Clara's Wish, page 6
Zack let out a breath and pushed his chair in place. “I’m not here for him, or anyone else, for that matter.”
“You’re not going to see your family while you’re here?” She frowned, unable to understand how he could come this far and not at least make the effort. She and her daed were at odds at times, but not like this.
“I’m here to see my sister, that’s it. Understand?” He shoved the chair so hard, his cup went flying across the table. Splatters of the black liquid darkened her dress. She stood, and he grabbed a handful of napkins. He reached over to blot the moisture but stopped when he realized what he was doing.
“Sorry, I’m working on my temper.” He sopped up the remaining coffee, avoiding her stare.
“You’ve always had a temper,” she barked at him. He was one who settled situations physically. She remembered his mamm telling him to use his words and not his fists, but it obviously still wasn’t working.
“Yeah, but I’ve never tried to tame it.”
Lizzy was surprised to hear him say that and couldn’t hide it. “Well, it’s good you’re trying. If that’s what that was.”
He cracked a smile and glanced up at her while he wiped his hands. “Thanks for the encouragement.” His large, brown eyes bore into hers for only a brief second, but she didn’t miss the connection. Even though he aggravated her to no end, she saw a good side of him that was new to her. He was being exposed and losing his temper. The emotions he must have felt about his bruder showed a different side of him.
“Tell your bruder hallo if you see him. Unless you’re going back to the community.”
“I don’t know how long the car is drivable. I don’t mind taking the chance it’ll stall on me, but I wouldn’t want anyone else to. Besides . . . you, a young Amish girl, with an Englischer, an ex-Amish . . . ” He was stone-faced, his usual state. The Zack she liked disappeared. “You wouldn’t want to be seen with me. People might talk.”
She was silent for a moment due to his sarcasm. “I didn’t know it bothered you so much, being in a big, fancy city. I figured you were glad to get rid of us.”
He scoffed. “I think it was the other way around.”
She couldn’t figure where that came from. It was his decision to go or ask for forgiveness for his . . .
She stood abruptly without looking him in the eye. “I’m going to catch the bus.”
He shook his head. “Don’t put me in that position. I plan to stay here as long as Clara does.” “I didn’t ask for a ride. I’m used to taking the bus.” Lizzy knew he was avoiding going back to the community, but he might have to face his past sooner than he thought. “The doctor said if the biopsy was normal, she might be able to go home.”
He frowned. “They won’t have the results until tomorrow, at the earliest.”
She pointed to where her attention had shifted to his younger bruder, Eli. He walked through the hospital door and stood and stared at Zack. The look in his brother’s eyes said it all—disappointment, anger, sadness—much of what Zack probably felt.
“I’m sorry, Zack.” Lizzy didn’t know where the words came from, and now she wanted to take them back. Zack didn’t seem to want pity, especially from her.
Chapter Ten
SQUEAK, SQUEAK.
Zack tried to find where the noise came from. He struggled to open his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, they seemed stuck together. He jolted forward off his chair, tugged his eyes open, and looked around to see a gurney go past him. He wiped his hand over his face. Sweat covered his forehead as the anxiety grew.
A dream, more like a nightmare. That’s all. Not the hospital in my head. I’m in the one with Clara. Not Mercy General with Sandra.
“Zack, are you okay?” Clara’s nurse brought his heartbeat up another notch.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He let out a long breath and stood. “How’s Clara?”
“The results are in.” Her small smile gave him hope the diagnosis was good.
“I could use some good news about now. Do you think they’ll discharge her?” As much as he wanted her out of this place, he also dreaded going back to the community. He couldn’t even imagine what all had been said about him over the time he was gone, even though Amish weren’t to speak of those who were shunned. The longer he was away, the more he felt they were hypocrites. But then he was probably one too. After all he’d done, he had no room to talk.
“Did you hear me?” The nurse tipped her head to the side, waiting for his answer.
“Sorry. I’m a little distracted.”
She put her hand on his arm and blinked her brown eyes. “Don’t apologize. You’ve been through a lot.” Another nurse walked by and frowned.
He didn’t want this sweet little nurse to get the wrong idea. He gently moved his arm away and led the way to Clara’s room. “Thanks for looking after her.” When he smiled at the nurse, she lit up and waved a hand.
“Morning, beautiful.” Zack stopped and stared at Clara. “You look great. Color’s back in your cheeks.”
“Oh, Zack.” She waved him over and whispered, “Why are you sweating?” She put a hand to his chest. “Your heart’s beating like a drum.”
“It’s nothing, I’m fine.”
“Sounds like anxiety.” The nurse came closer to examine him. His ears pinged with each step she took closer to him. His patience was waning. Zack shut his eyes and counted to ten. “Clara, are you clear to leave?”
