Home for Christmas, page 23
Glancing at Sissy, Darcy shoved out of her chair and started down the stairs.
“That’s the spirit. Love is not for the faint of heart.”
Darcy stopped on the platform and gave a wink. “Why, Mrs. Jenkins, I had no idea you were such a romantic.”
“Just being practical. He is useless until you get this whole thing sorted.”
At the bottom of the stairs, Darcy scanned the crowd. Finn was tall. She’d been able to spot him all over town and in this sanctuary for the past few days, even while he was effectively hiding from her, but now, when she was ready to, well, suck it up, his unruly hair and the rest of his delightful self were nowhere to be found.
“Darcy darling…”
Pressing a sigh, Darcy turned at Lulu’s call.
“Aunt Lulu! What did you think?” Darcy leaned down and hugged her aunt. Romantic gestures would need to wait on family once again.
“Darcy, it was marvelous. Simply marvelous. I knew you and Finn would pull it off.”
She and Finn… “Speaking of Finn, you haven’t seen him, have you?”
“He left a few minutes ago,” Isabel said. “If you hurry, I’m sure you’ll catch him.”
She shifted her gaze to Isabel, “Where’s Ben?”
Lulu winked. “Oh, he had an unexpected engagement. Isabel, her aunt, and uncle brought me. And they’re taking me home. Run along. Go find Finn.”
“No,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “You can’t be home all alone.”
“Don’t you worry. Isabel asked for a word game rematch. She thinks she can beat me.”
“Babe to the slaughter.”
Glancing toward the side exit, Darcy sucked in her bottom lip.
“Darcy darling, just go and find him. Get this thing figured out. The LAS members need to get ready for the spring rummage sale. They’ll never be able to focus if you and Finn haven’t figured your drama out.”
Darcy smacked a kiss to Aunt Lulu’s cheek. “I love you.”
“Not as much as I love you, but no need for a competition.”
60
“Tom always did have a lovely church, didn’t he, Michael?”
Finn glanced at his father, who was deep in conversation with Ryland Jessup, Tessa’s fiancé. Granted the below freezing temperatures wouldn’t allow them to stand in the parking lot much longer.
“Dad, Mom asked you a question.”
“Yes, Vivian?”
Well, that wasn’t good. Dad only used Mom’s full name when he was irritated. Dad had to be excited at the prospect of former NFL linebacker, Ryland Jessup, joining the family, but Finn hoped his parents’ trip to Gibson’s Run might signal they were ready to reconcile. He was mistaken.
“Nothing, dear,” Mom said, waving her hand. “Just commenting on the church, and of course, the play. Tessa, I always knew you would eventually come into your own as a writer. Unfortunate, you had to spend all those years writing other peoples’ stories and them taking all the credit. Now you have these lovely children’s books.”
“Thanks, Aunt Viv. But I can’t take all the credit. Emma was the inspiration behind the Guard-Ann and Shelby stories. She really was the star of the show. In more ways than one.”
“And Jesus,” Finn mumbled.
“And, how darling, were you?” Mom patted Emma’s fuzzy pink cap. Emma snuggled closer to Tessa, a frown stretching her face.
Dad patted Ryland on the back. “Just a gem. Son, you’ve done an amazing job raising your daughter. And all by yourself, giving up a career in the pros, my brother tells me. Truly admirable.”
And following the Lord’s call into ministry was a waste of an education.
Lord, why do I allow them to hurt me? Please let my heart be soft with forgiveness and filled with grace.
“Dad, I think we should let Ryland get Emma home. She’s had a big day.”
“Of course. Didn’t mean to keep you.” Dad handed Ryland his business card. “Look forward to talking some more in the future, son. I think we can help you out at the firm. If you’re so inclined.”
“Uh, well, thank you, sir. At the present I don’t need much legal assistance as a high school head football coach.”
“But you never know what the future holds for someone like you. Someone with ambition.”
