Main Street Dealmaker (Holidays in Havenbrook Book 1), page 14
And he hated the very fucking thought of it.
Cole had had an absolutely shit day. He’d tried to shove his morning out of his mind, tried to shove Sadie out of his mind, but it’d been no use. He’d spent the entire day with his head in his ass, thoughts of her and their interactions overtaking his attention when it should’ve been on Jemma’s case.
This was getting out of hand. He’d had to come into the office on a Sunday, for fuck’s sake, because he’d spent half of the prior week imagining Sadie spread out on his desk. This was beginning to affect his career and the level of work he was producing for his clients. He’d had to redirect his focus more times than he’d care to admit, and when he typically worked in billable hours—Jemma’s case notwithstanding—that meant it was not only costing him his sanity, but also his time and money.
All he wanted to do was go home. Back to his house where he didn’t have to interact with anyone. Where he could open a beer, veg in front of the TV, and do absolutely nothing. Instead, he had to go back to his temporary home at Starlight Haven—the place he’d begun to view as the root cause of all this. Maybe if he’d chosen one of the other options in Havenbrook, none of this ever would’ve happened.
Was that what he wanted, though? Even though Sadie was causing disruption in his life, he couldn’t say he’d take a different path if he had the opportunity to do it over again. True, if he hadn’t picked Sadie’s inn to stay at, then, more than likely, Nat wouldn’t have found him and asked him to partner up with Sadie for the photography shoot, and thus, his life wouldn’t have been thrown into chaos.
But then he also wouldn’t know how she got that sparkle in her eyes when she was about to rib him or how kind she was, leaving notes on his plate of muffins each morning, or how hard she worked at her goals. He wouldn’t know the tenor of her moans or how her thighs quivered when she was close to coming or exactly how she looked, her hair falling like fire around him, as she rode them both to climax.
Great, and now he was strolling into Starlight half hard courtesy of the woman behind the front desk. After his divorce, he swore that he’d never be tied down again. That he’d never commit himself to someone who wanted so much more from him than he could give. Who wanted him to be someone he wasn’t. But it was times like this, when Sadie’s smiling eyes fell on him, a tiny, playful quirk to her lips he swore was just for him, that he thought he might enjoy being tied down again, if he were tied to her.
“Hey,” she said, sweeping her gaze over him before cocking an eyebrow. “Long day?”
He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair, not bothering to lower his messenger bag from his shoulder. “What, no crack about how I look like shit?”
“I figured I could give you a pass tonight, considerin’ you spent an entire Sunday workin’. You don’t seem to be on your game like usual.”
“You could say that.”
Despite the late hour, she didn’t press him for any more details, didn’t push him to tell her what the problem was, though the space between her eyebrows pinched slightly. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you this mornin’, but thanks for playin’ along with that whole boyfriend thing. I’ve used the excuse before, but that guy won’t take no for an answer. I’m just glad I had someone to point to this time.”
Cole’s jaw tightened, his teeth clenching over the thought of anyone harassing Sadie to the point where she had to utter, “He won’t take no for an answer.” “He’s bothered you before?”
She rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand. “You don’t have to get all growly about it. I can handle myself, but this is just easier. He’s a businessman from Tennessee, and he’s been comin’ here once a month for about a year. I’ve always told him I have a boyfriend when he asks me out, but he doesn’t care. So when you strolled in, I saw an opportunity to shut him down once and for all. I hope that’s okay.”
He ignored the part of him who wanted to be her excuse. Wanted to be the reason she said no to men who asked her out on dates. Wanted to be the reason she had that smile on her face. But he’d buried that part of himself years ago, and he had no intention of excavating it now.
“It’s fine. Hopefully now, he’ll leave you alone.”
“Fingers crossed he gets the picture this week while he’s here.” She grinned at him, a teasing pull to those full lips he loved so much. “Don’t worry, though, I won’t ask you to the New Year’s Eve ball or anything to prove it.”
“No?” And just why the fuck did it bother him that she discounted him for an event he had absolutely no intention of attending, with or without her?
“Well, obviously not.” She swiped a hand through the air as if the very thought of them together was preposterous, and he didn’t know why that cut so deep. “You know what they say about a kiss at midnight.”
“What’s that?”
Her gaze dropped to his lips, and she wet her own. The tiny flick of her tongue against that pale pink flesh was enough to harden him completely, his cock a thick, throbbing nuisance behind his zipper. Christ, why could he never control himself around her?
When she spoke, her voice came out rough and low, just how it got after her first orgasm. “The person you kiss at midnight is who you intend to spend the rest of the year with. And we both know your feelings on commitment.”
There it was, out in the open, impossible for either of them to ignore any longer. They’d had these differences the entirety of the time they’d known each other—both distantly and since he’d been staying at Starlight Haven—but they’d never specifically come out and said as much. Deniability wasn’t an option anymore.
He dropped his bag to the floor and braced his hands on the desk, meeting her eyes. “We do. Which begs the question…what’re you doin’ with me, Sadie?”
Her brows pinched as she regarded him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…it’s pretty obvious that I’m not right for you.”
