Carlos was so damn nice. Part of Billy Joe wanted to get the hell out of dodge, but he couldn’t leave Carlos behind. In no time at all, he’d become so important to him that it was both exciting and frightening.

  “Let’s go. My father made my life miserable as hell for years. I’m not going to let that happen any longer.”

  “Way to go.” Carlos lifted Tyler into his arms. “Let’s go painting.” He bounced Tyler, whose giggles echoed through the hallway. “Do you know what you want to make?”

  “Hmmmm.” Tyler put a finger to his lips. “A elephant.”

  Carlos tickled him, sending more giggles ringing brightly. How could anyone stay upset when hearing that sound?

  “WOW,” BILLY Joe sighed when they got back two hours and one Tyler-covered-in-paint later. “I don’t think I’ve been in a place so loud in my life.” There had been a birthday party with twenty six-year-olds there. Tyler had been in seventh heaven, talking to everyone as he painted two mugs—one for Daddy and one for Carlos.

  Now Tyler was on Billy Joe’s shoulder, having nearly fallen to sleep on the ride home. Billy Joe figured he’d feed him, get him in the bathtub, and Tyler would be out for the night. Billy Joe kissed Carlos goodbye and stumbled into the apartment with their bag of goodies. He set everything aside to finish drying and ran a bath, then got Tyler undressed and in the water.

  Tyler loved bath time, but there was none of his usual joy. He let Billy Joe wash him, which was also unusual, and once he was dry and in his jammies, Billy Joe made him some supper and then Tyler went right to sleep without a second bedtime story.

  By the time he was alone, sitting in front of the television, Billy Joe had a chance to think. A soft knock sounded as he was drifting off. Billy Joe got up and opened the door.

  “I thought you could use something to eat. It’s only some pasta and sauce, but I know how tired you are.” Carlos set the pot on the table.

  “Thanks.” Billy Joe went to the table automatically and sat down while Carlos fussed and then joined him.

  “You’re a million miles away. It’s the letter, isn’t it?” Carlos dished up and placed a plate in front of him.

  “Yes and no. I mean, it is the letter, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. My dad will push and push until he gets what he wants. It’s what he does. Push and shove, push, push, push… and I have to keep Tyler safe. That’s all that matters.” Billy Joe picked up his fork. “I think there’s only one way I can do that—make sure Dad goes to prison for his part in what happened to Hilliard.” He sighed. “I don’t have any other choice.”

  “Okay.” Carlos chewed and looked at him partly like he was crazy and partly like he’d hung the moon.

  “I think I’m going to have to call the FBI or something. I mean, I’m here and it took place in Mississippi, so I have to tell the Feds… or something. I really don’t know.” Billy Joe was starting to feel overwhelmed again, his leg bouncing under the table. “I have to make sure he can’t touch us.” Steel slowly slid up his backbone, and Billy Joe sat a little taller. “You were right.”

  “What about?” Carlos asked. “I need to know so I can make sure I do it again.” He grinned, and Billy Joe chuckled, a touch of humor lightening the heavy mood.

  “I owe this to Hilliard. He deserves justice, and I have to stop being scared of my own damned shadow all the time.” Billy Joe took a deep breath and reached across the table to clutch Carlos’s hand. “I’m so tired of it.”

  “You’re doing the right thing. I can’t know what this is like for you, but I’ll be here. You have to know that.” Carlos’s expression shifted, and Billy Joe gasped as Carlos gazed at him. Warmth spread all through him, and Billy Joe realized for the first time, deep down, that he wasn’t alone any longer. He’d been afraid of taking on his father and his past alone, but he didn’t have to. He had Carlos.

  “I’ll make the phone call on Monday after we both get home from work.” Billy Joe breathed deeply and held it, feeling better now that he’d decided on a course of action.

  “I knew it,” Carlos said softly. “I knew you had it in you.”

  Billy Joe rolled his eyes. “I suppose any dog can only be kicked so many times before it snaps.”

