Pretend Girlfriend: A Reverse Harem Romance, page 13
“Please don’t yell,” Landon muttered, touching his temple with one hand while holding the pillow over his crotch with the other. “It feels like someone is stabbing me in the brain with a butter knife.”
I pointed at the bathroom. “Go.”
He turned and tossed the pillow aside, then went into the bathroom. But not before I got a nice long look at the way his boxers hugged his chiseled ass. He also had that wonderful V-shaped back, his broad shoulders thick with muscle.
As soon as I was alone, I stared at the beds in the room. There were two of them, just like I had confirmed when checking in yesterday, but the bed on the right was totally untouched.
Did we…?
I took mental stock of my body. I was a little sore, but that was probably from Theo. And when I pulled back the bedsheets, I couldn’t see any stains.
Whew. We didn’t have sex.
But for a few weird seconds, it didn’t bother me that we might have.
I glanced at the bedside table. My phone had a huge crack in the bottom corner. Not enough to make it unusable, but enough to be annoying.
Thanks a lot, drunk Joanna.
After getting dressed, Landon and I left the room to meet everyone for breakfast in the dining room. We walked in silence until we got off the elevator on the ground floor.
“Last night,” Landon said slowly. “Did we…”
“We did not,” I said carefully. “I don’t remember what happened last night, but I’m fairly certain you and I didn’t do anything.”
He nodded. “I’m pretty sure we…” Landon trailed off as we passed a man sleeping on one of the couches in the lobby. “We went back to the room and passed out. But the details are fuzzy.”
“Why did you sleep in the same bed as me? We got two beds for a reason!”
“You slept in the same bed as me,” he insisted. “I was already in bed. You came out of the bathroom and threw yourself face-down onto the bed next to me. You refused to move.”
“Why didn’t you switch beds?”
“Because I was already comfy!” he snapped back. “Besides, I was drunk. I barely remember any of this.”
“I haven’t been that drunk in a very long time,” I said with a groan. “I need coffee, aspirin, and pancakes. In whatever order I can find them.”
“What about Teddy?” Landon asked.
A jolt of panic ran through my body. “What about Teddy?” Landon couldn’t know that we’d slept together, could he? What if Austin had told him? I felt my entire plan circling the drain.
“You thought I was him in bed this morning,” Landon revealed. “You said, and I quote, you feel good, Theo.”
I felt a moment of relief, but then a new kind of panic. “Are you sure I said that? I don’t remember saying that.”
Landon gave me a sideways glance. “You’re normally a good liar, Joanna. Which is why I know you’re lying right now.”
My brain wasn’t working. I couldn’t think of what to say. Stupid alcohol!
“Landon…” I began.
He stopped and blocked my path just outside the dining room. “Listen. It’s not a big deal.”
I gave a start. “It’s not?”
“You were drunk and had a sex dream about the Best Man. It’s fine. He’s a good looking guy.”
“That’s… exactly what happened. Yes. I had a sex dream about him.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I’d had numerous sexy dreams about Theo.
Was that a flash of jealousy in Landon’s almond eyes? If so, it was gone in a second, replaced by a smile. “As long as you kept up appearances during the reception, I don’t care what you muttered in your sleep.”
I laughed nervously. I still didn’t remember much from last night after I took my heels off to dance.
Everyone who had stayed overnight was in the dining room eating breakfast. There were a few smiles as we walked inside, and Bradyn raised a hand in greeting toward his brother. The hostess showed us to our table, and I immediately grabbed a plate and went to the buffet. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage. Everything looked so good.
My plate was piled high with food when Marisa intercepted me on the way back to my table. “I just heard the good news! I’m so happy, Joanna! We’re going to spend the week getting to know each other.”
“We’re going to do what now?” I asked.
“Silly goose! You’re coming to the honeymoon with the entire family. When Bradyn’s mom told me, I almost dropped my orange juice.”
“The honeymoon…” Oh my God. What had Danicka done? “Marisa, I’m so sorry, but I can’t go on the honeymoon with all of you. I can’t take off work.”
“Oh.” Marisa searched my face as if I were joking. “Okay. I’ll let her know.”
I returned to my table and told Landon, “Your wonderful mother told everyone that I’m going on the honeymoon. That’s why she mentioned going home to pack a bag.”
Landon groaned. “She does this sometimes. Making a decision for someone without their input, and then challenging them to say no.”
