The Summer Switch-Off, page 27
And giddy, girlish Jodie is back with a vengeance, perching up on her knees and gesturing widely as she tells us about wanting to prove to Gabriel she didn’t care, dancing with another guy, and their tense little showdown on the dance floor. She explains how they’d completely misunderstood each other, how sweet and genuine he’d been …
I can’t help but feel a flicker of jealousy, wishing Liam had shown that kind of self-awareness over his own immaturity at some point. But it vanishes quickly, replaced by something a lot closer to feeling like I dodged a bullet by breaking up with him when I did.
Moony-eyed, she flops back onto her elbows to tell us about their night-time stroll. ‘We spent … God, must’ve been hours … just walking along the beach, talking.’
‘And snogging,’ I guess.
‘Quite a lot of it, actually,’ she says, sounding rather pleased with herself.
‘And shagging?’ Rory waggles her eyebrows, and Jodie’s blush is answer enough, even if she’s tight-lipped on details, which makes us all giggle.
‘It wasn’t just that, though. I really felt like I could open up to him. Things just – make sense with him somehow, you know? Like, I’ve decided I’m going to quit uni.’
‘What!’ Rory and I both cry.
I know Jodie had mentioned how unhappy she was there that first night, and that thinking about her final year and her career afterwards was what she’d come here to run away from – but she suddenly sounds so sure of her decision, and so at peace with it. Happy about it.
‘It’s what I’ve wanted for a while,’ she says, nodding to herself, ‘and it’s time I started going after what I want a bit more.’
‘Teach me your ways,’ Rory declares, with a self-deprecating snort, but stretches a leg to nudge Jodie with her foot in a way that seems to say, Proud of you, girl!
I ask, ‘Did you and Gabriel talk about – about you …’
The way Rory looks at me makes me stop talking. Bad idea, I guess.
But Jodie seems to know I was about to ask if there was any future for the two of them, and shrugs. ‘Not really. I told him I’d see him today, but we didn’t discuss anything about after that. It’s his day off, so I figured … I dunno. Maybe I’ll say bye later. It was just such a perfect night, and if that’s all it can be …’
She sighs wistfully.
‘Well, excuse me, Miss Ho-dee,’ I say, doing my best impression of Esteban, ‘just what do you think you’re doing here with us?’
‘What?’
‘You have one day left to enjoy this piece of paradise.’ I sweep a hand out at the view we’ve got right now.
The white sand, the bright blue sea, the beach bar … The hotel itself looks like something out of a magazine, glowing in the sunshine like that and surrounded by palm trees and flowering bushes. Even the volleyball game that’s started up a way down the beach looks inviting.
‘So what are you doing sitting here with us when your man has a day off work and you could be spending it wrapped up with him?’
Jodie blushes, mumbling incoherently, but there’s a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
‘Go on,’ Rory encourages. ‘Go find him! We’ll be hanging around here if you want to come back or change your mind, or whatever. But for now go and snog his face off.’
‘Are you guys sure? I mean, it’s … it’s our last day. And –’
‘And we’ll be stuck together for most of tomorrow on a bus to the airport and on the plane home,’ I point out. Jodie’s face lights up, but she ducks her head to try and hide it. I can’t help but smile at that. ‘If you don’t go, one of us will. And I’m newly single. Don’t tempt me.’
Jodie laughs, climbing to her feet and dusting sand off herself. ‘Okay, okay, I’m going. I’ll see you guys for dinner, though?’
‘The last supper,’ Rory says.
‘A final hurrah to the holiday from hell,’ I add.
Jodie picks up her shoes, giving us a little wave and heading off, and Rory and I both shout after her, whooping and cheering for her. Jodie stops to throw her hands in the air and give a little wiggle before jogging up the beach.
‘That girl,’ Rory declares, ‘is living her best life.’
She twists to lie on her stomach, opening her notebook again. I get a book out of my bag, but after a minute or so I realize I’m not really reading any of the words.
I close the book again, hugging my knees to me and watching the sea wash up onto the shore and back out. My eyes slide shut, and I enjoy the warmth of the sun on my skin, the quiet of it all.