  Carlos shook his head. “No,” he said firmly. “This isn’t that at all. You’re braver and stronger than that. You had the guts and the smarts to get yourself out. That takes fortitude and determination. You wanted a better life for Tyler, so you left everything you knew in the hope… just the hope… that you might find it. That isn’t stupid, and it certainly isn’t weak. So give yourself some credit and do what you think is right. Your dad doesn’t have any power here.”

  “Don’t be so sure. There are these types of groups in every state.” Billy Joe knew that was true, but his father wasn’t going to have his network of narrow-minded good old boys here.

  “Maybe. But no one here is going to stick their neck out for him. Maybe they will in Mississippi, but my guess is that once you turn up the heat, his support is going to jump and run quickly as they can.” Carlos smiled. “Stop worrying for now, eat your dinner, and then we’ll relax on the sofa for a little while.”

  Dammit, Billy Joe felt like he could do just about anything as long as Carlos was there with him.

  MONDAY CAME quickly enough, and a workday never passed so fast in all Billy Joe’s life. Maybe that was what happened when something dreadful waited on the other end of it.

  “Do you think I should go down to the office or something?” Billy Joe asked.

  “Nope. I think you need to make a call. I looked up the number of the FBI field office in Jackson.” Carlos set the paper in front of him on the table. They were at Carlos’s, and Tyler hovered near him, knowing he was nervous. “Tyler and I are going to make him a tent in the other room and play camping for a while. Okay?” Carlos held out his hand, and Tyler went with him.

  Billy Joe stared at the phone. He didn’t pick it up until Tyler was out of the room, and even then he hesitated before unfolding the pages where he’d written down the details. This was frightening, and Billy Joe set down the phone again and raced to the bathroom. He got there just in time to lose what he’d had for lunch. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and jumped a little when Carlos slid his hand over his shoulder.

  “You don’t have to do this if—” Carlos whispered.

  Billy Joe stood. “Yes, I do.” This—all of it—had to come to an end, and this was the only way. Taking a deep breath, Billy Joe flushed the toilet and returned to the table. Carlos set a glass of orange juice in front of him. Billy Joe smiled nervously, and Carlos stroked his cheek, silent communication that said so much more than words ever could. Billy Joe drank a little of the juice to get the bile taste out of his mouth and picked up the phone.

  Carlos, returning to the bedroom where he and Tyler were playing camping, stopped at the door to turn around. Billy Joe caught his gaze and held his breath, dialing the numbers from the paper. Carlos went inside as the call was answered.

  “FBI field office, Jackson,” a woman said.

  “Yes. I need to report a murder,” Billy Joe said in as level a voice as possible. “I witnessed it on October twenty-seventh.”

  “Yes, sir.” There was a slight hesitation. “Let me….” She hesitated once more, and then the phone clicked and a man came on the line.

  “This is Special Agent Carter. May I help you?” The voice held no hint of a southern accent, which made Billy Joe feel better. If the special agent wasn’t local, then he wasn’t going to have any ties to Jackson.

  Billy Joe took a breath and then began again. “I witnessed the murder of Hilliard Gustafson on October twenty-seventh of this year by a white supremacy group in the woods outside Jackson.”

  “Please hold on a minute,” Agent Carter said, and Billy Joe heard clicking. “A missing persons report has been filed. But… are you saying he’s dead?”

  “Yes. My name is William Joseph Massier, and I witnessed the murder. I can provide you with the place, dates, names of a lot of the people in attendance, as well as the name of the person who shot him in the head.” Billy Joe closed his eyes. He didn’t want to relive all that again, but he had to do it. Hilliard deserved justice. “It was at a rally out in Culver’s Woods. I didn’t see what they did with the body. I wasn’t supposed to be there….”

  “Massier…. Massier….”

  “Yes. My father was the man leading the rally,” Billy Joe clarified. “He didn’t actually kill Hilliard, but it happened in front of him and he allowed and encouraged it.” Billy Joe’s nerves spiked again.

  A soft squeak caught his attention and Billy Joe turned. Carlos peered out of the bedroom door, smiling slightly. Billy Joe knew he was concerned and returned the smile.

  “All right, why don’t you tell me everything that happened? And I’m going to record this call so I can get the details. Let’s start with your name and where you live.”