“Jamaica actually sounds amazing, but I have work tomorrow. I have so much paperwork to process for this case we’re working on.” I glanced at my phone. “I actually have a bunch of voicemails from my boss. He probably wants me to go into the office today. Ugh. What if I agreed to it last night?”
“It’s fine. We’ll tell her you can’t go. She’ll understand.”
Before I could bite down on my first piece of bacon, Danicka appeared next to our table. “Joanna! What’s this I hear about you not going on the honeymoon after all?”
I gave her my best apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry, but I was a little inebriated last night. I may have made promises that sober Joanna can’t keep. As much as I would love to go, I can’t take off work.”
Danicka only laughed. “Oh, honey. You quit your job last night!”
“I think I would remember if I…” I trailed off and glanced at Landon. He was frowning.
Wait a minute. Did I…? I glanced at the unopened voicemails on my phone.
“It was the highlight of the wedding!” Danicka said. “Go talk to the guitar player about it. It was his idea.”
I sat up a little straighter in my chair. “It was whose idea?”
“Marisa’s friend. From Texas. I think his name is Austin.”
26
Joanna
Bits and pieces of last night were starting to come back to me. My stomach dropped.
“Where is Austin?” Landon asked.
“He was in the lobby,” Danicka replied with a giggle. “I’m surprised you didn’t see him. He’s tough to miss.”
“We just walked through the lobby,” I said. “He wasn’t…”
I shared another look with Landon.
“Will you excuse me?” I took one last forlorn look at my plate of food, then went out to the lobby.
The man was still passed out on the couch. When I turned him over, Austin’s groggy blue eyes blinked up at me.
“Morning, darlin’. I’ll take the steak and eggs.”
“Did I quit my job last night?”
He slowly sat up and grinned. “Come to think of it. Yeah. I believe you did.”
“Danicka said it was your idea!”
“Why would I do that?” he asked. Then he sniffed the air. “I need some pancakes.”
He tried standing, but I pushed him back down onto the couch and loomed over him. “No. If I don’t get pancakes, neither do you. Tell me what happened.”
“I won’t tell you what happened,” he said with a silly grin. “I’ll show you.”
He opened a video on his phone and handed it to me.
“Here we are at Marisa and Bradyn’s wedding,” Austin was narrating while recording everyone on the dance floor. “The bride and groom have gone upstairs to make things official, but that hasn’t stopped the party.”
A few girls cheered. It was difficult to hear over the blaring music. The camera weaved through the dancing crowd until I came into view. Austin kept the video on me for a little while as I danced. He even zoomed in while I was bent over, shaking my butt.
“Hey!” I said, showing him the screen. “Creeper.”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that I took that video,” Austin said while gazing in the direction of the dining room. “Believe it or not, that’s the least creepy situation I caught you in last night.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Austin pointed at the phone. “Pay attention.”
On the video, Danicka approached and put an arm around me. Austin walked closer until our conversation could be heard.
“I feel like you’re a member of the family now,” Danicka was saying.
“That’s so sweet of you to say! I feel so welcome,” I replied.
“I think you should come to the honeymoon. Landon already has a room, so we just need to book your flight.”
“I can’t,” I replied drunkenly. “I have a lot of lawyering to do, because I’m a lawyer. You know. The law. It’s very serious.”
Austin finally spoke up on the video: “Now, you were just telling me how much you hate your job.”
“This is true,” I agreed. “I’m not looking forward to going in on Monday.”
“I have an alternative proposal,” Austin said. “Quit your job and go to Jamaica.”
“Yes!” Danicka exclaimed.
Drunk-me twisted her face. “I don’t know…”
“Today is a beautiful day for change,” Austin insisted. “I dare you to quit your job.”
Carol danced her way over to us. “I quit my job this spring. Best decision I ever made. Wish I had done it years ago.”
“My new daughter-in-law’s sister makes a good point!” Danicka said.
Drunk-me tossed her hair. “You know what? Okay! I’m going to do it tomorrow! I’ll call my boss and tell him I’m done!”
“Do it right now!” Danicka insisted. “Before you lose your nerve.”
Carol ran out of view, then returned with my phone. “I think this is yours. The background is the Blackhawks logo.”
Drunk-me snatched the phone from her and tapped sloppily on the screen. “Hi. This is Joanna. Joanna Pullen. It’s Saturday night, and I am completely sound of mind and character.”
