Edge of Danger, page 11
part #6 of Shattered Lives Series
When the elevator doors opened, we exited and made our way down the hall to the main doors. I came to a stop when I saw two marked police cars and Drew propped up against Dani Lynn’s Jeep out front. My brow rose slightly.
“Come on, baby boy. You are going home and getting a good rest. No work today.” Dani Lynn kept walking to the Jeep. I was already shaking my head.
“No, I have work to do.” I may have been a little more convincing if the yawning hadn’t started then.
“Derek, get in the Jeep,” Drew said, the door pushed open beside him. His face was pulled into a tight mask. He looked worried, almost pissed. Jesus, really?
“No, I have my car here. I’ll go shower, then I have to go in. Anna and I have to finish the filing program. I have things to set up and switch over. Damn,” I cursed remembering I didn’t finish the actual programming on the security system upgrades. I’d have to do that now, too. “No rest for the weary.” I shrugged his scowl off.
I moved to walk up the sidewalk towards the parking lot. I stopped at the end of the walkway and scanned the lot. Where in the hell was my car? I scowled.
“Your car is at the house.” Dani Lynn’s soft voice had me turning to see her not five feet from me. I let out an aggravated sigh. I shook my head.
“I’m not tired.”
“Derek!”
“No! I can’t sleep.” I shook my head, panic filling me at the thought. “I- I have things to do.” I was not going to sleep. I wasn’t. I started walking up the sidewalk towards the main entrance. Where, exactly, I thought I was going - well, I’m not sure. But I didn’t get far. Dani Lynn gripped my arm. Her eyes bore into mine, her voice lowering as she spoke.
“Derek,” she started.
“No. Every time…”
“I know. I see it, too. Every time I close my eyes-” she shuddered, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I see him bleeding, beaten… I thought I was going to lose him. I get it, baby boy, I get it. But you can’t-” She trailed off, dissolving into sobs. I wrapped my arms around her, and as I had earlier, I lost my shit.
Why was this so fucking hard to deal with?
I pulled back from her when Drew stepped up to her side. She fell into him and he stood there, just holding her. I wiped my face free of tears and went to turn away. Jackson grabbed my shoulder, and yeah, I’m a fucking baby today. I gave myself a minute to get it out, then stepped back again. I took in a deep breath and let it out.
“You good?” Jacks asked. I nodded. “Good, get your ass in the Jeep, go home and sleep. If I see you anytime in the next twenty-four hours, I will throw you in a cell, turn the lights off and leave your skinny ass in there until you sleep.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I said, but I went with them back to the Jeep.
I wouldn’t sleep worth shit, but I’d at least try. Anything to not worry Dani Lynn anymore. It was time to be a man and suck it up. I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Lana a text.
Me: Meet me at the house. I need you.
Lana: OMW ILY
Me: ILY2
Lana: 😂😂😂😂
As usual her replies were quick, and I smiled, then laughed at the kissy and happy faces she added to her last message. I heard Jacks chuckle. I gave him the side eye.
“She’s good for you,” he said.
“Too good,” I replied before I climbed up in the Jeep and shut the door. She really was too good for me. I didn’t deserve to be loved like I was, even though I felt extremely lucky to be loved by this family.
18
I Can’t Do This Again
Dani Lynn
Stop it, Dani Lynn, stop it.
I had to fight to keep my anxiety from launching me into crazyville. I had to stop thinking this way, before I did something stupid. Something that I would regret for so many reasons. I had already pulled the small blade from the container in the bathroom. I hadn’t had these thoughts in years.
Well, that’s a lie. I’d had the thoughts themselves, but I hadn’t had a strong enough urge to pull the blades out. My hands shook as I stared down at it. They itched to pick it back up. The stainless steel on the razor blade glinted in the light that shined from above it - it sent a shiver through me.
I made a promise... I fucking made a promise. I really wanted to break that promise right now. It would help ease my stress. I just needed to feel the burn, that burn that would make everything else fade away for a bit.
