So True a Love (Daughters of His Kingdom Book 2), page 25
Slamming his eyes shut, he strangled a groan. The woman he held in his grasp brought a joy to his life he’d never known. He would die for Kitty. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words she yearned to hear. Loving a Tory meant despising the cause of liberty that he cherished. A new kind of pain slashed across his heart. If only she would see that freedom was everything.
His gaze twined with hers, and slowly her features dropped as his silence answered clearly what he could not speak.
She pressed her full lips into a thin line and jerked from his hold. The hurt in her face cut across Nathaniel’s chest like a freshly sharpened weapon. “I knew it.”
He pried his tongue from its holding place and forced his voice into submission. “’Tis not what it seems.”
“Your silence says otherwise.”
“Kitty, do you not see? You care nothing for the very thing I value more than my own life.”
She stared. “And what is that?”
“Freedom.”
Kitty swallowed, pulling her arms tighter around her chest. “Freedom? What is freedom, Nathaniel?”
“What can I say about something so precious?” He gazed over the pond for a moment before twining his gaze with hers. “There is nothing more crucial, nothing more worthy of sacrifice, Kitty. Freedom is happiness. It is pursuing your dreams. It is liberty to worship and work and find joy as it pleases you. Freedom is striving and failing as many times as required before you finally strive and succeed. Kitty, freedom—liberty—is where you will find the Spirit of the Lord. It is life.”
The quiet sounds of nature droned around them. Kitty’s tight features relaxed as her eyes searched his face. She blinked and slowly her delicate brows folded together and she looked away.
He moved toward her, anguishing to pull her near. “Kitty you must believe me when I say my feelings for you are—”
“Say no more, Nathaniel.” Kitty spun around and started toward the road. “I understand now that it is because of our differences that you refuse to love me.”
“I do not refuse to love you.” Did she think she was the only one hurting?
Grabbing her shoulder, Nathaniel swung her around to face him. “You are not so innocent, Miss.” She tried to wriggle out of his grasp but he held firm.
Kitty scowled. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“For weeks I have pleaded with you to share your burden.” He gripped harder, pinning her motionless with his stare. “Love cannot be free to triumph where there is no trust.”
His spirit urged him to say more, pleaded with him to succumb to the desires he’d hidden so long. She must have seen his struggle, for the way her eyes darted between his, the way her breathing turned rapid, testified her need for him matched the longing in his heart. He could not resist. Forgetting his vow, he lowered his head and covered her soft mouth with his. The tightness of her muscles left her body like a receding wave against the sand and she released an audible whimper that sent Nathaniel’s pulse racing.
He held tight to her familiar frame, remembering all too well the way her curves molded against him. Her hands swept up his back and circled his neck, making his heart pound at the feel of her cool, slender fingers on his skin. Another quiet mewling sound escaped her throat and he lost himself in her embrace as the world around him faded. All that existed was the feel of her heart entwining with his.
Slowly, reason edged in the small spaces of his mind. He had to stop.
After tasting her mouth one last time, he pushed away. Resting his forehead against hers, listening to their shared-breathing, Nathaniel relished the feel of her breath cooling his lips.
Kitty closed her eyes. “We can’t pretend, Nathaniel.”
“Pretend?”
She pulled away, her blue-green eyes tearing through him. “We cannot pretend that you and I could ever make the kind of life together that you desire.”
He stepped back, the weight of her words crashing against him. “I’m not ready to surrender such a thing. Are you?”
“We cannot surrender something we never possessed.” She moved back, her full lips pressing tight. The finality in her tone drove holes through the sails of his dreams.
“Then I fear you and I shall never be one.” He shifted his jaw. “And there, my love, lies the overwhelming tragedy.”
Chapter Twenty-seven
Kitty froze.
Nathaniel’s words were a wintry wind, blowing against her heart that had just been stripped bare. She looked away, her body still humming where his chest and arms had pressed against her. “Nathaniel, I want to trust you.” Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued. “But once you learn of what I keep secret you will surely hate me.”
He leaned forward, cupping her shoulders. “I could never hate you.” He paused, his thumb making circles on her skin while his tender eyes pleaded with her to speak.
She gazed back at him, searching his eyes, and prayed. Dear Lord, Cyprian has vowed to hurt Eliza. I couldn’t live with such a thing. What do I do?
He took her hand and caressed it between his. “Answer me this. Are you happy?”