Jodie is, as Rory put it, out there living her best life. Off to get her guy, and determined to make changes in her life and rethink her priorities. Rory is writing furiously with a newfound zest for all her ambitions.
Which just leaves me.
And maybe I don’t have many good friends to go back home to, or a boyfriend anymore. Maybe I don’t have a five-year plan that’s remotely on track or even any kind of plan right now.
And I’m … okay.
No, that’s not right. I’m better than okay.
I am brilliant.
CHAPTER 35
Rory
‘You should put more suncream on,’ Luna tells me.
‘Please! What kind of pasty-arse Brit would I be if I put suncream on, on my last day on holiday?’
‘A burnt one, risking skin cancer and wrinkles.’
I wave a hand at her. ‘I put some on this morning, and I haven’t even been swimming. I’m fine, Miss Lola. But,’ I say, softening, ‘I appreciate your concern, babe.’
Luna rolls her eyes, and I have to smile. Hannah and Nic would love her. She is every inch the responsible young adult they are trying to train me to be.
We sit out on the beach for a while after Jodie leaves. I’m wrapped up in my notebook and plans, scribbling video ideas and Instagram captions and what I want my new bios to look like. I find myself thinking about the drawing of Larry the Lobster I did at Kids’ Club with the little girl, and sketch it out again as best I can remember. I redraw him a few more times until I think he looks perfect.
I could do something with that. I’m not sure what yet, but something will come to me. Today, my brain is on fire, and I am determined to fan every ember and keep it going.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner – and I can’t believe I needed Jodie to point out the obvious to me: all my efforts to ‘build a brand’ were ultimately not focusing on the product I wanted to sell. The passion I actually wanted to share.
I flick back a few pages to my bucket list. I bite the inside of my cheek as I cross a few things out:
~The Holiday Bucket List~
1. Write pros and cons list of actually doing the law degree you got an UNCONDITIONAL OFFER FOR
2. Write pros and cons list of doing literally anything but that.
3. Consider other degrees to apply to through clearing?
4. Write pros and cons list of a gap year, just in case
5. HAVE FUN! BE RESTFUL! PRACTISE MINDFULNESS!
6. Talk to strangers (make friends??)
7. Try something new!
8. Figure out how to tell Mum and Dad and Nic and Hannah I don’t want to do the law degree, never wanted to do the law degree, never will want to do the law degree, and might cry if someone mentions the law degree one more time
9.
10.
I think my stint as Larry counts as ‘trying something new’, and as for all my worry and indecisiveness about the law degree …
My family will all have seen #LobsterFail, I have zero doubt. I’m also willing to bet that means they’ve found my TikTok, Instagram and Etsy store. They’ll know.
And – for once, that … doesn’t horrify me the way it used to. The way it did mere days ago. So what if my views were declining and I was losing followers? Look at all that effort I’ve put into something I love, I’ll say! It’s easily way more effort than I ever put into my studies, and just because I’ve coasted through school so far doesn’t mean uni would be a breeze. Jodie’s proof enough of that.
I’d like to go to uni, though. Whenever Jodie and Luna have talked about it, it’s made me look forward to it. Just, like, not the ‘law degree’ part.
My family will just have to suck it up, that’s all.
And then help me figure out how clearing works, because I don’t actually know.
I look up again when Luna says, ‘I might get a drink, if you fancy one? Or I think lunch should be open by now …’
Hint taken. ‘I could eat.’
‘Are you sure? If you’re busy, I don’t wanna disrupt the flow.’
I shake my head, closing my notebook. She holds her bag open for me to drop my things into (but I make sure to dust the sand off first), and we head back towards the hotel.
‘So,’ she says, dragging the word out and looking at me uncertainly, ‘your bucket list. Any, um … any progress? All that frantic note-making?’
I mock-gasp, clutching a hand to my chest. ‘You fiend, Luna, reminding me of your snooping. I am heartbroken by your betrayal.’