It was almost midnight… Drew was on duty, the kids were all asleep, and Derek and Lana were passed out on the couch. I left the movie, I think it was one of the Halloween movies, playing in case they woke up. It wasn’t until Lana got here yesterday with her dog, Ladybird, that Derek seemed to relax. Lady helped with that, too. It was nice to see. Lady also made Rex, Tyler’s pup, chill out a little more, as well. You know, the when Mom’s here we’ll behave kind of thing.
Derek had been able to sleep, only waking once to a nightmare. I happened to be up when it happened, and had managed to get him calm enough to go back to sleep. It wasn’t so easy in my case.
This razor was taunting me. I pulled my phone from the vanity and sent a group text to the girls. There were some days that we all just needed a few moments with the girls.
I’d be lost without Anna, Kris, Stel and Shelby.
Me: Anyone up?
Me: Having a moment. Need my girls.
Kris: Yep. Just put Rae back to bed 😁
Kris: Jacks has the poopy one 😂😂
Me: 💩😂💩
Me: aren’t they all poopy?
Stel: Your skinny asses should be asleep!
Kris: Yes, they eat, sleep, poop...
Me: Um, we have kids. You should be asleep!
Anna: I’m here. Robbie ate toothpaste while he pooped and well… he’s now puking. Yay. T is away on a site so Mommy is alone. I need a drink. 🍷🍷🍷
Stel: 😡😡 Ew, Jesus woman! LOL Poor Sprite. No more toothpaste. Feed the kid cereal or something.
Me: Damn! I hide it cause Tyler likes to paint with it.
Anna: I didn’t give it to him! 😡
Kris: You might need to call Shelby! That is not a food item!
Anna: I did. No answer. Figured she was up with a baby.
Stel: Where is Shelby?
Stel: Shelby!
Stel: Shelby!! I will come peek in your windows!! 👀👀👀
Me: LMAO
Anna: Stella, stop doing that. It’s creepy.
Stel: I have a license to spy on people.
Me: No you don’t, crazy! You’re a PI, not a spy!
Kris: Y’all R nuts
Anna: Stel holds that title. LOL
Stel: She is probably playing doctor!
Stel: SHELBY YOU ANSWER RIGHT NOW OR I’M COMING OVER!!!
Stel: I C U!!!
Me: ROTF. Jesus, Stel. Chill it.
Kris: Stel, where R U?
Stel: Bar. Playing bait. It’s so hard being this cute.
Anna: Um… 😂😂😂
Me: Stel, you’re cracked.
Stel: Don’t hate my game, heifer!
Kris: Your game is cracked!
Kris: 😂😂😂
Stel: Bite me, heifer!
Kris: You’d like it too much!
Stel: 😈😈 True!
Shelby: I’m here. What’s up?
Stel: Took ya long enough!
Stel: Who were you doing? Hmmm?
Stel: Are you gonna be preggers again?
Shelby: I was at the clinic. Had a call.
Shelby: Stel, just wait. I’m gonna laugh when you have to push a watermelon size human out of your vagina!
Anna: 😂😂😂 She said Vagina!!
Kris: 😱 The other V card will be gone!!! bwahahaha
Me: I will sell tickets!!!!
Me: and T-shirts!
Stel: That’s never happening! Nope.
Shelby: Sure. TTYL I gotta head home and rescue Charlie. 😱
Stel: Fuck! Gotta jet. I’m on. Xoxo later
Me: Later, heifer.
Me: Later, Shelby.
Kris: Be safe, Step! Nite Shelby.
Anna: I’m passing out. Matthew will be up in a bit to feed. Ugh. Night!
Me: Night!
Kris: Nite! Sleep well!
A few seconds after the buzzing stopped, Kristol’s name popped up on my screen. I debated answering it, but decided if I didn’t she would just keep calling. It was always much easier to type then talk. With a sigh, I hit accept.
“Hey, babe. Sup?” I asked, trying my best to act nonchalant.
“You tell me. You okay?”
“Honestly-”
“Yes, honestly, crazy.”
I chuckled. “I’m just having a bad day. Week.” With a sigh, I lay my head against my hand.
