Hold Me, Cowboy, page 12
He passed an unsteady hand over his face.
“Brent, what can I do?”
“Be free and leave …” The words tore themselves from his mouth. “Travel, take the trip you couldn’t go on when your mom fell sick. Go visit all those French gardens you have on the walls of your old room … see what the world has to offer.”
She frowned, mutiny tensing her mouth. “So if I did this … travelled … this would silence your doubts and prove to you there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
He didn’t attempt to mask his torment or his pain. Fighting for their future meant he could no longer hold a part of himself back from her. “It would … if you came home again.”
“Would we then pick up from here? I’m not going slow again.”
“Yes.” His voice was little more than a hoarse rasp. “And if you don’t want to, then that’s … okay. I know you’d be happy doing what you’ve always dreamed of.”
Her chin tilted and after a long second, she spoke. “All right. I’ll go. I’ll call Peta in the morning. She’ll come with me. Three weeks has to be enough travel time, because I’m not staying away from you a minute longer.”
She pushed the covers off her legs and came to her feet. His shirt fell to mid-thigh. His heart broke at how beautiful she was. But he had to let her go, even if only for three weeks. In silence, she collected her clothes. He too stood, hands thrust deep in his pockets.
Eyes overbright she stood on tiptoe to kiss him good-bye. “After this, I’m never going anywhere else.”
And I’m not letting you.
The words remained unsaid as she walked out the door.
He closed his eyes. He’d set the woman he loved free. He’d put her own happiness above his. He’d yet again done the right thing. And now every day he’d pray she’d come back to him.
*
“I’m sorry you missed the rodeo finals,” Kendall said as she sat with Peta in the departure lounge of the Bozeman airport two days later. “I know how much you enjoy them.”
To Kendall’s left cuddled a loved-up couple who had to be on their honeymoon and to her right sat a young family clustered around a glossy magazine talking about what attractions they’d tick off their London list. The energy of her fellow travelers failed to prove infectious or to erase the despondent note in her voice.
“I can attend the rodeo finals any year. Besides, look at what you, Ivy and I accomplished on Sunday. We came close to breaking the internet with our booking frenzy. It’s only Monday and here we are on our way to Paris.” Peta leaned over, blue eyes soft, and hugged her. “The three weeks will go quickly. There won’t be a garden in Europe you won’t have seen. Brent wanted you to see what else is out there, and you will.”
“Thanks. Thanks too for coming with me.”
Peta leaned back in her chair, her smile the brightest Kendall had seen since their mother died. “Anytime. I know this trip will be hard for you … but I’m so excited.”
Peta’s excitement ignited a small spark of enthusiasm, that for her sister’s sake, she had to fan into life. “I’m so glad. It’s also a nice way to remember Mom. She’d be pleased the money she left us has gone into something special.” Kendall gave a small smile. “Besides … we will have fun.”
“That’s the plan and yes, Mom would have liked the thought of you and I taking the trip that you cancelled when she fell sick.” Peta paused. “Bluebell Falls is my life but I can’t remember the last time I took a break. It will be so great to see new places and to meet new people.”
Kendall nodded and examined Peta’s expression. She’d just heard the same wistful tone in her words that she’d heard when Izzy had talked about why she wanted to move to Cherry Lake. Peta too was lonely and wanted to meet someone. She now couldn’t ruin Peta’s chance to have a break and to maybe meet someone special.
Kendall stared out the oversize departure lounge window at her beloved Montana mountains. Her eyes misted. Just like four years ago at the rodeo she was so close to having her deepest dreams realized and just like then, they now remained out of reach. Izzy’s ‘good feeling’ hadn’t come true. But it didn’t matter how much her patience gnashed its teeth or how many tears she cried on the inside about leaving Brent, she had to dig deep.
As much as she understood Brent’s fear that he might lose her, it didn’t lessen the pain of being away from him. At the dance and again in his room, she’d finally felt that he was no longer hiding the part of him that he’d always held back from her. Raw emotions had etched his face and fired his eyes. His strong body had quivered when she’d touched him. She could have dug her heels in and refused to leave but the alternative would be even more heartbreaking. She’d still be in Marietta with no way of proving to Brent that they would work.
