Match Penalty (Utah Fury Hockey Book 2), page 10
I tightened my arm around her, pressing us together.
Her lips were so soft.
I opened my mouth wanting to take her in, but she let out a tiny gasp and backed up.
“Erik. I can’t.”
She stood and was back in the house before I could process how I’d gone from kissing her to sitting in the freezing cold by myself.
I messed up.
She wasn’t ready.
I let out a sigh and waited a few more seconds to give her time to leave. I didn’t want to run into her again.
I counted to ten and stood. Chloe was still in the kitchen. When I walked in, she gave me a sympathetic look.
“Are you ready?”
I nodded and walked to the door. She said goodbye for both of us and followed me silently to the car.
“Something happen?”
I nodded.
“And it didn’t go well?”
I nodded.
She sighed. “Give her time.”
I planned to. I knew her limit now, and I wouldn’t push her again. But I wasn’t giving up.
Chapter Fifteen
Madeline
I hated myself.
How could I let that happen? I did let it happen. As much as I wanted to blame it entirely on Erik, I couldn’t. I made the first move. He responded to me.
I shook my head and laid down on the guest bed in one of the spare rooms. The one I’d deemed mine in my mind. It was a good thing I’d told Clark I was sleeping here because I couldn’t face him tonight.
What was I going to tell him? I cheated. I was a cheater. I hadn’t meant for it to go that far. I was upset and Erik was there. He was always there. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, he was around. But I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’m not that kind of girl. Relationships mattered to me. Trust mattered. Clark trusted me to be faithful and I let him down.
Shame washed over me in a heavy wave.
I couldn’t even be mad at Erik. I couldn’t blame him, even if it were an easy out. I knew he was interested in me. He hadn’t tried to keep that a secret, and I kept putting myself in positions with him that led to this. I leaned forward. I know I did.
I let out a sigh and wished for a way out.
But what did I want out of? Out of responsibility? Out of trouble?
Out of my relationship?
I didn’t want to admit it. Not even to myself. But that wasn’t fair. If I wasn’t in this one hundred percent then I shouldn’t be in it at all. Clark and I both deserved that.
I couldn’t stay with him out of obligation. I couldn’t stay because I felt bad he moved here. It had been his idea first. We both benefitted from the move. He got a better position with more opportunity and I got to be closer to my parents.
He would hold it over me, though. I knew he would. He’d remind me of how much he sacrificed for me to be here. But I was the one sacrificing. I was in a relationship by myself. He’d tell me he was working so much to make a better future for us, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I would rather be broke and in love than rich and miserable.
That was it.
I decided.
I would talk to him. I had to.
🏒
I woke with determination. I was going to talk to Clark. I wouldn’t let him brush me off and I wouldn’t back down. It had to happen.
From the moment I made up my mind the night before I knew it was the right choice. A weight that had been slowly crushing me for months was gone. If that wasn’t a sign I didn’t know what was.
I dressed and was out the door before my parents could catch me. I wanted to get home before he left for work. I checked my phone. It was only six-thirty. I still had a half hour before he left for work. Even though it was Saturday.
Our parking spot was empty. How strange. He knew I wasn’t coming home, so why did he leave it for me? Did he expect me to change my mind and show up?
Huh.
I let myself in and wondered into our bathroom. He should be getting ready by now, but it was empty. I looked into our room and found it exactly how I’d left it the day before. He didn’t sleep here.
He’d pulled all-nighters before, but not since we’d moved here.
A prickle ran down my spine. Something was wrong. Was he injured? Maybe he was in an accident.
Oh no. I was planning our breakup and he was in the hospital. I’m a terrible person.
I pulled out my phone and checked for messages. They would have contacted me, right? I was his emergency contact.
I looked around for a clue, but it didn’t look like he’d been home.
I called him but it went straight to voicemail. I looked up the number for the closest hospital and called. No one by his name or description had been emitted. Should I call others?
I sat on the couch and dropped my head between my knees. I was panicking. I needed to keep a clear head. Maybe I should drive his route to work? If I don’t see anything I could check his office.
Yes, that was a solid plan.
I stood just as the door opened. Clark walked in wearing his suit pants, a shirt unbuttoned to mid-chest, and no tie. No jacket either.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Where have you been?”
His eyes widened when he saw me. “Uh. I thought you were staying at your parents’.”
“I did.”
He sidestepped to the dining room and sat down his briefcase. “I had some work to do.”
Fury built up in my chest. “Stop lying!”
He looked shocked I’d raised my voice. I never did. “Madeline, honey. I’m not lying.”
“Then explain the pink lipstick on your collar.”
His face flushed.
I felt nauseous. After the pain I’d gone through last night and the panic this morning, he could calmly stand there and lie. No more. I wasn’t going to turn a blind eye or force ignorance any longer.
“How long?”
He stared at me blankly.
“How long, Clark?”