“Dani Lynn, I know it’s hard. I may not get the level of crazy this has been for you, but I get it. He’s going to be okay, though.”
“I’m not as worried about Daddy as I was. My worry now is-”
“Derek. I knew that. He’ll be okay. He has to process everything just like the rest of us. This is the first major thing that has happened directly to your family since he became a part of it. He loves you all so fiercely, and it tore him up to see you hurting and to know just how close Gabe was to not making it.”
“I know. God, it kills me to see how torn up he really is. I thought Jacks and Drew were going have to drag him home yesterday.”
“Uh, yeah. Jacks was ready to do just that. He told me what happened. If you want, I can talk to him.”
“I think that might be a good idea. He’s such a tough guy, but his heart… I didn’t have him. He’s not mine by blood, but he is mine. That kid helped save my life, and I feel like I’m failing him, Kris. He’s hurting, and I can’t do a god blessed thing to make it better. I feel fucking helpless. I...Jesus, Kris, I’m failing as a parent here. Why can’t I keep this from happening to him? He’s having nightmares. He’s only asleep now cause Lana is here! I’m slowly losing my mind. I just want to make the pain go away. His and mine. I want- No, I need to just- Oh God, Kris, I want to grab the blade that’s laying on my counter so bad. I need-”
“Dani Lynn, stop it!” Her voice cut me off and I stopped. I took in a deep breath and let it out. “Do you remember what you told me when you and Stel found out I had been cutting myself?”
“Yeah…” I heard Jacks in the background. He was muffled but Kris’ voice got soft then she was back.
“Good. You told me you stopped doing that because you made a promise to Drew. You would talk it out, not bleed it out. Do you remember me making that same promise to Jacks, to you and to Stel?”
“Yeah, but-”
“There is no buts. Shut your face. I know how bad it can get. I fight that desire, that need, every day, just like you. You are stronger than it is. You have to hold your head up high. Tell that little voice in the back of your head to fuck off and be the woman you have grown up to be.”
“When did you get so smart?” I joked.
“I learned it from you. From my family. I’ve learned the strength and love of this family, whether they be blood or by marriage or friendship, is all I’ll ever need in my life. I got lucky. I know that. Derek got lucky. He knows that. You have to try and stop letting the stress rule you.”
“I know that but it’s so damn hard. I feel like I’m slowly losing my grip on what little bit of sanity I have left. I’m able to give the people at the center hope, encouragement and a hug when they need it, but I can’t do the same thing for myself. I feel like a big fraud.”
“If you want to hug yourself, I’m sure Shelby can get you one of those white coats. We’ll tie it up extra tight for ya. Just don’t try kissing yourself or anything. You’d look like a smooshed up fish. That is not an attractive look. They would think you were crazy, well, crazier than you already are.”
I heard a loud laugh from the background and Kris’s snickering. I couldn’t help myself, I fucking laughed, too.
“Bitch!” I laughed again. Damn, this was what I needed. “Tell the big ugly one to stuff it.”
“Dani Lynn said to stuff it, baby.”
“I can’t for another six weeks… thanks for the reminder.”
Jacks’ reply broke my giggle box wide open, setting me off laughing again, so much so that I shifted too far forward. The towel that I was sitting on, that I had laid on the side of the tub to dry after my shower earlier, shifted, and I fell off the side of the tub. I hit my head on the vanity, which caused a little pain, but it wasn’t gonna kill me. It did make me feel a little dizzy, but nothing too major. Jacks’ whining caused me to laugh harder. I laid there, trying to catch my breath, blinking back stars.
“Aww, baby,” Kris crooned. I snorted.
“The Landry men and their sex drives... Sheesh. Okay, you go deal with your big baby.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll talk to you in the morning. Love ya, woman.”
“Night, Dani Lynn,” Jacks said. His voice sounded like he was right next to the phone. Weirdo!
“Love you, too. Night, guys!” I hung up and laid my hands on my chest. I needed to get up, go check on my babies, and then go face plant. Someone, God only knew who, would be up in a few hours.
