An Amish Love, page 27
She jerked from his grasp. “Never! Not once, Naaman. I would never dream of leaving our children or grandchildren. I’d have never left you to experience some late-in-life rumschpringe!”
“Really?” His doubtful blue eyes bored into hers.
Levina stepped away from him. “Don’t do this, Naaman. Don’t you try to justify your selfish actions by accusing me of having the same deceitful thoughts.”
He held his palms up. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t even know you!”
The truth filled the space around them, and Levina felt suffocated by the honesty that hung in the air. Such things shouldn’t be discussed, and yet she knew that she and Naaman were crossing over into undiscovered territory—foreign terrain that left her unsteady on her feet.
Naaman eased closer, his eyes probing hers as if his intensity could unlock the secret place in her heart where all thoughts— good and bad—were stored. Slowly he reached up and brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen from beneath her kapp. His eyes never left hers as he leaned closer and brushed his lips to hers, sending a wave of emotion and excitement pulsing through her body as if she were a teenage girl once more.
“Then let’s get to know each other again,” he said softly before he kissed her again.
Levina couldn’t remember the last time his kiss had left her weak in the knees.
CHAPTER SIX
* * *
NAAMAN WOKE UP WHEN A THUNDERCLAP SHOOK THE WINDOWS of the farmhouse. As he’d done for the past year, he reached over to drape an arm across Levina, only to find that he was alone in the bed.
He rolled from his side to his back, then locked his hands behind his head and watched the flashes of lightning brightening the room, only to have it go dark again. He closed his eyes and thought about his kiss with Levina last night. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt such passion, such desire. But she’d quickly halted his efforts and made a firm commitment to sleep in Tillie’s room. “For now,” she’d said.
Another bolt of lightning shook the rafters. Naaman thought about all the storms Levina must have weathered alone in the house—thunderstorms had always frightened her. What was I thinking to leave her?
He crossed his ankles beneath the quilt, and the intimate moment between him and his wife replayed over and over in his mind. He’d offered to sleep in Tillie’s room or one of the other bedrooms, but Levina insisted that he sleep in their bed since it was the largest bed in the house.
He uncrossed his ankles and straightened his left leg, then bent it at the knee, then put it down again and decided that there was no good position to stop the throbbing in his hip caused by his recent fall. The doctor said the hip was badly bruised and that only time would heal it, but the nagging pain only reminded him of Middlefield, which ultimately led to another self-lashing about what he’d done.
Dear heavenly Father, he prayed, I may never understand what drove me to leave my family, but I pray that I am back on the right course and that my frau and kinner will accept me back into their hearts and forgive me for my selfishness.
Another boom halted his prayer midway. It sounded like lightning hit a tree. He eased his legs over the side of the bed, then put on his black pants. The boards creaked beneath his bare feet as he tiptoed out of the bedroom and across the hallway. He could see a light coming from Tillie’s room, and he slowly pushed the door open.
Levina was sitting up in the bed in her white nightgown, with her legs pulled to her chest. The lantern on her bedside table glowed, and stark fear glittered in her eyes.
“Levina, are you all right?” He took a hesitant step into Tillie’s room, and a flash of light illuminated Levina’s beautiful face as she smiled and her fear seemed to fade.
“Ya.” She crinkled her nose and frowned. “You know how I get scared when it’s stormy outside.” Another roar of thunder sent Levina’s hands to her ears as she clamped her eyes closed.
Naaman walked to the side of the bed and hesitated, and instead walked to the rocking chair in the corner. He sat down and stared at his wife. He didn’t think he’d ever wanted anything so badly in his life—just to hold her in his arms.
“Naaman, what are you doing?” She sat taller and narrowed her brows.
“Sleep, Levina.” He spoke in a whisper. “I will stay here with you.”
Levina pushed back long waves of hair from her face and shook her head. “That’s silly. You don’t have to do that. Go back to your bed, Naaman.”