Kitty blinked. “Happy?”
“Are you, right now in your life, at liberty to enjoy the true happiness you desire?”
Her throat ached and she couldn’t keep back the answer. “I am not.”
His brow folded together and his voice dropped low. “Why?”
She frowned, answering in her mind as her eyes darted between his. Why? Because Cyprian has destroyed my life by forcing me to do something I know is wrong. He’s taken away my...
Suddenly the truth consumed her in a single wave. Her eyes grew wide and her breath quickened.
Cyprian had destroyed her freedom.
Freedom is life.
Kitty tried to breathe as the winds of this newly acquired knowledge blew against her. Could it be that... that the patriots were right?
The touch of Nathaniel’s thumb against her cheek shook her from her thoughts.
She stepped back, forcing a smile. “I... I don’t know what to say.”
Nathaniel stepped closer, slowly moving his hand around her waist. “Say you’ll kiss me.” His vision narrowed at her mouth before he swooped down. Kitty leaned her head back and opened her lips to accept him as his mouth consumed hers until every wandering thought dissolved.
A slight groan escaped his throat and he pulled her closer, nearly stopping the air in her lungs as his lips roamed up to her ear then down her jaw before landing on her wet mouth once again. His firm hands kneaded up her back and neck, then into her hair until her bun came loose, her hair tumbling around her shoulders.
When her legs finally lost all their strength, she broke the kiss and rested her head against his solid chest and clutched him tight, cherishing the sound of his rapid pulse and the feel of his warm breath against her hair.
He pulled away and crouched down, plucking a white flower from the grass beside Kitty’s feet. Slowly he stood, rolling the delicate stem between his fingers. The tenderness in his Autumn-colored eyes seeped into her heart and cupped it as if he held her very soul. His gaze trailed her face as he brushed her hair back and gently tucked the flower behind her ear.
Kitty sucked in a quiet breath as tingles flitted down her back. What had possessed him to do such a thing? Did he know what it meant to her? She fought back the tears that burned her eyes. She reached up and touched the silken petals, unable to move her gaze from his, praying without end that what she revealed would not destroy the longing she now witnessed in his eyes.
Nathaniel toyed with the flower in her hair. “Will you trust me now?”
Twining her fingers with his, she licked her lips. “Please know that, what I am to reveal is—”
“Dr. Smith. Miss Campbell.”
Kitty jerked away at the sound of Cyprian’s harsh voice, but Nathaniel held her close as the enemy stopped along the road, staring through thin, black eyes.
Panic clutched her heart until it nearly stopped. Had Cyprian been watching? Had he heard her?
“What do you want, Wythe?” Nathaniel’s tone dripped disdain.
Hard and lifeless, Cyprian offered a sickening smile and shifted the small bundle of clothes under his arm. His cold eyes coiled around Kitty’s neck. “Miss Campbell, I saw your sister in town just now. Poor dear. She looked far too weary to be out when she’s so great with child.”
Kitty’s knees buckled and she gripped Nathaniel’s arm to remain steady. The meaning behind Cyprian’s words were as real as a knife in her belly.
Kitty pushed away from Nathaniel and sent him a quick look. “I should go to her then.” She hastened toward the road without looking back and passed Cyprian as if the dirt near where he stood were on fire.
Cyprian called from behind her, beating against her slave-driven soul. “She’s counting on your wisdom, Miss Campbell. I trust you would not wish to disappoint her.”
***
Hatred stormed down Nathaniel’s back. Not again! He glanced at Kitty as she darted away, his chest aching for the pain he’d seen in her eyes, before pointing all his attentions on the devil in front of him.
Yanking Cyprian by the cravat, Nathaniel pulled him down to the water’s edge and shoved him toward the trees with such force Cyprian grappled at the trunk behind him to keep from falling.
Nathaniel’s muscles burned hot and his fists itched for the sensation of cracking against flesh and bone. “What have you done to her?”
Cyprian’s expression twisted. “I have done nothing.”
“You lie!” Nathaniel charged forward, jerking at Cyprian’s collar and forcing his back to a tree. Shoving up against him, muscles pooled with blood, Nathaniel yelled through his teeth. “Tell me now!”
Black eyes chuckling, Cyprian’s mouth curled like a drying weed. “I have nothing to tell.”
