Lilith's Shadow Omnibus: Volume 2, page 34
Lilith glanced at the mess as she settled into a chair. The packaging of the console made the floor far more cluttered than she was used to and provided a ready distraction from the anxiety twisting at her stomach. A large part of her wanted to finish cleaning it up, but she forced herself to ignore it. Similarly, she kept her legs from crossing, or from holding her arms tight against her body. Her lessons indicated that would make her feel closed off to others, and she didn’t want that.
Rachel settled onto the couch with a troubled look on her face, the way she was toying with the rings on her fingers showing her own nervousness, and she kept crossing and uncrossing her ankles as she tried to get comfortable. Gina looked far more poised than Rachel, but even so, there was a distinct undercurrent of guilt in her expression. She sat next to Rachel, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, which sent another chill through Lilith. Still, Lilith wasn’t going to let them control the entire flow of the conversation, so she took a deep breath, then spoke as calmly as she could.
“So. You said that the problem is something that Amber did,” Lilith said, her voice calm and even, despite how much turmoil she felt inside. “May I ask what that is?”
Rachel almost jumped at that, worry crossing her face, then she shook her head firmly. “Right, I told you that, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I’ve just been… uncomfortable, lately.”
“She’s been jumping at shadows,” Gina corrected, and looked at Lilith, concern in her gaze as she hesitated, then lowered her head slightly. “I’m sorry, Lilith. As some people have pointed out, including you, we’ve grown more distant. The problem… well, it’s simple enough. There’s nothing different from my perspective, I’ve simply… drifted away. Unfortunately, while you were missing, Rachel noticed that her mind had been tampered with. So had mine, for that matter.”
A chill ran down Lilith’s spine, and she slowly inhaled, a bit of relief and worry rushing through her in turn. Then she asked softly, “I… no, I should wait for you to explain. Is she forcing us apart?”
“I don’t know,” Rachel said, shaking her head quickly, her voice trembling. “That’s just the problem, Lilith. Our minds are riddled with her power. Lots of it is focused on where our emotions toward you are concerned, but it is all over, and it affects far more than just the past few days. The linkage that I severed had been there since Crimson Bull and Gina captured Shadowmind, before you were even awake.”
“Oh.” Lilith paused, her eyes widening, and she thought back to the meeting she was going to have with Amber, and the faintest hint of anger sparked inside her as she asked, “So, what does that mean?”
“Remember last year? When we separated because I wasn’t sure if you were influencing my mind or not?” Gina asked, looking at Lilith in a way that intensified the chill Lilith was feeling. There was nothing she wanted more than for Gina to stop, but Lilith felt herself nod, at which point Gina continued, not meeting Lilith’s gaze. “Well, this is worse. Much, much worse. With as much psychic energy as we found, we can’t tell how extensive the changes are. Shadowmind probably pushed us away from you, but did she push us together? Did she change our personalities entirely, or force us to come with you to Paragon City? We don’t know.”
“And unlike the last time, I can’t help check or fix it,” Rachel continued immediately, studying her hands. “Magical healing of this type is tricky. One of the changes she made gave me blind spots, or I’d have noticed this ages ago. I just… overlooked it, until I looked a lot deeper than I normally would have. Those blind spots could lead to me accidentally lobotomizing myself or Gina if I tried to fix it, and that… that’s bad. So we have to go to someone we trust that can do the job, and who we can be confident hasn’t been compromised by her. Or anyone else, for that matter.”
Lilith nodded, drawing a deep breath, then let it out, trying to analyze the situation dispassionately, though that was incredibly hard. If what they were saying was true, and she had no reason to believe it wasn’t, it made a certain amount of sense. However, with how Rachel had been so mysterious about things so far… she came to a conclusion that she really didn’t like.
“You’re leaving without me. Aren’t you?” Lilith asked, though internally she hoped she was wrong.
