The Rift Uprising, page 26
I won’t lie—I couldn’t care less about them at this moment.
“Holy shit. You guys figured out a way to have sex!” Boone announces with a fist pump.
“Really, Boone?” Violet says, exasperated. “I get it. You’re horny. The entire town, if not the entire planet, understands how horny you are. But don’t you think there’s a bigger-picture thing going on here that we might want to ask Ryn about?” she demands with a mixture of awe and annoyance.
Ezra and I sit down on the large ottoman in front of the couch and we lay out everything we know.
“OKAY, TWO QUESTIONS,” BOONE CHIMES in the second we are done talking. “Can I get some red pills off you right now, like immediately? And also, what are we going to do?”
“Shut up, Boone,” Violet says. “But . . . yeah, I’d like some red pills, too,” she says sheepishly.
“There are enough red pills to go around. But honestly, you two are going to have to take it super slow. I mean it. You’re both Citadels, so that means double the danger. This is not a game. And this is not about getting laid. This is about feeling both vulnerable and safe at the same time. Not so easy,” I warn.
“Not that I don’t want to engage in sex as much as the next guy,” Henry chimes in, “but isn’t the bigger deal here that the implant inside of our head could explode at any moment? Killing us?”
“No—it’s about getting laid,” Boone says.
“Boone—come on,” Violet says. “Henry is right. That has to be our priority. I know it’s been hard—”
“I wish it’s been hard!” he says, gesturing to his lap.
“Jesus,” I mutter, but I realize this is just Boone being Boone. If anything, it means he’s focused.
And so is Henry. “This is serious. There’s a chip in our head that can end us, and crazily, that’s not actually the biggest issue.”
“What is?” Violet asks.
“The biggest issue is what if this theory of Ezra’s is right? That ARC has a way to jump from Earth to Earth? That would mean that not only every iteration of this planet in the Multiverse would be at ARC’s mercy, but every iteration of us, too—talk about being able to play us off each other.”
I look at Ezra and I can’t believe that I have not considered this liability. If they have to go to ground, all ARC would have to do is abduct a version of Vi, or Ezra, or her parents, or even herself to use as leverage. No one that I know or care about would ever be safe, anywhere.
Ezra shrugs, his eyes wide, and it’s apparent this is a new thought for him, too. Which means he hasn’t thought of a solution to it.
Great.
I turn back to my team. “Look, let’s just focus on what we can do. We can solve the intimacy problem, which is a pretty big deal. I can remove the implants myself. I just need Violet’s help.” I lean forward as I try to read them all. I think ARC’s betrayal will eventually hit them. For now, like the soldiers they are, my team is focusing on the logistics. I guess I should have known that they would be reluctant to show any weakness in front of Ezra, who is not only a stranger, but an outsider. Still, I am worried about how they will process this information and I hope they won’t internalize it all. That once the shock wears off they will remember that we’re a team and that they don’t have to grapple with this alone.
“You want me to assist?” Vi offers.
“I want you to sneak into your father’s office and get the drugs and supplies we need,” I tell her. Even though I hate this idea, I see no other choice.
“My dad is a vet,” Violet says flatly.
“Well, vets use scalpels and local anesthetic. I know it sucks, but there isn’t another way. I won’t ask Edo to take your implants out, because I don’t want her knowing that I’ve told you all—not yet. I don’t care one way or the other about lying to her, I just want you to all be as safe as possible. I’m well aware that she helped me, but she has an agenda. Maybe.” I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. “Maybe I’m just pissed off at her and all the Roones for what they did to us and it’s messing with my ability to see things clearly. Maybe she’s as innocent in all this as we are.”
“No,” Henry says right away. “We don’t trust anyone from ARC, not anymore. Edo may well be a victim, but there wouldn’t be an ARC without the Roones, not an effective one, anyway. We need far more information before we start choosing who to trust.”
