So True a Love (Daughters of His Kingdom Book 2), page 26
She mouthed, “I must speak with you.”
The love in his eyes swept across the room and caressed her cheek. He mouthed in return, “After church.”
Kitty turned back to the front, unable to focus on the sermon that had just begun.
After church. She smiled toward heaven and breathed a full breath unlike she had in months. After church, all the ugly and glorious truths would be borne and she would at last be free.
***
When the church service ended, the crowd shuffled into the stifling humidity outside the chapel doors. Waiting beside the flower gardens on the far side of the church-yard, Nathaniel reached out his hand, sure he’d felt a drop on his neck. He looked up. The thick gray clouds would soon release their flood. He stepped aside and tipped his hat at a family that passed on their way to the road. Chuckling to himself, he waved at the youngest boy who turned as he ran past, his father calling for him to slow down. Visions of the future flurried around him. Would he someday have a boy of his own? The pleasant thought made him spin back around to scan the murmuring group for Kitty’s yellow-ribboned hat. She had yet to exit.
Straightening his cravat he gazed across the sea of church-goers and rehearsed the words he’d practiced since the night before. After his encounter with Cyprian he’d decided no longer could he endure it. He and Thomas would sit Kitty down and make her tell them, no matter how much it frightened her, no matter how long it took. Her safety and well-being depended on it.
Just then a tall man in a red officer’s uniform exited the chapel, stealing Nathaniel’s concentration. His jaw tightened. What was a soldier doing here? The man motioned to a gentleman near the door and spoke something, to which the gentleman nodded and pointed in Nathaniel’s direction.
Nathaniel jerked back. The soldier gave a polite bow, placed his hat on his head and started in Nathaniel’s direction. His blood charged. Who was this soldier and what did he want with him?
The man locked eyes with Nathaniel, and instead of bayonetting him with a look of disgust, he smiled as if Nathaniel had waved him over for a chat.
With only feet separating them now, the soldier swooped off his decorated tricorn and offered a quick bow before replacing his hat. “Pardon me, but you are Dr. Nathaniel Smith, are you not?”
“Aye.” Nathaniel dipped his head in as much of an acknowledgment as his body would allow. “May I help you?”
The man laughed, his broad smile revealing straight teeth and a genuine nature that reflected in his eyes. Quickly his tone turned solemn. “I’ve just arrived to town and I’m looking for a particular woman with whom I believe we are both acquainted.”
It couldn’t be. Nathaniel stepped wide to keep from faltering. He pulled his shoulders back and examined the man in front of him. Never one to be impressed by one’s status, Nathaniel had to admit, the man had quite a presence. But still, perhaps ‘twas not the man he suspected.
Nathaniel flashed a quick, tight smile. “And you are?”
“Oh, forgive me, I am Lieutenant James Higley.”
Nathaniel kept his face even, despite the screaming that wailed in his head. He latched onto the lapel of his jacket to anchor himself in the rough seas of emotion he suddenly endured. This was James Higley. He cringed at the memory of how many times he’d called this man Pigley. There was nothing piggish about him. Tall, broad-shouldered, and a strong jaw that matched his commanding air.
The disbelief Nathaniel tried to keep from his face must have sifted past its well-crafted barrier, because James’s face lit with a jovial smile.
“Miss Campbell spoke very highly of you in her letters.” He looked over his shoulder, a dreaminess in his face that made Nathaniel’s stomach turn. “And since I haven’t been able to locate her, I thought you might be willing to assist me.”
Nathaniel could only blink his response.
James motioned behind him. “I would be much obliged if you would direct me to her place of residence. I’ve come here on urgent business and I must speak with her directly.”
Urgent business?
A horrible thought struck Nathaniel’s mind like a blow from a hammer. Could Higley be here to propose? Again? Not possible.
James grinned wide, as if he expected Nathaniel to comply with his request at any moment. Nathaniel kept his lips tightly pressed so the sneer that twitched at his mouth wouldn’t be exposed. Why must the man be so jolly? ‘Twasn’t as if they were friends. Nay, they were rivals. And not only politically... His stomach rolled to a halt at his feet.