“It’s so good to see you, Uncle Mike.” Tessa stepped between Ryland and Dad. “And Aunt Viv. I’m looking forward to both of you being at the wedding in a few weeks. But maybe you’ll be able to join us tomorrow for Christmas Eve service?”
“Finn!”
The entire group turned and saw Darcy running down the steps toward the parking lot.
“Who in heaven’s name is that?”
Behind the heavy beat of his heart, Finn barely heard his mother’s words.
Stopping a few steps away, Darcy bent at the waist heaving breaths through clutched teeth.
“Are you all right?”
Lifting a single finger to his eye level, she continued to pant and wheeze.
“Finnegan, if you’re focusing on this woman, we’ll leave you be. We really need to get going.” The temperature of his father’s voice made the late December night feel balmy at subzero.
Every fiber of his being pulled at him to fuse with Darcy. His skin seemed to vibrate in her presence. The same feeling had overwhelmed his reason more than once in the last two weeks. The feeling had enforced the fifty-foot perimeter around Darcy for the last several days. The feeling had nearly consumed every molecule of rational and reasonable thought in his being. But the feeling was barely a match for the decades’ long need for approval from his parents.
“I’m sorry, Darc. Can it wait until tomorrow?”
“But…I…I need…” She pushed a sigh with such force, a puff of vapor crystalized between them as she nodded acceptance. Her shoulders heaved and drooped as if she was carrying twenty backpacks for an Appalachian Trail hike.
He squeezed her fingers. “Tomorrow. I promise.”
Lips drawn in a thin line, she turned. Her steps were slow, steady, and resigned. Glancing down, Finn expected to see a divot in his chest from his heart cracking a bit deeper and wider with each step Darcy took in the opposite direction.
“Finnegan, are you joining us or not?” His father’s tone shot him back to his junior year in High School and the buzzer losing basket he whiffed. There were no hugs or consolation from his parents. No, he had to rewatch his error hundreds of times over to never allow the same mistake in the future. His whole life had been a series of post-game, post-test, post-relationship coaching moments where Dad or Mom would explain what he should have done better. What was he doing? Why was he choosing the people who forever found him lacking rather than the one who raced to meet him?
He turned to his parents and couldn’t help but notice the pained sorrow etched across Tessa’s face as he closed the few steps. “No. I am not.”
“Well, this is silly, Finn,” Mom said. “We’ve come all this way. I know Tom has food waiting for us at his house. Didn’t you want to talk?”
He nodded. “I did. I do. I’ve wanted to talk to you for the last decade. Through law school and seminary. Through getting my appointment here. Through the calling I felt tugging me to the point of experiencing pain at resisting. All I’ve wanted is to talk to you both. But now, the woman that I love, that God has so graciously brought into my life, is hurt and needs me, so I am choosing to go to her. To beg her forgiveness and to try and figure out how to make us work. Because as much as I have longed for this family, I believe in my deepest of hearts that she is my family. Forever. I love you both. And I hope you will come to Christmas Eve service, but I can’t and I won’t keep trying to jump through hoops to make you happy.”
Dad’s face twisted and flushed to dark red. Finn noticed the streaks of tears cutting paths down his mom’s perfectly set face, but he fought against the nag to comfort and console as he pivoted into a sprint toward the church. Please Lord, let her still be there.
61
Trudging up the stairs into the sanctuary, Darcy rubbed her wet cheek against the rough wool covering her shoulder. Mascara likely created a glorious raccoon effect under each eye, but she couldn’t care.
The LAS ladies were wrong. Finn didn’t love her. He didn’t even care enough about her to listen to what she had to say.
How could she be so stupid? She had scored a fifteen eighty on her SAT, a five twenty-one on her MCAT and had passed her boards on the first try, and yet, she was an idiot. She had listened to the ladies, and written the story in all the blank space between she and Finn over the past few days imagining a glorious, beautiful future.
