Someday, page 5
“Yeah,” he said. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be legally married. It had always confused him that he couldn’t. Why not? Why shouldn’t he be able to marry whomever he wanted to? But he’d finally accepted that he’d never have that piece of paper, that marriage license. So what other choice did he have but to accept it?
“Right?” she insisted.
“Right!” he answered and rolled his eyes just as she had.
“Anyway…. Yes, I’ve always known. It was fact. One we never talked about, but yes. Neither one of us brought it up, did we? I didn’t want to embarrass you, and you weren’t volunteering any information. I left a couple of magazines around the house open to articles that talked about celebrities coming out, hoping you would talk to me about it.”
Lucas blushed. He’d seen the magazines and had been excited to read those articles, hoping that one day his mother wouldn’t be too shocked if he finally got the nerve to tell her he was gay. He thought she might be okay since she’d already read about famous people doing the same—Rupert Everett and Ellen DeGeneres years ago (as if she hadn’t been obvious), Will Young the year before.
But he hadn’t been ready.
“And there was Dalton, who has always watched out for you, taken care of you, and I just naturally figured you two would move in together one day and he would keep taking care of you. And all would be… well, normal.”
The tightening in his stomach came back.
“But now you say that it isn’t going to be Dalton? Now it’s this… Steve? Someone I’ve never met? And you say he’s your boyfriend?”
“Ah…,” he said.
“So do I get to meet this boy?” She bit her lower lip.
You aren’t quite ready, are you? But you’re damned close. And that was pretty fine.
“Well… he’s going to be picking me up the night of the prom….”
And finally a warm smile spread out over her face. “Oh, baby. Wow. The prom!”
“You’re okay with that?” he asked, nerves jangling.
“Yes, honey. I am. In fact, I’m proud of you.”
“Oh, Mom!”
He would never be clear on just who hugged who first. All that mattered were those last four words.
I’m proud of you.
He could not have dreamed of anything better.
2
ETIENNE SHOWED up exactly on time. He knocked on the door while Lucas was upstairs because his mother insisted. Lucas was ready. He’d been ready. For forty minutes! He’d almost gotten dressed hours early, and his mother reminded him that he might be sweaty before they had their first dance.
“You don’t want to be all stinky when he gets here, do you?”
He’d burst into laughter at that, even fallen from his chair, and then he realized that people really do fall on the floor laughing.
“Honey!” she yelled up the stairs. “A-tie-enn is here!” Not at all the way the French pronounced it—Eh-tea-in. No. A-tie-enn was how his name was pronounced in the Netherlands.
And Lucas loved her more than ever—for trying and pronouncing it right.
What a mother!
Three days ago she had gotten a call from the principal of the school saying that there had been some controversy over the fact that two boys were coming to the prom as dates, and after evaluating everything, the school board had decided it might be best if that didn’t happen.
Then, without batting an eye—and Lucas had been there to witness it (he didn’t need to hear the other side of the conversation to figure out what was going on)—she said very quietly and very forcefully that Lucas most certainly would be attending the prom with Etienne De Vries. She pointed out that boy Aaron Fricke had sued and won a court battle in 19-fucking-80 (Lucas had never heard her swear in his entire life) and that she would hold a press conference and do a little—well, not so little—suing herself. She also promised the principal would wish that his mother had never met his father when she was done.
She never yelled. Had barely raised her voice.
But wow, the power in it.
The next day the principal had called back to apologize and let it be known that the board wasn’t going to stand in the way of two human beings enjoying their prom.
So Lucas couldn’t help but stand up and look at himself in the mirror one more time, adjust his tie for the four thousandth time, touch his hair to make sure it was perfect, and go to meet his date.
He left his bedroom, watching his feet as he walked (the shoes were very shiny), feeling almost stoned (he wasn’t), and stopped at the top of the stairs. He took a deep breath.
God. I am a fag. I am truly a fag. The girl is the one who is supposed to be doing this. Waiting for the boy to come pick her up. I’m not a girl.