“I… yes,” Rachel replied nervously, lowering her gaze again, and Lilith saw Gina pull her in tighter, just as it felt like Lilith’s stomach dropped into a void, and her head began spinning. The heroine wasn’t done, though, as she hastily continued. “I don’t want to, but we need to. You’re directly involved in the changes somehow, so fixing it will be easier without your presence to reinforce them, and…”
Lilith stopped listening at that point, instead closing her eyes and inhaling slowly as she marshalled her thoughts. No matter how much she’d thought things through, hearing that they were going to leave was a shock. They were going to leave her alone again… and this time everyone knew who she was. What she was. There wouldn’t be anyone to help if she was attacked again, and… no.
Shaking herself internally, Lilith forced the thoughts down as she thought back to what Bastet had said to her in Sekhet-Aaru. Was this what she’d meant, when she’d talked of others defining her? Somehow Lilith doubted it, but no matter how much she hurt, she didn’t want to hear excuses. Not now, as she strained to keep herself together.
“That’s enough, Rachel. Please,” Lilith said, inhaling slowly as she focused on the two heroines in front of her at last, feeling a tiny bit guilty that she hadn’t listened to half of what had been said, but the aching sensation in her chest was bad enough she couldn’t find it in her to feel truly guilty. No, she was just… she wanted to find a small room again, like she had the last time, and cry. Not that she could right now, so she focused on them, seeing Rachel’s mouth snap shut, and asked, “Where are you going to go?”
“England,” Gina said softly. “The previous Morgan Le Fay lives a little west of London, and she agreed to house us while untangling what was done. She’s good at that sort of magic, better than Rachel by a good margin.”
“Ah. A sensible choice, and since you’re looking for someone you trust… well, I don’t exactly know any psychics who could do that. Not when Amber is involved,” Lilith replied bitterly, shaking her head as she tried to keep her voice from breaking. “How long do you expect it to take?”
“I don’t know. We don’t know how extensive the damage truly is,” Rachel said, looking down at her hands again. “Going off what little I could sense… a month at least. Several months is likely, possibly more. I heard that she spent most of a year healing Serene Skye after Shadowmind wrecked her psyche and turned her against her team. I don’t think this will be as bad, since our minds are at least intact.”
Lilith felt her heart clench at Rachel’s explanation, anguish almost strangling her. Even if a year was unlikely, that was longer than she’d known Gina and Rachel. It was almost two thirds of her entire lifetime, and there were two of them. If the woman couldn’t help both of them simultaneously, then they very well might be gone for as long as Lilith had been alive, and that… it felt like her head was spinning, and it was all she could do to keep her fingernails from digging into the armrests.
“Well. That… is a long time,” Lilith replied, taking another deep breath, then another, trying to calm her heart, which was beating incredibly rapidly. “When are you leaving? Soon, I assume. You’ve been distracted, and took a lot of your things from the room.”
“Hopefully not as long as you think, but yes,” Gina said, looking at Rachel. “You were getting the tickets, weren’t you?”
“That’s right. I got them earlier, and our flight leaves tomorrow afternoon,” Rachel said, looking up as she added nervously. “The sooner we go, the sooner it’s done.”
That was yet another hammer blow to Lilith, though she supposed it was better than some of the alternatives. The idea of them leaving so soon, though… it hurt. She thought for a few seconds, then shook her head, laughing darkly as she spoke. “Well, if you have to go, that’s all there is to it. I just… what am I going to do? All of your things are here, and I don’t know many other people.”
“You’ll be fine, Lilith,” Gina said quickly, letting go of Rachel and leaning forward, speaking earnestly. “We’ve already talked to the Sentinels, and they’ve said that their doors are open if you want to see them. I bet Spark will come to visit sometimes, too. Plus, with the way Vegas improved your reputation, I’ll bet that Osmar would be able to get you introductions to other heroes and people around the city. Heck, maybe you could even take a few classes at the university, and see what regular life is like!”