“Agreed. And to that end, Vi, you know you’re going to have to get this stuff during your dad’s office hours,” I tell her.
“Wait, what? No, I can’t. It’ll be way easier to grab them tonight when everyone’s asleep.” Vi sits up on the couch a little straighter while I sigh and let my shoulders drop.
“Ezra? Can I be super rude and ask you to go back upstairs for a while? I just want to talk to these guys alone for a few.”
Ezra stands and kisses the top of my head. I can tell by the body language of my friends that they are unsettled by this affection. They want it themselves, but it scares them.
“Sure, It was nice to meet you all. I’m sorry, obviously, that the circumstances weren’t better.” Ezra walks away and the four of us sit in silence for more than a few seconds. They are waiting for me, but they aren’t going to like what I’m about to say.
I pull my legs up and fold them beneath me, crisscross style. “Violet, it worries me that you would even suggest going to the clinic tonight. You’re smarter than that.”
“Ryn . . .” Boone warns.
“Shut it down, Boone. We don’t have time to dick around, and Violet doesn’t need you to play the hero. She is totally capable of defending herself. I don’t blame her or any of you for not fully comprehending the situation yet, but we can’t afford to be reckless. Every move we make from here on out has to be precise,” I explain. Boone grits his teeth. They are all used to taking my orders on the field, but out in the world they are used to a certain level of autonomy. I’ve just stripped that away with a single conversation. No one, including me, is really in control, but I have to take charge. “Violet, ARC is monitoring us. You don’t think it will be suspicious if they check where you are tonight at three A.M. and see you in your dad’s office? I pushed things with the intake and Kendrick, but that was before I knew that them finding Ezra was even a possibility. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have gone in that room,” I admit.
“But you did go in that room,” Henry jumps in aggressively. “You went to the Village. You’re harboring the world’s biggest fugitive in your attic. You’ve made a lot of impulsive decisions and now you’ve just made us all your accomplices. I’m not saying that I wish I didn’t know, but . . . well, maybe I am saying that. I wasn’t exactly the happiest guy in the world, but at least I thought I knew where I stood. I had a job to do and I did it. Now I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”
“Are you serious right now? Your job? You don’t even know what your job is! You’re cool with basically being a slave?” I snap.
“Don’t get all high and mighty with me, Ryn,” Henry growls. “You didn’t go looking for answers because you sensed that we were in danger or your conscience was suddenly bothering you. You did all of this for a guy. You were following your snatch, not your morals.” Now it’s my turn to growl. I get up off the ottoman and stare at them all.
“It doesn’t matter how we got here. It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference how I figured this out—and in the future, Henry? We’re going to leave my vagina out of this, thanks.”
“Don’t even try that shit, Ryn! Are you kidding me? We’ve known about this for two seconds and you’ve known about it for days—for weeks, for all we know. You’re going to sit there and dare to judge what I say or do? Fuck you.” He gets up, and for a moment I think he’s going to leave and I realize that would be a disaster. I also realize that he’s right. I’m being self-righteous and sanctimonious, and I definitely didn’t begin this with anything like the high-minded ideals I’m spouting now. I think, perhaps, that I’m shocked by Henry’s language and anger.
The problem is, though, there’s no time for that. No time for his anger, or my anger, or any of it. Shit is real now, and it’s clear they haven’t yet accepted my command on this particular mission.
That needs to end.
“Sit down, Henry.”
“Go to hell, Ryn.”
“Henry. Sit. Down!”
There is no mistaking my tone. This is how a team leader sounds. I don’t yell it, but every part of me, from my voice to my eyes to the set of my legs, indicates there is no arguing anymore. Henry doesn’t hesitate—he sits down, even as Vi and Boone sit up a little straighter.
