at once. I would have liked more blue pills, but Oksana hadn’t offered and I’d been too numb to ask. There was nothing I could do but lie there in a fetal position and cry.
I thought of Alexei and how he’d smiled at me the last time, his gentleness as he’d touched my cheek. If everything had gone according to plan, we would have talked after and maybe…maybe, I’d be with him right now. Maybe…No, there were no more maybes. I clutched the blankets tighter as my heart broke. Why hadn’t I said something to him? Why hadn’t I told him that maybe there could be a future for us? What hadn’t my gut warned me sooner? Or let me know that we were never going to have a later?
Terrible, shattering sobs followed. I couldn’t control or stop them. I felt like everything in me was broken, leaving me to choke on the pieces. I could have had everything I’d ever wanted. I just hadn’t realized it. But wasn’t that how it always went—life gives us all a chronic inability to see what is right there in front of us until it’s gone? Luck had preserved me, alright; preserved me for a life full of loss, emptiness, and pain. As I lay there on the bed, I realized that luck had a third rule: If you thought you could rely on it to make you happy, you were wrong. It would only smash you apart in the end.
* * *
That was how Charlie Zero found me many days later. Oh, I’d gotten up to use the bathroom, change out of my stealth-suit, and eat what little food I found in the condo. But beyond that, I’d managed little else. I couldn’t bring myself to reply to the endless stream of messages on my c-tex bracelet. What did any of it matter? I ran my cards several times, praying they might offer some sort of hope or an explanation for the disaster in Brazil, or what Alexei had been thinking before he’d vanished. Instead my brain couldn’t make sense of the answers and it seemed like all the readings contradicted each other.
When the pounding started on my front door and I heard Charlie yelling out in the hallway to haul my lazy ass up and answer him, I forced myself out of bed. I’d get complaints from the neighbors otherwise. Plus, dealing with him would let me get back to wallowing in my misery that much quicker.
I shuffled down the hall with a blanket wrapped around me. It was cold in the condo. I hadn’t noticed before and made a mental note to adjust the air. In the entranceway, I tripped over the suitcases I’d dumped there days ago. When I finally opened the door, Charlie’s pounding had reached a fever pitch.
“Calm down,” I said, voice hoarse. “I’m right here.”
I’d caught him in mid-pound, his fist raised to offer another blow. Seemed like everyone was interested in breaking down my door. Not funny, I told myself recalling the moment with Alexei when everything had come crashing around me. Not funny at all.
Charlie’s arm dropped and his dark brown eyes looked me over with a critical gaze. Then it went from harsh to sympathetic, and he made a tsking sound.
“I told you not to, but you did it anyway. You fucked the Russian.”
I sighed. “Hey, Charlie. Want to come in?”
He stepped inside, looked at my mess, and took a none too subtle sniff. Great. Apparently I stank. “I assume Roy no longer lives here?”
“He’s an asshole.”
“I know more than a few who’d agree with that assessment.” He closed the door behind him. In his impeccable black-and-white-striped suit and the shocking blond hair he’d decided to spike today, he looked a damn sight better than I did. “I’d say tell me what happened, but it looks like you may not be ready.”
“Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate that.”
“Don’t appreciate it yet. I’m here because the two weeks are up as of tomorrow and I’m ready to open up shop again. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, but you haven’t returned my shims, which is frustrating as hell. Plus, the damned Russians haven’t paid us. From the look of you, I’m guessing that’s a lost cause too. No offense, kid, but I knew those Russian bastards would find a way to fuck us over. So much for my faith in human nature. Two weeks of revenue, all gone. Fucking Russians.”
To my surprise, I laughed. It wasn’t because I felt better or my life was any less of a mess. I just enjoyed a good Charlie Zero rant, and it was better than crying. He was as dependable as the rainy season and I loved him for it. His anger at the practical and mundane gave me hope things might someday be normal again.
As if my laughter had given it permission, my stomach rumbled to let me know it wanted more than cheese with the mold cut off. I took a whiff inside my oversized sweater. Yup, I stank.
“Let me clean myself up, and move some of this”—I waved at the mess around the front door—“and you can take me out to dinner since I have calories to spare this month. You can tell me how you spent the last two weeks and fill me in on Natty’s cooking cruise. I’m sure she bored you with all the details.”
