The Line, page 19
I crawled under the bedsheets and pulled them over my head, lying in the dark, too many questions in my head. Too many hurts in my heart.
It had only been an hour since I’d asked Eve to go home, but it had felt like an eternity. I’d seen her face. I knew she was worried about us, but there was absolutely nothing to worry about, and I needed to set her straight. So I hurried over to Joe’s, let myself into the house, and went up to her room. I quietly knocked on the door but didn’t get an answer, so I opened the door, careful not to scare her.
The room was pitch-black, but I did manage to make out the silhouette of a big lump in the middle of the bed. I walked to her side and sat, but I couldn’t see her face. She’d managed to cover herself all the way up past her head.
I turned her small bedside lamp on and murmured softly, “Baby.”
I pulled the covers back, exposing her messy hair and her rosy cheeks. I wanted to kiss the red on her cheeks. I wanted to run my hands through that mess of hair. And I wanted to do those things for the rest of my Goddamn life. No one twisted me up the way she did. No woman had ever had me so inside out and upside down.
“Wake up, baby,” I tried again. I ran my finger over her eyebrow and down the side of her face before placing a kiss on her forehead.
She slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the light from the lamp. “Cole?” she croaked out sleepily.
Looking at her, I asked, “Why’d you go to sleep? I told you I’d be over soon.”
She bit her lip and glanced away. “I wasn’t sure if you were really coming.”
“Baby—” I started.
But she sat up in the bed and scooted close to the headboard and away from me, the blanket falling from her body but all of her defenses coming up around her. I didn’t like that at all, so I leaned forward, prepared to pull her back to me.
“Wait,” she demanded, holding her hands out in front of her.
I sat back, prepared for her to unload on me for having sent her away. I’d let her, and then I’d explain that Marla and I were through. That she loved Austin, and I loved her. That I would see Grey as his uncle. And that hopefully I could persuade Austin to get his ass home to take care of his responsibilities.
I hadn’t wanted to send Eve away, but it hadn’t been fair to Marla to have the conversation we’d needed to have in front of Eve.
I grabbed one of her hands and brought it to my lips. I wanted to reassure her. Only halfway there, I noticed the shirt she was wearing. It was old. So worn that it was faded to practically white in some places, but where it wasn’t faded, it was a blue-and-white plaid. But it wasn’t the color or the age of the shirt that stopped me in my tracks. No, it was the patches at the elbows. Fucking jean patches.
Blood roared in my ears like a siren wailing. I was sure Everly was talking because I could see her mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear a thing. I could only focus on those patches.
And then memories assaulted me like a machine gun, pouring into me fast and furious like tiny bullets. Each one paining me with realization.
“We took care of what we had. We knew that nothing was really broken or irreparable. Not really. Anything could be fixed, even with something as small as a hug or friendship. Or a simple jean patch.”
Fuck. How many times had Joe told me that story about the patches? No. No. No. This wasn’t happening. It just couldn’t be happening. This had to be some kind of fucking coincidence.
My conversation in the barn with Joe, when I’d been so hurt about Grey, bombarded my mind.
“I had a child once, ya know? She passed, Cole. I didn’t get the option to have her in my life.”
Had he been talking about Eve? Why would he have told me she’d died? Maybe Joe didn’t realize Eve was his?
I thought of Joe and Eve together, their brown heads thrown back in laughter, their smiles so similar. Their fucking dancing, blue eyes so much alike.
I thought of how quickly they’d grown to love each other. How he fawned over Eve. How protective he was. How he told her stories of his momma and his daddy. How he treated her like his Goddamn daughter.
Oh, no. He had to know. He’d lied to us all, and it was going to ruin everything.
I took a deep, calming breath. Maybe I was jumping the gun. Maybe Joe had given her his shirt, but my gut said otherwise.
I grabbed Eve by the arms, jerking her close to me. She startled, shrinking back, so I grabbed her arms harder.
“Where did you get that shirt?” I demanded.