The punch across Cyprian’s jaw happened before Nathaniel could stop it. He stepped back, chest pumping. Cyprian gripped his face and groaned, then started to laugh.
Nathaniel stepped away. If he got any closer he wouldn’t have the strength to stop himself from destroying the man with his bare hands. “Stay away from her.”
Cyprian tipped his head back and peeled the air with a revolting laugh. “The only one keeping anything from you is that wench, as you well know.” Stalking back to the road, Cyprian continued his repulsive chuckling. “I warned you, Doctor. She’s a sly one.”
If the man said one more word against Kitty... Lord, give me the resistance I need or I fear I shall commit a cardinal sin.
Cyprian slunk to the road and turned, nodding slowly. “One day you will learn what she hides. And when you do, I will be most happy to say that I was the first to warn you.”
***
Cyprian couldn’t help grinning as he marched back to the tavern, despite the throbbing pain in his jaw. Why had he not thought of this before? He laughed aloud. The way to get the patriots from questioning him further was nearly too simple. ‘Twas brilliant.
And who better than a sworn Tory just ripe from Boston?
Tomorrow, after seeing to Camilla’s morning needs, and now the needs of his lame child, he would make a trip to church, and afterward pay the good doctor a visit.
There was something very important he needed to know.
Chapter Twenty-eight
The moon drifted higher, visible through the window’s open pane. Atop the covers, Kitty stared and turned on her side, unable to sleep from the weariness in her soul. A genial breeze drifted in from the dark, begging Kitty to share her thoughts.
She sighed and tucked her hand under the pillow.
Freedom is life.
The words wandered through her mind, creating questions as they went. If freedom was so vital, why had Father never spoken of it? If what Eliza said of him was true, that his actions with the Sons of Liberty made him a brave crusader in the fight for freedom, then why had he never taught them the value of such a vital cause? How had Eliza been able to accept the idea so easily, and she herself had not?
With a groan she turned onto her back and closed her eyes, surrendering to the chorus of crickets and frogs until her mind finally relaxed into the peaceful cradle of sleep.
***
The field was calm and quiet, and the sun just beginning to rise. Shafts of light shone through the trees where insects danced in circles as if hailing the arrival of the ripe summer morn. Dew covered the grasses and the twitter of birds filled the air as they sang praises to the God who had created them.
Father came from behind and hugged Kitty around her shoulders. She gazed up at him, all worry and sorrow crumbling to dust at his nearness.
The smile in his kind eyes pulled at Kitty’s yearning and she turned, wrapping her arms full around him. She hugged him tighter, breathing in deep of the scent of sweet tobacco that always followed him.
“I’ve brought you something,” he said.
Kitty tugged away, a childlike excitement sparking at his offer. “You have?”
“Aye.” He smiled and from his jacket pocket produced a delicate white flower. He kissed her head then gently tucked it behind her ear.
Joy filled her so, it seemed to beam from her spirit and shine with the rising sun. She touched the flower with one hand and rested her other ear on his shoulder, hugging him around the waist. “Thank you, Father, I shall treasure it.”
She looked up at him and he winked. Pausing, he eased her away and rested his hands on her shoulders. “There is one thing I should like you never to forget. A truth which I hold deep within my heart and one which you should always treasure in yours.”
Staring back, she nodded, sensing the gravity his words carried. “Aye, Father.”
He gripped her hand. “Your heart’s question is answered thus. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
***
Kitty’s eyes shot open. The sunlight blanketing her feet as the Sabbath morning whispered her awake. She slammed her eyes shut once more, aching for the dream that had seemed so real. But the blissful sleep would not return. Reluctantly, Kitty pushed up and brushed her fingers through her hair then stopped when her gaze rested upon Nathaniel’s white flower lying peacefully on the table by her bed. Drawing in a long breath, her lips parted as the meaning behind Father’s declaration and his loving action bloomed like the very flower she cherished.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
She clapped her hands over her mouth and shot to her feet, unsure whether to cry or laugh or run into the yard with her hands toward the heavens. God could not have orchestrated a more beautiful and powerful answer to the questions she’d wrestled for so many months. Nathaniel’s tender act, his gentle explanation of the value of freedom, and Father’s poignant words were no coincidence. God had meant them for her. He had meant those very things to sing together in a kind of melody only she could hear—that only her heart could interpret.
