Dragonhearts, page 3
tell them how you
weigh whole universes
and storms and scars and stories, too.
by Nikita Gill
demand the heart
of anyone
who dares to
laugh in your face
& call you
a silly, pretty thing
when you say
you feel like
you could rule
everything
if someone only
gave you the
chance.
- you are already the queen of it all.
by amanda lovelace
know when
you need to
draw your lines
in the sand.
know when
you need to
lock your windows
& your doors.
know when
you need to
put your
fences up.
(& when
you need to
lace them with
barbed wire.)
truth is,
we have control
over very little
in this life,
but we
have every say
in who gets
our love.
- boundaries.
by amanda lovelace
Your existence has never been the apology they want you to think it is. Don’t let anyone impede your journey by forcing you to suppress your pain just so they can be more comfortable.
by Nikita Gill
If there is a tower inside me,
then she didn’t show up on a white horse
and scale the walls.
She counted the bricks.
She took my hand
and showed me her own stones.
by Trista Mateer
You are the only people who ever really see me.
We are always in the act of coming home to each other.
by Trista Mateer
In this house, we write response poems
to our friends’ poems. We never have
to look too far for a pen. There are always
notebooks in boxes and desk drawers, but
we still run to the corner shop to buy new
ones anyway. In this house, everything is
hyperbole and metaphor. Someone is
always crying, but someone is always
singing, too. There’s so much noise and
none of it keeps me up at night.
by Trista Mateer
millions of life cycles from now,
i think i’ll be a whale.
maybe you’ll be a whale, too,
or maybe you’ll be a seal.
i just know that
no matter where you are,
i will sing for you until
you swim back to me.
i will sing for you until
you come back home.
- i promise this to you.
by amanda lovelace
THREE OF SWORDS (REVERSED)
Both of us are
putting our best foot forward,
learning how to forgive
and practicing on each other.
I know what love looks like now
because I’ve seen it on your face.
by Trista Mateer
I am growing up.
I am getting better.
I am healing
even when I’m not writing poems about it.
Some things are just done off the page.
by Trista Mateer
My survival is still the loudest and most honest thing I have ever done to show myself how much I love myself.
by Nikita Gill
STAR EMOJI
a poem crafted out of texts I’ve sent to my friends
after “Heart Emoji” by Lyd Havens
HI I LOVE YOU / I just didn’t see you yesterday so my heart is screaming / but it’s always / screaming about something / I woke up from a dream about you / I just woke up from a dream about running through a grocery store with you, trying to find duck sauce / I had a dream that I was on a train and you were running to the station with your shoes in your hands / your graduation photos make it look like you attended Hogwarts / you’re a big part of the magic / in my life / I’m so proud of you / I am literally always wishing the best for you / you could read a grocery list and I’d call it a poem / queen of my heart / yes / star of my heart / yes / light of my life / yes / you own a fucking sword, I don’t expect you to be this tender / I’m going to have to stop calling it lowkey / everything I feel is so loud / I have more to say than poetry allows sometimes / but I’m so happy you’re happy / there are words / at least / for that
by Trista Mateer
Monterey, CA
We drove across the country
and you took pictures of the
flowers in fairy gardens,
you let me make your coffee too
sweet, you waited outside of every
gas station while I bought
banana nut muffins
and I wasn’t some
untouched, unlovable thing.
I was brave and
you were with me
and I stopped screaming
long enough to realize
that love was nothing
compared to helping you
name your poems in the car,
eating Dippin’ Dots
with you on the pier,
buying Hot Pockets
and German chocolate brownies
and spreading them out across
motel beds,
missing nothing
because we had everything.
by Caitlyn Siehl
JOY RIDE
sunday morning, the hushed walk out of the dorm / your tiny beetle car hanging on / by our giggling prayers / filling up the gas, half ready to explode / the drive two towns over / parking in a church parking lot because god would never / no seats in the coffee shop / no ginger ale in the pizzeria / william faulkner’s words to read but / you’re falling in love & / i’m full of blessings / we turn off our phones because we hate / everyone & yell it so with the windows down / our icy fingertips because we didn’t think ahead / because joy is best unplanned / we get sick right after this / as if no fraction of girlhood can go without punishment / but even then, feverish & delirious, you / are the voice on the other side of the wall / the body in the car / the person bearing witness to my heart & rage / you could tell this story in my voice / & maybe even i wouldn’t hear the difference, except / you wouldn’t / except you love my voice.
by Yena Sharma Purmasir
when we were little girls, we rode broomsticks around the backyard, wishing we were playing something much more magical than basketball or dodgeball. we threw gems into the deep end of the pool, wishing we were mermaids on the hunt for their stolen treasure. we fell asleep holding hands, wishing our souls would roam faraway lands together. never—not even once—did you tell me there was something in this world i couldn’t do.
- i will never forget you.
by amanda lovelace
PRIDE
Nobody ever told me that I could build my own family. Take out the parts that didn’t accept me and replace them with kinder models. Replace them with people who went out in June to buy multi-colored cups and glitter. People who argued over how to make rainbow cake but still made the cake. Still got the icing on and sprinkles too. Laughed over the mess of it all. Wide-mouthed and grinning. Momentarily forgetting the part of the world that would rather we kept to our cramped, quiet cupboards underneath the stairs.
by amanda lovelace & Trista Mateer
NO SECRETS
There are chambers in me full of flowers and there are chambers in me full of fire. Or maybe heartburn. Or maybe anger. It’s hard to tell most days. There are so many doors in my chest and I’ve given you keys to all of them.
by Trista Mateer
When you wake night after night to the sounds of tree limbs tapping on your window and your wishful heart mistakes them for hands, there is no shame in it. The wanting to escape. The restless sleep. Your storybook-soul laying open on the bedroom floor. This world is not for everyone but there are worlds for everyone. Sometimes you just have to chase a star or two to find them.
by Trista Mateer
we bonded over our love for good stories. / we wanted nothing more than to grow up to be just like the girls with swords, / the girls with arrows, / the girls with sharp teeth, / the girls with wands, / the girls who dreamed of saving the day, / & the girls who never wanted to be heroes. / now that we’re all grown up, / it has to be said: / no writer could conjure up a character with the strength to match ours.