“Dani Lynn, shit. Dani Lynn,” I heard voices. I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.
“Leave me alone.” I groaned as I was shifted. My ass and back hurt. What the hell? I blinked my eyes open and reached up to rub my face while I sat up.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It’s four-thirty. What happened in here? You have blood on your head? Why are you on the floor?!” Lana and Derek moved to help me up and sweet mother of all that’s holy, I hurt!
“I didn’t know I was on the floor.” I shook it off as I sat against the side of the tub. My cell phone clattered to the floor and I yawned as I rubbed my face again. Then I remembered laughing and falling over on the floor.
“I called Drew, he’s on his way,” Derek rushed out. The panic on his face had my heart thundering. I grabbed his arm and pulled him to look at me.
“Dude, I’m fine. I was talking to Kris after I got out of the shower. I fell off the tub laughing at Jacks. I’m fine. It’s nothing. I must have fallen asleep on the rug.” I laughed a little and tried to stretch the kinks in my back out. I yawned and stretched again.
“Well, you’ve got blood on the side of your face,” Derek growled. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s probably just a scratch. Leave it be. Go back to bed, because I am. I’m tired. The little people will be up soon.”
“There’s some on the rug, too,” Lana chimed in. I looked down and snatched the rug up, shifting to pull it from under my ass. I tossed it into the open hamper.
“Now, it’s gone,” I said.
“Ma, come on. You should get checked. You were on the floor.”
I stood, moved to the sink and grabbed a washcloth from the drawer. There was only a little bit of blood. I’d have to wash my hair again, because some of it had gotten in there, too. Great! I scrubbed at my temple, and along the side of my face. I winced a little bit. I couldn’t say my temple wasn’t sore as shit, but I got all the blood off.
“I’m fine, baby boy. I promise you that.” I dropped the rag, washed my hands and pulled him to me. “It’s nothing. I hit it when I was laughing at Jacks. Honest. It’s nothing. Let’s just go to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“Fine. If you need us, Lana and I are just a holler away.” He took Lana’s hand and we all moved out of the bathroom. I had just sat on the bed when the door opened and Drew came in.
“Are you okay? I called Shelby, she called Doc, she’s exhausted.” Drew dropped to his knees before me and I sighed. Before I could speak Doc G came in.
“Oh My God! I’m fine. Honest. I hit my head on the cabinet. It’s nothing.” I said sounding whiny.
“Well, you do have a hard head. I’m sure you’re fine, but what about the cabinet?” Doc grinned as he moved to put on gloves.
“Funny,” I groused.
He moved to me and looked at the small cut. He quickly cleaned it, put some ointment on it, and then a very small bandage. He moved to press around on my head, shined a small light in my eyes and nodded. I hated lights in my eyes.
“All done. It’s nothing to worry about. The cut isn’t deep. If it’s sore tomorrow... later today,” he corrected after checking his watch, “take a couple Tylenol and put a small ice pack on it if there’s any swelling.”
“Thanks, Doc.” Drew walked him to the door and I moved to get under the covers. I still had a little bit of time to nap. I was so tired.
19
She Needs Me
Drew
The night had been going well. It was quiet, which was a good thing. I was counting down the minutes until the next shift came in. I had just sat down to have a bite to eat when my phone rang. It was Derek.
“Yeah, Kid. What’s up?” I asked, shoving my sandwich into my mouth.
“It’s Dani Lynn. She-she’s on the bathroom floor, bleeding. I don’t know what happened.” His voice rose in panic. I jumped from the chair and grabbed my keys.
“Calm down. Is she breathing?” Please, God, let her be okay. I stepped out the door, locked it and ran to my cruiser.
“Yes, but we’re having trouble getting her to wake up!”
“Derek, calm down. I need you to hold it together. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll call Shelby.” I hung up and dialed Shelby. It wasn’t until the fourth ring that she answered.
“Doctor McKenna,” she said. Her voice was full of sleep.
“Shelby, I’m sorry to wake you. Dani Lynn is hurt. I don’t have any details other than she’s unconscious on the bathroom floor, bleeding.”