She spoke with authority, as if she were speaking to one of the children, but when another flash of lightning lit up the room, she was instantly transformed into a small child herself, scrunching her face up as she waited for the roar.
Naaman stood up and walked to the edge of the bed. “Levina, let me sit with you until you fall asleep.”
“Go to your room, Naaman.” She lowered her chin and looked up at him playfully. “Now.”
Naaman winked at her. “You sure?”
“Ya. Now go.” She shooed him with her hand.
He couldn’t take his eyes from her, though. “You’re so beautiful, Levina.” He felt like a schoolboy with a crush on the prettiest girl in the eighth grade. Levina Beiler—she’d been his crush before he made her his wife.
They shared a smile, but Naaman saw the tremble in her lips. Fear of the storm? Fear of him? He wasn’t sure. “Good night.”
A few hours later Naaman awoke to the smell of bacon. Once he’d fallen back asleep, sometime after midnight, he’d slept uninterrupted. He sat up in bed, stretched his arms high, and then thanked the Lord for bringing him home where he belonged. He rubbed his eyes, stood up, and turned to make the bed. As he pulled the white cotton sheet taut on his side of the bed, he noticed the sheet tossed back on the other side, along with the quilt. Had he strayed that far over in the king-size bed? He never did that.
After running his hand the length of his beard a few times, he walked around to the other side of the bed. He picked up Levina’s pillow and brought it to his face, then breathed in the smell of his wife, and again . . . he thanked God for the blessings of this new day.
LEVINA FELT GIDDY AS A SCHOOLGIRL AS SHE PULLED THE last piece of bacon from the skillet. It was an emotion that terrified and exhilarated her at the same time.
“Guder mariye, Levina.”
Something about Naaman’s suave tone made her think he knew she’d crawled into bed with him last night. She’d been ever so careful to stay far on her side, and she’d been quiet as she could be. Today would be a busy day, and she wanted to be fresh and alert. Curling up in the bed with Naaman provided a sense of familiarity and safety that she’d gone without for so long, and she’d slept peacefully the rest of the night. When morning came she’d sneaked downstairs before he ever knew she was there—or so she’d thought.
“Guder mariye,” she said without turning around. She held her breath, waiting to see if he would say anything.
He sat down in his chair at the kitchen table. “Sleep well?”
Levina twisted her mouth to one side as she tried to decipher his tone of voice—still suave and a little too smug. “Ya, I slept very well, danki.” She carried the plate of bacon and a bowl of eggs to the table. “And you? How did you sleep?”
Naaman folded his arms across a dark green shirt, a silly grin on his face. “Soundly. I don’t think I woke up once.”
Levina placed a basket of biscuits in the middle of the table and eased into her chair. She nodded, avoiding his eyes. “Gut, gut. Glad you slept well.”
They both bowed their heads in prayer.
“What are your plans for today?” Naaman buttered a biscuit as he spoke.
“I go to market on Friday mornings, and then I have lunch at Yoder’s Pantry.”
Naaman’s brow shot upward. “Where Tillie works?”
“Ya.” Levina kept her head down as she scooped scrambled eggs onto her plate. She knew Naaman was waiting for an invitation, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to go with her to market—in public—until after he had his meeting with Bishop Ebersol. She thanked God every day that the bishop had not urged that Naaman be shunned.
She looked up to find him staring at her.
“Everything all right with breakfast?” Levina took a bite of her eggs.
“Ya. Much better than what I cooked for you.” He kept staring at her, so she finally gave in.
“Do you—um—do you want to go to market with me, then to eat at Yoder’s Pantry?”
“Sure.”
Levina forced a smile, not sure of anything these days.
They ate quietly, and when they were done, she decided to broach two subjects that she wasn’t looking forward to.
“You do remember that Bishop Ebersol will be here tomorrow at two o’clock, no?”
Naaman nodded. “Ya, I remember.” His face clouded.
“And do you remember that worship service is at Adam’s house on Sunday?”