But he had been clear. He needed space. He told her he was “stepping back,” whatever that meant. He told the leadership team he wasn’t in a relationship with her. Why hadn’t she believed the evidence? She was a scientist. She believed in facts not fairy tales. Fairy tales flew away on pixie dust the last time Mom had moved them to follow her heart. No, she was a realist, not a prince charming or white knight in her thoughts. Or at least she had been before a mess of overgrown hair and the gentle twinkle of blue eyes unearthed old dreams and fantasies.
“Stupid. Stupid, Darcy.” Rolling the performance-worn batting, she punched and twisted the stuffing, allowing her black and muddy tears to speckle the surface.
“Take it easy. No one did anything to the snow.”
The deep voice reverberated through her body. “Finn?”
His long stride gobbled the aisle in seconds. Squatting to her eye level, he tugged the batting from her hands and set it behind him.
“What are you doing here? What about your parents?”
He linked his hand with hers and led her to the first pew. “We need to talk.”
Lowering beside him, she squeezed his hand. The connection calmed her spirit and swelled her heart to near bursting.
“You wanted to tell me something.”
“I do?”
“Darcy, you nearly burst a lung trying.”
“Yes, I did…do need to say something…” Biting the tender flesh inside her cheek, she tried to remember all the speeches she had prepared over the last few days or even the burst of inspiration she’d felt when she’d chased him down in the parking lot, but for all her catalogued intelligence not one clear thought or argument surfaced.
Releasing his hand, she pushed off the pew and moved to the dais. How was she supposed to say everything she felt? The intensity of the last two weeks was unlike anything she ever knew, and yet, for the first time in five years she felt settled. She felt home. She was home. With or without Finn, Darcy was home in Gibson’s Run.
“Darcy?”
She trailed her hand along the prayer rail. “You’ve been avoiding me Finnegan Tarrington.”
“You wanted to tell me that I had been avoiding you?”
She nodded. “You weren’t very nice to me.”
“I think I was too nice to you. Sissy Jenkins witnessed how nice I was to you.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Who told you?”
She tried to suppress the giggle in her chest at the sight of his bright pink cheeks. “Sissy Jenkins.”
Folding in half he said to the floor, “You’ve got to be kidding me?”
“She told me during dress rehearsal. Said she caught us smashing faces.”
He lifted his focus to her, misery etched in each line around his eyes. “Can it get worse?”
Darcy sighed. “Yes, and no.”
“What do you mean?” He straightened, narrowing his gaze.
Her throat felt itchy and thick all at the same time. Her breath sped to a short staccato rhythm. “Everyone in town already knows we, well…you know.”
He nodded. “Then how can it get worse?”
“When I tell you I love you, you could laugh at me.”
The color drained from his cheeks. “What?” The word came out as a husky whisper.
Tears filled her vision, making Finn look as if he was behind a fuzzy wall of water. “I love you, Finn. I know it’s soon. And not at all practical, but I can’t help myself. I guess I am my mother’s daughter after all.”
He stood and took a step toward her. She shut her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “I know you asked for space. Or to take a step back. Or whatever. And I respect that, but I needed you to know how I felt. Feel.” She was on a roll and if she didn’t say everything, she might burst into flames the next time she walked into this church. “I promise I will stay out of your way. I won’t embarrass you or myself. But I wanted you to know, because this is a small town, and we are bound to run into each other, especially at church. And I know I am making this more awkward. It’s kind of what I do. I just can’t keep it in anymore. I love you, Finn.”
“I love you, too.”
His words rushed over her cheek, snapping her focus to his face.
Finn trailed a single finger over her cheek, resting softly under her chin. “I love you, Darcy Langston.”
“Just remember I said it first.”
“So competitive.” His breath was warm and heavy against her skin, chasing the chill of fear from her body. He lowered his lips to hers. The touch was light, barely a graze, but every cell of Darcy’s body zipped to life.
Wrapping his arm around her waist, he drew her tight in his embrace and deepened the kiss. And all she could do was feel…
The warmth of his hand at her waist.