“Listen to me. It doesn’t matter how we found out about this, because the now of it isn’t as pertinent as the then, ten years ago, when they stuck this shit inside us. But they did do something that will help us: They made us great soldiers. And that means knowing when to follow the chain of command. This is not a committee. I am in charge here. If you don’t like that, you should have asked for a transfer a long time ago.” I stand perfectly still, but my eyes soften just a bit. “The fact is, you’ve trusted me with your lives countless times, and there is no duty I take more seriously than that. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you three, do you get that? All I care about is keeping us safe. If that meant going into the kitchen and grabbing a butcher knife to dig that thing out of your skulls, I would do it right now. This is going to get messy. This is going to get ugly—it’s going to hurt. But you all need to understand that unless we stop this, or expose it, or—I don’t know what the plan is yet—but unless we do something, we are the bad guys. We are the axis of evil, the Empire, the Legion of SuperVillains, and literally the Frightful Four. Maybe you think I have morality issues, Henry—and maybe you’re right,” I concede, throwing him the tiniest of bones, “but I don’t want to be that, I promise you. I’d rather put a gun in my mouth than be their weapon.”
“It won’t ever come to that, Ryn,” Violet assures me.
I sit down in front of Henry, on my knees. I grab his hands, which are clenched together on his lap. “I hope not. I want to live. I want to do good in this world. They made us different and I want to make a difference. Henry, do you really believe that knowing the truth has made things worse? Really?”
“I don’t think we know the truth,” he says as he takes hold of my fingers. “I think we only know part of the truth, which means we are flying blind. We don’t have the tactical advantage, no matter how high you believe our moral ground is, and that’s a dangerous place to be.” Henry’s look softens. “I know you mean well, Ryn, but we might not survive this.” He untangles one of his large hands and tenderly runs one of them down the length of my hair.
“No,” I admit. “But if we die, we die for our cause, not theirs. We can take something back now that they stole from us. I like those terms a hell of a lot better, even if it means we’re flying blind.”
“And we can have sex,” Boone adds, and the rest of us collectively release heavy sighs. “I mean, yeah, yeah, saving the world or worlds, plural. I’m in. But I was pretty much down for anything once you told me about the red pills.”
“Hey, it’s Mr. Romance!” I exclaim with tween enthusiasm, and get up off the floor.
“Go, freedom fighters,” he cheerleads. “And sex. Go, having sex.”
“We’re with you, Ryn. All the way,” Violet says earnestly.
I nod and smile, happy they’ve decided to follow me. Happy my team is still with me. But Henry is right.
We have no idea what we are in for.
CHAPTER 21
I spend what’s left of the night up in the attic. Ezra and I use the small bed like a lifeboat, clinging to one another, each of us adrift on a sea of variables and theories. We have no real answers. We only have uncharted maps of skin: arms and legs and torsos. We trace the lines of muscles and sinew. We wrap our limbs together and find our way in the semidarkness.
I know that Boone is keen to have sex. I am not ready yet to go to that place, and Ezra does not push me. I know my body. I know how it can bend to fight and kick and hit, but I have never felt it arch like it does when one of Ezra’s hands is on the small of my back and the other is on my thigh. I know how to hurt, but I don’t know how to caress or touch with feather strokes, or grab and claw to elicit moans instead of blood. We don’t have a lot of time, but I am not willing to give up the excitement of this process to expediency. The inevitable might be racing toward us, but here, in this bed, I want to be slow and deliberate. I want to stretch out each new discovery I make. This will never be new for me again. I don’t know anything about sex, but I do know that the first time only happens once, and I am young. I think I love him, but I am overwhelmed. Could any boy make me feel this way? Or is it just him? I feel like the first time you should know, for sure.
LATER ON IN THE MORNING, I have to leave for work. I know I have to go, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I reluctantly kiss Ezra deeply and close the front door. I have been distracted these past few days, but that distraction is over. I feel singular in purpose: Find out what ARC plans to do with the Citadels and find out if they have discovered where Ezra is. I drive to Battle Ground High. I ignore the other students completely, get quickly through the school to the ARC section and hop on the train, all the while putting Ezra and my feelings for him in a lockbox that I mentally kick to the back of my brain. Right now, I have to be a soldier, not a girlfriend. Which is actually pretty easy, considering I’ve been one most of my life, and the other—if I’m even that—for like three minutes. Once we arrive, I walk with renewed determination to the changing rooms. Let them try to stop me, I think. I am in a mood for violence.