“And it isn’t as though we’ll be ignoring you, even if the changes make it difficult. The time difference will make it hard, and we’re going to have to make sure Madison doesn’t think it’d be bad for us, but we can probably email and make phone calls. Probably mostly email, to be safe,” Rachel said, hesitating for a few seconds before she looked down again. “That said… I’ll understand if you don’t want to. This is the second time we’ve done this to you, and last time it was only for two weeks. If… if you decide you want to move on, just let me know? I don’t know about Gina, but it isn’t fair to you, to make you wait and wonder.”
Rachel’s words struck Lilith almost like a knife in the heart, and it felt like she’d deliberately twisted it, while she looked back at Rachel incredulously. Move on? She thought that Lilith wanted to move on, already? The very idea boggled Lilith’s mind, and it hurt that Rachel would even consider it. She stared back at her and Gina for several moments that felt like they lasted forever, then Lilith inclined her head slightly.
“I understand. If that is everything, I would like to be alone for a while,” Lilith said, her voice trembling despite her attempts to control herself, and her head bowed slightly, heat welling up in her eyes.
“I… I’m sorry, Lilith. We’ll leave you alone,” Gina replied, a note of trepidation in her voice, and Lilith heard her stand.
“Yes, it’s the least we can do. I… I hate this, and for what it’s worth, I wish none of it was necessary,” Rachel added, her footsteps echoing through the room as she moved away quickly.
Lilith’s emotions grew still more unsteady as she heard them leave, without so much as a comforting pat on the shoulder, or a hug to help her feel better. That was what told her how bad the situation truly was. They didn’t try to comfort her, or to do anything to make it better. After most of a year together, she’d come to know them well… until suddenly, it was like they were entirely different people, and she was left alone.
“Alone. Perhaps I should just get used to it,” Lilith murmured, a few hot trickles slowly making their way down her face, and she reached up to wipe the tears away.
“You aren’t alone, Mistress Lilith. I’m here,” Circe replied softly.
“I know, Circe. I know… but it still hurts. It hurts so much,” Lilith said, shaking her head slowly. “Why did it come to this?”
Circe didn’t reply, but Lilith expected that. If she didn’t know, it was doubtful that Circe did, or if she did, it was because Amber had made the decision and didn’t want Lilith to know. Either way, Lilith would have a chance to ask in person soon enough.
Shadowmind Redoubt Invincible, Asteroid Belt, Sol
“Hm. That went about how I expected it to. And just as I expected, she likely feels betrayed by them,” Amber said, taking a sip from her wine glass, and not even trying to hide her smile, satisfaction filling her. Just as she’d told Circe before, what she’d given Lilith, she could easily take away. It was a lesson she hoped would sink in for her daughter.
The screen in front of her showed the living room of Eden Manor, and specifically Lilith alone, her head in her hands as she cried. Unaware that Amber had watched every moment of her conversation with Morgan and Warden. It was all Amber could do to avoid gloating.
“Couldn’t you just find out for yourself, Mistress?” Circe asked curiously. “You’ve read her thoughts before.”
“Yes, I have. But unfortunately, her mind has grown steadily more guarded over the past several months, making it harder for me to enter. Lilith’s psyche is incredibly strong, which it should be with the structure I gave it, and at this point she’s so guarded that I’d have to force my way in,” Amber explained, clicking her tongue in annoyance. “It’s irritating, but at least it’s evidence that she’s living up to my expectations to some extent. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be worth my time. Either way, I don’t feel like alerting her that I’m watching, so I’m choosing to take a more indirect approach.”
“As you say, Mistress,” Circe agreed. “Do you desire anything else from me?”
“I’d like fresh salmon, garlic potatoes, and a green salad for dinner,” Amber replied, reaching out and deactivating the screen with a thought. That made her smile, as she truly did like some of the innovations the aliens had so thoughtfully given her. “After that, I’d like a report on the progress of the Punishers.”
“As you wish, Mistress,” Circe replied.
Sitting forward, Amber stretched, letting out a happy grunt as her back popped, then grinned. Progress was being made, whether Lilith liked it or not. Now she just needed to put some finishing touches on her own plans, as she was determined that this time the world would capitulate, at least if it knew what was good for it.