He looked at me critically. “You sure you don’t need more recovery time, kid? I love money, but I care about you more.”
From Charlie Zero, that was high praise. I nodded. My gut seemed to approve with mild hesitancy. Maybe things wouldn’t be normal for a long while, but I’d get there. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
* * *
I threw myself back into work because I had no other choice. We needed to make up for the two weeks of revenue we’d lost, and I needed to keep busy. Worrying about other people’s problems was a blessing. Knowing I helped my clients helped me feel better about myself, while giving me less time to dwell on my own pain.
Weeks passed and sometimes, I could almost pretend things were okay. I started taking language classes again since it helped eat up my free time. I reconnected with friends and tried to remember what it was like to have fun. Everyone made sympathetic noises regarding my breakup with Roy—I concocted a simple story about our relationship imploding, which everyone accepted without question. No one had ever understood why I’d even wanted to tie myself down to him in the first place when there were so many other men to choose from.
However there were other times when I relived the whole Brazil nightmare over again. I hadn’t seen the initial media coverage of the TransWorld incident, but it dominated the CN-net for weeks afterward. Not only had their main headquarters on Earth vanished, their star cruiser en route from Mars had exploded before takeoff. No passengers were injured, but the ship was damaged beyond repair and the crew had died. There were no suspects, no leads, no terrorist groups stepping forward to take credit. Though I had no proof of it, I suspected it was the Consortium’s work and they were cleaning up loose ends. Now nothing stood in the way of them securing a hold on Mars.
The whole TransWorld fiasco was billed as the single greatest assault on humanity since the Dark Times. People were terrified. Worldwide panic almost burnt out the CN-net and crashed the markets as information spooled back and forth, uploaded and downloaded in a frenzied sea of chaos. For a while, all flights between Earth, Mars, and Venus were suspended—which caused an uproar. However when there was no follow-up attack, media coverage waned. Flights resumed, and a company called the Burroughs Group—the company the Tsarist Consortium had backed—took over service for TransWorld. Their star cruiser, the Martian Princess, launched a few days later. I’d lived with a specter of fear hanging over me, worried I’d be implicated. But as the weeks turned into months and nothing happened, I began to relax.
It would be nice to say my life returned to normal, but it didn’t. I occasionally had moments that left me confused and disoriented. I walked around in my own personal fog and didn’t know what to do with myself. Restlessness consumed me. I wanted…Well, what I wanted was impossible. I would never see Alexei Petriv again, no matter how much I wished for it or how many sweat-soaked dreams I had about him. I had to find a way to close that chapter of my life whether I wanted to or not.
Along with that came the need to throw away every piece of my old life and start over. Maybe Mars. Maybe Venus, although the settlements weren’t as established so there might not be much call for Tarot card readers. All that mattered was getting away from the familiar and trying again. I even avoided Grandmother’s birthday party, despite my promise to attend. So much for never going back on my word. It pissed off nearly everyone in the family to the point that even Rainy refused to speak with me. His wife, Zita, ended up leaving him over his blacklisted status—something I hadn’t been able to do anything about, yet he held me responsible anyway. Grandmother herself even broke down and shimmed me to give me the tongue-lashing she felt I so richly deserved.
Deep down, I think I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. My past wasn’t finished with me yet. The Tarot cards said as much, and my gut knew it too. Vadim’s last words had sealed it: “Someone will be in touch with the final details regarding the completion of your contract with the Consortium and ensure you are paid in full.” The way he’d said it had been ominous. Some nights—when I wasn’t having torrid dreams about Alexei—I’d wake up paralyzed with fear because of those words. Only once I’d dealt with the Consortium would I be free to move on. Unfortunately I was at their mercy, and I suspected they’d come for me when I least expected it.
Another month later, they did.
* * *
I was sitting in my chaise lounge in the room of decadent mystery Charlie Zero had created for me where I did all my readings, when Natty ushered in Konstantin Belikov. I’d thought I was ready for anything, but seeing the five-hundred-year-old Tsarist Consortium kingpin was still a shock. I jumped to attention. My first reaction was a relief so intense, it left me boneless. Fear followed, but at least now I could begin to hope that the confused existence I’d been living for the past three months would be over.
