The Pitch: City Love 2, page 29
My hip felt a bit sore, but I didn’t care about that. I was still desperately trying to figure out how I could make sure the baby was alright without making it too obvious. “I might have a bruise on my hip, but it doesn’t feel too bad. Okay, I’m ready.”
Paul moved into a crouching position and helped me to my feet. The room swayed for a second but fortunately righted itself pretty quickly. As we walked slowly toward the couches, Paul’s arm firmly around my waist, I remembered my parched mouth.
“Could someone please get me a drink of water?” I asked.
“I’ll get it,” Christa said, and rushed off. I was forgiven for now.
The rest of our group continued toward the lounge area. The other bar patrons moved out of our way politely, with nods of sympathy or reassuring smiles. God, what a mess.
We neared the couches. They looked as good as a mirage in the desert from where I was standing.
I heard a set of quick footsteps approach from behind and then a loud cry.
“Maddy!”
It was Christa. I didn’t bother to turn around. “What’s up?”
There was a long pause. “You’re bleeding.”
I reached up to touch my forehead again, confused.
“No. Your pants.”
I swung around to look at Christa. Wide blue eyes and a concerned, pale face confronted me. The room lurched. I shouldn’t have tried to move so quickly.
“Steady,” Paul cautioned.
I ignored him and looked down at my pants. I couldn’t see anything, so I twisted gingerly, my head still pounding, to look behind me. A small circle of deep red blood stained my pants and now that Christa had alerted me to it, I could feel wetness between my legs.
Nausea surged and I started to retch.
“Oh fuck,” I heard Scarlett announce. She thoughtfully presented someone’s used bowl of wedges.
I vomited into it, feeling too sick to care. My friends and other people nearby stepped back – repulsed as I would have been if I was watching on – but Paul’s arm remained around my waist. He swept my hair back with his free arm, narrowly avoiding chunks of my dinner. I dry retched a few more times after my dinner was gone and stifled a sob.
“We need to get her to a hospital.” Scarlett’s firm voice cut through my self-pity. “She’s pregnant and she might lose the baby.”
I heard Cate gasp and my brother swear.
“No,” I moaned, too scared to look at Paul. Not like this, was all I could think.
Paul’s grip tightened around my waist.
“Scarlett,” I hissed.
Her dark eyes were full of resolve. “Do you want to lose this baby?”
“No!” A wave of sobs wracked my body. Fear clutched at my heart and I was finding it hard to breath. I dared a look at Paul.
His face was pale, but his expression resolute. I saw nothing of the fear I knew was in my own eyes and another sob escaped. Even when I threw something of this magnitude in his direction, his perpetual calm prevailed. The pain in my chest intensified as I realized just how much I loved this man.
“Madeleine,” Paul said gently, and started leading me to an exit at the rear of the bar. “I’ve got my car here.”
I couldn’t reply because I was still struggling for air, but I managed to let him direct me to the exit. When the night air hit me I inhaled the fresh scent of summer gratefully.
Paul’s car was parked near the exit. He opened the passenger door while still holding me firmly, then lowered me carefully into the seat.
“My pants,” I protested.
“Forget it. It’s leather anyway.”
Could nothing break this man’s cool? Paul closed the door, came around to the driver’s side and started the engine. The Audi came to life with a low rumble. He wasted no time putting it into reverse and made an efficient three point turn before exiting the parking lot.
I looked down at my hands. They were shaking. Below them, I could see the stain of blood on my pants.
“Are you cramping?” Paul asked, his eyes on the road. He was darting in and out of traffic, but his actions remained calm and deliberate.
“A little,” I admitted. I’d put it down to the need to vomit, but I was starting to realize it was more than that. “It’s not too bad.”
He went silent while he focused on the surrounding traffic. It was Friday night in the inner city and the amount of cars and pedestrians swirling past us made me feel claustrophobic.
After accelerating through an orange light, Paul cleared his throat. “How far along are you?”
“Almost ten weeks.” I bit my lip, tears stinging my eyes.
He nodded and went silent again. I dared a look at him. His jaw was set firmly, the muscles in his cheek tense.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He didn’t say anything, just kept his focus on the road and on getting us to the hospital. The silence in the car rested on me uneasily until we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Paul came around to open my door and guided me into the triage area. It only took us a few minutes, but it felt like forever.
At the window, a tired middle-aged woman watched us. “How can I help you?”
“My wife had a bad fall earlier and she’s nine weeks pregnant. She’s started bleeding and could be having a miscarriage.”
Wife? I looked at Paul, but he was focused on the woman behind the counter.
She nodded, with just a hint of sympathy. “Are you registered with the maternity unit here?”
Paul looked over to me. “No,” I said. “I haven’t registered anywhere yet.”
She nodded again. “Do you have your Medicare card with you?”
I realized I’d left my handbag behind. “It’s back at the bar …”
The woman pushed some forms toward me. “That’s okay. Just take these and fill them out, then come back to the window,” she instructed.