She looks a little awkward, even though she rolls her eyes and nudges me with her elbow. ‘Oh, shut up.’
I tell her about the pros and cons lists I’ve just been working on, which are remarkably short given how stressed out I was about the mere idea of them, and how decisive I feel now. I say I’m going to be a big girl, act like a goddamn grown-up for once, and just tell my family I want to study something else.
If I can stand up to Esteban, then Mum and Dad will be a breeze.
‘Good for you, Rory. That’s – it’s great, really.’
She beams at me, and something warm blooms in my chest. Kind of like pride. It’s a nice contrast to the sinking dread I felt when I got that letter with my unconditional offer, by a mile.
‘What about you? Are we totally over that drag of an ex with his cheating and his awful trainers?’
Luna gives a small, uncertain laugh, and as she rolls her eyes again, I suddenly find myself barrelling on.
‘He didn’t deserve you, you know. I realize that probably sounds weird coming from me because we only met a few days ago, but I mean … We’re friends. And you deserve better than a guy who was more bothered about going out and having a good time than respecting what he had with you. You were together for ages and it’s a lot to get over, I understand that, but it sounded like things hadn’t been good for a while, and like you’d bitten your tongue a whole bunch of times rather than tell him he was pissing you off before you finally broke up with him. You’re stunning, you’re sweet – you’re the whole deal. If he couldn’t see that, then it’s his problem, not yours.’
Luna stares at me, stunned, listening intently. Maybe she thinks I sound like a total weirdo – or maybe (and I hope) it’s the kind of stuff she’s been wondering herself, and she needs to hear out loud. But – up until last night, anyway – she’s been so kind and supportive, trying to build me and Jodie up and lend a sympathetic ear. And I doubt her awful ex-boyfriend gave her that kind of courtesy – or any of his shitty mates who’ve been ghosting her.
‘And,’ I press, ‘if your friends would rather pick him than you, then that says a lot about them; they’re probably not your kind of people anyway. You’ll be better off without them, too. You said you’ve got other mates on your course, though, right?’
‘Yeah,’ she says quietly, eyes focused on the ground as she nods, taking it in. ‘I do.’
‘You’re not boring, either. For the record, I think you’re pretty fucking cool.’
Luna flushes, but tells me in a soft voice, ‘Thanks, Rory. I appreciate that.’
When we get to reception, following a stream of people heading towards lunch, I spot Zoe across the room and tap Luna’s arm.
‘Hey, uh, you go on ahead to lunch, okay? I’ll meet you there in a minute.’
‘Sure,’ she says. I think she’s only half listening, but she makes her way towards the restaurant anyway, and I head over to Zoe. She’s leaning against the reception desk, filling in a form. I linger for a second, but she doesn’t seem to notice me.
God, why do I suddenly feel so awkward? We were getting along great. We didn’t click the way I did with Luna and Jodie, but she was nice, and we were never stuck for something to say. So why do I feel so weird now?
Oh right – because I got her to come out to a club with us, unwittingly went viral, lost my shit, and shut myself away in a toilet cubicle all night and made her wait around in the loos for me all that time.
I clear my throat. ‘Hey.’
She jumps, startled, and looks up with wide eyes before setting down her pen and smiling widely at me. ‘Rory! Hey! How’re you doing? Are you, um … feeling better?’
‘Loads,’ I say, and I really mean it. ‘I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about last night. I promised you this awesome, fun, girly night, and I totally ruined it.’
‘Would you believe I’ve had worse?’ she jokes.
I’m so relieved she doesn’t seem mad. I know I would have been, in her shoes.
‘I’m glad you’re doing better today. That video stuff – it’ll all blow over.’
I don’t explain that I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t. ‘Well, yeah, anyway, I just … wanted to apologize. And say thank you. I really appreciate you sticking around like that all night, and it was kind of fun working with you in Kids’ Club.’
‘Hey, you know, the day is young …’
I give her a deadpan look. ‘Not that young.’
Zoe laughs loudly. ‘It was fun having you around for a while. Thanks for being Larry.’
‘I’d say anytime, but what I really mean is never again.’