Did Kitty really have feelings for this man? From what he’d read in James’s letter she hadn’t completely disregarded him, in fact, had given him “hope”.
“James?” Kitty’s startled voice peeled across the churchyard. She moved toward them with almost as much shock on her face as Nathaniel felt. Her dainty mouth hung open and her sparkling eyes turned a shade of green that nearly matched Higley’s own emerald stare.
James swept his hat around in a wide arch and bowed, never taking his gaze off her, then placed the hat back on his head. “Kitty, you are too beautiful for words.”
Nathaniel crunched down on his cheek to keep from growling. Kitty? How dare this man be so familiar with her?
His chest burned from within and his jaw ached from clenching when James took her hand and pressed it against his mouth. “It seems years since I have seen you.”
“James, I... I hardly know what to say.” She pressed a hand to her chest and released an airy giggle. “’Tis such a surprise. What brings you to Sandwich?”
James took a step closer, his tone smooth and deep. “Why, you bring me here.” James’s eyes trailed over her from head to feet and back up again, flitting quickly across her mouth. The spark in Nathaniel’s chest turned to a raging blaze and he curled his fists.
“I bring you here?” Her cheeks pinked and she lowered her chin with a coy smile.
Nathaniel pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Was her smile richer than normal or could it be only his imagination? Had she not smiled such when he’d met her at the cabin? Or after their kiss?
He shifted his feet and twitched his shoulders. Gads. What was wrong with him? He’d never been one to think the worst of people, and here he was judging the woman he loved. Nathaniel brewed over the thought as his gaze trailed over his opponent another time.
James removed the pompous hat and tucked it under his arms. “I’ve been sent here on business.”
Kitty tilted her head. “Business?”
“Quite urgent I must say, but let us not talk of such things here.”
Kitty turned toward Nathaniel and her smile brightened. “I see you have met my good friend, Dr. Nathaniel Smith.” She motioned between the two of them.
“Aye, I have had the pleasure.” James started speaking but Nathaniel closed his ears to all but the sound of the rain gathering in the clouds. How long must he endure this? The stifling humidity not only sucked the sweat from his pores, it sucked the very tolerance from his bones.
While James continued on Nathaniel squirmed, eager for this moment to find an end so he could take Kitty in his arms, lead her away and kiss her again, thereby removing all other men from her mind. Forever.
Suddenly the truth socked Nathaniel in the gut with such force he nearly coughed.
His gaze jumped between the two. Not only was James dashing, good-looking, wealthy and from a well-known family, he was a Tory. Nathaniel’s heart stopped until both his soul and his body were void of feeling.
He rubbed his hand over his mouth, breathing through his nose to calm his pulse. So, this is what Kitty had evaded sharing with him all these many weeks.
Her heart did not belong to him. It belonged to James.
He reeled from the blow and tried to control his wild pulse. What a fool he had been. What a blind fool!
James looked down at Kitty, his expression dripping with desire. Nathaniel curled his fists as the muscles in his back flexed. All this time he’d been pouring out his soul, giving the best of himself and she’d only pretended?
He ignored the invisible hand that slapped him for such slander. Deep in the crevices of his cracked soul, he wanted, wished, hoped such a thing wasn’t true, but how could it not be?
James asked Nathaniel a question and he nodded in response to whatever it was. He dared a glance at Kitty and her tender expression nailed his heart to his ribs. The yearning in her fathomless eyes only pressed the agony deeper.
A bitter laugh surged upward but he killed it in his throat. Such irony. Thomas had nearly lost Eliza to a Redcoat, but in the end he’d won his prize. Now, Nathaniel had fallen in love with a woman who had turned him down to go running into the waiting arms of the enemy.
Chapter Thirty
Will he not return my smile?
Kitty did her best to capture Nathaniel’s attention, but his eyes darted everywhere but near her own.
She cleared her throat and turned to James. “What business brings you here, James? I didn’t know the army cared for such a small town.”