Why am I the one? Letting him come to get me? I should have gone to get him! Now that would have been a statement. If I had done something manly for once in my entire life! Maybe if I had been more of a man instead of such a fruit, then maybe, just maybe, Dalton would have wanted me.
And then, out of the blue, it hit him. It was if a shaft of light had come down out of the sky.
Being more of a man wouldn’t have helped at all.
In fact, probably the only thing that had appealed to Dalton about him was that he was girly. If he’d been more of a man, he didn’t think that Dalton would have given him the time of day.
Dalton. Wasn’t. Gay.
But I am.
And it’s time to be grateful for what do I have, instead of wanting something that I don’t.
Lucas looked down at the man standing at the foot of the stairs, and it wasn’t Dalton—Dalton was standing at the foot of someone else’s stairs, making someone else very happy—it was Etienne who—
Be honest! He’s gorgeous.
He is.
Lucas’s heart sped up.
—was standing there in a matching tuxedo (their cummerbunds were purple paisley, the concession Etienne had given him so they could be different than everyone else), and he was gorgeous—fucking gorgeous—and how could Lucas not be happy?
The look on Etienne’s face!
I need to love him.
Etienne deserves it.
He deserves better than a guy who is in love with someone else.
After all, I am the one who went to him.
Etienne truly was beautiful. He was gorgeous. Even Sam said so.
Taller than Lucas, he had long dark blond hair and a lovely complexion that was just as clear as Lucas’s. Etienne had taken his advice on what to do about acne. He was one of the only kids at Terra’s Gate High School without pimples or with only a hint of them.
Standing there, looking up the stairs at Lucas, wearing his black tuxedo with the shining lapels, he really was extraordinarily beautiful.
Why can’t I see how lucky I am? How half-full my glass is?
Etienne’s hair was like a small lion’s mane around his face, his lips full, his brows thick, and his eyes were a shining blue. And Etienne was looking at him. Looking at Lucas the way he’d always wanted Dalton to look at him. Lucas’s heart swelled, and tears stung his eyes.
God, Etienne even had a rose.
“Wow,” Etienne said in that musical accent of his. “Wow.”
Lucas giggled—it was out before he could help it, even though it was girly. He went to Etienne, who started to kiss him, then froze and looked at Lucas’s mother.
“Don’t let me stop you,” she said.
So he did. It was a sweet kiss. And then Etienne was pinning the red rose on his lapel. A matching lapel. They’d decided on classic black tuxedoes.
“Okay, I’m taking pictures!” cried Lucas’s mother.
So then she posed them—several times, trying to get everything just right—and took picture after picture, and Lucas had to finally tell her to stop so they wouldn’t be late.
Etienne held the car door open for him and closed it after Lucas got in, before running around the other side and getting in himself. Then he looked at Lucas in a way that made Lucas’s stomach clench. Before he even saw it coming, Etienne leaned over and kissed him yet again.
Lucas gave a mental shrug. Relax.
It was nice. Wasn’t it?
“Tonight’s the night,” Etienne whispered. “I’ve got it all planned out.”
Hmmm? What? Lucas looked at him, puzzled.
He leaned in very close, placed a hand on Lucas’s crotch, and whispered in his ear. “Fucking. I’m so ready. And if you don’t want me to do it to you”—he leaned back and looked at him with those eyes so blue they almost looked like sapphires—“then you can do it to me. I followed the instructions. I’m ready. You know… clean.”
Lucas’s face blazed. “Oh.” It was all he could say. Oh God, oh God, oh God was what he was thinking. What am I going to do?
“My… brother—you know, the family I’m living with—he got us a room at the motel out on the edge of town.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God….
“Do you have any idea how I feel about you, Lucas?”
That look! That look on his face! He means it!
“But….” But I don’t love you. “But we can’t stay the night in a hotel! What will my mother say?”
