The Cost of Knowing, page 27
* * *
Later that night, I lie on my bed, staring up at the stickers from several concerts Talia and I have been to in the last few weeks. So many colors. My favorite, of course, is the big silver one in the middle, with the dragon eyes staring down at me, watching over me like my ancestors have, like Isaiah is, and I wonder where I’ll go next. Who I’ll see. What I’ll do. Where I’ll end up.
I wonder where I’ll end up.
What a privilege.
Epilogue
A BLACK BOY STEPS off the bus, headphones in his ears and hands in his pockets. He looks around as he walks through his old neighborhood, feeling the ring around his finger in his pocket. He’s confident he’ll own a business one day.
The barber shop is on the corner just ahead. The boy walks on.
The light is on. The boy swings the door open.
A handful of Black men with shears in their hands turn to look and smile in recognition.
A man steps out from the back room, drying his hands on a towel. He sees the boy. He stops. He smiles.
“Alex?”
The boy smiles back.
“Hi, Galen.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The Cost of Knowing started off as a story all about Black boy joy.
And then, as I wrote about two carefree Black boys with superpowers, I began to sense that something about writing it felt wrong. It felt like there were so many parts of being a Black man specifically that I wasn’t acknowledging. So many parts of Alex and Isaiah’s world that would be at odds with their carefreeness. So many things telling them to worry, to be anxious, to be afraid. Toxic masculinity. Intergenerational trauma. Pressure to be a “provider.” The weight of the past. The heaps of anxiety that can come with the future.
As a Black woman, I set out to write a book that speaks alongside Black men, and not over them.
One day, I will write a Black boy joy book. But first, I had to write a Black-boy-joy-despite book. That’s what this is. It’s my love letter to the Black men who had to grow up too early, and for whom the task of being carefree and joyful and Black and male might seem impossible.
Thank you to all the Black men in my life. The ones who are joyful, the ones who are trying to be, and the ones who are busy just making it. Your feelings matter.
Shout out to my incredible therapist for listening on my best and worst days. Writing this book was traumatic for me at times. Since the term “emotional roller coaster” would be an understatement, I’ll go with “emotional wood chipper.” Every draft etched away a piece of me, leaving my spirit raw and grief-stricken. My therapist listened. Therapy is lit. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to get a therapist. I believe most of us could use it.
As always, my agent, Quressa, handled my millions of questions from probably her most anxious client (me) with finesse and wisdom. You’re a queen.
My editor, Jen, and all the incredible people at S&S did a phenomenal job helping me transform my scrambled thoughts about ancestors, intergenerational pain, toxic masculinity, and mental health in the Black community into something coherent and beautiful. Thank you to the Education and Library team for getting this book to those who have such an important hand in getting stories into the lives of young ones. And thank you to the cover artists—Laura Eckes and Sarah Creech for the design, and Alvin Epps for the gorgeous artwork.
Thanks to my friend Roseanne Brown for distracting me with memes and obscure yet strangely unsettling questions like “does a straw have one hole or two” in the middle of the night when I wasn’t going to be doing my best editing anyway.
Thanks to my friend Amber Inoue for keeping me company on all those mornings in quarantine when I woke up too early for no dang reason.
Thanks to my wildly talented NaNoWriMo friends, several of whom aren’t published but should be—Jackie Mak, Alexandra Keister, Christopher Mikkelson, and Elayna Mae Darcy.
Thanks to my beta readers, who always give me their best: Becca Boddy, Jackie Mak, Alexandra Keister, and Monica Gribouski.
Thank you to my writer friends in the gaming industry who have welcomed me with open arms and taken me under their wings as I learn the ropes. It’s so cool to be able to contribute to an entertainment medium that had such a strong influence in shaping who I am as a storyteller. Thank you infinitely.
Thank you to my mom and dad, who are just as excited about every book update now as they were when I brought home my first place Young Authors award in the fifth grade. And also for being okay with the fact that that’s the only first place anything I ever won as a child.
To the love of my life—Steven—who I’ve watched grow as an incredible man of science and feminism. I’m glad our kids will have you as a shining example of manhood and personhood. Thank you for taking care of me and you. I love you.
And to my son, my darling bun, who’s not even out of the oven yet. I hope this world embraces you with compassion and love as I hope it does for all men someday. I love you and your father bigger than the universe.
More from the Author
SLAY
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH COPYRIGHT © 2021 BY TORI STAUFFER PHOTOGRAPHY
BRITTNEY MORRIS is the bestselling author of SLAY and has written video game narrative for Soma Games’ The Lost Legends of Redwall and Unknown Worlds’ Subnautica: Below Zero. She is the founder and former president of the Boston University Creative Writing Club. She holds a BA in economics. You can find her online at AuthorBrittneyMorris.com and on Twitter or Instagram @BrittneyMMorris
Visit us at simonandschuster.com/teen
www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Brittney-Morris
Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Simon & Schuster, New York
ALSO BY BRITTNEY MORRIS
SLAY
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2021 by Brittney Morris
Jacket illustration copyright © 2021 by Alvin Epps
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Jacket designed by Laura Eckes
Interior designed by Hilary Zarycky
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Morris, Brittney, author. Title: The cost of knowing / by Brittney Morris. Description: First Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers hardcover edition. | New York : Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2021. | Audience: Ages 12 up. | Audience: Grades 7 up. | Summary: Sixteen-year-old Alex Rufus’s curse of seeing the future distracts him from being and doing his best, but when he sees his little brother Isaiah’s imminent death, he races against time, death, and circumstances to save him.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020017545 (print) | LCCN 2020017546 (ebook) | ISBN 9781534445451 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781534445475 (ebook) Subjects: CYAC: Clairvoyance—Fiction. | African Americans—Fiction. | Brothers—Fiction. | Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. | Racism—Fiction. | Orphans—Fiction.
Classification: LCC PZ7.1.M6727 Cos 2021 (print) | LCC PZ7.1.M6727 (ebook) | DDC [Fic]—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020017545
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020017546
Brittney Morris, The Cost of Knowing