“Our good king cares about every province, no matter its size, though there are many who choose to believe otherwise.”
Kitty darted a look at Nathaniel, knowing full well what thoughts must be racing through his head, for the same thoughts also ran through hers. At one time, James’s sentiments might have been strangely comforting, but now they burned, making her ache all the more to lay bare her soul to the man she loved.
But he didn’t look at her. He only chewed the inside of his lip and stood motionless, his arms held rigid at his sides, fists tight. She’d never seen him so uncomfortable.
James continued, cupping her elbow. “Let us not talk of business, but center our attentions on something more pleasant.” He nodded his chin in the direction of town. “Sandwich is lovely, Kitty, I can see now why you would want to trade Boston for this place.” He winked and the teasing in his tone brought a smile to her lips, but did nothing to her heart.
Her cheeks heated and she lifted her lashes hoping Nathaniel would see the flush in her face, but he looked away, his chest lifting and lowering a bit too much. A biting twinge nipped at her conscience. This chance encounter would certainly not ease her forthcoming revelation.
In a swift move, Nathaniel bowed. “I must be going.”
Mindless of the impropriety, Kitty lunged for Nathaniel and tugged on his arm. “Wait!” She turned to James. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I must speak with Dr. Smith. I won’t be long.”
Nathaniel’s glare hit Kitty like the back of his hand. She touched his arm, waiting for the tenderness she knew so well in his eyes, but it never surfaced. Swallowing, she pulled away and knit her fingers in front of her stomacher, trying to flood her voice with jesting. “You mustn’t go yet, you promised to speak with me, or don’t you remember?”
He looked behind her and nudged his chin upward. “’Twould seem you’ve already found someone else with whom to speak.”
Kitty frowned. “What troubles you, Nathaniel, you are not yourself.”
“Am I not?” The animosity ran thick and circled her neck. He tossed a cold glance over her shoulder before turning away.
All the strength left her limbs. She stepped forward and braved another tug on his sleeve as she filled her voice with as much weight as it would carry. “Nathaniel, please. There’s something I must tell you and it cannot wait.”
He stopped and stared at her over his broad shoulder. “I know what it is you wish to tell.”
What? How? She shrunk back, her heart collapsing within her chest. “You do?”
His mouth pressed tight. “I do.”
“Oh... I... I see.” She looked away, her mind swimming. So he knew. Somehow he knew what she’d done.
She smiled and ached for him to hold her in his arms, tell her he knew it had all been forced upon her and that he loved her anyway.
But he didn’t.
“’Tis time for me to return home.” The finality of his words pushed her back.
Biting her cheek to keep from crying, she nodded. “But you will come for supper. I want to explain myself. I want to tell what I’ve just now come to understand—”
“Good day.” He tipped his hat and turned away. She stared at his back as he left, her heart crawling after him. Please don’t hate me!
Tears burned her eyes but she batted them away. After her actions, she deserved his disdain.
A warm hand came to her back and she quickly dotted her eyes before facing the man she knew had come to her side. “Forgive me James, I didn’t mean to neglect you.”
“No apology necessary.” He took her hand. “Anyone could forgive you anything, Kitty.”
She looked to where Nathaniel had gone. If only that were true.
His gaze trailed her face. “I’m heading down to New York. Uncle has provided me with a new assignment and I’m to be stationed there indefinitely. When I found out I was to pass a message on to another solider here in Sandwich, I knew I had to find you.” His grip on her fingers tightened and his voice dropped. “I couldn’t go to New York without knowing your decision.”
His features lifted in a hopeful smile and Kitty’s lungs stilled. Poor James. She offered her most gentle grin and slid her hand from his grasp. “James, you are indeed generous in your affections for me, and you know I am honored by them. But, my feelings... I am... as much as I appreciate your friendship, my heart belongs to another.”
James dropped his chin with a nod. His mouth tightened, and he looked away with a brave set to his jaw before looking back. “I cannot say that I am not disappointed, but I want the best for you and I respect your feelings.” Silent, he motioned with his head toward the road. “Am I wrong to assume your heart leans toward a certain country doctor?”