She picked up the flower and clutched it to her chest, happy tears flooding her eyes and plunking against her cheeks as a gleeful crying-laugh bubbled from her heart. Father had been a patriot! All the questions and doubts were dead, and in their place a field of white flowers. The fight for freedom was sanctioned by God. At last she could join the patriots, and the man she loved, in supporting liberty. Why had it taken her so long?
Gazing out the window, she sniffed the soft petals, praying as the terrible realities wedged through, threatening to trample the beauty she’d just savored. But I am still in bondage Lord. Show me the way out and I promise to champion your Spirit of liberty for the rest of my days.
Turning, she rushed to her armoire and flung open the doors. What would Nathaniel say when she told him what she’d learned? She giggled, imagining the way his mouth would drop open and his eyes would round. Carefully, she placed the flower on the table and pulled out her yellow, rose-covered dress.
Stopping, her face slackened and she dropped her arms to her sides. The truth ate away at her spirit, covering it with scars. The fact remained. If she told what she had done and what she knew about Cyprian, how could she ensure Eliza’s safety? Cyprian had made clear his intentions, and after Nathaniel’s attack, there was no doubt he would follow through.
She slumped her back against the open door of the dresser and clenched her eyes shut, rubbing her face into the fabric of her dress.
Trust Nathaniel. And trust Me.
The gentle voice of God overpowered the anguish.
Kitty hugged the fabric close and stared upward. A smile grew across her face and deep into her heart.
Today she knew the truth.
She could trust her God and the man who professed he would care for her no matter what secret she bore.
Today, God willing, Nathaniel would say that he loved her.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Kitty swiveled in her seat, her chemise sticking to her skin from the oppressive humidity that made drops of sweat trickle down her back. She glanced behind her and tapped her finger against her knee. No sign of Nathaniel, but he must be here. He was not one to miss church. Facing forward, she straightened her posture and breathed out through tight lips. What would he say when she told him, both of her horrid secret and of the sacred revelation God had gifted her the night before? A grin lifted her mouth. She imagined once more the mix of glee and surprise on his face when she declared herself a patriot.
She looked behind her again and grabbed the seat of the pew to keep from running to Nathaniel as he stepped in the door. Tall and commanding as ever she’d seen him in his dark brown jacket and breeches, he quietly took the only seat left open on the back row. Resting his hat in his lap, he stalled and must have sensed her vision, for he instantly found her gaze. Even from such a distance she could see his eyes brighten.
His gaze twined with hers, and slowly her features dropped as his silence answered clearly what he could not speak.
She pressed her full lips into a thin line and jerked from his hold. The hurt in her face cut across Nathaniel’s chest like a freshly sharpened weapon. “I knew it.”
He pried his tongue from its holding place and forced his voice into submission. “’Tis not what it seems.”
“Your silence says otherwise.”
“Kitty, do you not see? You care nothing for the very thing I value more than my own life.”
She stared. “And what is that?”
“Freedom.”
Kitty swallowed, pulling her arms tighter around her chest. “Freedom? What is freedom, Nathaniel?”
“What can I say about something so precious?” He gazed over the pond for a moment before twining his gaze with hers. “There is nothing more crucial, nothing more worthy of sacrifice, Kitty. Freedom is happiness. It is pursuing your dreams. It is liberty to worship and work and find joy as it pleases you. Freedom is striving and failing as many times as required before you finally strive and succeed. Kitty, freedom—liberty—is where you will find the Spirit of the Lord. It is life.”
The quiet sounds of nature droned around them. Kitty’s tight features relaxed as her eyes searched his face. She blinked and slowly her delicate brows folded together and she looked away.
He moved toward her, anguishing to pull her near. “Kitty you must believe me when I say my feelings for you are—”
“Say no more, Nathaniel.” Kitty spun around and started toward the road. “I understand now that it is because of our differences that you refuse to love me.”
“I do not refuse to love you.” Did she think she was the only one hurting?
Grabbing her shoulder, Nathaniel swung her around to face him. “You are not so innocent, Miss.” She tried to wriggle out of his grasp but he held firm.
Kitty scowled. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“For weeks I have pleaded with you to share your burden.” He gripped harder, pinning her motionless with his stare. “Love cannot be free to triumph where there is no trust.”