Etienne smiled at him shyly. “I guess we won’t spend the night. Your mom will forgive us for being out late, though. Right? It’s prom, after all. She probably went to the prom.”
Lucas gulped.
“And aren’t we supposed to lose our virginity at prom?”
He kissed Lucas again, and then they were on their way.
3
THEY GOT their pictures taken first thing, and no one even blinked. In fact, the girls taking the pictures cooed over them.
Lucas was embarrassed, but it was fun. It would have been more fun if his head wasn’t whirling.
Etienne wanted them to lose their virginity tonight? Tonight? They hadn’t even given each other blowjobs—although he had to admit that was his fault. He had wanted to… but then he couldn’t. He’d dreamed about it. He had imagined himself doing it to Dalton for years. He remembered that once the idea had seemed kind of gross—but that had been a very short time, hadn’t it?
That had changed when he’d seen Dalton’s erection at Diego’s. After that, it was surprising how fast he’d changed his mind. And how many times he’d kicked himself for not going for it when apparently there had only been that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Now? Now he would have done it to Diego if that had only meant he could have done it to Dalton as well.
“Lucas. Etienne. Wow!”
He spun around, and there was Dalton. And Rebecca. Talk about “wow.”
“You two look incredible,” Dalton said.
No. It was Dalton who looked incredible. Amazing. Marvelous. Astonishing. Beautiful.
He had gone with classic designer. Black with a dark charcoal trim and matching gray vest and tie. His shirt was so white it was dazzling.
But the tux was nothing compared to Dalton himself.
He hadn’t shaved. Not today, at least. There was a heavy shadow across his chin and cheeks, and it made him look even more masculine than Lucas already knew he was. Dalton hadn’t cut his mop of hair either, had turned his back on that cookie-cutter style so many of the boys had tonight, that cut every boy’s mother insisted on—
“You’ll look back at these pictures your whole life—you’ll want to look wonderful! You can grow your hair back….”
—and instead gone with his usual shag.
Lucas couldn’t stop looking at him. Looking at his face, his narrow, stunning brown eyes, his mouth, his lips….
He remembered what it was like to kiss those lips. He’d never forgotten. He dreamed of those kisses.
He’d thought of those kisses when he kissed Etienne.
“Hello!”
Lucas jerked and looked away from Dalton to see Rebecca—a funny look on her face—staring at him, hand raised. She waved it.
“Hello?”
“Hello,” Lucas said and then saw that she was beautiful, and of course Dalton was here with her tonight. Her gown was red, and it was very pretty. Her long dark blond hair was swept back and over her shoulders, and she was even wearing long gloves. Dalton was straight, and he was with the perfect woman.
Lucas bit down hard on the insides of his cheeks so he wouldn’t start crying. Instead, after taking a deep breath, he said, “You both look wonderful—you especially, Rebecca.”
Her smile was dazzling, and it was like a knife to his heart.
Dalton gestured to the open doors of the gym. “Shall we go in?” Dalton asked, and when Lucas looked at him, the way Dalton was looking back, for just one second he thought he saw….
No. Stop. Stop looking for something that isn’t there. Dalton is with her.
“Baby?” said Etienne, and Lucas turned to him and saw the troubled look on his face—
I did that.
—and he leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips, right in front of everyone.
Including Dalton.
“Everything is fine,” Lucas lied. Then he nodded. “Yes. Let’s go in.”
4
THEY EVEN sat at the same table.
It might have been better if they hadn’t. Lucas wouldn’t have had to look at them having fun.
Rebecca laughed, and she looked like she should be some kind of movie star or beauty queen. Dalton waited on her—the perfect gentleman—getting her faux champagne and little treats and of course asking her to dance.
It was a relief when Sam showed up and joined them. They’d turned into the finishing-each-other’s-sentences kind of friends, and now he could talk and distract himself from thoughts of losing his virginity or watching Dalton with Rebecca. And she’d come stag because she refused to come with a guy, and the girl she sometimes saw was totally on the down low. Even Lucas didn’t know her name.