The electricity of his lips on hers.
The deafening beat of her heart.
The feelings pooled and pinged, zipped and zagged, leaving her with spaghetti for limbs.
He lifted his mouth from hers and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Love is nice.”
Sliding her palm up his chest, she found the open space at his collar and stretched her fingers against his warm skin. She felt the rumble of a moan rattle through him and mingle with one of her own. “Love is a little more than nice.”
Stretching tall on her toes, she pressed her lips to his. The kiss deepened as Finn dug his fingers into the small of her back as if he was trying to meld her body to his.
He lifted his mouth from hers, gently trailing kisses over her cheek. “I don’t want to stop, but…”
“We’re in the sanctuary?”
His chuckle echoed through her ear resting against his chest. “That, too.”
She leaned back in his arms. “Too?”
“We still need to talk.”
“We do?”
“You have a new job. When Lulu is better you won’t be in Gibson’s Run anymore. Are you sure you want to start something with everything going on? You’ll be so far away.”
“I will?”
“I mean I guess it’s only forty-five minutes, but you will be busy. I will be busy…”
“And I will be in Gibson’s Run.”
He stepped back. His forehead crinkled with confusion. “What?”
Smoothing her fingers over the crevices on his face. “I’m staying in Gibson’s Run.”
“But your job.”
She nodded. “I start in late January.”
“I’m confused.”
“I’m in love with you, Finn. But I also fell in love with this town. This church. The people. All of it. I found home. Here. In Gibson’s Run. With you.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Her lips stretched wide in a smile she felt sparkle through her fingers and toes. “I started looking for my own place. I love Lulu, but I can’t live with her forever.”
He shook his head. “I can’t believe two weeks ago my life was quiet and steady. Filled with coffee-laced church council and youth meetings.”
“And now? No more church council or youth meetings?”
“No, still have the meetings, but I can hardly believe how much life I was missing before you came storming into it, Darcy Langston.”
“I guess we have a Christmas star, a cookie sale, and a half-dozen overly nosy ladies to thank.”
He shivered. “Uncle Tom did say the LAS ladies would make or break me in this town. I had no idea how right he was.”
62
“We need to get to church early,” Lulu said as she reached for a swoon pie from the mix of cookies on the tray sitting on the coffee table.
“Yes Ma’am.” Ben tightened his grip on Harper’s hand, sending a ripple of excitement through her body. The difference between their two hands was striking. Her pale, petite digits snuggled comfortably between his long, tan surgeon fingers. They were opposites and yet, they fit perfectly. How was it possible God had blessed her with so much after she had failed him so mightily?
“Bennett dear, would you mind going up to Darcy’s room to remind her we need to leave in thirty minutes? She apparently is trying to impress someone tonight. She’s taking enough time getting ready.”
Ben nodded and brushed a soft kiss to the back of Harper’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”
The thickness closing Harper’s throat allowed her little more than a nod as she watched him disappear up the staircase.
“Do you want to fill me in on the details my nearly mute great-nephew has left out?”
Heat burned Harper’s cheeks, flashing a pink tinge to her vision. “Umm…well…”
Lulu waved her hand. “You don’t need to tell me all the intimate details. Just the framework, dear. How did you get to snuggling on my davenport before Christmas Eve service?”
She sighed. “Would it be odd to say, I don’t know?”
Shaking her head, Lulu smiled. “My dear, which of us can truly explain love? You do love him, don’t you?”
Nodding, Harper patted the tears forming with her unused napkin, hoping to save her make up. “I do. I don’t know why he feels the same, but I am so thankful. And yet, what happens when he truly gets to know me? How could he possibly know he loves me when he has only seen the good parts?”
“My dear Harper. You don’t really have many bad parts, now do you?”
“But I do. And Ben is so good. So kind and generous. I just don’t understand why God is giving me this gift. I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’ve done everything not to deserve it.”