Chapter 44
Tuesday, August 19th, 2031
Paragon City Airport, Paragon City
“Is this really a good idea?” Gina asked, pausing as she looked back at airport security, a hint of uneasiness she hadn’t noticed before tickling at the back of her mind.
The airport was fairly busy, with a few hundred people she could see in line for the checkpoint. Gina couldn’t help being relieved by the fact she was able to bypass most of the line due to her status as a heroine. Oh, they still had to go through the scanners, but no one gave heroes grief about the items in their bags unless they were completely out of line, like explosives. She and Rachel had received even more enthusiastic service than normal, and plenty of people were staring at them and taking pictures.
What had her concerned was who wasn’t in sight. Lilith hadn’t accompanied them to the airport, and while she’d said her farewells that morning, it was obvious that Lilith’s heart wasn’t in it. Why, she hadn’t even been there at dinner the night before, which was concerning, and when Gina had checked the logs, the gym had been set to twenty percent greater than normal gravity for a full four hours the previous night. Considering that Circe had deliberately set up the gym to only be at that setting when Lilith was inside it, that was worrying.
Her anxiety wasn’t improved by her leaving behind her suit, either. While she doubted that the suit Circe had manufactured for her was dangerous, neither she or Rachel could be certain, so they’d stripped the magic from them and had left them behind, at which point Circe had made a pointed comment about recycling them. Gina had never known the AI to be so passive aggressive about things before. Still, they’d contacted the London branch of SuperNet to get new suits manufactured, these based on their old designs, so they wouldn’t be without suits for too long.
“What choice do we have?” Rachel asked, glancing over her shoulder. “We can either leave things as they are, which doesn’t bear thinking on, or get the problem dealt with. I’d rather deal with the problem. It doesn’t make me happy, but that’s life.”
“True,” Gina said, conscious of all the people around her as she bit back the urge to give more details, and sighed, shaking her head. “I just wish we weren’t leaving Lilith behind. It makes me feel guilty.”
“Yes, well… other reasons aside, she doesn’t have a passport, I’ll point out, and that doesn’t even consider her current legal status in the UK,” Rachel replied, stopping to let Gina catch up, looking a bit pensive. “They haven’t forgotten Shadowmind’s attack on Parliament, and last I heard, they hadn’t decided how to treat Lilith.”
“Point. A definite point,” Gina admitted, as it helped assuage her guilt a little. “Either way, it’s a little late now, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. But I’m sure Lilith will get through things. She’s drawn plenty of attention, and… well, she can make friends. She found us, after all!” Rachel said, smiling at Gina.
“True!” Gina said, putting on a smile of her own, and started moving again with a spring in her step. No matter what had been done to her, she did have Rachel, and her emotions regarding her seemed consistent all the way from college, so at least she didn’t have to worry about that being manufactured.
Gina’s thoughts drifted a little as she noticed the gaggle of teenagers staring at them in the concourse, and Gina wondered how long it would take them to work up their courage to come and ask for autographs. A couple of them were cute, which improved her mood.
Eden Manor, Glendale
Lilith tried to avoid thinking about how empty the house felt. Gina and Rachel had only left an hour before, and from what she knew, their flight didn’t leave for another hour, but they were gone. For who knew how long.
She’d driven herself hard the previous night to try to exhaust herself, yet it hadn’t worked. Even when she’d gone to bed, she noticed how huge the bed was, and how cold it was without another person beside her. There weren’t the movements of someone else rolling over, or the sounds of their breathing in the night. Yet the house hadn’t felt completely empty, like it did now.
Lilith was trying to keep herself occupied, though. She’d finished setting up her console, and now she was trying to register a new account… which was proving problematic. The username Lilith Carpenter was already taken, as were all the variations she could think of, so with ten different attempts done, she sighed, growling as she demanded, “What name would work, then? I swear, everyone has taken my name already!”
