Seamark, page 10
“So have you,” Auban said kindly. “He’s spoken to me about you a great deal. He’s fortunate to have such a loving brother.”
Brevaer laughed caustically. “I nearly killed him a few minutes ago.”
“You never would have.”
“You need to apologize to Garen.” Morgan found his voice in time to glare fiercely at his brother.
Brevaer looked shaken. “I know.”
“You need to make it good. He loves you, Brev.”
“I …” His brother swallowed hard. “I thought he might, but … surely I’ve ruined that now.”
“Not as long as you tell him you’re sorry, and you mean it. You have to be good to him. You have to.” One of us needs to be happy. And Morgan was sure that it wasn’t going to be him at this point.
“I will,” Brevaer promised him. “I’ll apologize. Sincerely.”
“And tell him how you feel.”
“I …” Brevaer finally nodded. “Fine. I will, but you have to make sure I do it right. You have to come back soon, Morgan, and you need to make sure I do it the right way.”
Morgan nodded, his throat stopped up once more. He might have taken the time to clear it if he hadn’t heard a sudden, distant roar of rage.
“That’s Sariel,” Brevaer muttered. “You two need to leave, now.” Brevaer bent down and gathered all the satchels into his arms. “Where’s the boat?”
Auban, with Morgan’s help, led the way to where the boat was moored. Brevaer didn’t waste any time, filling it with the goods and then reaching out and grabbing Auban by the arm. He didn’t even flinch as he handed the human down into the boat. “Morgan, you need to—” But Morgan was already jumping into the water, letting the change come upon him. He floated to the surface, green hair a riotous seamark against the water, and took hold of the slender rope attached to the front of the simple craft.
It was getting late, and the water was choppy, but there was nothing for it. He pulled, leading Auban out into open water. The boat glided with surprising smoothness, and Auban did his best to help steady them with the slender paddle.
“Be safe!” Brevaer called out after them as they sped away from the island.
Morgan thought Auban answered, but he couldn’t quite hear how as he ducked his head under the water to pull. He didn’t want to hear any more goodbyes, not when he still had his own to live through.
I don’t know how to let you go! How do I let you go?
How do I live without you?
Chapter nineteen
The Spit wasn’t far from the main island, but Morgan found the distance passing incredibly slowly. Was it because the waves were choppy, interfering with his pulling? Or was it because he had all the energy of a slug when it came to bidding his beloved goodbye?
Just thinking about it made him want to duck his head under the water and keep it there until he couldn’t bear the lack of air anymore, but he didn’t have time for that. They needed to be out of sight when the chief got to the beach because things would go poorly if Sariel came after them. For all that he was practically bedridden now, he had been their clan’s greatest fighter in his youth, and Morgan was sure he hadn’t lost all his ability. He would never bet on himself in a fight between them, and neither would anyone else. If Garen had to go to battle yet again with another member of their families …
No. Just no. It would be so dangerous for Auban too. So Morgan got into a rhythm and tugged, breathed, tugged, breathed, tugged … and his belly finally hit sand. He crawled up onto the beach, tugging the boat with his snout. After a moment, Auban got out and helped him draw the canoe up onto the Spit, a quarter-mile stretch of barren rock and sand with only a few low shrubs and boulders as windbreaks.
This place is miserable. Auban couldn’t stay here long, he would be blown away. But the seas were already so rough … how would he possibly make it farther south, to calmer seas and welcoming isles, without sinking?
Morgan transformed and began talking immediately, unable to hold his babble in. “What if I visited you every day here during the winter?” he asked. “To bring you fresh supplies and make sure you’re all right, and that you’ve got driftwood to burn and fish to eat?”
“Morgan …”
“It wouldn’t be nice, I know it wouldn’t, but I could make this place better for you. Just until spring, when the seas calm again, and you can go south while the cod come north.”
Auban came over to him and took his hands. “My darling. I can’t stay.”
Morgan whimpered. He hated the way he sounded, hated the way his face had to look based on how it made Auban’s fall even further, and tucked his head against Auban’s collarbone to hide. “What if the boat capsizes?” he asked breathlessly.
“Then I’ll right it.”
“What if you can’t? What if you’re too cold?”
Auban pressed a kiss to Morgan’s head. “I don’t get very cold. Not yet at least.”
That was true—he’d been able to survive with a seaweed blanket for weeks before Morgan managed to steal his first piece of cloth. But still … “Water coldness is different. It seeps into your bones, and the wind will drive it there to stay. If you fall in, you might never get out again.”
“I will take that chance.”
“I don’t want you to have to!”
“I know.” Auban raised Morgan’s head and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. “I know you don’t; I know you want to take care of me. You’ve done such a good job, my love. But if I want to take care of you in return, I have to leave. Your people will never accept me or you if I stay.”
“Maybe that doesn’t matter. What if I …” Morgan swallowed hard. “What if I went with you? I could conceal myself in the water, swim along until I knew you were going to be found, or that you had arrived at a place that would welcome you.”
“No.” Auban shook his head immediately. “That would be too dangerous for you. I don’t know why we humans acted the way we did against the Agnarra, but if your differences inspired enough of us to try and kill your entire clan, I can’t imagine them finding out about just one of you would be any better.”