Everyone around me laughed, so I covered the phone with my hand. “Shhh! I’m trying to do this!” I held the phone back up to my ear. “Okay, I’m not completely sound of mind. But I don’t care. I quit. I don’t want to work for your stupid ambulance-chasing firm anymore. I’m sick of the junior partners making creepy comments every day. In conclusion your honor: go fuck yourself! Suck my dick!”
Everyone cheered as I spiked the phone on the ground like a football. That explains how I cracked it.
I handed Austin back his phone. “See? You made me do it!”
“You are a strong adult woman who can make her own decisions. All I did was give you a little friendly encouragement,” he replied smoothly.
“You dared a drunk girl at a wedding. That’s basically like shoving a toddler into traffic.”
Austin chuckled. “No, it’s not.”
I gave his shoulder a shove. “I was drunk and you fucked up my life!”
He shook his head slowly. “The way I see it, I did you a favor.”
“Excuse me?”
“You said it yourself: you wanted to quit that job, even if you didn’t have the DefTec position lined up. You knew what you needed to do, but didn’t have the guts to do it. So I gave you a little push. Not a push into traffic, but a push in the right direction. Just like you gave me a push before the wedding when I was acting like a fool.”
I let out an annoyed noise. This guy thought he was actually helping me?
“Look on the bright side: now you get to go to Jamaica!” Austin added.
“I don’t want to go to Jamaica! That means keeping up the charade for another week! Around the clock!”
Austin shrugged. “Then tell Mrs. Cozart you can’t go. I don’t care.” He pointed a finger at me. “But you’ll see that quitting your job was the right thing. Eventually, you’ll thank me.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“About most stuff? You’re right. But I’m not wrong about this.” He sniffed the air. “Say, did they have pancakes in there? There’s a hole in my stomach about a mile deep.”
“I’m going to bribe the chef to spit in your food.”
Austin chuckled as I walked away. “A little spit’s not going to stop me, sweetheart.”
When I got back to our table in the dining room, my plate was gone. “What happened? I didn’t eat anything!”
“They must have taken it away while I was getting seconds,” Landon said. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned forward until my head was resting on the table. “I quit my job last night.”
“Oh, shit. Seriously?”
“Austin dared me to do it. It’s all on video.”
“Can you call your boss and explain it was a mistake?” Landon asked.
“Considering I told him to suck my dick? Probably not.” I groaned. “I need someone to waterboard me with coffee.”
“That’s still here!” Landon said, pushing my coffee mug across the table. “Here. I’ll get you another plate of food.”
I gave him a grateful smile. “Have we said the L-word yet? Because if not, I would definitely say I love you right now.”
“We’ve only been fake-dating two months,” he whispered. “I usually don’t drop the L-bomb until three months into the fake relationship.”
I sipped my coffee as he went back up to the buffet. Landon was a funny guy when he wasn’t taking himself so seriously. And when he wasn’t blackmailing me.
“It’s all settled,” Danicka said, suddenly at my side again. “Your ticket is booked. You have to come, now!”
“I don’t know…” I said.
“Unless there’s some other reason you can’t come?” Danicka asked.
Does she know about Landon and me? There was no way. She was just rejecting my rejection. I had been convincing all night.
“Let me get some coffee in me and talk logistics with Landon,” I said. “I, um, need to find someone to watch my cat while I’m gone.”
“Landon told us you were a dog person,” Danicka said scornfully. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold it against you.”
Landon returned with a big plate of food. “There were only three pancakes left, so I grabbed them all and added a waffle for good measure. I hope you like syrup, because it’s absolutely drowning in the stuff.”
“I would definitely drop the L-bomb if this were a real relationship,” I whispered while digging in.
“Anything else I can do for my fake girlfriend?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied with a full mouth. “Tell your mom I can’t go on the honeymoon. I’ll let you figure out the excuse.”
Everything was starting to fall back into place. I had coffee in my system and a plate full of breakfast carbohydrates. Once I packed, I could return to my apartment and spend the rest of the day by the pool. I wouldn’t have to fake this relationship anymore; I could just be myself.
“Actually,” Landon said slowly, “I think you should come to Jamaica.”
27
Landon
I didn’t like Joanna.