His spirit urged him to say more, pleaded with him to succumb to the desires he’d hidden so long. She must have seen his struggle, for the way her eyes darted between his, the way her breathing turned rapid, testified her need for him matched the longing in his heart. He could not resist. Forgetting his vow, he lowered his head and covered her soft mouth with his. The tightness of her muscles left her body like a receding wave against the sand and she released an audible whimper that sent Nathaniel’s pulse racing.
He held tight to her familiar frame, remembering all too well the way her curves molded against him. Her hands swept up his back and circled his neck, making his heart pound at the feel of her cool, slender fingers on his skin. Another quiet mewling sound escaped her throat and he lost himself in her embrace as the world around him faded. All that existed was the feel of her heart entwining with his.
Slowly, reason edged in the small spaces of his mind. He had to stop.
After tasting her mouth one last time, he pushed away. Resting his forehead against hers, listening to their shared-breathing, Nathaniel relished the feel of her breath cooling his lips.
Kitty closed her eyes. “We can’t pretend, Nathaniel.”
“Pretend?”
She pulled away, her blue-green eyes tearing through him. “We cannot pretend that you and I could ever make the kind of life together that you desire.”
He stepped back, the weight of her words crashing against him. “I’m not ready to surrender such a thing. Are you?”
“We cannot surrender something we never possessed.” She moved back, her full lips pressing tight. The finality in her tone drove holes through the sails of his dreams.
“Then I fear you and I shall never be one.” He shifted his jaw. “And there, my love, lies the overwhelming tragedy.”
Chapter Twenty-seven
Kitty froze.
Nathaniel’s words were a wintry wind, blowing against her heart that had just been stripped bare. She looked away, her body still humming where his chest and arms had pressed against her. “Nathaniel, I want to trust you.” Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued. “But once you learn of what I keep secret you will surely hate me.”
He leaned forward, cupping her shoulders. “I could never hate you.” He paused, his thumb making circles on her skin while his tender eyes pleaded with her to speak.
She gazed back at him, searching his eyes, and prayed. Dear Lord, Cyprian has vowed to hurt Eliza. I couldn’t live with such a thing. What do I do?
He took her hand and caressed it between his. “Answer me this. Are you happy?”
Kitty blinked. “Happy?”
“Are you, right now in your life, at liberty to enjoy the true happiness you desire?”
Her throat ached and she couldn’t keep back the answer. “I am not.”
His brow folded together and his voice dropped low. “Why?”
She frowned, answering in her mind as her eyes darted between his. Why? Because Cyprian has destroyed my life by forcing me to do something I know is wrong. He’s taken away my...
Suddenly the truth consumed her in a single wave. Her eyes grew wide and her breath quickened.
Cyprian had destroyed her freedom.
Freedom is life.
Kitty tried to breathe as the winds of this newly acquired knowledge blew against her. Could it be that... that the patriots were right?
The touch of Nathaniel’s thumb against her cheek shook her from her thoughts.
She stepped back, forcing a smile. “I... I don’t know what to say.”
Nathaniel stepped closer, slowly moving his hand around her waist. “Say you’ll kiss me.” His vision narrowed at her mouth before he swooped down. Kitty leaned her head back and opened her lips to accept him as his mouth consumed hers until every wandering thought dissolved.
A slight groan escaped his throat and he pulled her closer, nearly stopping the air in her lungs as his lips roamed up to her ear then down her jaw before landing on her wet mouth once again. His firm hands kneaded up her back and neck, then into her hair until her bun came loose, her hair tumbling around her shoulders.
When her legs finally lost all their strength, she broke the kiss and rested her head against his solid chest and clutched him tight, cherishing the sound of his rapid pulse and the feel of his warm breath against her hair.
He pulled away and crouched down, plucking a white flower from the grass beside Kitty’s feet. Slowly he stood, rolling the delicate stem between his fingers. The tenderness in his Autumn-colored eyes seeped into her heart and cupped it as if he held her very soul. His gaze trailed her face as he brushed her hair back and gently tucked the flower behind her ear.
Kitty sucked in a quiet breath as tingles flitted down her back. What had possessed him to do such a thing? Did he know what it meant to her? She fought back the tears that burned her eyes. She reached up and touched the silken petals, unable to move her gaze from his, praying without end that what she revealed would not destroy the longing she now witnessed in his eyes.
Nathaniel toyed with the flower in her hair. “Will you trust me now?”
Twining her fingers with his, she licked her lips. “Please know that, what I am to reveal is—”
“Dr. Smith. Miss Campbell.”