‘You should know I’ll be telling people about you for years,’ Zoe says.
‘I would despair if you didn’t. If you’re ever back on social media, look me up, huh?’
‘Will do, Lobster Girl.’
CHAPTER 36
Jodie
Gabriel is nowhere to be found. After maybe half an hour of meandering around the hotel, hoping to spot him, I start to give up hope. He’d said he’d see me today, but he never said when, and it’s not like I can just text him … And it’s also not like I can just barge into the staffroom to see if he’s there. Not least because I don’t want to run into Eduardo or any of the other guys he was hanging out with last night.
‘Hola, señorita,’ a friendly voice calls to me when I’m walking back through reception for maybe the eighth time. ‘¿Cómo estás?’
I look around to see Rafael, the driver from our first day, smiling at me. I smile back and say, ‘Estoy bien, ¿y tú?’
‘Your Spanish is very good, Miss Jodie. I see you wandering around the hotel. Have you lost something?’
‘Oh! Um, no, I just …’
‘Have you forgotten which activity you are supposed to be at, perhaps?’
He says it with such an air of sarcasm that I can’t help but laugh. ‘Not exactly. I was just …’ I take a gamble, bracing myself to ask, ‘Have you seen Gabriel anywhere?’
‘Ah,’ Rafael says, smiling again, ‘do not tell me, there are more tortolitos about. Sí, I heard he was quite taken with one of our guests!’
All I can do is give a sheepish laugh and an even more sheepish smile.
Rafael takes pity on me though, and beckons me to an office behind reception. He flicks through a book and finds a phone number. He calls from a landline on the desk, saying nothing to me, but greeting the person on the other end enthusiastically once they answer.
After exchanging some pleasantries, he says in English with a sidelong glance at me and a smirk, ‘I am calling because I have a lovely young lady here who is looking for you. Mm-hmm. Sí, sí …’
He says goodbye and hangs up. ‘Gabriel is on his way. He won’t be long.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, pleasantly surprised by the lack of interrogation and how damn helpful he’s been. (After the way Esteban has been and how we got press-ganged into activities at the start of the week, I kind of forgot the staff could be nice.) ‘I appreciate the help.’
‘I believe he likes you,’ Rafael tells me with a certain tone of conspiracy – reminding me of the time when I was little and Gran told me where Mum had hidden my Christmas presents. ‘He is quite lonely sometimes, I think. I haven’t seen him excited about a young lady in a while.’
‘Er,’ is all I can manage.
In my head, I’m punching the air and doing a pathetic happy dance because hell yeah, Gabriel doesn’t come on to every girl in this hotel who shows an interest in him and compliments his earlobes!
Not that I really thought he did, given the things he said last night, but … it’s still nice to hear he doesn’t.
Rafael hangs out talking to me for a while, until Gabriel shows up. He finds it hilarious that we all got shunted to one of the ramshackle villas on the beach (‘Not even fit for the cockroaches,’ he says), and has seen the video of Rory’s #LobsterFail. He’s a little more sympathetic about that one, even if he does crack up laughing, remembering it.
When a shadow falls into the room and someone stands in the doorway, Rafael and I stop snickering over the tortolitos, who he saw bickering over eggs at the breakfast buffet this morning. It’s Gabriel, standing there smiling at me, his eyes sparkling, and my mouth goes dry.
‘Hola.’
‘Hi,’ I rasp.
‘I will leave you tortolitos alone, hmm?’ Rafael says, winking at me. He claps Gabriel on the shoulder on his way out, and Gabriel stays leaning against the open door and smiling at me for a moment longer.
He’s wearing an old, faded pair of jeans and a black V-neck T-shirt that shows off his strong arms and clings to his broad chest. I thought he looked pretty dishy in his uniform, but this is … Wow.
And I want to run my fingers through his dark hair and –
Like I’m possessed by someone more confident and flirty, I’m already getting up to do just that. His soft hair slides between my fingers, and I pull him down to kiss him. A shiver passes through me as his hands settle on my waist and his tongue drags over my lower lip.