He dropped his head and sighed. “Since we moved here.”
“What?”
He threw up his hands. “What do you want me to say? I met Crystal when I was interviewing here. She helped me get the position and one thing led to another.”
“You moved here for her?”
He shook his head. “No, Madeline. That’s not what happened.”
“It sounds like it.”
“It just happened. We have so much in common. She gets my drive. She knows what it takes to succeed in our world.”
I was hearing the words, but nothing was making sense. He was the liar. The cheater. Somewhere deep inside, I knew. There were too many signs. Too many late nights. Too many missed called. I wanted to believe in him. I wanted him to be better.
I wanted us to work. I didn’t want to flush our years together down the toilet.
Looking at him now I wondered why I did it to myself. He wasn’t what I wanted. He hadn’t been for a long time. We might live together, but we hadn’t been in a romantic relationship in almost a year. We were roommates. Living completely separate lives.
I felt the anger, betrayal, and disappointment. I was mad that he lied. Once upon a time, we were friends. We trusted each other and depended on each other. He was once what I thought I wanted. Safe, stable, predictable.
Ha. Funny how that worked out.
What I didn’t feel was a broken heart. He didn’t have my heart anymore. Hadn’t for a while. I fell out of love with him months ago but refused to admit it. I thought it was a rough patch. Something we could work through.
We couldn’t come back from this. More importantly, I didn’t want to. I doubted he did either.
“Madeline?”
He was looking at me with concern. Probably thought I was having a meltdown. I was strangely fine with it. I knew the truth now. That’s what mattered. It’s time for both of us to move on.
“I’m moving out.”
His face changed from confusion to anger in a flash. “What?”
I turned and walked to our bedroom to start backing.
“You can’t walk out, Madeline.”
I ignored him and pulled out my biggest suitcase. I loaded it with as much of my clothing as I could before moving to the bathroom.
“Stop this. We have plans. You can’t just leave.”
I had an armful of my toiletries and turned to him. “What plans? You gave those up the moment you decided to cheat.”
I shoved past him and dumped my armful of toiletries into my bag. It was all I needed for now. I zipped it up and pushed it to the floor.
Clark was blocking my exit.
“I moved here for you! I picked up my life and moved halfway across the country for you! You can’t just leave.”
I shook my head. He couldn’t still believe that. “This was your idea to begin with. You moved here to be with Crystal. You moved here because you saw an opportunity. Don’t pretend any of this was for me.”
His face was getting redder by the second.
“Let me go, Clark.”
“You’ll come back. I know you will.”
“I’ll send someone for the rest of my stuff.”
“You’re going to change your mind and I won’t take you back.”
I shook my head. “You don’t get it. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t want the life you think you’re creating. I’ve held on this long because of the past we have together, but we’re not the same people as we were when we met. Our priorities have changed. I can’t be the robot you need me to be. I’m not a trophy wife. I won’t stand by you at rallies supporting you while you have affairs. I don’t want this life.”
“You’re going to regret this.”
I shoved past him, pulling the suitcase behind me. “No, I’m not.”
He watched me from the door as I shoved the bag into my car and pulled away.
Once I was out of our complex, I let out a sigh. It was done. It was really over. I’d done it!
I drove back to my parents’ house and pulled my bag up the stairs to the front door. I forgot I’d locked it on my way out and I didn’t have a key, so I rang the bell, hoping they’d be up.
Dad opened the door with a confused look. “Madi. I thought you were in bed still.” He saw the suitcase and I swear he started to smile, but quickly caught himself.
“There was something I needed to do this morning.”
“And? How did it go?” He took the handle and carried the suitcase to the bottom of the stairs.
“It’s all done.”
He finally smiled. “I’m glad you finished…it.”
“Me too, Daddy.”
He stepped forward and wrapped me in his arms. “You deserve so much better than him, honey.”
I nodded into his chest. “I know.”
Chapter Sixteen
Erik
A week went by without a chance to talk to Madeline. We went through our training sessions, but every time I tried to talk to her about anything other than the exercises or my knee she cut me off. She was different. Guarded.
I wanted to know what was going on in her head, but she wouldn’t let me in.
I tried to talk to Coach about it, but he told me she was working through stuff. To give her time. I didn’t have a problem with that, I just wished she would talk to me.
The only thing she told me was that my knee was looking great. I was improving faster than she and the other doctors expected. I guess that was one of the benefits of being an athlete. I took good care of my body, so I was able to heal faster.
“Get your skates on, Schultz.” I looked up to see the assistant coach, Rust, looking at me.
“Really?” He nodded and walked out of the locker room before I could ask another question. I hadn’t been allowed to skate since the accident. I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to do everything with the team, but it was a huge step forward.
I put on my gear and walked through the tunnel to the ice. Coach was standing behind the bench yelling out a drill. I walked up to him and waited for him to acknowledge me.