That fact was obvious from the moment we met at the restaurant before having dinner with my family. She was blunt and impulsive, two characteristics I hated in the women I dated. She’d invited herself to the wedding, for crying out loud. After the first hour with her, I was eager to finish this agreement and be rid of her.
But something changed at the wedding. I wasn’t sure when it happened: dancing together sober, dancing together drunk, waking up spooning her with my morning wood wedged against her ass…
I saw her in a completely new light. Quite literally: the morning sunlight was streaming through the window and playing in her blonde hair, making it glisten like gold. I didn’t understand it, but I couldn’t deny it. There was something about her that I was now drawn to, and I couldn’t shake the feeling.
So when she told me to think of an excuse for her to skip out on the honeymoon, I found myself replying, “Actually, I think you should come to Jamaica.”
Her jaw fell open and a chewed up bit of pancake fell back onto her plate. “What? No you don’t. That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”
She’s right. That’s not what I should be saying. Yet I bulled forward, ignoring the screaming voice in my head that said this was a bad idea.
“My mom loves you,” I explained. “It would piss her off if you bailed now. Then she would spend the entire honeymoon introducing me to all the single women at the resort.”
Joanna groaned. She was cute when she was frustrated.
I gave myself a mental shake. What’s gotten into me?
“Let me guess,” she muttered into her pancakes. “If I refuse to go, you’ll bail on your end of the deal.”
“Actually, no.”
She jerked in surprise. “Really?”
“You’ve gone above and beyond the original agreement. I couldn’t have asked for a better fake girlfriend. If you choose not to go to Jamaica, I’ll understand. And I’ll still tell Phil to hire you. But I hope you’ll go. What else are you going to do this week?”
“Grovel for my job, probably,” she replied. “It won’t work, but I have to try. I don’t like being in limbo. I have an apartment to pay for, and student loans, and way too many other bills. If I somehow don’t get the job at DefTec…”
“I’m going to make sure you get it,” I assured her.
“And what if you can’t?” she challenged. “What if they find someone better than me, someone so qualified that they have no choice but to ignore your recommendation? I’d be screwed!”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Yes,” she reiterated, “I would.”
I leaned a little closer. “I promise you this: if you don’t get that position, I’ll make sure you get another one. It’s a big company. There are always a dozen or so open positions. And I have a lot of sway.”
Joanna put down her fork and stared at me for several seconds. “You would do that for me?”
I pointed at the bathroom. “Go.”
He turned and tossed the pillow aside, then went into the bathroom. But not before I got a nice long look at the way his boxers hugged his chiseled ass. He also had that wonderful V-shaped back, his broad shoulders thick with muscle.
As soon as I was alone, I stared at the beds in the room. There were two of them, just like I had confirmed when checking in yesterday, but the bed on the right was totally untouched.
Did we…?
I took mental stock of my body. I was a little sore, but that was probably from Theo. And when I pulled back the bedsheets, I couldn’t see any stains.
Whew. We didn’t have sex.
But for a few weird seconds, it didn’t bother me that we might have.
I glanced at the bedside table. My phone had a huge crack in the bottom corner. Not enough to make it unusable, but enough to be annoying.
Thanks a lot, drunk Joanna.
After getting dressed, Landon and I left the room to meet everyone for breakfast in the dining room. We walked in silence until we got off the elevator on the ground floor.
“Last night,” Landon said slowly. “Did we…”
“We did not,” I said carefully. “I don’t remember what happened last night, but I’m fairly certain you and I didn’t do anything.”
He nodded. “I’m pretty sure we…” Landon trailed off as we passed a man sleeping on one of the couches in the lobby. “We went back to the room and passed out. But the details are fuzzy.”
“Why did you sleep in the same bed as me? We got two beds for a reason!”
“You slept in the same bed as me,” he insisted. “I was already in bed. You came out of the bathroom and threw yourself face-down onto the bed next to me. You refused to move.”
“Why didn’t you switch beds?”
“Because I was already comfy!” he snapped back. “Besides, I was drunk. I barely remember any of this.”
“I haven’t been that drunk in a very long time,” I said with a groan. “I need coffee, aspirin, and pancakes. In whatever order I can find them.”
“What about Teddy?” Landon asked.
A jolt of panic ran through my body. “What about Teddy?” Landon couldn’t know that we’d slept together, could he? What if Austin had told him? I felt my entire plan circling the drain.
“You thought I was him in bed this morning,” Landon revealed. “You said, and I quote, you feel good, Theo.”