Kendall reached for her laptop in the black bag on the floor beside her. Ivy was right. She wouldn’t win over Brent with force, only with understanding. She’d show Brent, once and for all, there was nothing else out there for her. She already had two pages filled with the names of landscape architecture courses, companies and jobs that she’d considered and didn’t interest her. She’d add to the list throughout their trip. She opened her laptop bag and took out the Bozeman postcard she had bought earlier from the gift shop.
Brent hadn’t asked her not to contact him while away, but that was what he’d meant by her being ‘free.’ Starting today, she’d buy a postcard from every place she visited. She’d write a message, but not send them. When she returned she’d present him with a pile of proof that she had indeed seen the world and now she was home to make a life with him.
*
The first day in France was a blur of foreign accents, unfamiliar road signs and wrong turns. By the end of the third day they’d fallen into a routine of early starts, long lunches, breathtaking views and unique new experiences. They crossed countless country borders and visited famous fragrant gardens, vast chateaus, stone castles, walled cities and pebbled coastlines. Kendall’s postcard collection for Brent had grown so much she now had one bundle already tied with a red ribbon. The bundle sat in her suitcase nestled beside his black shirt she’d worn from his room.
No longer did Kendall trawl through the internet on unreliable Wi-Fi. Her list of possible landscape architecture was complete and there was nothing that swayed her from wanting to open her own business in Marietta. Now of an evening she sent carefully scripted and cheerful postcards home to her father, Ivy, Izzy and Ruth. Izzy had called on their tenth day away to tell Kendall she’d been offered the Cherry Lake gift shop job and that she would be moving there early December in time for the Christmas rush. Kendall had already locked in a week to visit her in the New Year.
By the second week Kendall noticed a change in her tomboy sister. Peta’s jeans and boots had given away to flowing dresses, painted nails and cute sandals. She’d even taken to wearing lip gloss. She laughed more, chatted more and especially flirted more. It was as though, by being away from the ranch and the need to prove to their father she could run Bluebell Falls as well as any man, her femininity had blossomed. But as much as Peta glowed with health and happiness, Kendall felt herself withering to a shadow. Her clothes hung off her and no amount of make-up could disguise the dark bruises beneath her eyes. Every morning she’d mark off an extra day on the calendar she kept.
In the middle of the third week, with only four days to cross off until they left London Heathrow airport for home, Kendall went in search of Peta. Her sister’s cell had rung and she’d disappeared into the leafy back garden of the Scottish bed and breakfast in which they were staying. Kendall found Peta pacing up and down beside the wooden lattice fence, her brow kitted as she spoke into her phone.
When Peta saw her, she walked toward her, ending her call.
“What’s wrong? Is Dad okay?” Kendall quickly asked.
“Yes, he’s fine. It’s Hank who isn’t. He took a bad fall from off the young mare he’s been working with.”
“We can cut our trip short if you need to go home?” Kendall hoped the desperation to do so wouldn’t color her voice. Surely Peta wouldn’t leave busy Bluebell Falls without a ranch foreman, even for a short time?
“There’s no need. Hank’s called in a favor and some guy called Tanner Ross has agreed to come for the week to help prepare for the fall roundup. This Tanner’s calling me now.”
As if on cue, Peta’s cell rang. Kendall left her to talk in private to her temporary foreman. It didn’t seem long before Peta joined her in the living room of the quaint bed and breakfast. As soon as Kendall heard the agitated pace of her footsteps, it was obvious the call hadn’t gone well.
“Tanner isn’t up to the job?” she asked looking up from the gardening book she’d been reading.
Peta flopped into a butter-yellow sofa, her cheeks flushed. “I have no idea if he is or not, all I know is I’ve never met a more arrogant man. He cut me off when we started to discuss what needed to be done.”
Kendall repressed a smile. “So he didn’t take to being bossed around?”