“But—”
“Darling, please. For my heart’s sake, don’t ask me.” Auban squeezed his eyes shut. “Because the truth is, I want to say yes, so badly it hurts. I want to keep you as close to me as possible for as long as I can, and even then I entertain the notion of living by the sea in a place where you could visit me, or even stay, and …”
“Yes!” Morgan’s heart rose at the thought. “Yes, surely there must be places such as that. Somewhere we could truly be together, where—”
“Morgan.” Auban’s hands stroked down his damp, dark-green hair. “It would never work. You’re seamarked, beloved, and all who set eyes on you would know your true form immediately. They would come to kill you or find another use for you, and I would never be able to forgive myself for making you give up your home and your family to come with me only to find bondage or death. So please, please, don’t ask. I can’t think about it, because I want it too badly. It's just too tempting and too dangerous.”
“It’s not fair.” Morgan had never felt that the world was less fair in all his life, even when he lost his parents. Then he’d been a child, unable to understand the violence that had found them. Brevaer had taken on the brunt of the emotional load, taken the anger and helplessness and responsibility of looking after his sibling while Morgan had simply floundered into a new world like the rest of the young ones, confused but more resilient than their elders. But now … now he felt with the heart of a grown man, knew what it was to have a mate, a person who meant more to him than his own life. Unfortunately, that meant acknowledging that his mate was entitled to feel the same about him.
“I just found you,” he went on. “And I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I know now I could never have stopped it.”
“I feel the same for you,” Auban said, still stroking his hair as his eyes drank in the sight of Morgan’s face. “I wondered for a bit if I was being unfaithful to someone in my old life by falling for you so completely. I remember so little about my life before, but I know I would remember loving another person like this. The mind might lose its way, but the heart does not forget.”
Morgan smiled mirthlessly. “Then we acknowledge that we’re in love, and that we have no hope. Wonderful. Now all that’s left to do is …” Leave, he should say, and then he should do it, but he couldn’t. Not yet. “Auban.” He slid in closer, held his beloved tighter. “You can’t leave here until tomorrow morning.”
“Hmm, not with the waves like this,” Auban agreed, turning his face for a moment to stare at the sea. Morgan nosed the smooth skin along his cheekbone, then gently licked his earlobe. Auban’s breath caught abruptly in his chest, and Morgan actually found himself smiling.
“Then I think we should make the most of the time we can have together tonight.”
“Morgan …” Auban stared at him, pale-blue eyes hungry in a way Morgan hadn’t seen before. “I … promised your brother I would send you back,” he said, but it was a weak protest at best.
“I will go back,” Morgan promised. “After I’ve felt your body on mine, in mine. We have this one night to be together, Auban.” He gathered his courage and tilted his hips, pressing his growing erection against Auban’s groin. The answering hardness he felt there was very encouraging. “Let’s not waste it.”
“Beloved …” Auban’s mouth was on his a moment later, and Morgan almost fell right off his feet. This was nothing like the slow, sensual kiss they’d shared earlier. This was tense, hungry, devouring, and Morgan answered in kind. His lips were clumsy but eager, his tongue unsure until Auban guided him into a rhythm of push and pull, and then—
Then they were falling to their knees together, always together every step of the way, and Morgan gave his heart leave to soar.
If this was the only chance he was going to have to know Auban as a mate, then he was going to make the most of it.
Chapter twenty
The ground was hard beneath Morgan’s knees, but he didn’t even feel the discomfort as he writhed up against Auban, pressing and twisting, desperate for more even as he reveled in what he was getting. He finally lay back, pulling Auban down on top of him, and oh, that was even better. Now there was real pressure, now he could feel the shape of Auban’s cock pressed against his, and it was so fucking good he could hardly stand it.
“Ah … ah!” It hurt to get hard so quickly, but Morgan didn’t care. He wasn’t afraid of pain, wasn’t afraid of anything right now except the prospect of this stopping. He couldn’t stop, didn’t dare. There was something building inside of him, a force that made him want to arch and claw and cry out … and why not? Who would hear him except his mate?
He had never done this so freely before. Jerking off, when sharing a home with Brevaer, was almost impossible. Doing it alone had been all right but a languorous, slow affair, usually in the water, where his other form could writhe and squirm, and he could rub against all the places that were hard to reach as a human. But now he had Auban to writhe against, and his lips tasted like the wind and sand and a hint of blood, so mortal and real and delicious that Morgan just couldn’t hold back.
“Auban!” He thrust up against Auban one more time, his core clenching desperately, and then he came. He couldn’t have stopped himself if he’d wanted to. White light overwhelmed his vision, and pulses of pleasure rolled over his body, one after the other until he could hardly stand it, but he also couldn’t bear to move away.
Auban held him through the wracking shivers of his release, stroking his hair and kissing his face. Once Morgan could breathe without trembling again, he realized something.
“You didn’t come.”
“Not yet,” Auban said, thrusting lightly against Morgan’s hip. “I think I only have it in me to do so once, so I want to make the most of it.”