I felt a moment of relief, but then a new kind of panic. “Are you sure I said that? I don’t remember saying that.”
Landon gave me a sideways glance. “You’re normally a good liar, Joanna. Which is why I know you’re lying right now.”
My brain wasn’t working. I couldn’t think of what to say. Stupid alcohol!
“Landon…” I began.
He stopped and blocked my path just outside the dining room. “Listen. It’s not a big deal.”
I gave a start. “It’s not?”
“You were drunk and had a sex dream about the Best Man. It’s fine. He’s a good looking guy.”
“That’s… exactly what happened. Yes. I had a sex dream about him.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I’d had numerous sexy dreams about Theo.
Was that a flash of jealousy in Landon’s almond eyes? If so, it was gone in a second, replaced by a smile. “As long as you kept up appearances during the reception, I don’t care what you muttered in your sleep.”
I laughed nervously. I still didn’t remember much from last night after I took my heels off to dance.
Everyone who had stayed overnight was in the dining room eating breakfast. There were a few smiles as we walked inside, and Bradyn raised a hand in greeting toward his brother. The hostess showed us to our table, and I immediately grabbed a plate and went to the buffet. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage. Everything looked so good.
My plate was piled high with food when Marisa intercepted me on the way back to my table. “I just heard the good news! I’m so happy, Joanna! We’re going to spend the week getting to know each other.”
“We’re going to do what now?” I asked.
“Silly goose! You’re coming to the honeymoon with the entire family. When Bradyn’s mom told me, I almost dropped my orange juice.”
“The honeymoon…” Oh my God. What had Danicka done? “Marisa, I’m so sorry, but I can’t go on the honeymoon with all of you. I can’t take off work.”
“Oh.” Marisa searched my face as if I were joking. “Okay. I’ll let her know.”
I returned to my table and told Landon, “Your wonderful mother told everyone that I’m going on the honeymoon. That’s why she mentioned going home to pack a bag.”
Landon groaned. “She does this sometimes. Making a decision for someone without their input, and then challenging them to say no.”
“Jamaica actually sounds amazing, but I have work tomorrow. I have so much paperwork to process for this case we’re working on.” I glanced at my phone. “I actually have a bunch of voicemails from my boss. He probably wants me to go into the office today. Ugh. What if I agreed to it last night?”
“It’s fine. We’ll tell her you can’t go. She’ll understand.”
Before I could bite down on my first piece of bacon, Danicka appeared next to our table. “Joanna! What’s this I hear about you not going on the honeymoon after all?”
I gave her my best apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry, but I was a little inebriated last night. I may have made promises that sober Joanna can’t keep. As much as I would love to go, I can’t take off work.”
Danicka only laughed. “Oh, honey. You quit your job last night!”
“I think I would remember if I…” I trailed off and glanced at Landon. He was frowning.
Wait a minute. Did I…? I glanced at the unopened voicemails on my phone.
“It was the highlight of the wedding!” Danicka said. “Go talk to the guitar player about it. It was his idea.”
I sat up a little straighter in my chair. “It was whose idea?”
“Marisa’s friend. From Texas. I think his name is Austin.”
26
Joanna
Bits and pieces of last night were starting to come back to me. My stomach dropped.
“Where is Austin?” Landon asked.
“He was in the lobby,” Danicka replied with a giggle. “I’m surprised you didn’t see him. He’s tough to miss.”
“We just walked through the lobby,” I said. “He wasn’t…”
I shared another look with Landon.
“Will you excuse me?” I took one last forlorn look at my plate of food, then went out to the lobby.
The man was still passed out on the couch. When I turned him over, Austin’s groggy blue eyes blinked up at me.
“Morning, darlin’. I’ll take the steak and eggs.”
“Did I quit my job last night?”
He slowly sat up and grinned. “Come to think of it. Yeah. I believe you did.”
“Danicka said it was your idea!”
“Why would I do that?” he asked. Then he sniffed the air. “I need some pancakes.”
He tried standing, but I pushed him back down onto the couch and loomed over him. “No. If I don’t get pancakes, neither do you. Tell me what happened.”
“I won’t tell you what happened,” he said with a silly grin. “I’ll show you.”
He opened a video on his phone and handed it to me.