“I was just being organized and efficient. I’m a firstborn and also the boss, aren’t I supposed to be a little bossy? Hank doesn’t seem to mind.”
“This Tanner doesn’t sound anything like Hank.”
“He definitely doesn’t. He sounds way younger and is already a nightmare to work with.”
“Peta, seriously, we can go home if you’re worried about Hank and the ranch? You know I won’t mind.”
“No, despite how arrogant this new foreman is, I trust Hank. He says everything’s under control and it will be. We don’t need to cut our trip short.” She bit her bottom lip with an unfamiliar vulnerability. “I … sort of wish … we didn’t have to go home just yet anyway.”
Kendall searched her sister’s pensive face. Despite the hiccup with who ran the ranch while she was away, Peta really wasn’t ready to go home.
Kendall swallowed as she listened to the whispers of her soft heart. Peta deserved to stay longer. Self-sufficient and proud, even when mourning for their mother, Peta had been the practical one to make sure they ate when grief had crippled them. She never asked, or expected, anything from anyone.
All she needed now was a little more time before she returned to reality. A reality that came with huge responsibilities that wouldn’t allow her another chance to grow and to find herself again.
Kendall spoke before she also listened to the arguments filling her head. “We could … stay a little longer?”
“No. You need to go home to be with Brent. We still have four days left, which will be enough.”
Peta’s words might be firm but Kendall had seen a brief flicker of longing in her eyes. She closed her gardening book. Her convictions grew that she was doing the right thing, no matter if her soul wept.
“I do need to go home but an extra … ten days … won’t kill me. There’s a landscape design show in London next week plus there’s still places left on our itinerary to see.”
“There are also people we haven’t met.” Hope turned Peta’s eyes an intense blue. “Ten days? Are you sure? We don’t have to make a decision now.”
Kendall glanced at her sister’s work-roughened hands that now sported pretty pink nail varnish and were tightly clasped in her lap while she waited for Kendall’s answer.
“Yes, I am sure. Let’s do it. Let’s stay longer.”
Chapter Ten
‡
The last nail in a new board was hammered into place and Brent stepped back to view his handiwork. Satisfaction failed to fill him at the progress he’d made in restoring the old barn. In the weeks since Kendall had left, he’d allowed a bleak numbness to engulf him. But such a reprieve from his emotions was temporary. In the bleak pre-dawn hours when sleep evaded him, the numbness would fade and the pain of not having Kendall in his life would again break through.
He didn’t need to mark off a calendar to know how many days remained until she was due home. Each day they’d been apart was carved across his heart. He glanced through the wide barn doors toward the garden that was a constant reminder of how much he missed her. He swiped his forearm across his forehead. His body had demanded rest three boards ago. He’d replace one more, and put on his brave face to go and see his mom.
Since the day Kendall left, his mom hadn’t said a word. But when Kendall’s postcards arrived, she’d leave them on the kitchen bench for him to read. Kendall’s messages were always cheerful and full of the news about what she and Peta had seen. She’d always sign off by asking Ruth to say hi to him.
A soft purr sounded as a ginger kitten wrapped itself around his leg. He bent to tickle the kitten’s head. He’d spent so much time in the barn, the cats were no longer wild. They’d even become used to Rosie and her attempts to play.
The red-heeler lifted her head from her paws where she was sleeping in the sun beside a pile of boards. She came to her feet and barked as Rhett’s truck followed the curve of the driveway to stop in front of the barn. Rhett had taken to coming to help him before dragging him out to Grey’s for a drink.
Rhett left his truck, a large container in his hands. He grinned as he approached. “Here’s the latest baking delivery from Ivy. She’s determined to fatten you up before the wedding.”
“Thanks.” Brent took the container and through the clear plastic lid saw row upon row of powdered sugar-dusted chocolate brownies.
Rhett didn’t comment further about his weight loss or his over-long hair. “What are you doing? Sleeping in the barn? I swear you do the work of ten men in a single day. That entire side we last worked on now has new boards.”
Brent shrugged. “Winter’s not far off.”