She swallowed and averted her gaze to the papers fanned out across the desk and gathered them before stacking them into a pile. “That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think? Who said I’d want you in the first place?”
He breathed out a laugh and shook his head. “Always with the smart mouth.”
Lowering his gaze to her lips, he looked his fill, remembering when she’d dropped to her knees in his suite and sucked him deep the second time they’d been together. For as long as he stayed there, he’d see her in every corner of his room. Remember every piece of furniture he’d fucked her against. Every place he’d made her come.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he pressed his thumb and forefinger there, shaking his head. “Look,” he breathed, forcing himself to meet her eyes as he ripped off the Band-Aid and got this over with so they could both move on. “The sex is fantastic. There’s no denyin’ that.”
Her eyebrows hit her hairline even as scarlet brushed her cheeks. “Well… That’s blunt. And an understatement.”
“I don’t know if this kind of chemistry is normal for you, but it’s not for me.”
She shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Me neither,” she answered softly.
Christ, why did that make what he had to do even worse?
“Sex still isn’t enough to build a relationship on, though.”
“Who said anything about a relationship?”
“C’mon, Sadie. You and I both know you wouldn’t be happy with anything less than that.”
When her only response was to roll her lips between her teeth, he knew he had his answer. And he didn’t realize until right then just how much he’d hoped for her denial, if only to stay with her a little longer.
He leaned forward, belatedly wishing he hadn’t stood on the other side of the desk. If this was going to be the last time he had the chance to touch her, he wanted to touch her. Wanted to brush the hair away from her face, run his thumb over her lower lip, and memorize the texture. Wanted to lick his way inside and taste her once more.
“I like you, firecracker. A lot. I like how you challenge me and how you don’t put up with anything from me. I like how you mouth off just for my reaction. And it’s because of how much I like you that I think we should stop whatever this is between us before it goes too far. Settle into friendship now that you don’t hate my guts anymore.”
She pursed her lips as she watched him, then nodded. “Ah, lookin’ out for me, are you? Since I obviously can’t be trusted to make that decision on my own?”
Cole blew out a heavy sigh and shook his head. “You know that’s not what I’m sayin’. If there’s anyone who can handle themselves, it’s you. But you can’t deny how different we are. You’ve told me more times than I can remember how much you believe in that happy ending, and how much you want it.” He met her eyes, ignoring the tightness in his chest, the irritating twist of his stomach. “I’m just not the guy to give it to you.”
Chapter Seventeen
Well, Sadie certainly hadn’t seen that plot twist coming. A permanent bachelor, the forever fuck buddy, growing a conscience and breaking things off before she got attached? Ha. Well, the joke was on him, because she was already attached. She had no idea when the hell that had happened in the mere week they’d spent together, but apparently it had.
But, actually, if she were honest with herself, she’d admit she’d been attached for quite some time. Since well before Cole had booked his stay at the inn. Well before their explosive photo session with Nat. Well before their first kiss or the first time they’d slept together. Well before he’d helped her at the inn, before they’d strolled the streets of Havenbrook together, and before their moonlit carriage ride.
She hadn’t known what to expect when she fell in love for the first time, but she’d assumed it’d be gradual. A slow build into comfort and familiarity rather than the sudden drop of a roller coaster.
She’d fallen for Cole as a mixture of both. Felt a spark of connection the first time their eyes had met from across the Square, and even more so when they’d officially met, though she’d buried that down deep. Shoved it in the recesses of her mind and locked it up tight, never to be addressed again. But the trouble with love was it seeped out from every crack and crevice. Bled into your very soul, whether you wanted it to or not.
Somewhere in her subconscious, she must have known, must have realized exactly what was bound to happen between her and Cole. Which was why she’d flipped the switch to hate so very easily in the months and years following Elise’s divorce.
And now, look where that had gotten her.
“What’s with your face?” Elise asked from her perch on the sofa in the Starlight’s main gathering space.
It was Christmas Eve, but when you managed an inn for a living, you didn’t get days off. So, for the past three years, with their parents in Florida, they’d spent their evening in front of the fireplace, splayed out on the sofa and bingeing Gilmore Girls’ Christmas episodes on the small laptop propped between them. Tomorrow, their aunt, Caroline Haven, would bring them a couple plates of home-cooked deliciousness, and Sadie would bake an apple pie. But for tonight, they’d gorge themselves on appetizers, get tipsy on hot buttered rum, and finally stumble into the cottage after midnight, all whispers and giggles. They’d fall into bed and snuggle up together exactly how they’d slept for the first ten years of their lives.
“This is just my face.” Sadie didn’t bother to take her gaze off the current episode, “Women of Questionable Morals.”
Because, well, Elise would be able to tell she was lying. And, well, Sadie hadn’t told her sister about the breakup with Cole—if that was what you could even call it. Or, actually, about anything at all to do with Cole.
“Um, hello? We have the same face, and that is not my face.” Elise sipped from her hot buttered rum and eyed Sadie over the rim of the mug. “So, what is it? You and Cole stop seein’ each other?”