  Billy Joe hesitated but figured if he was going to do this, he would need to do it all the way. He gave his name, address, phone number, and explained why he was in Pennsylvania and how he’d gotten there. “I think it was my dad who had called the rally. He and his cronies were upset about something. Who knows what? They were being secretive, but I’ve been to enough of these things and decided to follow him.” Billy Joe explained where he’d been and his horror at seeing someone he knew. “I was paralyzed, afraid and sick because I couldn’t save him.” He cleared his throat. “I nearly wet myself, I was so scared.” He pulled open the piece of paper and listed all the names he could remember being there, as well as the name of the person who’d pulled the trigger.

  “How do you know all these details?” Special Agent Carter asked.

  “Because I grew up around all these people. The group was as big a part of my life as going to church. I’ve been around them my entire life. But I was never one of them. See, I knew Hilliard… he and I were friends.” The tears welled up and he couldn’t stop them.

  “Why did they kill him?” Carter asked.

  Billy Joe wiped his eyes and turned as Tyler raced across the room, climbed up on his lap, and held him. Billy Joe put his free arm around him, holding Tyler as Carlos placed his hands on his shoulders. “Hilliard was gay. He saved my life and helped me realize who I was. I saw this and realized that I was next.” Billy Joe put his hand over Tyler’s ear as he spoke. “See, I’m gay. My dad would probably kill me too if he could. So I got the heck out of town and the state.” He leaned his head back against Carlos.

  “Does anyone know you witnessed this incident?”

  Billy Joe chuckled. “No. I didn’t make some kind of announcement. I left and took my son with me. He deserves a better childhood than I had growing up with those types of people.” He saw now how that colored almost everything he could remember.

  “All right.” Billy Joe could almost see him writing furiously on the other end of the phone. “Why did you wait so long to come forward?”

  Billy Joe thought a little while. “At first I was scared and needed to get away. I thought I’d be safe if I was gone. I did call the tip line from Memphis, but I couldn’t get my thoughts together and they asked me if I was drunk…. Then I thought about it. Hilliard was my friend and he helped me and deserves justice. So in the end, that’s why I called you. But I will do anything to keep my son safe and away from him. I don’t want my father to influence my son’s life. This family legacy of hate has got to end somewhere.” Billy Joe took a deep breath and released it, his insides finally settling down. “And before you ask, I will not come back to Mississippi. If you all want to talk to me, you can come here and I will meet with you, sign statements, and you can ask me more questions. But I am not returning to Mississippi.” He felt better making that statement.

  “Hopefully you won’t have to,” Agent Carter said. Billy Joe noticed he didn’t make any promises, and that was probably all he could hope for.

  “You don’t understand. I think my father might have found out my address. He sent me a letter, a veiled threat. But he might be fishing for a response of some sort.” Billy Joe sighed. “I want to be safe, and I think now that the only way that is going to happen is if you put him in jail.” There. He’d said it. He took a deep breath. “What else can I tell you?” Billy Joe needed to get this over with.

  He answered questions to provide details as to where the rally was and how he knew Hilliard, and then questions about where the various people were. Carlos took a photo of his diagram and emailed it to Agent Carter. He even sent copies of what he’d written down. If Billy Joe was going to do this, he had to do it all the way.

  “One final question. Had you seen anything like this before?” Special Agent Carter asked.

  “You mean, like a murder?” Billy Joe asked quietly. “No. But I was with my dad when I was ten years old and he and his friends lit a cross on the yard of one of the little boys in school.” He glanced up at Carlos as he turned away, then took Tyler off his lap and carried him back to the camping room. Billy Joe continued. “It was supposed to toughen me up.” He suddenly felt so damn alone, wringing his hands. “I used to go to rallies. Heck, they were like family picnics, with confederate flags, swastikas, and talk about how the white man was going to rise up and take this country back.” It was a lot worse than that, but he didn’t need to talk about it. Agent Carter probably got the idea. “I never saw nobody killed before.”

  “Are you aware of any other illegal activities?”

  Billy Joe thought and shook his head before realizing he wasn’t answering. “I don’t think so, but you don’t start with murder, do you? I bet if you start digging, you’ll find a whole mess of stinking filth.”