- for the story-hungry ones.
by amanda lovelace
Palat (पलट)
You see a beautiful girl who makes you feel like
a beautiful girl, sits next to you on the charter bus
and tells you her life story. Some loves are so small
they only last eight weeks. Some are so heavy
they cover childhood trauma in one night, hiding
in the library while everyone else is sleeping under
the stars. You don’t consider the weight until
you’re trying to pack your suitcase home and find
that you can’t possibly fold down two months of joy.
You get so used to hearing someone’s laughter across
tent hill, you start believing halfway across America
is no different. The last time you saw her,
she was walking towards airport security.
Do you remember how in those old Bollywood movies,
the ones that bonded you to a one-time stranger,
they said that if someone really loved you,
they would turn around just one last time?
Do you remember how you felt when she waved?
by Yena Sharma Purmasir
Certain people genuinely believe they are halves out looking for what will make them whole. But people aren’t halves. We are all small universes out finding other universes to collide into. We are always two wholes coming together by choice. Never halves.
by Nikita Gill
GRATITUDE
for seeing me through my first UTI / for holding my hand while I broke my own heart / for giving up your bed / for sharing your books / for building a home with me / for feeding my cat / for making dinner / for the adventures / the sugar in its bowl / the poems you read over the phone / for all the motel beds we slept in / the continental breakfasts / the space when I needed it / for learning the words to my favorite songs / for always driving / for never making me feel ashamed / for reading my poems before anyone else / here’s to our soft domestic lives and the fire-eaters who live them / thanks for the light in my eyes / you put it there
by Trista Mateer
Thank you for showing me what home looks like. With your talent, with your kindness, with your wisdom, with your warrior strength. Thank you for giving this nowhere girl a piece of your heart, a somewhere to let her guard down and understand what it truly means to find a soulhome.
by Nikita Gill
A Witch’s Fairytale
for amanda lovelace and Trista Mateer
Bring me your wounds.
Bring me the pain.
Bring me any ache
you cannot spell away.
Bring me the tragedies you never forget about.
Bring me heartache and doubt.
It is good to be your sister during times
when the weather is sunny and sweet.
But it is a privilege to be your sister
when you share your storms with me.
by Nikita Gill
the thing about storms
is that they have the power
to help things grow
or drown them.
we’re the same.
bring the lightning
& i’ll bring the thunder;
together, we will create
such gentle wreckage.
- the storm-callers.
by amanda lovelace & Trista Mateer
when we are together.
when we are holding onto
each other, laughing.
when we forget all the pain
that brought us together
in the first place.
- what love stories are made of.
by amanda lovelace
when they were afraid of what we could do if we ran wild, of what we could do without asking their permission first, they set fire to our magick while our loved ones watched from a cheering crowd. now, what’s done is done, dear one. you just need to make sure the world never has the chance to forget the terror we stir when we have the bravery to stand up for ourselves. even more so when we dare to stand together, hand in hand.
- be nothing if not relentless.
by amanda lovelace
a note from the authors
dragonhearts started as the brain-child of
amanda lovelace. the concept was originally used in the bonus chapter of the barnes & noble exclusive hardcover of the witch doesn’t burn in this one.
none of the poems from that chapter appear in
this book but they did inspire its creation.
some of these poems may have previously appeared on the authors’ social media accounts.
acknowledgments
thank you to mira kennedy, who so kindly took the time & energy to edit this collection. it wouldn’t have been the same without your input.
thank you to summer webb & christine day, who read this collection before anyone else, & even put up with all of our questions! <3
thank you to lauren zaknoun, our wonderful cover artist, for working under time constraints & still coming up with something amazing.
finally, thank you to our guest poets, yena sharma purmasir & caitlyn siehl, for giving us the opportunity to share the work of some other awesome dragonhearted people we admire!
author bios
nikita gill is the Pushcart nominated and bestselling author of Fierce Fairytales and Wild Embers. the neighborhood children mistook her for a witch so often she decided to become one.
twitter: @nktgill
instagram: @nikita_gill
amanda lovelace is the bestselling & award-winning author of the princess saves herself in this one & the witch doesn’t burn in this one. you can find her casting spells from her home in a (very) small town in central new jersey.
twitter: @ladybookmad
instagram: @ladybookmad
trista mateer is a bestselling author who occasionally crawls out of the woods to deliver manuscripts. she won the Goodreads Choice for best poetry in 2015 with her book The Dogs I Have Kissed.
twitter: @tristamateer
instagram: @tristamateer
more work by yena sharma purmasir can be found @yenasharmapurmasir on instagram or in her book, When I’m Not There, & more work by caitlyn siehl can be found @caitlynsiehl on instagram or in her book, What We Buried.
also by
nikita
Your Soul is a River
Wild Embers
Your Heart is the Sea
Fierce Fairytales
[Dis]connected: Poems & Stories of Connection
and Otherwise
also by
amanda
the princess saves herself in this one
the witch doesn’t burn in this one
to make monsters out of girls
[Dis]connected: Poems & Stories of Connection
and Otherwise
also by
trista
Honeybee
The Dogs I Have Kissed
Before the First Kiss
Redacted
[Dis]connected: Poems & Stories of Connection
and Otherwise
Amanda Lovelace, Dragonhearts