“Cole, what’s wrong?” She seemed terrified, but I was too. I was shaken to my damn core.
I shook her a little, my temper flaring, so scared of losing her that I was sick with it. “Where did you get the fucking shirt, Eve?” I yelled.
She flinched. “Please, you’re hurting me.” She looked at my hands, which were wrapped around her upper arms, and I immediately loosened them.
Her frightened face fucking shredded me, so I let her go, moving back on the bed and clutching my hands in my lap so I wasn’t compelled to put my hands on her again. Even though blood was still pounding in my ears like a drum beat and I wanted to scream with it, I softened my tone.
“Please, Eve,” I hissed out on a whisper. “Tell me where that shirt came from.”
I must have sounded like a deranged person to her ears.
She pressed herself against the headboard, getting as far away from my crazy ass as possible. Who could blame her? I was acting like a lunatic.
She clutched the front of the shirt like she was afraid maybe I’d rip it off her in my rage. “I don’t know where it came from. I’ve had it always. I’m guessing it belonged to whoever left me at the train station when I was a baby. I was told I was wrapped in it when the authorities found me,” she said so softly that I barely heard her.
But I had heard her. And, God, I wished I hadn’t. She didn’t know. But it all made sense now. Me not knowing who Momma Lou was. Joe hiring Everly for the summer out of the Goddamn blue. My whole body hurt. Because, when my sweet, loving, caring, giving girl found out that she’d been lied to all summer, she’d feel betrayed. Hurt beyond words. And fuck, I knew one thing for sure. She’d leave.
Trust didn’t come easy to Eve. I’d learned that on the train four years ago. And, now, Joe was going to blow it out of the fucking water. He’d been lying to her all summer. Dread rolled over me like a semi-truck.
“Cole, what’s going on?” Everly questioned from across the bed. She was curled up against the headboard still and looked more frightened than the girl I’d left standing on the platform at the train station long ago.
My heart fucking broke for her. She didn’t even see it coming. Everything was getting ready to change. Our little bubble of perfect we’d had here the past couple of weeks was about to explode.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, covering my face with my hands. And I wasn’t just sorry for what had already transpired. I was sorry for what was to come too, because it was so much worse.
She’d never trust us again. She’d leave and never come back. Bile rose in my throat at the thought.
This was Joe’s fault. He should have told her. How could he have let her go all summer without knowing? I stood up and headed for the door, ready to confront him.
“Wait, Cole.” Her eyes pleaded from the bed, but I could barely see her through all the shit swirling in my head. “Did something happen with Marla? Is everything okay?” She looked so confused.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her right then. I couldn’t bear to see the heartbreak on her face if I told her of Joe’s betrayal.
“I’m sorry, baby. I have to go. I’ll be back, okay?” I said as tenderly as I could, but my voice sounded gruff and distant. I needed to get to Joe.
I took the stairs two by two, eager to get to his room. Entering the small hallway off his room, I called out for him.
“Joe.”
Nothing. I walked into his room and immediately noticed the made-up bed and empty room. Fuck. He was gone. Out of town. I’d forgotten. I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I wasn’t a religious man by any means, but I felt myself asking God for a little guidance. I didn’t have a fucking clue what to do.
Unfortunately, God didn’t answer when you rung him up on the fly, so I jogged across the yard, back to my house, my chest and my eyes burning with emotion. Eve was Joe’s daughter. Why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t he told me? What would she do when she found out?
I poured myself a tall glass of whiskey and paced my house for hours. I thought of calling Joe, but this wasn’t the type of thing someone accused another person of over the phone. And I thought of Eve, all alone at the big house, probably terrified out of her mind at my outburst. So I drank until I was numb, something I hadn’t done since Eve had come back into my life and made me happy.
Fuck, she’d made us all so fucking happy, and we were going to destroy her.