He placed the brownie container on a nearby hay bale. Tension stiffened his shoulders. This wasn’t a social call. There was an unfamiliar tightness around Rhett’s eyes when he smiled.
“At this rate it will be finished by Thanksgiving,” Rhett said as they turned to walk to the section where light still streamed in through loose or missing boards. Rosie took a look at the brownies, sighed and returned to her favorite spot to continue to sleep in the sun.
They stopped in front of the wall and when Rhett cleared his throat, Brent knew they weren’t about to discuss barn restoration.
“Peta called this morning.”
“How are they doing?” Brent forced his voice to sound casual.
“Good. Peta was full of jokes. She almost sounds a different person. Whatever they’ve been doing over there, it’s been good for her to get away from the ranch.”
Brent folded his arms. “And … Kendall … how did she sound?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. She never talks when they call but her postcards and social media messages sound happy.” Rhett rubbed the back of his neck. “The thing is … Peta said they’re staying longer.”
Brent took a moment to answer. “How much longer?”
“Ten days.”
Jaw set, he nodded. “Did Peta say why?”
“All she said was they hadn’t seen all they wanted to and that there was some landscape design show on.” Rhett paused before he clasped Brent’s shoulder. “The girls staying longer doesn’t mean anything, Brent. Kendall will be home … soon.”
He nodded and turned the conversation back to the barn and made sure it didn’t again stray toward Kendall. When Rhett eventually left he’d extracted a promise from Brent to meet him at Grey’s that night. Brent waved him off and when the truck engine had dulled to a murmur he stared unseeingly at the rugged peaks that framed the ranch house.
Ten days.
It was a lifetime.
He turned and strode into the barn. Despite his weariness, his body craved action. He picked up his hammer and some nails. It wasn’t the number of days that made his stomach roil, or the possibility extra days could yet be added, but the fact that Kendall possibly wasn’t ready to return home. Maybe small town Marietta couldn’t provide what the world could offer, after all?
He took hold of more nails. He’d fix another three boards before seeing his mom. He’d set Kendall free and if the woman he loved just might want a life away from Montana then he had some decisions and a plan to make. He wasn’t losing her without a fight.
*
Kendall pressed her hands against her midriff as the plane touched down on the asphalt of the Bozeman airport runway. But it wasn’t landing nerves that made her queasy, just an intense and overwhelming excitement.
She was home. Home to the big sky country that was in her blood. Her lips curved. Home to her cowboy.
They left the plane and usually it was Kendall who had to walk fast to keep up with her long-legged sister, but this time Peta needed to increase her stride.
“What’s the rush?” Peta hefted her backpack over her shoulder. “The bags won’t come out of the plane any faster even if we’re the first ones at the baggage carousel.”
Kendall only smiled and gazed around at the airport filled with natural light. Outside, the mountains beckoned and inside, wooden beams and stone pillars plaid homage to Montana’s raw beauty. She snapped a photo on her phone of a bronzed statue of a bobcat. She’d seen what else the world had offered and yes, there were beautiful places and breathtaking views but this was where she belonged.
Their bags arrived, and as they headed to the exit to wait for their ride home, Ivy’s silver SUV pulled into the parking lot.
“Sorry we’re late,” Rhett said as he jogged toward them. “Can you believe it, Dad had an apple pie in the oven? We couldn’t leave until it was ready.”
He enveloped Kendall in a big hug and lifted her off the ground. He went to hug Peta and stopped. His blue eyes twinkled. “Kendall, are you sure you brought the right person home?”
Peta rolled her eyes but her rosy cheeks said she was pleased at Rhett’s reaction to her knee length, floral sun dress. “Give me a hug now little brother or you’ll miss out.”
“Yep, you’re definitely my sister. That bossy tone sounds very familiar.”
Ivy and Stewart joined them and more hugs were exchanged. Kendall’s throat ached when she put her arms around her father and realized he smelled of cinnamon. An aroma her mother used to smell of when she’d bake her famous apple pies. Her father had baked her signature dish to welcome them home.