Sadie choked on absolutely nothing and proceeded to cough until tears streamed down her face and her sister offered her a halfhearted back-slap. Once she’d caught her breath, she managed a broken, “’scuse me?”
Elise rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. You’re not that stealthy. I’m just shocked you finally let it happen, considerin’ the stick permanently lodged up your ass.”
“First of all, I do not have a stick permanently lodged up my ass. One of us has to be the responsible one, and you already called dibs on being the flaky one.” When her sister only offered a shrug, Sadie continued, “And second, what you do mean ‘finally let it happen’?”
“Your obsession with him, obviously.”
Sadie huffed out an indignant sound. “I’m not obsessed with him.”
“Fine then, whatever you wanna call bein’ overly aware of his every move and havin’ an intense reaction to absolutely anything he did at all, even breathe.”
“Oh yeah? Since when?” And by that, she meant since when had her sister been paying so much damn attention to what she did with regard to Cole?
“I don’t know… When did he move in to town?” she said, as blandly as she’d comment on the weather forecast.
Sadie gasped. “You are not tryin’ to say I’ve”—she refused to utter any variation of the word obsession in the same sentence as Cole—“been interested in Cole for more than three years.”
“I’m not tryin’ to do anything. I just am.” Elise ran her gaze over Sadie from head to toe and back again, her lips twisted up in a smirk. “And three years, huh? Amazin’ how you knew that right off the top of your head.”
“I knew it because it was right around the time of your divorce, idiot.” Ah yes, the sisterly love coming out right on time for the holiday. Sadie was surprised they’d made it past ten, actually. “Or have you forgotten about that and the role Cole had in it?”
This time, when Elise turned her gaze on Sadie, she brought her whole body along for the ride, twisting on her cushion so they could face each other, a confused pinch to her brows. “Wait… Does your whole ridiculous fake-hate thing have to do with the divorce?”
“It’s not fake,” she said adamantly, even though she was lying through her teeth. “And obviously.”
“But…but…why? I didn’t get divorced from Cole. He wasn’t the jackass who cheated on me and then stole Great-Grandma’s antiques, only to shove them in a storage unit just so I couldn’t have ’em.”
“Well, no, but he was the jackass who made all that happen for Alec.”
Elise rolled her eyes. “That’s his job, Sadie. If a surgeon lost a patient on the operatin’ table, would you call them a murderer?”
“Obviously not. You’re bein’ dramatic. That’s not at all the same thing.”
She lifted a single shoulder. “Whatever. I just think you hatin’ on him for doin’ his job is stupid, is all. And not worth your happiness.”
“Who said I was happy?”
Elise breathed out a laugh and shook her head. “Twin, remember? I may not be around all the time to witness your every move, but I do see you every day. And there’s no denyin’ you’ve been less stick-assy the past few weeks.”
“That’s not a word,” Sadie mumbled, feeling unsettled. Not because of what her sister said, but because it was true. She’d been more relaxed, more laid-back, and definitely happier since her first kiss with Cole. “Besides, it doesn’t matter anyway. He called it off. Said we’d never work. He’s right.” She shrugged and forced out a laugh even as her eyes filled. “Who’s ever heard of a wedding planner and a divorce attorney finding their happily ever after together anyway?”
“It could happen,” Elise said softly.
“No, I really don’t think it could. He’s not my forever. He’s not anyone’s forever. He doesn’t want to be.”
Elise pressed her foot into Sadie’s thigh—the most affection her sister would likely show—and Sadie pretended that was enough. That she was fine, sitting there on Christmas Eve, the man her heart had somehow attached itself to sleeping right down the hall, even when it felt like everything she’d ever wanted was slipping through her fingers. And she had no idea how to stop it.
Cole had no fucking idea how one tiny firecracker of a woman could have demolished him so completely in such a short amount of time. Yet there he was, driving thirty miles to Forest Falls an hour before midnight on New Year’s Eve, just so he wasn’t tempted to show up at the ball and kiss Sadie despite knowing better.
He’d tried forcing her out of his mind in the week since he’d moved out of Starlight Haven and back to his newly remodeled house. A place that somehow, over the course of a month, had turned sterile and cold. It hadn’t been until his third day home that he’d realized it wasn’t the surroundings that were so cold, but rather the lack of Sadie in them.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, he pulled up in front of his momma’s and sister’s houses, seeing the lights on in Carly’s, and headed that way. He knocked twice and opened the door without waiting for an answer, stepping over the threshold and listening for sounds from inside.
After mere seconds, his sister popped her head around the corner, baseball bat in her hand and a murderous expression on her face. As soon as she saw him, she dropped the weapon to her side, her eyebrows flying up her forehead as she glanced behind him and then met his gaze with a furrowed brow. “Cole? What’re you doin’ here so late?”
“My baby’s home?” his momma called from the kitchen before joining Carly, a smile sweeping across her face as soon as she saw Cole.
She held her arms open and strode toward him, happiness written all over her beautiful face. In her midfifties, Charlotte Donovan was still stunning, her kindness shining through in her eyes and her smile, her blond hair now leaning more toward gray.