Had her attentions been so obvious? She lowered her eyes. “Dr. Smith has been a good friend to me.”
A wounded smile rested in James’s eyes. “I wish you every happiness.”
Just as she opened her mouth, another voice peeled from behind.
“Well, Kitty, what a pleasant surprise.”
Kitty spun around as Henry Donaldson approached, his expression bright as a noon sun.
“Henry, what are you doing here?” She breathed easier, and her smile broke free as the discomforts from seconds ago eased thanks to the presence of one whom she cared for as a brother.
Henry looked at James before swooping off his hat and offering a generous bow. “I’ve come to see Lt. Higley as I pass through town.” He winked. “I should have known he would have found the most delightful woman in Sandwich to fawn over.”
James’s mouth straightened in a tight smile and he cleared his throat. The sorrow in his expression sat heavy against her heart when his gaze shifted from her to Donaldson. “There is an urgent matter which I need to discuss with you privately.”
“Aye.” Donaldson turned to Kitty. “We’ll not be a moment.”
“Of course.” Kitty glanced to the road where Nathaniel had gone, her mind rehearsing the revelation she must make to him this evening. Or at least, the revelation she must explain. He said he already knew. But how? Both her head and her heart began a dull ache. I will trust in God. All will be well.
She gazed across the vacant churchyard and squinted at the sky when a low rumble rolled inland from the sea. From behind, the men’s voices floated toward her and she stepped forward, uncomfortable with overhearing the transaction, when an invisible hold held her back.
As the muted words trickled into her ears, the hairs on her neck stood on end.
“You have a message for me?” Donaldson questioned.
“Aye, sir.” James’s quiet tone thundered in her ears. “We have intercepted this message from a patriot courier. My uncle’s orders are that it must not make it to Plymouth.”
“I understand.” Donaldson answered, his tone reflecting his rank.
“We believe there might still be another courier on his way. Tell your men to keep an eye out, and question anyone traveling north.”
Kitty’s arms went numb and her fingers tingled. A message important enough for two couriers to deliver? What kind of message? What wasn’t Plymouth to know?
The men cleared their throats and the sound of their steps grew louder. Kitty spun to face them.
James tapped his hat atop his head, his eyes trailing her face. With a forced smile, he bowed. “Miss Campbell.”
Sorrow for having caused him such pain tightened the rise and fall of her chest. “James, I’m—”
“Say no more, Miss Campbell.” He breathed out a rough sigh and stepped away. “I bid you farewell.”
Kitty curtsied. “God’s blessings upon you, James.”
He offered another half-smile and tipped his hat and after a quick nod to Donaldson, exited the courtyard, leaving Kitty and Donaldson alone in front of the chapel.
“He cares for you a great deal.” Donaldson peered at her then flung a quick look at Higley’s retreating frame.
“Aye.” She kept her eyes on James until he disappeared behind the trees on the corner. “Higley is a good man.”
“But?”
She felt Donaldson’s gaze though couldn’t find the strength to meet it. “He is... his is simply not...” The answer formed, yet she couldn’t speak it.
He hummed as if he had easily interpreted the tensions and tight-lipped smiles. “You do not love him.”
Kitty snapped her gaze to him and gauged his knowing look before finally speaking. “’Tis true.” She studied the far end of the churchyard. “I cannot commit my life to someone I do not love.”
“Wise.” Donaldson’s chest rose as he inhaled a long breath. “Not everyone would feel the same. But then again, you and your sister are more thoughtful and sensitive than many women in your station.”
She smiled at him as a comfortable silence rested between them and suddenly the urge to expose her political shift became almost too much to restrain. What would he say? Surely he would not be surprised. She opened her mouth then snapped it shut again and formed a smile on her mouth to hide her near mistake. Nay, she should not tell him. ‘Twould be Nathaniel who first learned of her change of heart. And how she longed to tell him! Her smile broadened. The thought alone bloomed in her soul like the very flower she still carried in the pocket of her skirt.