“Here we are at Marisa and Bradyn’s wedding,” Austin was narrating while recording everyone on the dance floor. “The bride and groom have gone upstairs to make things official, but that hasn’t stopped the party.”
A few girls cheered. It was difficult to hear over the blaring music. The camera weaved through the dancing crowd until I came into view. Austin kept the video on me for a little while as I danced. He even zoomed in while I was bent over, shaking my butt.
“Hey!” I said, showing him the screen. “Creeper.”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that I took that video,” Austin said while gazing in the direction of the dining room. “Believe it or not, that’s the least creepy situation I caught you in last night.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Austin pointed at the phone. “Pay attention.”
On the video, Danicka approached and put an arm around me. Austin walked closer until our conversation could be heard.
“I feel like you’re a member of the family now,” Danicka was saying.
“That’s so sweet of you to say! I feel so welcome,” I replied.
“I think you should come to the honeymoon. Landon already has a room, so we just need to book your flight.”
“I can’t,” I replied drunkenly. “I have a lot of lawyering to do, because I’m a lawyer. You know. The law. It’s very serious.”
Austin finally spoke up on the video: “Now, you were just telling me how much you hate your job.”
“This is true,” I agreed. “I’m not looking forward to going in on Monday.”
“I have an alternative proposal,” Austin said. “Quit your job and go to Jamaica.”
“Yes!” Danicka exclaimed.
Drunk-me twisted her face. “I don’t know…”
“Today is a beautiful day for change,” Austin insisted. “I dare you to quit your job.”
Carol danced her way over to us. “I quit my job this spring. Best decision I ever made. Wish I had done it years ago.”
“My new daughter-in-law’s sister makes a good point!” Danicka said.
Drunk-me tossed her hair. “You know what? Okay! I’m going to do it tomorrow! I’ll call my boss and tell him I’m done!”
“Do it right now!” Danicka insisted. “Before you lose your nerve.”
Carol ran out of view, then returned with my phone. “I think this is yours. The background is the Blackhawks logo.”
Drunk-me snatched the phone from her and tapped sloppily on the screen. “Hi. This is Joanna. Joanna Pullen. It’s Saturday night, and I am completely sound of mind and character.”
Everyone around me laughed, so I covered the phone with my hand. “Shhh! I’m trying to do this!” I held the phone back up to my ear. “Okay, I’m not completely sound of mind. But I don’t care. I quit. I don’t want to work for your stupid ambulance-chasing firm anymore. I’m sick of the junior partners making creepy comments every day. In conclusion your honor: go fuck yourself! Suck my dick!”
Everyone cheered as I spiked the phone on the ground like a football. That explains how I cracked it.
I handed Austin back his phone. “See? You made me do it!”
“You are a strong adult woman who can make her own decisions. All I did was give you a little friendly encouragement,” he replied smoothly.
“You dared a drunk girl at a wedding. That’s basically like shoving a toddler into traffic.”
Austin chuckled. “No, it’s not.”
I gave his shoulder a shove. “I was drunk and you fucked up my life!”
He shook his head slowly. “The way I see it, I did you a favor.”
“Excuse me?”
“You said it yourself: you wanted to quit that job, even if you didn’t have the DefTec position lined up. You knew what you needed to do, but didn’t have the guts to do it. So I gave you a little push. Not a push into traffic, but a push in the right direction. Just like you gave me a push before the wedding when I was acting like a fool.”
I let out an annoyed noise. This guy thought he was actually helping me?
“Look on the bright side: now you get to go to Jamaica!” Austin added.
“I don’t want to go to Jamaica! That means keeping up the charade for another week! Around the clock!”
Austin shrugged. “Then tell Mrs. Cozart you can’t go. I don’t care.” He pointed a finger at me. “But you’ll see that quitting your job was the right thing. Eventually, you’ll thank me.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“About most stuff? You’re right. But I’m not wrong about this.” He sniffed the air. “Say, did they have pancakes in there? There’s a hole in my stomach about a mile deep.”
“I’m going to bribe the chef to spit in your food.”
Austin chuckled as I walked away. “A little spit’s not going to stop me, sweetheart.”
When I got back to our table in the dining room, my plate was gone. “What happened? I didn’t eat anything!”
“They must have taken it away while I was getting seconds,” Landon said. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned forward until my head was resting on the table. “I quit my job last night.”
“Oh, shit. Seriously?”
“Austin dared me to do it. It’s all on video.”