“I hope so, but you should stay a bit until you feel better.” Clara ran a hand across his bangs. Her cool fingers felt like ice against his forehead.
“Do you have a temperature?” The nurse placed her hand over his. Zack jumped up and away from them. He clenched his hand in frustration.
“Zack!” Clara’s soft plea was worse than a shout. Until he heard the voice of Jed Schrock.
The nurse turned and drew herself up straight. “Bishop Schrock. I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll call the doctor in.” She flipped her black hair over her shoulder and darted for the door. Zack didn’t share the gratitude the nurse had toward his daed, like most did. He made many visits to the hospital when needed.
Zack noted the gray hair and worn face lines around his mouth. He was balding much more in just the years since Zack had seen him. He wondered whether any of the stress had come from him.
“Hello, Bishop.” The title seemed to fit their situation. He was a lost Englischer in an unwanted place, and his acceptance would come from the one in charge—his daed—who happened to be the bishop elected by the council. But what would it matter? He’d be gone soon enough.
“Hallo, son.” His daed’s eyes glistened as he took him in. Zack felt sad and defensive at the same time. Was it purely disappointment or some understanding from his father? Zack was much like him at one time, someone others thought would play a part in their community, perhaps even a prominent part as his dad did.
When Zack nodded to his mother, her bottom lip quivered. He wanted to go to her and let her know he was still her son even if everyone around her thought differently. “I saw Eli and Jonas. They look well.”
His mother lit up when he mentioned the boys. “Jah, Jonas will be married come fall.” She hesitated, and his daed glanced over at her. Zack recognized the look he gave her, as if she was sharing too much information.
“Are you still on your own, Zack?” There was reservation in his tone. Zack was far past the usual age at which most married. He’d had his time with a woman, but after things went sour he hadn’t wanted a relationship of any kind.
“Yes. It’s best this way.” He could sugarcoat it for his mother’s sake, but there was too much baggage to know where to start. There were too many things that would upset her for him to share the information. Besides that, he didn’t want to go through all those emotions.
“I’m sorry, son.” Her face tightened as she attempted a smile.
“Don’t be. I’m fine.” He felt he was putting on a good front but knew better with his dad. He was one who could reach into your soul, pick out the muck and mire, and come out with forgiveness at hand. But only if it was followed by his rules and qualifications.
Silence took over the room.
“How long will you be staying?” His daed’s question sounded genuinely inviting. Zack wished he could give him an honest answer, but he only knew that he didn’t want to go back to his job in Philly, not now that he realized what his boss has really been up to. For now, until Clara showed some progress, he would stay put. Where he would go after that, he wasn’t sure. Although his dad was the bishop, that didn’t mean he would get any special favors—probably less than another would. Jed Schrock was not a kind man, and no pushover.
“Good morning.” Doctor Kauffman’s loud voice diverted their conversation, causing them to all turn his way. “Bishop.” He nodded to the bishop out of respect.
“Clara, the results are back from the biopsy.” He rarely smiled, but Zack saw one spread across his face—a gesture of comforting. “How are you feeling?”
“A little bloated.”
“No pain?”
She hesitated. “Not much.”
“Your fever isn’t decreasing.” He held the clipboard against his chest. “There were cancer cells in the tumor. But we caught it at a very early stage, so the chances of it spreading are small.”
He tipped his head and stared at her, ignoring the responses in the room.
Zack’s heart sank. He’d assumed too much, prayed too little, or both. He waited with bated breath to hear what the doctor had to offer in this situation.
“You have to be honest with me so I can treat you properly. We’ll start chemotherapy, which will take from two days to seven weeks, depending on how the cancer responds to the treatment.”
He turned to the room full of visitors. “She will need a lot of rest. Clara, the nurses will give you the details.”
Zack felt he was in a whirling tornado after that quick overview. Doctor Kauffman didn’t seem concerned, but then the man didn’t show much emotion. His mind was churning with the worst scenarios. He had much more to say and ask, but all that came out was, “Is Clara going to be okay?”
“What caused this to happen to her, doc?” the bishop asked at the same time.
“We have state-of-the-art medicine here, Zack. She’s in good hands.” The doctor narrowed his eyes at the bishop. “I’d say it was most likely from the pesticides used on your crops.”
Zack puckered his forehead and stared at his daed. “Do you use pesticides?”
He nodded in thought. “Could it be from something else? Our farmers are not to use pesticides.”
Zack’s brothers and Lizzy stood in the doorway along with Jonas’s girl. “Is this a bad time?” Jonas looked around the room and stopped at the bishop. “No.” Zack heard the doctor’s words but wasn’t sure what he should tell his brother. “The doctor was just saying there is a cure for what ails Clara. That is something to be grateful for, and we’ll pray for perfect healing.”