I see Violet dressing once I enter. Her lip is split and she has a light bruise on her cheek. I sigh.
“So much for taking things slow, huh?” I whisper once I get close enough.
“We did, at first. We held hands for an hour while Boone made me hold some rare edition of an X-men comic.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “What did he have to endure, I wonder?”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to relay that I made him turn on Josh Groban. God, by the way he bitched about it you’d think I made us listen to Rent or The Little Mermaid.” I peel off my clothes and start to shimmy my way into the field uniform.
“Is The Little Mermaid really not on your list, Vi? How about Aladdin?” I zip up the zipper and Violet puts a hand on her hip.
“Oh, right, sorry, I forgot you’re the coolest girl on Earth. So, Star Trek: The Next Generation wasn’t on mute last night when you and Ezra were doing your thing?”
I wince a little because I had actually thought about putting it on until I realized that Imogen Heap would give us a sufficient emotional buffer. The list is all well and good, but it’s kind of hard to set the mood with aliens and eighties hair. I love Star Trek because it’s always been my dad’s favorite show and we could watch it together without talking. Then I started to like it. Actually, after a careful examination of the list, I have had to accept that I’m a pretty big dork, and cringingly, most of my choices are things that my parents liked first. Damien Rice is my mom’s absolute favorite and he’s become one of my favorites, too. Our taste in music is one of the few things we have in common. Ezra, true to his word, has not judged me, but why would he? He’s a computer geek. We might look a certain way, but we’re both nerds on the inside, which suits me just fine. Besides, my list is not all sci-fi fantasy stuff. Downton Abbey is on the list, and so is Gilmore Girls and The Great British Bake Off, or as I like to call it, visual Xanax. Wow. I watch a lot of TV.
When I’m done dressing, Violet and I walk to the transport bay. No one has noticed Vi’s face. Injury is common among Citadels. It’s almost more unusual for us not to have some kind of visible bruise. Boone and Henry meet us there. I notice that Boone looks far worse. His eye is black and his jaw is swollen.
“I thought you said you just held hands,” I say very softly so no one else can hear besides us four.
“I said we did that for an hour, then we tried kissing. But I dropped the comic book and then we were kind of making so much noise I couldn’t hear the music and yeah, it got a little violent. But just a little.”
“I—”
I cut Boone off at the pass. “Don’t say it, Boone. None of the terrifying shit we’ve figured out is going to matter if you two kill each other before we can make a plan. Seriously,” I say just before the jeep rolls up, “you’ve been waiting for, like, a hundred years just to touch each other. Do you have to turn into porn stars overnight?”
“Speaking of that,” Boone says conspiratorially, “Vi wanted to put porn on the list.”
We are in the vehicle now, and the regular army troops look back at us from the front seat. I give Vi and Boone a dirty look, warning them to watch what they say.
“The Notebook is not porn,” Violet argues.
“I was being ironic, Violet,” Boone deadpans. Then he mouths the words so that only we four can possibly hear or understand him. “Every movie she has on that damn list ensures that I will never, ever get an erection.”
“You guys need to shut up now,” Henry says without much emotion. It must be so hard for him. He knows I have Ezra. Boone and Vi have always had each other, but Henry doesn’t have anyone. There are a few other openly gay Citadels at ARC, but none are as cool or handsome as Henry. Besides, we don’t even know how or when we are going to tell the others about our discovery. Henry isn’t any better off than he was before, and I get a rush of shame that everything has changed in my life, but as of right now, nothing has changed for him. He can’t touch anyone or be touched and we are going off to work, just like we always do.