“Can you call your boss and explain it was a mistake?” Landon asked.
“Considering I told him to suck my dick? Probably not.” I groaned. “I need someone to waterboard me with coffee.”
“That’s still here!” Landon said, pushing my coffee mug across the table. “Here. I’ll get you another plate of food.”
I gave him a grateful smile. “Have we said the L-word yet? Because if not, I would definitely say I love you right now.”
“We’ve only been fake-dating two months,” he whispered. “I usually don’t drop the L-bomb until three months into the fake relationship.”
I sipped my coffee as he went back up to the buffet. Landon was a funny guy when he wasn’t taking himself so seriously. And when he wasn’t blackmailing me.
“It’s all settled,” Danicka said, suddenly at my side again. “Your ticket is booked. You have to come, now!”
“I don’t know…” I said.
“Unless there’s some other reason you can’t come?” Danicka asked.
Does she know about Landon and me? There was no way. She was just rejecting my rejection. I had been convincing all night.
“Let me get some coffee in me and talk logistics with Landon,” I said. “I, um, need to find someone to watch my cat while I’m gone.”
“Landon told us you were a dog person,” Danicka said scornfully. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold it against you.”
Landon returned with a big plate of food. “There were only three pancakes left, so I grabbed them all and added a waffle for good measure. I hope you like syrup, because it’s absolutely drowning in the stuff.”
“I would definitely drop the L-bomb if this were a real relationship,” I whispered while digging in.
“Anything else I can do for my fake girlfriend?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied with a full mouth. “Tell your mom I can’t go on the honeymoon. I’ll let you figure out the excuse.”
Everything was starting to fall back into place. I had coffee in my system and a plate full of breakfast carbohydrates. Once I packed, I could return to my apartment and spend the rest of the day by the pool. I wouldn’t have to fake this relationship anymore; I could just be myself.
“Actually,” Landon said slowly, “I think you should come to Jamaica.”
27
Landon
I didn’t like Joanna.
That fact was obvious from the moment we met at the restaurant before having dinner with my family. She was blunt and impulsive, two characteristics I hated in the women I dated. She’d invited herself to the wedding, for crying out loud. After the first hour with her, I was eager to finish this agreement and be rid of her.
But something changed at the wedding. I wasn’t sure when it happened: dancing together sober, dancing together drunk, waking up spooning her with my morning wood wedged against her ass…
I saw her in a completely new light. Quite literally: the morning sunlight was streaming through the window and playing in her blonde hair, making it glisten like gold. I didn’t understand it, but I couldn’t deny it. There was something about her that I was now drawn to, and I couldn’t shake the feeling.
So when she told me to think of an excuse for her to skip out on the honeymoon, I found myself replying, “Actually, I think you should come to Jamaica.”
Her jaw fell open and a chewed up bit of pancake fell back onto her plate. “What? No you don’t. That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”
She’s right. That’s not what I should be saying. Yet I bulled forward, ignoring the screaming voice in my head that said this was a bad idea.
“My mom loves you,” I explained. “It would piss her off if you bailed now. Then she would spend the entire honeymoon introducing me to all the single women at the resort.”
Joanna groaned. She was cute when she was frustrated.
I gave myself a mental shake. What’s gotten into me?
“Let me guess,” she muttered into her pancakes. “If I refuse to go, you’ll bail on your end of the deal.”
“Actually, no.”
She jerked in surprise. “Really?”
“You’ve gone above and beyond the original agreement. I couldn’t have asked for a better fake girlfriend. If you choose not to go to Jamaica, I’ll understand. And I’ll still tell Phil to hire you. But I hope you’ll go. What else are you going to do this week?”
“Grovel for my job, probably,” she replied. “It won’t work, but I have to try. I don’t like being in limbo. I have an apartment to pay for, and student loans, and way too many other bills. If I somehow don’t get the job at DefTec…”
“I’m going to make sure you get it,” I assured her.
“And what if you can’t?” she challenged. “What if they find someone better than me, someone so qualified that they have no choice but to ignore your recommendation? I’d be screwed!”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Yes,” she reiterated, “I would.”
I leaned a little closer. “I promise you this: if you don’t get that position, I’ll make sure you get another one. It’s a big company. There are always a dozen or so open positions. And I have a lot of sway.”
Joanna put down her fork and stared at me for several seconds. “You would do that for me?”