His dad and brothers stood silently, probably surprised at his response. Lizzy stared at him for a second and then joined in, clapping her hands in praise.
“Jah, our God is an awesome God,” Jonas chimed in.
His dad, using his cane, walked to a chair and sat down with a broad smile on his round face.
The nurse came in and held a finger to her lips. “Shhh, you’ll wake the whole floor with all this noise. And get me in trouble.” Her hair slipped down onto her shoulder as her eyes caught Zack’s. When he turned toward Lizzy, she was watching. He wondered whether she cared enough to say anything about the contact between them. Then he realized he didn’t know why he was even thinking about either one of them.
The nurse walked over to Clara, smiling as she passed Zack. He wondered whether she’d be giving him the same attention if he was still Amish.
The nurse stood beside Clara, between her and Zack. “The chemo isn’t what you should be thinking about. What’s important is taking care of yourself. You’re a giver at heart, but right now, it’s about taking care of you. Eating well, your attitude, and faith are the things that will keep you going and help you get through much better.”
“Good advice.” Zack found himself nodding in agreement with how she was encouraging Clara. He hadn’t given those things much thought, but it made sense and would give her a focus other than the chemo. “Thanks . . . I don’t know your name.”
“Ellen, and you’re Zack.”
He nodded but didn’t want to have a conversation in a room full of people.
Now that the suspense of finding out what was wrong with Clara was over, Zack felt himself getting tired, and he didn’t want to spend another night in the hospital waiting room or his car. “I’ve been staying in the waiting room. Is there someplace here at the hospital where visitors can get a couple winks?”
His mamm cleared her throat. “Zack, you’re welcome to stay with us.” Her soft voice made the offer a little more desirable, but he knew it would be awkward. He was a little surprised that no one in his family hesitated about the offer.
He made sure he said no before any of them rejected him.
“Okay. Tomorrow then.” She seemed more determined the second time, so he didn’t argue, just nodded with a small grin.
“There are strict visiting hours for this type of procedure. I’m sorry.” Ellen placed a delicate hand on his arm. This was crossing a line he wasn’t comfortable with, and he was sure it wasn’t professional. But Ellen was awful cute, and even better, Lizzy was so irritated, he couldn’t help but enjoy the fireworks.
Chapter Eleven
LEAVING CLARA AT the hospital had Lizzy in a spin. The nurse told her it was best and said that Clara had a few long days ahead of her. Lizzy didn’t like the words the doe-eyed, dark-haired nurse used as she explained. She made it seem Clara might be unavailable for weeks. If so, Lizzy wanted even more to be there.
She sighed, knowing she had her own responsibilities back home. A farm never stopped operating. When working with live animals, challenging weather conditions, and cooking three meals a day, not considering daily chores, planting, and harvesting, it wasn’t realistic to think she could be away long.
“Looks like a storm is coming through.” Jed squinted into the flakes as they hit the windshield of the bishop’s buggy.
Lizzy looked up to the sky. The snow would be thick by the time she got back to the farm. That meant getting chores done would take even longer. One good thing about having a brother was that he did a lot of the outdoor chores on days like this. She and her sisters cooked with their mamm. Lizzy loved to bake, mainly because she loved sweets, but even more because it was her way of making people happy. There was something about dessert that made a person content.
Zack’s mamm, Anna Mae, turned to meet gazes with her. “You’re awful quiet, Lizzy. Don’t think too much. Gott’s got His hand in this.”
Anna Mae had glanced at her a couple times, but Lizzy wasn’t in the mood to talk. Zack’s folks were good people, but when Zack left, they were humbled even more. Lizzy figured it was much harder to have a wayward child if you were in the position the bishop was in. Others shook their heads and whispered as he and his family passed them by.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Eli sat next to her in his daed’s special-made buggy. The bishop’s justification for the extravagance was that he could spend more time with the Lord, studying the Word, if he didn’t have to walk. Not that he needed a reason; he seemed to care little about the opinions of others.
“Well, I’m thinking of Clara, of course.” She admitted to herself that she was also thinking of Zack and what home in the city must be like. She pictured tall buildings and many people making their way down the busy streets. She imagined the houses big, like her family’s, with room for friends, meals, and much talking afterward. For a moment she thought that it might be an interesting way of life.
“You look worried.” Eli was a nice guy, but he was oblivious to his continuous chatter. He tried too hard to catch a girl’s attention.
“Nee, Clara’s strong. She’ll pull through, whatever it is.” Her demeanor was confident, maybe too much so. But then she could say that of him, as well. It was easier to deny anything but the positive.