Four years later and she was finally there, with me and Joe. Where she was supposed to be, and, God, she’d found her stride there. She’d grown by leaps and bounds over the summer, and while I knew she’d changed our lives with her mere presence, I also knew we’d changed hers, too.
The more I drank, the more desolate and desperate my thoughts became. She was going to leave me. I could bear anything. I’d learned that when Marla had taken Grey and left, but I didn’t think I could bear this. I couldn’t live on this farm knowing I’d never see her in the barn, brushing Beauty. I couldn’t eat in that kitchen knowing I’d never see her sleepy face in the morning over coffee.
I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I texted Joe a 911 message telling him we needed him home as soon as possible.
Around three a.m., I staggered back to the big house on drunk feet, the half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from my fist. I’d given up drinking out of a glass hours ago. I knew she’d be sleeping, but I needed to see her. I couldn’t stay away. I didn’t know how long I had left with her.
I trudged up the stairs, my legs heavy under me, my brain swimming around in my skull. I reached the open door to Eve’s room and leaned on the doorjamb for support.
I’d expected her to be asleep, but there she sat in almost the exact same spot I’d left her, the light from the lamp casting a shadow across her beautiful face.
“Cole?” she asked, seemingly surprised to see me there.
My cowboy stood in the doorway, watching me, a brown bottle hanging from his hand. The night I’d taken him the roll of quarters flashed in my mind. That was the last time I’d seen him this way. I wanted to lift my comforter and beckon him under my covers so that I could hold him. But I didn’t know what he was going through. Since his visit with Marla, his behavior had been erratic at best. I didn’t know where we stood, but I had an inkling it wasn’t in a good place. I was just waiting for the ball to drop. For him to tell me we were over and he was going back to Marla and Grey.
And the shirt. I had no idea what the hell that had been about. He’d been so completely crazy. Studying the bottle of liquor in his hand, I wondered if he had been drinking all day. That would explain the insanity that had been tonight.
“Are you okay?” I questioned, studying his desperate eyes. And they scared me. Those eyes said everything I didn’t want to hear. They said that we were over.
“No,” he answered, shaking his head, and my heart hurt for him almost as much as it hurt for me.
Was he there to say goodbye?
If he was, there was no way I could stay at Preston’s, no matter if Joe wanted me to or not. This farm didn’t exist for me unless there was an Eve and Cole on it—together.
Cole’s shoulders sagged, and he dropped his head to his chest. He looked like he might fall over, and my stupid, kind heart did the talking before my head could stop it.
“Come here,” my heart said from my mouth, and my dumb hands followed suit by lifting the covers and patting the spot next to me.
His eyes blazed over my face, desperation and heat mingling in the air between us. It felt hot and thick and dangerous, and still, I reached my hand out to him, urging him closer.
Slow, meaningful strides brought Cole to me, his intense stare never wavering. And I got lost in that gaze. I forgot that Marla had come back. I wasn’t thinking about how he’d scared me earlier that night with his crazy behavior. I didn’t care that he’d been drinking.
It was just us, and this passionate connection—this undeniable love that extended between us like a piece of string—holding us together even when we were falling part.
“You’re mine,” Cole said, his voice gravelly above me, his face fierce. His jaw set and determined.
Oh, Cowboy. Was there ever a question? I wanted to ask. I’d been his since he’d offered me a seat on a train I hadn’t even paid for. Didn’t he know that? How could he not? For heaven’s sake, I carried my love for him around in my back pocket everywhere I went. How could he ever question it?
I wanted to scream and shout the house down with my love. I wanted to pound my fist on his chest and demand that he tell me that he loved me too. But he seemed as fragile as the glass bottle in his hand. Like, with one hard blast from me, he’d smash to the floor, scattering his tiny pieces all around my room. I couldn’t bear to break him, so I only nodded, still holding the covers back for him. Let me hold you.
Ignoring the pulled-back covers, Cole crawled over my body, settling his weight on top of me, before taking my mouth in a punishing kiss that bruised my lips and hurt in a way that made me ache between my legs. He slipped his tongue past mine over and over, tasting every corner of my mouth until I was breathless and boneless beneath him.