Kitty jerked away at the sound of Cyprian’s harsh voice, but Nathaniel held her close as the enemy stopped along the road, staring through thin, black eyes.
Panic clutched her heart until it nearly stopped. Had Cyprian been watching? Had he heard her?
“What do you want, Wythe?” Nathaniel’s tone dripped disdain.
Hard and lifeless, Cyprian offered a sickening smile and shifted the small bundle of clothes under his arm. His cold eyes coiled around Kitty’s neck. “Miss Campbell, I saw your sister in town just now. Poor dear. She looked far too weary to be out when she’s so great with child.”
Kitty’s knees buckled and she gripped Nathaniel’s arm to remain steady. The meaning behind Cyprian’s words were as real as a knife in her belly.
Kitty pushed away from Nathaniel and sent him a quick look. “I should go to her then.” She hastened toward the road without looking back and passed Cyprian as if the dirt near where he stood were on fire.
Cyprian called from behind her, beating against her slave-driven soul. “She’s counting on your wisdom, Miss Campbell. I trust you would not wish to disappoint her.”
***
Hatred stormed down Nathaniel’s back. Not again! He glanced at Kitty as she darted away, his chest aching for the pain he’d seen in her eyes, before pointing all his attentions on the devil in front of him.
Yanking Cyprian by the cravat, Nathaniel pulled him down to the water’s edge and shoved him toward the trees with such force Cyprian grappled at the trunk behind him to keep from falling.
Nathaniel’s muscles burned hot and his fists itched for the sensation of cracking against flesh and bone. “What have you done to her?”
Cyprian’s expression twisted. “I have done nothing.”
“You lie!” Nathaniel charged forward, jerking at Cyprian’s collar and forcing his back to a tree. Shoving up against him, muscles pooled with blood, Nathaniel yelled through his teeth. “Tell me now!”
Black eyes chuckling, Cyprian’s mouth curled like a drying weed. “I have nothing to tell.”
The punch across Cyprian’s jaw happened before Nathaniel could stop it. He stepped back, chest pumping. Cyprian gripped his face and groaned, then started to laugh.
Nathaniel stepped away. If he got any closer he wouldn’t have the strength to stop himself from destroying the man with his bare hands. “Stay away from her.”
Cyprian tipped his head back and peeled the air with a revolting laugh. “The only one keeping anything from you is that wench, as you well know.” Stalking back to the road, Cyprian continued his repulsive chuckling. “I warned you, Doctor. She’s a sly one.”
If the man said one more word against Kitty... Lord, give me the resistance I need or I fear I shall commit a cardinal sin.
Cyprian slunk to the road and turned, nodding slowly. “One day you will learn what she hides. And when you do, I will be most happy to say that I was the first to warn you.”
***
Cyprian couldn’t help grinning as he marched back to the tavern, despite the throbbing pain in his jaw. Why had he not thought of this before? He laughed aloud. The way to get the patriots from questioning him further was nearly too simple. ‘Twas brilliant.
And who better than a sworn Tory just ripe from Boston?
Tomorrow, after seeing to Camilla’s morning needs, and now the needs of his lame child, he would make a trip to church, and afterward pay the good doctor a visit.
There was something very important he needed to know.
Chapter Twenty-eight
The moon drifted higher, visible through the window’s open pane. Atop the covers, Kitty stared and turned on her side, unable to sleep from the weariness in her soul. A genial breeze drifted in from the dark, begging Kitty to share her thoughts.
She sighed and tucked her hand under the pillow.
Freedom is life.
The words wandered through her mind, creating questions as they went. If freedom was so vital, why had Father never spoken of it? If what Eliza said of him was true, that his actions with the Sons of Liberty made him a brave crusader in the fight for freedom, then why had he never taught them the value of such a vital cause? How had Eliza been able to accept the idea so easily, and she herself had not?
With a groan she turned onto her back and closed her eyes, surrendering to the chorus of crickets and frogs until her mind finally relaxed into the peaceful cradle of sleep.
***
The field was calm and quiet, and the sun just beginning to rise. Shafts of light shone through the trees where insects danced in circles as if hailing the arrival of the ripe summer morn. Dew covered the grasses and the twitter of birds filled the air as they sang praises to the God who had created them.
Father came from behind and hugged Kitty around her shoulders. She gazed up at him, all worry and sorrow crumbling to dust at his nearness.