  “Okay. Is this a good number to get in touch with you? I’m going to write all this up and will look into it. And you’re sure you don’t have any idea where the body is?”

  “No. I didn’t stick around to hear anything more about it. But if I were to guess, I’d say the first alligator swamp they came across. Dump it in and the gators make quick work of it.” Billy Joe wiped his eyes again. “Hilliard deserved so much fucking better than this.”

  “Well, thank you for coming forward. I will be in touch.”

  Billy Joe hung up the phone and put his head down on the table, letting the tears come. His entire life up until a few weeks ago had been washed away, burning in a fire of his own making, and now all he had left was Tyler and the ashes of everything else. There was no going back. All his bridges had been burned. He had to move forward.

  For the last six weeks, ever since he’d seen Hilliard’s murder, he’d been living in abject fear. Billy Joe took a deep breath and tried to think. His life had become a tightrope, and it felt like he was walking over a sea of flames.

  “Billy Joe,” Carlos said, winding his arms around him, holding him so tight that he could hardly breathe, but it was exactly what he needed. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

  “Where’s Tyler?” Billy Joe needed to see and hold him.

  “In the bedroom playing hide and seek. I need to go find him in a second, but I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  Billy Joe sniffed. “You aren’t disappointed in me?” He wiped his eyes yet again.

  “What for? The stuff you said about growing up? That wasn’t you. I didn’t think you wanted Tyler to hear it, that’s all. If I could, I would have stayed with you the entire time.” Carlos lifted his head off the table and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you.” He wiped the back of his hand across Billy Joe’s eyes. “I think I was just witness to the bravest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Carlos kissed him again, this time harder.

  Tyler’s voice drifted out of the other room, followed by giggles. “Uncle Carlos, you have to find me.”

  Billy Joe raised his eyebrows and Carlos shrugged.

  “He asked what he should call me. Is that okay?”

  “I like it.” Billy Joe really did. Carlos was family, and unlike his blood family, he could rely on him. “He cares about you so much. Sometimes when we’re home alone, he asks where you are and if you can come over to play with him.” Billy Joe smiled. “You better go find him.”

  “Are you going to be okay?” Carlos asked.

  “Yes. The ball has started rolling now, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop it any longer. My father can try what he wants now, but he and his friends have gone too far. And somehow I doubt the FBI is going to let any of them off the hook. Even in these strange political times, murder isn’t going to be condoned.”

  Carlos nodded and hurried away toward the bedroom, calling out to Tyler that he was going to get him. Of course, Tyler giggled the entire time as he tried to hide. Billy Joe followed to the bedroom door, watching as Carlos played along to laughter before finally “finding” Tyler under the desk.

  “Are you hungry?” Carlos asked as he lifted Tyler toward the ceiling to a chorus of additional giggles. “What do you want for dinner?”

  “Chicken nuggets,” Tyler yelled, bouncing as soon as Carlos set him on his feet. “Donald’s.”

  “Okay. How about I go out and get the food so we can eat here?”

  Billy Joe nodded. “I appreciate that.” He didn’t want to go anywhere right now. He was wrung out completely. “You and I can watch television for a while.” Billy Joe sighed, and Carlos leaned in to kiss him gently.

  “I won’t be gone long. I know what he wants.”

  Billy Joe gave Carlos his order and sat on the sofa with Tyler, letting him watch television.

  TYLER WAS a barrel of energy all through dinner and well into the evening. Bath time and stories didn’t calm him down much. Billy Joe got him settled in his “tent,” but he lay awake, asking for story after story. Billy Joe’s patience ran so thin and he was so tired, he barely held back the urge to sit down and cry. Finally Tyler lay down, and Billy Joe left him in the room, closing the door.

  “Is he asleep?”

  Billy Joe shook his head. “No. I hope he will be soon, but he was just lying there, singing softly to himself when I left. Sometimes I just have to leave him alone so he can go to sleep on his own,” he whispered, settling next to Carlos and leaning on his shoulder. “How can you stay through all this crap? I wouldn’t blame you if you ran screaming from our lives and didn’t want to have anything to do with us. I just know there’s going to be a shit-ton of crap coming my way because of this.”

 

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