“You’re mine,” he groaned out again as he trailed hot whiskey kisses from my mouth, down my neck, and across my chest, his day-old stubble burning me and then setting my skin aflame. His openmouthed kisses were biting, hard, and relentless, branding me with their ferocity on the outside and in.
He didn’t take his time undressing me. He didn’t savor me like I was a gift this time. No, he feasted on me. He took me. He consumed me. He fucked me like he owned me.
We were all lips, tongues, hands, passion, and fever. No one could touch our love.
“You’ll never leave me,” he demanded.
“I’m yours,” I whispered over and over.
He took me again and again until the sun peeked in through the windows. Until my body felt sore and used. Until we finally wore ourselves out. Until we succumbed to the exhaustion, clutched around each other, desperate for one another even in our sleep.
For the first time in days, I woke up without Cole wrapped around me. Panic fluttered in my belly as I searched the room for him. My entire body hurt with the events of yesterday. It seemed I’d slept most of the day away. My head pounded, and my eyes were sore and puffy. Even the sweet ache in my body from Cole’s lovemaking couldn’t stave off the rawness I felt. And I did feel gritty and weak, nearly to the point of breaking emotionally.
Where had Cole gone? Had last night been goodbye?
It had certainly felt like goodbye. I wondered if I’d get the answers I so desperately needed. I slowly got out of bed, feeling tired and too weak to deal with the day’s bullshit. I didn’t bother showering before I pulled my clothes on. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and headed downstairs, hoping coffee would somehow make me feel more human.
Strained voices drifted up the stairs, and I paused, wondering who was home. Joe was supposed to be out of town until tomorrow. In fact, I was counting on that. I couldn’t deal with his prying questions today, and once he saw the state I was in, he would definitely pry. He’d worry and fuss over me, and I couldn’t deal with that.
A loud bang sounded, and I flinched, paying extra-close attention.
“You didn’t see her, Joe!” Cole yelled.
I stood on the stairs as still as a statue. I’d never heard Cole raise his voice to Joe like that.
“Keep it down, Cole,” Joe hissed. “I know you’re upset, but—”
“No,” Cole interrupted. “You don’t get to tell me to keep it down. You didn’t see her.” He sounded pained. “You didn’t see how starved she was. How distrusting. How fragile. You don’t understand.” He was talking through clenched teeth. “You’ve ruined everything. She’ll never trust us again.”
My skin prickled with an unwelcome awareness as I stood stock-still, one foot perched just above the last step of the staircase. That step seemed almost ominous. Just two more steps and my life was going to change forever.
Still, I walked down them, knowing I would probably regret it but too damn stubborn to walk back upstairs and bury my head beneath the covers in my too-nice-for-an-employee bedroom.
“I was going to tell her. But the time has never been right,” Joe said. He sounded exhausted.
“You’ll tell Eve now! Today, Joe!” Cole snapped out, and that was all the permission I needed to come around the corner and enter the room.
My heart had been stupidly holding out hope that Joe and Cole weren’t fighting about me, but my body had known. It had known it down to its bones.
They didn’t even notice me enter the room. Cole was standing next to the kitchen table, his body over it, his hands pressed into the hard, wood top. His face was red with emotion as he leaned forward, his jaw ticking, his lips pressed together, like he was trying to hold himself in check.
I looked over at Joe, who was sitting across the table from him in his chair, his face equally fierce.
“Tell me what?” I said slowly, hoping to hide the fear in my voice.
I was terrified of the answer to that question. I clutched my shaking hands together and looked at my guys, afraid it would be the last time they were mine.
Cole leaned away from the table, his chest heaving like he’d run a marathon.
Joe turned his chair towards me. “Why don’t you sit down, sweetheart?” Sad eyes bracketed an even sadder smile, and I knew I needed to stay standing in case I needed to get the hell out of there.