Naaman’s mouth took on an unpleasant twist as he chewed. After he swallowed, he rubbed his forehead with one hand. “I’m not sure I’m welcome there.”
“It is worship service for our community, and you are in our community. Of course you’re welcome.” Levina gave a sharp nod.
“We will see.”
“Are you thinking about not going?”
Naaman leaned back against the back of his chair. “Adam needs time, and I don’t want to force myself on him.”
Levina tapped her finger to her chin for a moment. “Naaman, you’ll just need to trust me about this, but I think you need to force yourself on Adam. Something is going on with our oldest son.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
* * *
NAAMAN PARKED THE BUGGY OUTSIDE OF YODER’S PANTRY as Levina scanned the parking lot. There were four other buggies tethered nearby, but it was impossible to distinguish between them. She dreaded walking in with Naaman, not knowing who she might bump into. Equally alarming was that Naaman latched onto her hand as they walked through the entrance. He knew that members of their community frowned upon public affection. She wiggled free of his grasp and frowned at him before they walked in, but he just shrugged—and with that childish grin on his face again.
“Mamm! Daed!” Tillie rushed to the front door right away. “Give me one minute, and I’ll put you in our best seat by the window that faces away from the highway.” Tillie bounced once on her toes and lifted her shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here!”
“That’s mei maedel,” Naaman said with a smile after Tillie skipped away.
“I hope she always keeps her childlike qualities.” Levina folded her hands in front of her—just in case Naaman got any ideas—and scanned the restaurant. “Oh no,” she whispered.
“What?” Naaman leaned closer.
“Eve Fisher is here, and she’s a busybody.”
“I know that I did not hear mei gut frau call someone a busybody.” Naaman grinned.
“Shh. Keep your voice down, Naaman.” Levina held her head high as she scanned the rows of jams and jellies on the shelf to her right. She picked up a jar of rhubarb jam. “You know, Ellie Chupp makes a lot of these jams and jellies. She’s dating Chris Miller— did I tell you he came back to the church? Tillie expects they’ll get married this November.”
She put the jar of jam back on the shelf and thumbed through various cookbooks, sundries, and of course, the large pretzels that Yoder’s Pantry was famous for, each individually wrapped and tempting those who were on their way in or out.
Naaman was spinning a rack of books by the door. “Look at all these books with Amish women on the cover.”
His puzzled expression caused Levina to giggle for a moment.
Then she shrugged. “Lots of women in our community read these books. Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story?” She blushed and grabbed the books from Naaman. After she placed them back on the rack, she turned her attention to those dining.
She hoped to avoid Eve Fisher . . . although she reckoned she should probably get used to the stares and the questions. Everyone would eventually welcome Naaman back into the community, but folks were human, and Levina knew there would be some uncomfortable moments.
“I have your table all ready!” Tillie was carting two menus, and her contagious smile warmed Levina’s heart.
She hoped and prayed that Tillie would be in the family way soon. Levina wished that for both her daughters. Freda and her husband had been trying a bit longer to have a baby, but it was starting to feel like a race between the two sisters. Levina hoped that neither of them was disappointed. She recalled how easily she had become pregnant with Rosemary, Adam, and Jonathan, but it took a little longer to become pregnant with Freda. And Tillie was somewhat of a surprise. Levina had been doubtful that she could have more children, due to complications during Freda’s birth. She would remind both Freda and Tillie that all things happen on God’s time frame.
Once they were seated, Levina knew there was no way to avoid Eve, who was sitting only one table over. Tillie brought them each a glass of sweet tea and promised to return shortly. Seconds later Eve rose from her chair and headed their way.
“Hello, Levina.” She smiled warmly at Levina, then turned to Naaman. “And welcome back, Naaman.”
Eve, like Levina, was nearing the age of fifty—but for reasons Levina couldn’t grasp, the woman didn’t look a day over thirty. She reminded herself that physical appearance didn’t matter, while also realizing that she should have given some thought about how she was going to respond to comments about Naaman’s return. “Hello, Eve.”
