Blinding Beauty, page 33
“Isa, I know that you’re angry with me.”
“You are right.” Isa nodded amiably as though they were discussing one of Cook’s new dishes. “But how well do you actually know me? How many hours have you spent with me to know with any confidence what I think or feel, or why I might be angry?”
“What about the time we spent practicing?” Ever stuttered. It was like trying to grasp a fistful of water.
“There was that. It was so kind of you to fit me into your schedule so that we could fight every day.”
“What is this about, Isa?” Everard pulled his horse to a halt and turned to face her. “I am trying to fix this! But I cannot change anything if I don’t know what you want!”
“What I want?” Isa’s eyes finally met his, and though the ring of fire within them was thin, it blazed with heat. “What I want to know is why you are incapable of putting me first! Why I will always come second to your weapons and your allies and your schemes. Even on—”
“A war was about to break out!”
“On our wedding night? Twelve hours, Everard. You couldn’t give me twelve hours before you galloped off to meet the first cry for help that reached your ears, off chasing that next glorious feat.” With that, she urged her horse into a gallop, tears streaming down her face.
Ever followed along, but more slowly. It irked him to know that his ultimate failure hadn’t been the enchanter’s success, nor had it even been any of his idiotic words back at the Cobrien palace. No, this pain had been brewing since the beginning of their marriage. The chink in their relationship had been there all along, beneath every hopeful smile she gave him, each time he’d put her off for a foreign dignitary, or when he’d imprisoned her in her room so he could consult with another queen. As usual, it was his own pigheadedness that had threatened to dash the thing he loved most.
“I am so sorry,” he said into the wind. The words were pathetic, but they were all he had.
Isa didn’t even turn to look at him.
Ever pushed his horse to catch up to her. If his heart hadn’t been contrite already, it shattered completely when he saw the way she now wept. Her cries weren’t silent, as they must have been for so long, but were ragged and broken. Abandoned.
Ever wanted nothing more than to draw her into his arms and hold her until her tears were all gone. He would hold her until they were gone, he decided. Reaching over, he grabbed her horse’s reigns. Then, after hopping off his own horse, he pulled Isa off, too, ignoring her weak protests.
“We will sleep here tonight.”
“It looks cold.” Isa sniffled as she glared at the snow-covered ground.
“It will be cold up on the horses, too. Besides, we won’t be in familiar territory until tomorrow. We might as well get some rest.”
Before she could argue, Ever lifted his hands to his face, palms up. He blew gently but steadily into them until a small blue flame danced within them. Then, with the flick of his wrist, Ever tossed the flame to the ground. The blue flame grew larger, and flitted to the ground, surrounding them, licking up all the snow in its path. It didn’t die until they had a perfectly round patch of dry ground, large enough to fit both the horses, a campfire, and enough space for the two of them to stretch out fully and lie down.
Since they had moved into the lower country, evergreen trees were scattered about. They broke the plains of whiteness in small, uneven clumps. It didn’t take Ever long to find and dry some firewood in the same fashion as he had dried the ground for their camp. Soon enough, a small but warm flame blazed in the center of the circle. As he worked to prepare their supper, Ever watched Isa out of the corner of his eye.
She no longer cried, but the emptiness in her face said it all, and Ever prayed for words to tell her what he felt. If only she could see his intentions, perhaps she could forgive him one day.
“I know it doesn’t change anything.” He handed her a bowl of dried cherries, honey-sweetened bread, and pork, then sat down beside her with his own food. “But I swear, I was only doing what I know best to prove that I love you.” He looked at his bowl to realize his appetite was long gone. “You had just saved me. I was eager to show you my own love in return.”
Isa turned and looked up at him. The anger in her eyes had somewhat lessened, but it had been replaced with dark circles beneath her eyes, as though she hadn’t slept in a week. “But you were never there. How was I supposed to know your love if you were never there?” She dropped her eyes and muttered, “I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Avoiding you?” What on earth had possessed her to think that?
Isa nodded without looking up. “I hadn’t fulfilled my duty to the Fortress. My fire was dying. I just thought that perhaps being gone on official duty was your way of avoiding the subject. If you were off being the king everyone expected you to be, then you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed when someone asked about your inept queen.”
“Is that what you truly think?” Ever put his bowl on the ground and grabbed her face with both hands, forcing her to look at him. Isa bit her lip before nodding as tears came once again to her eyes. Ever pulled her close, holding her as she sobbed quietly into his shirt. How had he muddled things so badly?
“Before we go any further, you need to understand something. My father rarely spent more than five minutes with my mother after I was born. The way he showed his family and the kingdom his devotion was by conquering those that threatened their freedom.” Ever chuckled humorlessly. “You may think I’m gone often, but I am present much more than he ever was.” He pulled back just enough to wipe her eyes with his thumbs. “I’m not strong enough to be without you for that long.”
“As much as you’re absent, you would never know it,” Isa pouted.
“But that’s what I mean! Isa, you grew up with a family that spent time together and built one another up! And thanks to you, I’m learning. But it’s hard to show love in a way you’ve never seen it! Just because I don’t know how to love you doesn’t mean I don’t love you at all.” He gave her a cockeyed smile. “It just shows you what an idiot I am.”