His first dance was with her. It was easier dancing with a girl, since that was what every other boy was doing, and especially since there was nothing sexual there. He saw that he could dance, he wasn’t stepping on her feet, he didn’t have to be embarrassed. It made him think that he could do it, dance with a boy—could dance with Etienne—before the night was over.
Etienne had to ask Lucas to dance three times before he could, though. Funny that he’d fantasized about this for years, and yet it took three times to get him out on the floor.
And it was… nice. Nice that the body fit against his the way it should. Nice that there was a hard chest against his instead of soft breasts. And a certain sexiness in knowing his crotch was pressed against a male crotch. That he knew what was there instead of the sort of scary mystery of what lay there with a girl.
Then, to his surprise, soon other people asked him to dance. Julie, Sam’s old crush. Rebecca—that was a shock. Even Diego—which made him uncomfortable at first since he clearly remembered the night the guy had tried to force him into sucking his cock. But it had been four or five years, and Diego seemed to be a different man. He even slipped Lucas his phone number.
Dalton didn’t ask Lucas for a dance, though.
And after a while, Etienne didn’t give him a chance. He made sure that he got all the rest of the dances.
Their dancing wasn’t universally accepted. There were some sneers, a few frowns, at least one not-so-whispered “Fags!” But for the most part, it really was magic. Dancing under aluminum-foil-covered stars and silver streamers to the music of the band. Dancing with a guy. No pretending at all. He was dancing with a guy, in front of everybody, in front of his whole school.
Etienne was looking at him with pride and love and Lucas thought, God I’m going to take his virginity, even though somehow, he’d always assumed he was going to be the one to be taken.
They danced to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls (which Lucas couldn’t help but dance to despite the lyrics that made him nervous) and “Show Me Love” by Robyn (Lucas loved Robyn) and “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind (who could resist the beat?) and “Hot in Herre” by Nelly (which also made Lucas quite nervous but obviously pleased Etienne, he could tell by the flashing in his eyes) with its lines about shooting my steam and taking off your clothes (the chaperones were letting them play this song?).
The ballads were the worst. But did it have to be Jewel’s “You Were Meant for Me,” even though it was sort of a breakup song?
“You were meant for me,” Etienne told him, holding him close and swaying to the song and—God, God, God—Etienne was hard. Lucas could feel his hard-on pressed up against him, and damn if own his body wasn’t responding. What message was that giving?
That song led to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton, and when Lucas saw Dalton dancing with Rebecca over Etienne’s shoulder, he had to pull away and go back to the table.
“You okay?” Etienne asked, and Lucas made some excuse about needing some air, so it was only logical that Etienne asked him if he wanted to step outside.
Why not?
It got him away from having to watch Dalton dance so close with Rebecca.
Would he be pressing his hard-on against her? Lucas wondered. Would they be having sex too? Which of course reminded him that, apparently, he was losing his virginity tonight.
Outside, Lucas saw there were other people who’d had the same idea, and most of them were hanging in the shadows so they could smoke and make out. Etienne took him by the hand and led him to one of those shadows and soon was kissing him.
He was a good kisser, there was no denying that, and Etienne was male, and the feeling of that muscular chest against Lucas’s and his strong arms wrapped around him made his body respond once again.
Etienne shifted his hardness against Lucas’s and said, “God, that is so damned sexy. I can’t wait for us to get our clothes off. You?”
“I…. I….” What to say? “You just don’t know….”
Etienne flashed him a smile, and his perfect teeth shone in the dark from the reflection of the streetlights that lined the sidewalk. “I bet when we rub them together we can get a fire going, denk je niet?”
Lucas gulped. Etienne was slipping into Dutch again. He did that when he got particularly excited or romantic. It was cute. Maybe even a little sexy. But hell, he had no idea what Etienne was saying. He could be asking for a recipe for chicken parmesan for all Lucas knew.