Naaman tipped his head in Eve’s direction, and Levina saw the muscle in his jaw tense.
“Is this your first time here, Naaman?” Eve smiled. “I’ve seen Levina in here many times, but I don’t reckon many men come in for lunch. They are mostly working in the fields.”
Levina could feel her blood starting to boil. Naaman could run circles around most men in this community when it came to hard work, and she wasn’t about to let Eve Fisher suggest that he wasn’t a hard worker.
“Our fields are planted, and Naaman didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’m treating him to lunch out.” She raised her chin a bit and smiled at Eve, but when Eve’s eyes widened, Levina figured she’d better clarify her statement. “When it makes wet and thunders so much, I get nervous and can’t sleep. Naaman was tending to me, making sure I wasn’t afraid.”
“I see.” Eve bit her lip and raised her brow. “Well, I best be goin’ back to my table. Nice to see you both. I suppose we’ll see you on Sunday for worship at Adam’s haus.”
“Ya. See you then.” Levina gave a quick wave as Eve left.
“You don’t like her much, no?” Naaman took a sip of his tea but kept his eyes on Levina.
“Naaman, why would you say such a thing? I have no bad feelings for Eve.” Levina pressed her lips together, then took a deep breath. I will pray hard tonight.
Tillie came bouncing back to the table with her friend Abby. “Daed, remember Abby Kauffman? Only she’s Abby Lambert now!”
Naaman extended his hand to Abby. “Ya, I do. Solomon’s girl. Nice to see you.”
Abby shook Naaman’s hand, then turned to Levina. “Danki for letting me spend so much time at your haus.”
“We’re always glad to have you, Abigail. I enjoy it when Tillie brings you over and we all cook together.”
Abby turned to Tillie. “I guess I better get back to Anna.” She pointed toward a nearby table where she was dining with a friend.
Levina nodded, then she and Naaman each ordered the special— chicken and dumplings with a side of corn.
“Great choice!” Tillie waved to another patron across the room. “I’ll be back soon.”
After a few moments, Naaman leaned his head to one side and gazed long and hard at Levina. She thought she knew what was on his mind, but he surprised her.
“You mentioned that something is goin’ on with Adam. What do you mean?”
Levina wasn’t sure where to start. “I think there might be problems with him and Hannah. He won’t talk to me when I ask him if everything is all right, and Rosemary tried to talk to him too. He insists nothing is wrong, but, Naaman . . .” She paused. “Something is wrong, whether it has to do with Hannah or not.”
Naaman didn’t seem interested in looking Levina square in the eye anymore. He seemed to be looking everywhere but at her. “It saddens me to hear that.” He looked up when he heard someone scooting toward them. Tillie placed large platters in front of them. “Healthy portions.”
“Ya, the servings are always generous here.” Levina smiled at her daughter. “Danki, Tillie.”
Her baby girl folded her hands together as her eyes brightened. “I’m so glad the two of you are here—together.”
Then Naaman did the unexpected. He reached across the table and latched onto Levina’s hand, then spoke with touching sincerity. “I’m glad to be home.”
Levina’s eyes drifted to her left. Eve was straining her neck in their direction. It shouldn’t matter, but she wanted Eve—and the world—to know that everything was going to be all right with her and Naaman. It was wrong, and Levina knew that her choices were judged only by God, but when she looked up and saw a tear roll down Tillie’s face, she swallowed back her own emotions.
“I’m glad you’re home, too, Daed.” Tillie leaned over and kissed her father on the cheek before she turned to leave.
Levina watched him struggling to keep his own emotions from becoming a public display. She gave his hand a squeeze. Her heart was filled with love for her husband and hope for the future, but she couldn’t seem to conquer the distrust that threatened to destroy the moment and the future.
Would she always worry that he would leave again? How was she going to get past her own insecurities and move forward with the one man she’d always loved . . . but who had betrayed their union?