Isa let out a choked sound that seemed part sob and part laugh, and Ever was able to breathe once again. It was the first hint of a smile he’d seen on her face since she’d been taken. Ever leaned over and pulled a thick blanket out of his pack, draping it carefully over them. It would be a long time before he was able to sleep, but the late night air was becoming exceptionally cold. After making sure his sword was positioned well beside him, he reached under the blanket and pulled her closer. Warmth flooded his soul as she snuggled her head in the hollow beneath his chin. Teach me, he begged the Fortress silently, to show her how much I love her! I need her to know what she means to me.
The only sounds were the snaps and pops of the fire as it slowly ate into the firewood, and the songs of the wind as it pushed through the trees and over the snow drifts. The yellow tongues of flame licked the wood, filling the air with a sweet earthy scent that rose and danced into the night air, where it dissipated. A tired silence floated around them for such a long time that Ever was surprised when Isa spoke again.
“It was just so hard to be told time and time again that I was the Fortress’s chosen. That I was the queen everyone had been waiting for. And then months passed. There was no child, and my powers drifted, and you were always gone. I suppose I never really felt the part of a queen after the coronation, nor did I feel like your partner. You were just so good at everything, and it felt like I could nothing right. But worst of all, having what little power I had left ripped from my heart...” she shuddered. “It was like losing the air from my lungs. After Bronkendol sent me away, my heart simply decided it would be easiest to be without feelings at all.”
She turned her face up to gaze into his, and Ever felt his breath catch. How he had hungered to see her look to him with that sweet adoration once more! “Forgive me, Ever?” she whispered.
Before she could say anything else, Ever had drawn her into the kiss he’d been craving for so long. It was pure bliss. There were no curses to be broken, no enchanters to defeat. Only wounds that needed to heal. And it would take time, Ever knew, to heal the wounds they’d inflicted upon one another. But that was alright. They had the rest of their lives to move past this place, and Ever swore then and there to never let her hide from him again.
Ever would have gone on kissing her forever, but Isa pulled away, a small frown on her face.
“I’m still not sure where to go from here. I mean,” she stared at her hands, “a little of my power returned at the Glass Castle, but only just a little.”
Ever placed his forehead against hers. “Honestly? I don’t know. This is new for me, too.” He picked up her left hand and traced circles on her finger, around the crystal ring she always wore. “My father and I were close, but either he was king or I was. I’ve never had a partner before. And I mean it when I say I’ve never needed anyone so much.” He tipped her chin up, drinking her beauty in. Her hair was mussed and there were deep shadows beneath her eyes, but never had she been so lovely. “You may think I’m strong,” he whispered, “but I don’t know how to go on without you. I may be Destin’s sword, but you are the heart. I cannot tell what the Fortress has in store for you, but you are too rare a woman for its choice to have been an accident.”
For the first time, a wide, radiant smile shone from her face, and an all-too-familiar yearning filled Ever as her flame-rimmed midnight eyes stared up into his. He began to pull her in again for another kiss, but she gently placed her fingertips on his lips.
He must have looked pathetic, for Isa let out a laugh, her blue eyes sparkling.
“You can have all the kisses you want in a minute, but your queen needs something from you first.”
“The king will do all that is within his power and more,” he said somberly as he lifted her fingers to his lips and bowed his head. “For he is under your spell.”
Isa giggled again, then looked as if she was trying to be serious. “If you truly mean it when you believe I was meant to be queen, I need you to trust me to be your partner. You can’t keep hiding me away like a little doll.”
Ever frowned. “I nearly just lost you. That is going to be difficult to do.”
But Isa patiently shook her head. “I know I have much to learn, but if I’m truly meant to wield the Fortress’s power, you must trust the Fortress to protect me.” She sat back a little. “You also need to consider me your partner. I like Queen Kartek. She’s intelligent and kind, but,” Isa leaned forward with a knowing look, “she is not your queen, and she has said as much herself. In the future, I need for you to confide in me.”
Ever drew in a sharp lungful of frigid air before letting out an annoyed huff. “You don’t know how much you ask of me.” He leaned forward also. “I can’t lose you again.”
“By ignoring my call, you nearly did lose me already.”
They watched one another for a long time. She was right, but Ever hated to admit it. Allowing her to face evil by his side was going to be the most difficult challenge he had ever undertaken. His concentration was broken, however, when she slipped him a little mischievous smirk.
“If it’s going to be that hard, I’ll just have to convince you.”
He started to ask her how she was going to do that, when her arms wrapped themselves around him, and her lips were suddenly on his. He pulled back enough to groan.
“That’s not fair.”
She smiled into his kiss. “It’s not supposed to be. Now, hush. Your queen commands it.” And before Ever could protest, she kissed him again.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Impostors
Panic seized Isa as she stretched her arms out and found nothing. Where was Ever?
Bolting upright, she looked around, and relief came over her when she found Ever stoking the fire.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was hoping you would sleep a bit longer. I thought I would get the fire warmed up before I woke you.”