With him were two chain-breakers and a pretty blond woman who served as his nursemaid. Pervy old bastard. It took everything in me not to roll my eyes at the cliché. The chain-breakers waited by the door, arms crossed and wearing their ubiquitous shades, despite the fact that they were inside and it was night.
As Belikov shuffled across the carpet, I took a moment to be impressed the old man had come all this way to see me. Then irritation gripped me when I considered how long it had taken him to contact me in the first place. Then fear came again. Why send someone so high ranking in the Consortium to handle me? What had Belikov called me again? Oh yes, a gnat on an elephant’s ass. Also, a baby. Anger was back. Good. I’d rather have that than fear.
“Mr. Belikov.” I moved around the table to meet him. “I’m honored you’ve come to my shop.”
He paused halfway to the chaise, a hand resting for support on the nursemaid’s arm. “You look well, Felicia,” he said in the commanding voice I still remembered. “You seem to have bounced back quite admirably after recent events.”
Arrogant son of a bitch. I wasn’t going to play that game with him—the game where he wanted to prove his pain and loss were greater than mine, so mine meant nothing. “It’s so good to see you too.”
“That is a bald-faced lie,” he accused, resuming his shuffling walk.
“True enough, but I told it well. Besides, I’ve been waiting so long for someone to get in touch with me, I suppose it’s good to see just about anyone. If that’s how your organization works, it’s a wonder you get anything done.”
He scowled at me, then seated himself in the chaise with the nursemaid’s help. She placed herself behind him, her face pleasantly blank. I suspected she didn’t speak much English. “The Consortium always honors its agreements.”
“And it only took you three months to do it.”
“For an organization that’s existed nearly a millennium, I would say our record is impeccable,” he mused. Then he gave me a hard look. “Consider what you took from us, Felicia. Look at how this arrangement with you has affected the Consortium. Is it any wonder we didn’t rush back with payment for services rendered?”
I returned to my chair with as much grace as I could muster, fighting hard not to show he’d scored a direct hit. Pain lanced through my chest—not as sharp or ravaging as it had once been, but still there. I bowed my head and took a moment to collect myself until I could meet his milky green eyes without tears. “I understand. You got what you wanted, but not at the price you expected to pay. I know this doesn’t make up for it, but I’m sorrier than you know for what happened. If I could do it over again, I would have done anything I could to stop events from unfolding the way they did.”
Belikov cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable. Maybe he hadn’t liked the honest sincerity of my answer. “The Consortium will be depositing the agreed upon amount into your shop’s account, plus whatever interest would have accrued over the past three months. We have also begun the process of revoking the blacklisted status for both you and your family. Without your mother’s pressure and TransWorld’s meddling, it should be finalized soon.”
A tiny thrill went through me. Not for me, but for my family. I hadn’t expected the Consortium to honor that request so it came as an unexpected gift. “Thank you. This means the world to us.”
He made what I could only describe as a gruff, grumpy old man noise and shifted restlessly in his chair. “Pozhaluysta. You’re welcome.”
Awkward silence descended. The meeting felt like it had come to its end with Belikov making all the motions of a man about to leave. Desperation gripped me. I had a feeling if I let him go, the Consortium would be finished with me forever. “May I ask a question?”
He paused in his fidgeting. “It will have to be quick. I have other appointments to keep.”
“Yes, I’m sure you do. It’s just that night in Brazil…Why did he go back? I keep racking my brain, going over events until I think I’ve gone insane. It gives me nightmares and sometimes…Well, never mind. I guess I just can’t understand what happened. Everything was finished. We’d won. My mother would have died when the building vaporized. He could have escaped with the rest of us. Instead, he went back. Why? Why not just let her go?”
Belikov looked at me with sudden pity. “We didn’t understand it either.”
“But you do now,” I urged.
“From what our tech-meds pieced together after examining the data, your mother planned to upload all her research to the CN-net. She felt she had nothing to lose so she decided to unleash years of studies and experiments for all the world to see. She’d started her transmission, of which we received a partial sample. We recognized it for what it was only because we knew of you and her research. Few others had that luxury. Alexei stopped the transmission before it went viral.”