I looked at her incredulously. I could be losing my baby and they were going to make me fill out forms? I looked at Paul desperately.
He squeezed my arm. “Come on.”
“But – ”
“It’s okay. Come on.”
Shocked and disorientated I let him lead me to the seating area. He took the forms off me and started filling them out.
I stared at him. “Are you serious?”
“I’ve been to emergency a few times when the boys have been sick. Trust them, they know what they’re doing. The best thing we can do is get your forms done so they can process you.”
He went back to writing down my details, while I continued to stare at him blankly. After another thirty seconds he handed the forms to me. “You need to check I’ve done it right, then sign and date it.”
Numbly, I took them from him and did as he instructed. When I was done, I handed them back. He stood and walked back over to the window and I watched as he spoke to the woman again, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. After a moment, he came back to me, the forms still in his hand.
“We need to go across the road to the maternity unit,” he explained.
He helped me up and we made our way back out into the night. It took a couple of minutes to cross the busy road, but soon we were standing in the foyer of another hospital building. The off-white walls stared clinically back at me and I tried to ignore the scent of antiseptic.
“We’re going to level five.” Paul reached over and pressed the elevator button.
When we finally arrived on the fifth floor I was relieved to see the maternity area didn’t feel quite so clinical. An effort had been made to put some artwork up along the hallway walls and I caught the fresh fragrance of flowers. Paul led us to the reception desk and greeted the nurse.
The young midwife watched me as Paul relayed my story. She gave me a reassuring smile. “That’s quite a bump, Madeleine. You say you’ve had some bleeding since the fall?”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
I glanced down at my pants. “Not too much.”
“Okay. We’ll get you seen to as soon as possible.” She came around to the front of the reception desk. “Follow me.”
We followed her down the hall and into a vacant room. It didn’t appear to be a typical hospital room. All it had inside was a padded stretcher, a couple of chairs, and some unidentifiable machines.
“Hop up on the bed and relax, which is what you should be doing after a nasty fall like that anyway. If you need the bathroom, it’s just down the end of the hallway.” She gave me another reassuring smile. “Someone will be along soon.”
She glanced at Paul on the way out. “If she does need to go to the bathroom, I’d suggest you go with her,” the nurse advised.
Paul nodded, then turned to help me onto the bed. I lay down and stared at the ceiling, my head throbbing in time to my heartbeat. I heard Paul sigh and sit in the chair beside me.
“I’m sorry – ” I started.
“Madeleine.”
“No, I need to – ”
“Madeleine – ”
“I should have – ”
He reached over and gripped my arm firmly. “It’s not important right now.”
I closed my mouth and looked away. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes while I struggled with the implication of his words. Did he mean it wasn’t important right now because I might lose the baby? Surely not.
I heard Paul sigh again and he released his grip on my arm.
I wasn’t going to drop it. “You deserve an explanation.”
“Later.”
I turned to him, stung by his stubborn dismissal. The pounding in my head was like a hammer. Maybe if I finally said my thoughts out loud, the pain might go away. I met his blue eyes with a look of determination. His face looked pale and weary.
“You don’t want any more children,” I stated. “And I want this baby.”
“I’m not asking you to – ”
“Even if you did, I wouldn’t.”
“Well, what is there to talk about?”
I blinked, stunned. “The fact that you don’t want any more children.”
“Of course I don’t want any more children!” He jumped up and quickly looked away, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, after a moment. “That came out wrong.”
I rolled over and stared at the wall. Sniffing, I closed my eyes tightly, a few tears escaping. I didn’t want him to see my face. My stomach clenched and I realized it wasn’t nausea this time. Anger and sorrow waged a war inside me, while fear throbbed in time to my rapid heartbeat. More tears ran down my cheeks, but I ignored them.
I reached down to place a hand on stomach. I wondered desperately if my baby was still alright inside me, because outside, my world was falling apart.
Chapter 40
Christa, Max, Cate and Scarlett turned up after the ultrasound. They looked as stricken as I felt.
Scarlett marched up to my bed – I’d been relocated into a ward – and grabbed my hand. I was surprised by her need for contact, but grateful for it. Paul had been keeping his distance and was standing in the corner of the room, while the others crowded around my bed.
Scarlett looked down at me. “We won’t stay long. We just wanted to check if you’re alright. Both of you.”
Cate nodded from behind Scarlett. She looked like she was trying hard not to burst into tears.
“We’re both alright.” I forced a smile on to my face. “The overnight stay is just a precaution.” I’d already told them that the bleeding had been minimal. As the obstetrician had explained to me, occasional bleeding at this early stage was a possibility, regardless of my fall. It was recommended I stay overnight under observation.
Christa pushed her way to my bed. “I’m sorry about earlier.” She quickly glanced at Paul, then back at me. “I understand.”
We looked at each other in silence. I could tell she wanted to say more and ask questions, but we both knew now wasn’t the time.
“Do you need Max and me to drop past your apartment and pick up a change of clothes?” she asked.