“Ah.” Of course. He was still recovering from his injuries, he’d been assaulted by Morgan’s brother, he’d undergone almost as much emotional upheaval as Morgan himself … it was a lot. Maybe Morgan was the strange one here, actually. “Then … let’s get camp set up, and we can—”
“Not quite yet,” Auban said, a hungry look on his face. “Can you wait a few moments longer?”
“Wait for what?” His question was answered as Auban slid down his body, settling between his legs with a grin before leaning in and— “Oh!” He was licking him clean, his incredibly hot, wet mouth laving Morgan’s overstimulated cock from the tip to the base, then over his balls for good measure. Morgan stared down at him, sore and aching and loving it and not quite sure how all those emotions were able to coexist in his brain at the same time. “You … ah … Auban …”
“Mmm.”
“You don’t have to…”
Auban pulled off. “I want to,” he said. “I want to know you as well as I possibly can. I want to have you every way imaginable. There’s just …” He stopped, then leaned in and rested his head on Morgan’s thigh. “There’s not enough time.”
Morgan sniffled. “No, there isn’t.”
They held each other for a long moment, then set up the closest thing to a shelter they could put together. The canoe made a decent, if low, bulwark against the wind, and with the sack they’d used to collect everything stretched over the top of it and tied with some spare rope, it was not … anywhere near comfortable in the space beneath it, but at least the wind wasn’t going to rub them raw. Morgan was chilled to the bone by the time they were done, and Auban kept trying to push clothes at him, but Morgan pushed them right back.
“You need those.”
“I’m warm enough,” Auban insisted. “I’m not the one shivering.”
“You ought to be.” It was so strange—Auban was skinny! So skinny! He ought to be colder than he was! Were all humans so resilient in response to low temperatures? They couldn’t be—why would they wear such thick clothing if that were the case? “Save the dried food,” he continued, “I’ll go hunt you something, and we can—”
“Morgan. Come here.”
Morgan shivered but not because he was cold this time. They’d spent almost an hour setting up, and every time he brushed against Auban, he was reminded that his lover was still hard, ready for more. So was Morgan, but he was also afraid.
“It’s all right,” Auban said as he drew Morgan into his arms, nuzzling his mouth against Morgan’s temple. “It’s all right, darling. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to—”
“Be inside of me.”
Auban pulled back to look at him. “Are you sure? That’s not an easy thing.”
“I want it.” Morgan was positive about that much. “Please, there’s oil in your things, I know we’re supposed to save it for cooking, but men use that, don’t they, to help ease the way, and I want you so much I can’t—I don’t want to wait any more.” He couldn’t wait anymore; he might die if they waited anymore.
Auban kissed him again, and the hunger that had banked between them roared back to life like a fire. “Get on your back,” he said hoarsely. Morgan obeyed, and then—
It was so much all at once. Auban was on him again, kissing his cock, licking him there, then going lower and licking him there, and oh, fuck, that felt amazing, and Morgan didn’t care if he looked ridiculous with his knees back against his chest and a fist in his mouth as he tried not to scream himself hoarse; he would take the embarrassment of that any day if it meant Auban never stopped pressing his tongue inside his body. It couldn’t be any better, and then Auban put a finger in, and it could reach a lot farther than his tongue, and that—
Morgan came again, only this time, Auban was there to swallow him down and drink his rain, catching everything in that so-hot mouth and moaning as he pressed a second finger inside of Morgan. It was so good it hurt, oh gods, it hurt, but Morgan loved it. He felt owned, possessed, encompassed by Auban. He wanted him to do it again, harder, more, more, and Auban knew. He knew, and he gave Morgan everything he wanted, never letting his cock go all the way soft. By the time he rolled Morgan onto his side and slotted in behind him, lifting his top leg, Morgan was seeing stars.
“Yes, yes, oh fuck, I love you, I love it, please …” His voice evaporated as Auban’s cock pressed inside his softened hole, still so small by comparison, but he could do this, he could, it would fit … and it did. Aided by the oil and two orgasms, Auban was able to fuck inside of him all the way in two pushes. Morgan lay there, staring out at the darkening sky, and wondered how he had lived without this feeling.
He wondered how he was ever going to survive without it.
“No, stay here with me,” Auban breathed against his ear, pressing kisses to his neck as he began to work his cock in and out of Morgan’s clutching heat. “Stay with me, darling, be with me. I need you right now, I need you so much.”
“I need you too,” Morgan confessed, tears spilling over in his eyes even as he gave in to the pleasure of the moment. What else could he do? This was it, this was their time. “I need you, I need you … please, please, please …”
“I know.” Auban began to go deeper—not faster, but harder, pressing in over and over again, holding Morgan’s hip in place as he made a place for himself inside of Morgan. “I know, oh … you feel so good. You’re so good to me, I can’t—you’re amazing, Morgan, I love you. I love you.”
Every repetition seared the truth deeper onto Morgan’s heart. He wanted to say it back; he knew he ought to, and he felt it so much, but he couldn’t wrap his lips around the words. All he could do right now was hold onto his lover, and his composure, by the barest threads. He closed his eyes and clenched down, and Auban moaned and thrust harder, and when he finally came, Morgan did too, but it felt like …