He nodded but didn’t meet my eyes. “I want you to do warm-ups, but you won’t be participating in the scrimmage. I want to see how your knee does.”
I turned and joined the team. Anticipation filled my belly as I stepped onto the ice. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been nervous about skating. Maybe as a young child? I expected flashbacks of the accident, but none came. I glided to the neutral zone and realized I was fine. My knee felt normal.
Huh.
I never would have thought the night that it happened that I would be back so soon. I was worried my career was over. I looked up to the seats and found the Pride. Madeline was sitting in the front row with Chloe. They were both laughing, and it brought a smile to my face. It was good to see them both happy, especially Madeline.
At least she was opening up to someone. I asked Chloe for information, but she refused to tell me anything. She said Madeline would talk to me when and if she was ready.
I knew I did something wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed her, but I just wanted the opportunity to apologize. To tell her that if I could take it back I would. Not because I regretted kissing her, but I hated that it changed things between us.
I had to find a way to talk to her. I’d show up at her house if I knew where she lived. Maybe I could wait for her after work. Was that creepy? If I had to ask, then it was.
A whistle blew, and half of the team moved to the side while the other half began running drills.
Olli and Hartman stopped next to me, and Olli bumped my shoulder. “Good to have you back out here.”
“Thanks.”
“How’s the knee?” Hartman asked.
“It’s great. Hopefully I’ll be back soon.”
“Good, we need you.” Hartman was too hard on himself and the team.
“You guys have won all but one of the games I’ve been out.”
He just shrugged.
I looked back to the Pride and smiled when I caught Madeline looking at me. “Have you guys heard how Madeline’s doing?”
They both shook their heads. Olli smirked and glanced at her. “Why?”
I shrugged. “She just seemed off this week during our sessions.”
Hartman shrugged. “I haven’t heard anything.”
That was good at least. Nothing bad had happened.
We ran through drills for the next hour, and I could feel the coaches watching me. I felt great, and hoped that they saw it. I wouldn’t push myself if I didn’t feel ready. It wasn’t worth ending my career early. I just hoped they saw how well I was doing.
The final whistle blew and I joined the team as we headed back to the locker room.
“Schultz, I want to see you in my office after you stretch and shower.”
I nodded and tried not to rush myself.
“What do you think he’s going to say?” Howe, a defenseman, was sitting next to me stretching his quads with a band.
“Hopefully that I can at least dress out for the next game.”
He nodded. “We need you back.”
I appreciated that, but they’d been doing just fine without me. That had me worried. Had my injury made them realize they didn’t need me? Was it proof they could trade me and still win games? I really hoped not.
“I’ll let you know what he says.” I stood and left to shower. I tried to block out all negative thoughts and hurried to get ready.
Coach’s door was closed when I arrived, so I knocked and waited.
“Come in,” he called.
I took a deep breath before opening the door and letting myself in. “Hi, Coach.”
He looked up from his computer and gave a brief smile. “Go ahead and sit.”
That wasn’t a good sign. Good news didn’t usually require sitting. Good news could be told quickly.
I followed his orders and waited.
He folded his arms on his desk and watched me for a moment. “How are you feeling?”
“Great, sir.”
He nodded. “Practice was fine? No pain?”
I shook my head. “I felt really good.”
He watched me silently for another moment. “Madeline cleared you.”
I let the words sink in. I was done? She felt like I was ready? Why didn’t she tell me? She hadn’t hinted at all during our last session.
“That’s good news.”
He nodded slowly. “It is. But I wanted to make sure you felt up to it before making the announcement.”
“I’m ready.” It hit me then that I wouldn’t have a reason to see her. How would I get to spend time with her now? Especially since she was avoiding me.
Wait. Had she cleared me so she didn’t have to see me anymore? She wouldn’t…would she? Would she risk my health? The team?
No. She wouldn’t do that. She must really think I was ready. But that didn’t help me with spending time with her.
“Okay. I want you to be aware of your knee though. Any pain and I want you to let me know.”
“Of course.” I was ready to get up and run back to the locker room. I wanted to let the guys know, but I knew he wasn’t done yet.
“Good. Your health is our priority.” He paused. “I appreciate the work you’ve put in to get healthy. Madeline had great things to say about you.”
I looked at him, wondering if he was talking about her professional opinion as my trainer or as his daughter. “I enjoyed working with her.”
A slight smile crept on the corners of his mouth. “I know she enjoys you, too.”
That was definitely a personal statement. What had she said about me?
“She’s been working through some things for the past week, but I think it would be a good idea if you told her.”
“Told her?”
“How much you enjoyed…working with her.” He raised his eyebrows while I sat confused. Was he talking to me as my coach or as Madeline’s dad? The lines were blurring, and it was messing with my mind.
“Coach, are you saying what I think you are?” I hated speaking in code, but he’d been the one to plant the seed back at her birthday party. He thought she could do better than Clark, and now he was telling me to possibly make a move?