The smile in his kind eyes pulled at Kitty’s yearning and she turned, wrapping her arms full around him. She hugged him tighter, breathing in deep of the scent of sweet tobacco that always followed him.
“I’ve brought you something,” he said.
Kitty tugged away, a childlike excitement sparking at his offer. “You have?”
“Aye.” He smiled and from his jacket pocket produced a delicate white flower. He kissed her head then gently tucked it behind her ear.
Joy filled her so, it seemed to beam from her spirit and shine with the rising sun. She touched the flower with one hand and rested her other ear on his shoulder, hugging him around the waist. “Thank you, Father, I shall treasure it.”
She looked up at him and he winked. Pausing, he eased her away and rested his hands on her shoulders. “There is one thing I should like you never to forget. A truth which I hold deep within my heart and one which you should always treasure in yours.”
Staring back, she nodded, sensing the gravity his words carried. “Aye, Father.”
He gripped her hand. “Your heart’s question is answered thus. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
***
Kitty’s eyes shot open. The sunlight blanketing her feet as the Sabbath morning whispered her awake. She slammed her eyes shut once more, aching for the dream that had seemed so real. But the blissful sleep would not return. Reluctantly, Kitty pushed up and brushed her fingers through her hair then stopped when her gaze rested upon Nathaniel’s white flower lying peacefully on the table by her bed. Drawing in a long breath, her lips parted as the meaning behind Father’s declaration and his loving action bloomed like the very flower she cherished.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
She clapped her hands over her mouth and shot to her feet, unsure whether to cry or laugh or run into the yard with her hands toward the heavens. God could not have orchestrated a more beautiful and powerful answer to the questions she’d wrestled for so many months. Nathaniel’s tender act, his gentle explanation of the value of freedom, and Father’s poignant words were no coincidence. God had meant them for her. He had meant those very things to sing together in a kind of melody only she could hear—that only her heart could interpret.
She picked up the flower and clutched it to her chest, happy tears flooding her eyes and plunking against her cheeks as a gleeful crying-laugh bubbled from her heart. Father had been a patriot! All the questions and doubts were dead, and in their place a field of white flowers. The fight for freedom was sanctioned by God. At last she could join the patriots, and the man she loved, in supporting liberty. Why had it taken her so long?
Gazing out the window, she sniffed the soft petals, praying as the terrible realities wedged through, threatening to trample the beauty she’d just savored. But I am still in bondage Lord. Show me the way out and I promise to champion your Spirit of liberty for the rest of my days.
Turning, she rushed to her armoire and flung open the doors. What would Nathaniel say when she told him what she’d learned? She giggled, imagining the way his mouth would drop open and his eyes would round. Carefully, she placed the flower on the table and pulled out her yellow, rose-covered dress.
Stopping, her face slackened and she dropped her arms to her sides. The truth ate away at her spirit, covering it with scars. The fact remained. If she told what she had done and what she knew about Cyprian, how could she ensure Eliza’s safety? Cyprian had made clear his intentions, and after Nathaniel’s attack, there was no doubt he would follow through.
She slumped her back against the open door of the dresser and clenched her eyes shut, rubbing her face into the fabric of her dress.
Trust Nathaniel. And trust Me.
The gentle voice of God overpowered the anguish.
Kitty hugged the fabric close and stared upward. A smile grew across her face and deep into her heart.
Today she knew the truth.
She could trust her God and the man who professed he would care for her no matter what secret she bore.
Today, God willing, Nathaniel would say that he loved her.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Kitty swiveled in her seat, her chemise sticking to her skin from the oppressive humidity that made drops of sweat trickle down her back. She glanced behind her and tapped her finger against her knee. No sign of Nathaniel, but he must be here. He was not one to miss church. Facing forward, she straightened her posture and breathed out through tight lips. What would he say when she told him, both of her horrid secret and of the sacred revelation God had gifted her the night before? A grin lifted her mouth. She imagined once more the mix of glee and surprise on his face when she declared herself a patriot.
She looked behind her again and grabbed the seat of the pew to keep from running to Nathaniel as he stepped in the door. Tall and commanding as ever she’d seen him in his dark brown jacket and breeches, he quietly took the only seat left open on the back row. Resting his hat in his lap, he stalled and must have sensed her vision, for he instantly found her gaze. Even from such a distance she could see his eyes brighten.