Isa snuggled back under her blanket as deep as she could go. Morning hadn’t yet broken, but in the early gray, the gently sloping hills of snow looked much less threatening than they had the night before. As she looked around, she realized she was clutching Ever’s black cloak as well as her blanket.
It was so good to have his attentions once more.
Ever’s posture was as straight as always as he knelt to feed the fire. The bags beneath his eyes were even more pronounced though than they had been the day before. He must have remained awake all night to keep watch. Isa felt a prick of guilt.
“I should have taken a turn on watch. It wasn’t fair for you to take the entire night.”
Ever smirked at her. “You wouldn’t have been able to stay awake even if you had wanted to. Besides,” his tone became more serious, “I may not know how to be attentive, but I can guard. Let me love you in the way I am able.”
Isa couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Pulling his cloak off the top of her blanket, she braced herself for the wave of cold air that would hit her as soon as she left the safety of her covers. As soon as she stood, the wind was so cold she nearly squeaked. She tiptoed to Ever as quickly as she could and draped his cloak over his shoulders before cocooning herself up again in her blanket beside him. Thankfully, the warmth of the fire soon began to grow, and as it did, Isa felt a little more awake.
There were so many things she wanted to say, an unending stream of questions she could ask. But as much as they’d rediscovered the night before, talking and laughing again in a way they hadn’t in a long time, there was still a veil between them. Time would have to heal their marriage in some ways, she sensed.
“So what happens now?” She finally worked up the courage to meet his eyes again.
“We need to speak with Garin. Launce was supposed to send him word of what’s been going on in Cobren.”
If Isa had been sleepy before, she wasn’t anymore. Shame and frustration slapped her as she remembered her callous words when Ever had first told her about Launce’s dangerous intent. And yet, she couldn’t quite scold her husband greatly, as for several days, he had been more concerned about Launce’s welfare than she had.
“I still don’t understand why he had to go,” she mumbled, not quite able to look Ever in the eye.
Ever appeared unruffled, however, as he handed her a warmed biscuit drizzled in honey. “If I hadn’t sent him to Cobren, he would have insisted on coming along with me.”
Isa shivered, and not from the cold. It was bad enough that Launce had gotten so tangled up in their business in Cobren. She couldn’t imagine him squaring off against Bronkendol in the Glass Castle. At least there were others he could turn to in Cobren. She hoped. When she looked back at Ever, he was still frowning thoughtfully.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It’s nothing.”
Isa gave him a knowing look. “You promised. No more hiding.”
Ever sighed. “It would be simple enough to take on an army, even an army of glass men such as those Bronkendol conjured. But if everyone else falls to his power the way I did, then he won’t need an army.” Ever picked up a pebble at his feet and chucked into the white wilderness before them. “We won’t even have a choice. Once he sees we’re alive, he will set them upon us. Shedding your enemy’s blood is a grim enough matter, but fighting our allies, our friends, and our kin?” He pressed his mouth into a tight line, but didn’t go on.
The thought of fighting against Launce chilled Isa to the bone. The enchanter hadn’t given him the glass slivers before, but what was stopping him from doing it now? No. Isa shook her head to lose the thought. She had raised her sword to Ever only to survive, because she knew he would kill her, and ultimately, himself if she didn’t stop him.
But Launce wasn’t the killing machine her husband was. Against her weak blocks and parries, she had known Ever would survive. Launce’s self-defense skills, however, were such that he might injure himself if the enchanter told him to use a sword. Ever was right. They needed to get to Garin.
Without saying it aloud, they both knew it was time to go. As they resumed their journey, the sun lifted above the horizon completely, just in time for the eternal hills of snow to melt away, and Isa was grateful to see the signs of late autumn still upon the ground. Had full winter truly arrived everywhere, it would make the journey back to the Fortress, and then Cobren, much harder.
“How is it that I’ve never seen those mountains that surrounded the Glass Castle on the maps before?” Isa asked. “Shouldn’t Lingea be north of us?”
Ever nodded. “I do not think it’s so much of a place, as a time.” When Isa frowned in confusion, he continued, “Did you notice that the castle had no dust? Three thousand years go by, and the wood of the furniture hadn’t crumbled, the linens were still clean, and the plants in that greenhouse were still alive. Even the newer houses in Soudain need their wood reworked on the years where snow and rain are particularly heavy. Let’s rest the horses here.” He clucked to Hugon, and Isa followed him off the road and into the brush. A gurgling stream ran right down at the bank’s edge.
Though the snows had not yet come to these woods, it ran deep enough for the horses to drink heavily. Isa could tell they were getting close to Destin’s northern border again, as the tall, pine trees were looking more familiar. Soon they would cross the desert gorges that separated Lingea, Destin, and Tumen’s lands. Not that Isa had any desire to visit Tumen, but at least the desert would mean they were only a day from home.
“I have a question for you this time.” Ever interrupted Isa’s thoughts. He was leaning back against a tree, sharpening a dagger as their horses rested. Isa let her eyes follow the fine lines of his arms and chest. “Isa?”
“What was that?”
He gave her a cockeyed smile as though he knew where her thoughts had gone, and she felt herself blush.