Paul cleared his throat. “I’d appreciate it if you could. I’ve got a babysitter at my place tonight looking after the boys, and I need to get back home before too long.”
It was the first I’d heard about it, but then he’d hardly said anything since his outburst.
Max stepped forward, concern lines creasing his forehead. “No problem, mate. I’ll drive Christa over there when we leave.”
Paul nodded gratefully. He looked exhausted. Finding out you were going to be a dad when you had no intention of ever becoming one again could do that to you, I thought unkindly.
My friends stayed for only another couple of minutes. Christa and Max left with a promise to return within the hour to drop off some of my things. Paul waited until they’d gone before turning to face me.
He stared at me for a long moment and I didn’t bother to speak, because I didn’t know what to say.
Eventually he took a step closer to the bed, but stopped out of arm’s reach. “I’m glad you’re alright.”
I nodded.
He exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry, but I need to get home.”
I nodded again.
“What time do you need me to come and pick you up tomorrow?” he asked.
“Don’t worry, Max will do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He looked like he was about to insist, but something made him stay quiet. The silence between us stretched uncomfortably before Paul finally cleared his throat. “I’ll call you when you get home tomorrow.”
“Sure.”
He hesitated, then closed the distance to the bed. He leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead. When he stepped back, I couldn’t read his expression.
“Try to get some rest,” he said.
I watched as he walked from the room. I lay staring at the door long after he was gone.
With a shaky sigh, I rolled onto my good side, careful to avoid the hip that had made contact with the floor. I knew I should stay awake for when Christa and Max returned with my things, but my body felt drained of all energy.
I reached to the bedside table for my phone. I quickly texted Christa, telling her to drop my things in my room if I was asleep. I also asked if she and Max could pick me up in the morning. She replied almost immediately in the affirmative. She may not have typed it, but I could hear the question in the blank space of her text message.
What about Paul?
I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the events of the last few hours. The images flooded my thoughts anyway. Paul grinning while he expertly played the guitar I had given him. Me and my friends dancing. Feeling sick and nauseous, and then the blurry, frightening moments before the fall. Paul’s calm when I needed to get to the hospital. His quiet support. Then his words, repeating over and over again like a mantra in my mind.
Of course I don’t want any more children, of course I don’t want any more children, of course I don’t want any more children …
*
“I think you’re reading too much into it,” Christa said.
It was Saturday morning and Max and Christa had just dropped me home to my apartment. Max had left me alone with Christa while he went for a jog. I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was clearing the area so Christa could make sure I was okay.
“I know what I heard,” I replied. I’d already filled her in about our brief conversation at the hospital the night before.
“You need to give him some time.”
I watched her from my reclined position on the couch as she finished making us both cups of tea. I was dying for a coffee but figured it was time I cut down on the caffeine. Besides, I didn’t need to be any more wired right now. I was on edge. My night in the hospital had proved exhausting. I’d found it hard to drift off with all the unfamiliar sounds of a busy maternity ward, not to mention the crying babies. When I had slept, my dreams were laced with feelings of fear and doubt.
Christa walked over to the couch and passed me my cup of tea, then sat down beside me.
“Thanks.”
We were silent for a while. The late morning glare flooded into my apartment and I watched the boats bobbing in the glistening harbor. It was a beautiful summer’s day. Ordinarily I’d take advantage of the weather and spend the morning going for a long walk, basking in the heat. Today it wasn’t even a remote possibility. I’d been advised to keep my physical activity low for the next few days, and I didn’t feel like doing anything anyway. Right now I just wanted to hibernate.
I could feel Christa watching me. “He’s in shock,” she said.
“I know.”
“I mean, you’re still coming to terms with it yourself. That’s why you didn’t tell anyone, isn’t it?”
“Partially.”
“You never even thought you could fall pregnant,” Christa mused.
“Tell me about it.” I took a sip of the warm liquid and let it heat my mouth until it tingled.
“And Paul never thought he’d have any more kids.”
I swallowed and turned to her. “Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t change the fact he doesn’t want any more children.”
Christa sighed. “He’s not going to abandon you, Maddy.”
“No,” I agreed, “that’s not his style. But I don’t want it to be about a sense of obligation.”
“Give him time then.”
I set my cup of tea down on the coffee table. “What? Until he finally comes around?”
“He will,” Christa promised.
“But I don’t want it to be like that!” I cried. All the exhaustion and hopelessness about my situation pooled in my stomach, so I stood, hoping movement would dispel it. It didn’t dispel the anger. “Don’t you see? It’s like I’m the butt of some cruel joke. I finally find a man I love, who I was starting to imagine spending the rest of my life with. I was even going to take on the role of stepmother to his children to make it work.”
I exhaled a shaky breath and sat back down. “And then I fall pregnant.” I shot a tortured look at my friend. “I want this child more than you can imagine and I live in fear that something might go wrong. Yet I’m left thinking it would have been so much better for my life and Paul’s life if it hadn’t happened. Do you know how that makes me feel?”
